Can Synchronicity Cure Shyness?

Before I get to today’s guest post, just a quick heads up.

Firstly, there is only one place left on January’s Coach The Life Coach course and the early bird price will expire very soon, click the link for more details.

And secondly, I am not taking on any new clients this side of 2015 as I’m rammed.

On the other hand, if you’re looking to kick off 2015 in style and work with me, I’d love to speak to you.

Now over to Sky Nelson:

Can Synchronicity Cure Shyness?


I would call myself a shy person.

Whenever the attention in the room turns on me, there is a pit in my stomach, and my natural personality seems to evaporate.

In its place is an awkward, uncomfortable ten year old with pimples on his face and warts on his hands.

I can’t possibly imagine that the people all staring at me want to like me as I really am.

Do you ever feel like you have to put on a show when the spotlight is on you? Do you feel like you want to avoid it with every instinct you have?

Even if this may be the case, I would say you are not defined by that shyness.

I am sure you are a vibrant and unique person, and the question becomes “How do you access your vibrancy and uniqueness in those times when you want to curl up and disappear?”

Meaningful Coincidence and Selfless Confidence

Shyness sucks.

In order to cope with it, I have developed an alignment with the principles of synchronicity that has brought me more confidence in these situations.

Synchronicities are experiences where events in life fall together in just the right way. “Coincidences with meaning.” And the key point is this:

When you have confidence that synchronicity is guiding your experiences, “Selfless Confidence” arises.

Selfless Confidence is the confidence that you will get the experiences you need to get where you want to get. In the meantime, you can focus on whatever serves the moment the best.

You have likely heard of the idea that we attract things to ourselves based on what we think about.

I think there is some validity to this claim, but it is a subtle science that needs careful analysis.

In my research, the “things” we can attract are meaningful experiences. I want to attract the types of experiences that help me grow and live a fulfilling life.

That is the real goal of understanding and living in synchronicity.

So how can synchronicity help you in that situation where the attention of the party is focused on you?

Think of how you feel when somebody else does something unique and interesting. Let’s say someone breaks out in a song spontaneously, or shares a deeply personal story that helps you know them better.

Isn’t it wonderful? When we see someone do that, it reminds us that we are alive, that we are not simply living out the same treadmill day by day. We remember that there are so many potentially interesting things we can do in any given moment.

If we can remind ourselves of that, it can help us take advantage of synchronistic opportunities that come up for us to express ourselves with Selfless Confidence. Goodbye shyness (at least for the moment).

Preparing For Good Luck

Here’s an example. At a conference recently I was presenting my research into the physics of synchronicity. I brought my guitar just in case there might be an opportunity to play a song.

As I said, I am shy, but I also know how fulfilling it is to share music, and I wanted to leave open that possibility.

I made an offer to the organizer in advance that I would be available to play music to lighten the mood. The interesting thing is that she didn’t say yes, but she also didn’t say no.

For me, that is the first clue that synchronicity is afoot. The good news is that I had set myself up for the possibility of synchronicity to occur by bringing my guitar.

What is the equivalent for you of “bringing your guitar?” How can or do you prepare yourself to receive good luck?

As the last lecture was dying down, we were transitioning into the evening entertainment.

The host sought me out and said “I talked to Vanda (Mikolowski, the comedian who was the featured act) and told her I didn’t have an emcee. She said that we should have you do it. Can you be our emcee?”

Now, let me be clear, I like performing, but being an emcee scares the hell out of me. To be the center of the action and have to come up with steady banter seems like a recipe for disaster. The pimples and the warts will suddenly appear.

But should I say “no”? When the universe asks if I will do something that is in alignment with my goals, I have to say yes. And I have to admit, getting over my fear of being an emcee is a worthwhile goal for me.

So I took the dive. I said yes.

I reassured myself that I did not need to be something I’m not (i.e. funny), and I used my own natural style to lead the evening. I focused on how to make the people there feel at ease and comfortable.

I learned to use that idea of Selfless Confidence to redirect the attention off of myself and onto what served the audience the best. It was a very satisfying experience for me.

Answering The Call Of Synchronicity

You may not be a musician, and you may not ever find yourself in this particular situation. But this type of experience can come up in so many guises. Synchronicity is a “call from life” asking you to worry less about yourself and think more about how you can benefit others.

When you take the risk to stand up and read a poem, or sing a funny song, or act out a scene from the play you are in, you are inspiring others to trust themselves and take a chance.

When you show off your talent for making Mickey Mouse pancakes, or invite everyone to jump outside on the trampoline in the middle of the night, you are reminding them that they too have many amazing choices, that they too are fully alive in this moment with something to offer.

People want to know who you really are. People are dying for a glimpse into the authentic.

Where does synchronicity come in, you may ask?

Everywhere. Trusting in the arrival of synchronicity right when you need it can give you the confidence to not worry about yourself. You can take a risk and “bring your guitar”, you can prepare for the good luck.

You can say yes when opportunity arises, without worrying about exactly what to do next. Rather than try and figure it all out, you simply pay attention to what happens.

At each moment you can ask yourself “What possibilities are there here, and what is one step I could take to make space for them?”

Look for the next opportunity that arises in your life to take a risk that will make people smile, and when it comes, don’t think about it. Just say “yes”.


Sky Nelson is author of the book “What Are the Chances? Science, Serendipity, and Seizing the Moment“. With a diverse background in physics, music, teaching and software development, Sky speaks to people who want to understand how the emerging science behind meaningful coincidences can impact their personal sense of satisfaction with life and work.

Image Courtesy of Alessandra Celauro