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The Cuteness of Being

I just watched this video blog as it posted to my YouTube Channel and noticed something very disturbing. Above my head are written the words “Victim Mindset”, “Gut Instinct” and most worrying of all; “I’m a loser”

I thought I’d written those phrases as ideas for a future posts, but maybe I hadn’t. Maybe it’s my unconscious’s way of announcing to the world that it thinks I’m a loser and a fraud with a victim mindset.

Oh well, I suppose I was bound to get found out sooner or later.

Anyway enough of all that because it’s now time for yet another highly informative and irresistible cute video post.

Sorry about YouTube clipping the beginning, but there is only about 3 seconds missing and it’s just me banging on about exploitation.

Oh and btw, when I said Ebay I meant YouTube, I was just very excited. This isn’t JUST a cute puppy video, there’s also a great message. It’s a short clip so you don’t have to suffer too long listening to me waffle on and have my toes sucked.

Could you benefit from acting like a puppy more often, and if so, how?

29 comments to The Cuteness of Being

  • Ali

    Great points, as ever, Tim! I too can’t understand people who hold grudges don’t speak for days/months/years (maybe because I’m such a chatterbox ;-)). I don’t think I’d have the patience for a proper grudge…

    I’m fascinated by the certificates behind you in the video. Are they life-coaching-related? What’s on them? (Yes, I’m really nosy!)

  • Holding on to grudges is part of human nature. But you are right – it is very damaging.

    You ARE happy, Tim, aren’t you? Your body language is relaxed and confident. And I can’t get over your accent! Too cute.

    Anyway, back to the point: totally agree and stumbled.

  • I agree. Grudges are really unhealthy, and more importantly: what do they accomplish anyways?

    Take the high ground and just let it go. It’s a huge act of kindness for yourself and the person you’re holding the grudge with.

    Cute puppy.

  • Good point. Dogs also don’t beat themselves up for missing a rabbit. They just put themselves in position to catch the next rabbit.

    We can hold self-grudges as well in the form of judgments.

  • Dave

    Tim,

    I’m sorry, but I didn’t believe you, so I had to test it out for myself.

    As an experiment I locked my dog and my wife in the trunk of the car for two hours. When I opened it up again the dog was delighted to see me, but my wife was really pissed off.

    You were right!

    NOTE: This was a joke. A JOKE! I’m just being silly. Please don’t hold a grudge against me.

    Hehehe

  • @ Ali – Yeh, they’re my ego-strokers. I had a load more up in my last house but now I’ve limited myself to 6 just to reassure clients I know how to order certificates off the Internet.

    @ Vered – Thanks Vered, I do have my down moments but they weem to be getting further and further apart, like my hair.

    @ Bamboo Forest – Agreed about it being an act of kindness and Tori says your cute too.

    @ Tom – Nice rabbit analogy and your bang on about the self grudges.

    @ Dave – ROTFLMAO – Man that was so funny! I think that’s the hardest I’ve ever laughed at a comment. You shouldn’t have said it was a joke. I insist you go and try it out for real now!

  • Laurie

    I think people hold grudges as a means of self protection. I’m not saying it’s a good thing. My hub and I pissed off my father in law many years ago. We didn’t even know what we did…..really, and he disowned us for eleven years. Now he lives three houses up the street. It makes for an interesting time. NOT. He’s whacked.

    There are some hurts that are difficult to let go. But you are right in that it will be better for you to do it so you can move on. My in-laws have left some pretty big scares on me over the years. It took me a long time to let it go. I really loosened my grip on the grudge when I realized what they did all those years was not about me. It was about how they felt about themselves.

  • Dave Fowler

    Tim,

    I’m so relieved you saw the funny side.

    I had to say it was a joke, otherwise some might think me some sort of misogynistic animal abuser. And I’m certainly no animal abuser!

    For what it’s worth, you’re not the only one laughing. I almost choked on my tea when you insisted I try it for real….

    ….after all, there’s no way I could lift my wife, let alone carry her to the car.

    Thanks Tim, I love the humour you put into your work.

  • @ Laurie – That’s exactly it! It’s never about YOU. Ny holding on we just allow them to have power over us. There’s nothing more frustrating to somebody that wants to hurt us than for them to see we don’t care, and nothing more satisfying than see we do.

    @ Dave – LOL , ok, I don’t want you putting your back out! Your sense of humor is always welcome to run amok here and thanks for the feedback.

  • Tim,

    What a great post! My mom was ALWAYS fill of platitudes, and one of my favorites was: “Never hold a grudge; just tuck the experience in the back of your mind, so you don’t forget it!”

    I don’t hold grudges – I believe in forgiveness. BUT I am always a bit mindful of hurtful experiences so that I don’t repeat them again! And I say BINGO to Laurie!

