The Greatest Piece Of Self Development Advice
A massive thanks to the dozens of you that offered your words of self development wisdom in response to my last post “What’s Your Best Piece of Advice?”
Some time on Saturday afternoon I was starting to think it wasn’t such a great idea posing the question after all. Not because the answers were terrible, but because they were so good and I had no idea how I was going to decide on which I could confidently declare was ‘the best’ and handing over the book and $25 gift certificate.
After all, something like this as subjective as whether a joke is funny, a song great, or a politician honest. No matter what I do some people are going to disagree with me, in fact, I’m guessing most people will disagree with me.
Prior to the post I had given my newsletter readers the heads up by telling them what I usually settle on when I get asked the question. This first cropped up for me after a series of e-mails with a well-known self development writer who was unhappy with me for not bowing down in supplication at the release of his first book.
The reason I didn’t care for it was because it tried to tell people there was only one way to do things and that is a fundamental flaw in my opinion. Even though in How To Be Rich and Happy we talk about ‘the formula’ of a rich and happy life, we also acknowledge that the formula is different for every reader depending on their environment, personality and psychological make-up.
Any life coach that has worked with clients in the ‘real world’ will know that what works with one person may not just not work with another, but spectacularly backfire. We’re all different, we all have different values and belief systems and to try and force a cookie cutter approach to life on people is naive and verging on disrespectful.
So bearing all that in mine the advice I usually opt for is:
“There is no how it is, only how it is for you”
I think it’s the starting point for personal growth because it contains a number of presuppositions that you want to adopt when looking to make beneficial change and they are:
- You’re unique
- It’s not necessarily your fault if one type of approach doesn’t work for you – try another!
- You set your own reality – write your own story etc
- Take nothing at face value – even your own belief system
- Question everything and everybody
Even after reading all the great advice I’m still going to stick with that as being my favorite, arrogant bastard that I am, because it hits so many bases. To me at least, it really is a starting point for personal growth, because that knowledge alone offers hope in almost all situations.
Enough of that though, because I’m sure you are whipping yourself into a frenzy of excitement wanting to know who the two winners are. So without further ado please hum a drum roll to yourself as here they are.
The runner up comes from the brilliant Michael Heppell, the man who had me telling everybody I was brilliant after reading his brilliant book ‘How To Be Brilliant’.
“The secret isn’t in the knowing it’s in the doing”
Like all great advice it’s very simple, but very profound. Knowing stuff is relatively useless unless you put it into practice. Supposedly over 80% of people that buy self development books don’t do the exercises which are the very things designed to help them make the changes they want to see.
Knowing you should lose 100lbs isn’t helpful unless you lose it. Knowing you are capable of running a business better than your boss isn’t useful unless you go out and do it. And knowing how t0 attract abundance into your life via the Law of Attraction is useless if all you do is hang around internet message boards telling people how easy it is whilst your utilities are being cut off.
You’ve got to go out and do it people!
If you thought the last one was simple, the winner from Mark is going to trump even that.
“Be kind to yourself”
I know some people wont get it, but it’s an awesome piece of advice that very few people take on board. If you’re being kind to yourself you cannot talk down to yourself, you cannot hold yourself up to impossible standards that nobody has any chance of ever achieving, you cannot physically abuse your body by over-eating, drinking, smoking etc.
Not only that, but it’s almost impossible to be unkind to other people, because amazingly enough, most people don’t actually feel better when they are treating others poorly. Therefore, being kind to yourself means you have to be kind to others and that’s a real win/win in my book.
Even though I’m not sure it fits what I was asking for here, there was a quote from Joshua Noerr that I really, really loved and it’s this.
“Where profession and passion meet, work disappears”
Cool eh? Not sure if he came up with that himself, but either way I really like it.
I’ll be contacting all 3 of you guys and again, thanks so much to all of you for taking part.
So what do you think? Did I get it hopelessly wrong or do you tend to agree? Let me know in the comments.
I’m going to compile another free e-book this summer and I’d really like to know what you want me to write on. It will be given away through my newsletter, so you will have to subscribe, but it will be on one of the following 3 topics:
- A Muppets Guide To NLP
- How To Remove Fears and Phobias
- Stress Is For Suckers (an updated guide to a book I did a couple of years ago on managing stress)
So what’s it to be? I don’t want to slave over a hot keyboard writing something you’re not arsed about, so tell me what you want and I’ll do my best to deliver.
Amazing how difficult it is to apply your own advice. I am thinking of blogging about that this week. How I waited till someone commented on the 6 feet weeds taking over my flower garden before I thought, hmm, he has a point, maybe it’s time to pull out the weeds. AS IF I DIDN’T KNOW THAT ALREADY!!! “The secret is not in the knowing, it’s in the doing!”.
LOL, so are you saying I really should clean my car that hasn’t seen a vacuum cleaner in 12 months then? You may have a point ;-)
I personally liked “Be kind to yourself” most. It’s clear and to the point, and it’s good advice for anyone, not just for “self help junkies”.
It’s sounds like the kind of advice you could get from an old man, your grandfather or something. Anyone can improve themselves and their life just by following this principle, without the LOA, goal setting, NLP or other “self improvement techniques”.
