Stop Fucking Around

Let’s face facts.

We can put the Unicorns and rainbows to one side and abandon the silly belief that everybody on the planet attracts what they deserve in life.

In fact, let’s just accept that sometimes life fucking sucks.

If you want a Life Coach, or to read a self development blog from somebody who is beaming from ear-tear like a demented Cheshire Cat all the time and telling you that you can have everything you want in life, then you’ve come to the wrong place.

Suffering is part of life and trying to fight that reality is only likely to deliver more suffering when severe adversity strikes.

And strike it will.

No matter who you are, where you live or how much money you have in your bank account, life will kick you in the teeth on occasions.

However, it’s not the kick that delivers the real pain, it’s our response to it.

This time last year I wrote a post called The Fragility of Life.

Myself, Helen my wife and some good friends had just returned from a super vacation back to the UK to see family and friends. It had almost ended in tragedy.

On our final full day we had gone for a walk with all the family. Kate, my mother-in-law had slipped on some ice and banged her head resulting in her having to be airlifted by helicopter to hospital.

It was a worrying few hours as you can imagine, but fortunately she was ok and we were able to return home knowing she was on the mend.

In the summer Kate got a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.

I’m not sure there is any diagnosis likely to deliver a more devastating response than that of cancer. Just typing it makes me shudder.

Helen is studying for her oncology doctorate and has worked in oncology for over 20 years and she knew full well that pancreatic cancer can be extremely aggressive.

She flew home to spend some quality time with her mum. Even though Kate knew the risks, she was well in herself and she insisted on doing what she did best, shop and be a gracious and loving host.

Helen came home encouraged and with a phone full of happy family photo’s.

Sadly cancer doesn’t give a shit about families or happiness, and it cares even less about whether somebody ‘deserves it’ or not. It just destroys.

Kate deteriorated rapidly toward the end of the year with various trips into hospital, but she never stopped loving her family and every time we spoke on FaceTime I came away saying to Helen, ‘You would have no clue looking at her that she was so sick’

I never once heard her complain about it and she just referred to the tumor as, ‘the little shit

I’m not sure i’d have used such tame language, but then again Kate frequently gave me grief for swearing on Facebook – it was almost a running joke with her reprimanding me in the comments of my posts.

KateShe worsened considerably in December and Helen decided she ought to go back to the UK for Christmas.

In such circumstances you tend not to say what you’re thinking. Helen knew it would probably be the last Christmas together, so did I, and it seems Kate did too.

Two days ago she passed away peacefully and gracefully in her sleep.

She was a proud, classy lady who raised two amazing daughters and loved her family dearly and she will be sadly missed by all she left behind.

I will never forget the kindness she showed my mum when she was dying a few years ago.

She visited her in hospital and patiently talked with her even though my mums Alzheimer’s made conversations somewhat difficult and frustrating.

It’s the test of a Human Being when they show kindness to others, even when the person receiving it is barely, if at all, aware.

This post may be viewed as somewhat self-indulgent, but I don’t care because I wanted to say two things.

Firstly, Kate, we will all miss you and you were very much loved by your family.

Secondly, stop fucking around!

Don’t wait to tell those closest to you that you love them.

Don’t hold pointless grudges or stop talking to people – to teach them a lesson.

Don’t put shit off that is meaningful to you.

Don’t spend your life chasing the mighty dollar (or whatever currency it is) at the expense of the things that really matter.

Nobody gives a crap how much money they have in the bank when the end is in sight.

I have never ever used the ‘F’ bomb in the headline of a post before, but it’s a hat tip to Kate.

I just wish for everybody’s sake that she was here to reprimand me in the comments with what she would always say to me on Facebook.

‘Language Timothy!’