I’d be interested in the Muppets Guide To NLP.
Good point about it being easy to adopt Rotem, because I think self-help junkies (like me) can sometimes get too wrapped up in their own terminology that is lost on other people.
I’d like the Muppets Guide to NLP, please.
Also, this post is so good it reminds me what I subscribed to you (but then unsubscribed because I had to focus and get something done and not read people’s blogs all day).
Well thanks heavens your back and you have my permission to ignore everybody else’s blog and just read mine ;-)
Put in my vote for the NLP explained by muppets (and Tim) ebook.
Okey dokey
F-me, I won something! Something useful too… I feel like I actually contributed to the good of the world (in a small way). And, to celebrate I’m going to be *very* kind to myself tonight ;) … and now everyone is thinking, “how could that schmuck offer anything of any use?!”.
Cheers Tim, glad you liked it.
My vote it for How to Remove Fears and Fobias (of Muppets) :)
I’m just waiting for the certificate to arrive mate and then I’ll e-mail you the code and you can go shopping!
You were also due a copy of HTBRAH. As you already have one, if you’d like to give yours to somebody this side of the Atlantic I’d be happy to mail it out.
Tim, that sounds like a fine plan. I’ll give my bonce a scratch and email you with a name/address.
Of course, if it is possible to donate it to the 1,000,000 giveaway – that’d be my preference.
Tim, I at least feel vindicated with my “Just do it!” advice, if “The secret isn’t in the knowing it’s in the doing” was the runner up, and you said “You’ve got to go out and do it people!”. I really feel very strongly about this because I know so clearly from my own experience that it is very important advice. By just getting out there and attempting to do something/anything you will develop as a result, even if you don’t succeed in doing “it”, you will learn valuable lessons and generally toughen up. As you say many people read personal development books all day long, and are experts on it, but unless you can get out there and have a good go, you are going to get nowhere in life. Anyway, a very enjoyable couple of posts. Thanks Tim!
Precisely, from your experience. I know people that will shut down with that kind of advice.
Saying to somebody “just do it” is way weaker than “The secret isn’t in the knowing it’s in the doing”
Have you ever read Predictably Irrational and the research they did on how people act differently when requested to do something with a reason given, no matter how inane, than without?
The example they used was people asking if they could go before somebody in the line for the copying machine. The straight forward question yielded poor results. Yet by just asking “Can I go before you because I want to do some copying” exponentially increased the likelihood of somebody agreeing even though it made no sense.
“The secret isn’t in the knowing it’s in the doing” offers a reason that is absent in “just do it” The latter is a command, the former an explanation.
I think the F*** it book’s expression is stronger than ‘just do it’ or ‘the secret isn’t in the knowing, it’s in the doing.’, which is a bit ambiguous to me. With ‘F*** it’ the whole point is you don’t need an intellectual reason.
I think F**k it + be kind to yourself aren’t a bad combo :)
I liked
“Where profession and passion meet, work disappears”
but saying it often doesn’t really make a difference. Nor does the ‘secret is in the doing’ stuff.
You really don’t need to use *’s round here, if you want to say fuck it, say fuck it!
Full disclosure: This is not a rant or sour grapes because I didn’t win! :D
Well “Just Do It” was never going to win any prizes with its subtlety, and I never expected it to – after all it was designed as an advertising slogan to flog running shoes! ;) Having said that I do feel it’s the sentiment behind it that is important. It’s a powerful, and direct message. People understand it. They get it. There can be no misunderstandings about it. They might be frightened by it, but that’s good, if they are not being scared they are probably too comfy. I think that’s the problem with a lot of personal development advice – it’s too wishy washy, too vague, too subtle, can be interpreted in too many ways, and often there’s no call to arms, expectation of deliverables, ownership. Just Do It is a command – exactly right! The problem with “non-commands” is people say “ah, that’s nice, I must do that tomorrow”, and flop back into the sofa and flick on Fox news or Family Guy. ;)
And yes, it’s my experience, but I don’t have any other experience other than mine to call on. I accept that the advice is not going to work for everyone, but as mentioned before, I think the sentiment is sound. At some point, and however the advice is put, people need to actually get out there and just have a go!
By the way, I also think the winner “be kind to yourself” is an invitation to cop out! ;)
The reason being kind to yourself isn’t a cop-out is because most people think it is.
Work that one out if you can ;-)
Well Tim, I can assure you that I did indeed come up with that myself. Maybe I should start quoting myself more often!
Trust me the top people in our field are not shy in quoting themselves, so yeh, go for it.
Great choose Tim, nothing more nothing less.
If you want to write another free e-book for us this must be about Suckers… and Dobermans of course!
Another vote for stress, but it will be doberman free I’m afraid. Having a 80lb dobie hanging off your nuts does not for peace of mind make.
Hi. Nice article with a few bits of sound advice. Being a special breed of procastrinators myself, I do resonate with your statement above regarding the “doing” part. You can’t have attraction without an active dynamo.
A special breed of procrastinator huh? Sounds interesting.
Some excellent advice – I think you chose well.
My vote is for Stress Is For Suckers.
Ok that’s one vote to banish stress for ever!!