    However, I must disagree on one point: when we let our 11 lb.bichon out to do his “stuff,” Big Boy (his chosen name for anonimity) will poo within 5 minutes inside if he doesn’t get his treat! Any advice for grudge-holding dogs? It would be greatly appreciated, especially since I’m the one cleaning up his grudge! (And if it helps, this has been going on for 9 years!)

    Thanks,
    Rita

  • @ Rita – My mom was full of platitudes too, I think it’s just a mom thing. Her dad was a Captain in the navy so most of them were nautical. Things like “Don’t spoil the ship for an ‘apeth of tar” “He’s 3 sheets to the wind” and “Quick grab the cabin boy I’m feeling horny”

    I’ve gone too far this time, haven’t I?

  • Tim,

    If YOU’VE gone too far with that hysterical comment, then many people must believe I should be roasting!

    I’m STILL laughing MY “tushie” off!

    Rita

  • Dave Fowler

    Tim,

    I’ve been giving this some more thought. Dangerous, I know!

    I’d like to pretend that I don’t hold grudges, but I do.

    No matter how many times I’ve written my grudges down and burned them, or told myself that I forgive those who have offended me, some of the grudges just won’t leave. I’ve harboured one for at least 16 years, and whilst I don’t think about it daily it occurs to me from time to time that I’d like to see a particular individual get his comeuppance.

    I guess I might have forgiven that person had they not continued to offend me over the years. Never anything major, but a string of incidents showing a general lack of respect.

    This particular person held a position of seniority at work so dealing with the situation was difficult. Now that I’ve left my career, it’s doubtful I’ll ever see him again. But if I did, I’d like nothing more than to give him a punch upside the head. Well maybe not a punch, but you get the idea.

    After boring you to death with that mini life story, what I really want to know is…. Are we hardwired to hold grudges, and if so why? Do grudges serve a purpose?

    Cheers

    Roger The Cabin Boy

  • I think holding a grudge and choosing not to forgive are two separate entities.

    I will think on this more, but I believe this is the case.

    And, I also believe… It is sometimes appropriate not to forgive. Just as it is often appropriate to do so. But the notion that one should always forgive no matter what – to me, isn’t true. Sometimes people are not sorry for what they did.

    Moreover, if you’re fortunate like me and never had any true tragedy happen to you, it’s easy to say, “always forgive.”

    Such a notion however, simply isn’t wisdom. There are times when forgiveness is not the right choice. I don’t need to give examples of when this is; you could easily think up your own.

    Lastly, if one chooses not to forgive – this doesn’t mean it has to eat them up. I simply disagree with that notion. It merely means they themselves believe it is inappropriate to forgive the guilty party, but they can at the same time not allow it to consume their lives.

  • Laurie

    I disagree with Bamboo Forest. I believe that forgiving along with love, is a choice. I believe that forgiveness is the right choice over holding a grudge. I think maybe our idea of what forgiveness is may be different. To me forgiveness is releasing the person from my retaliating against him. It doesn’t mean I don’t hurt anymore or feel ok about what he did but that I won’t “get back”. It also doesn’t mean that he won’t be allowed to suffer the consequences of his actions should that be a fine, jail time, loss of friendship, or lack of trust.

    I once met a lady whose parents were tortured and murdered. The lady forgave the man who did it and she even went to the jail to minister to him. She ended up changing his life (and hers as well) as he came to know God through her forgiveness.

    How can forgiveness not be the right choice? It is choosing freedom for yourself.

  • Just to clarify. My sentiments from my first comment holds true. Grudges are bad news.

    Also, I believe forgiveness is often the enlightened path. Definitely.

    I’m all for forgiveness. I’m all for overlooking petty things that really don’t amount to anything. I’m all for taking the high ground even when it’s hard to do. Definitely.

    My only point is that the notion one should *always* forgive under every single circumstance under the sun no matter what it is, I don’t agree with that.

    If someone does something morally repugnant and has no remorse for what they did, to forgive in such circumstances sounds foolish to me. Of course I could be wrong, but that’s just my opinion.

    Maybe our ideas of what forgiveness is, are different. But I always thought of forgiveness as saying, “it’s ok, not to worry.”

    If someone chooses not to forgive, it doesn’t mean they feel a need to retaliate. (Hopefully the land in which the gross injustice occurred has laws on the book to punish those who commit crimes against humanity) It just means they’re *not* saying: “it’s ok what you did, I won’t hold it against you.”

    I respect your opinion, Laurie.

  • Laurie

    I respect yours as well Bamboo Forest. I think we are really close on what we believe it’s just that we define forgiveness differently. I do not believe that forgiveness is saying “it’s ok with what you did.” It is never ok to purposely hurt someone else. It is saying (at least to me) that I won’t seek revenge. It might mean that I don’t trust the person or I won’t be in a relationship with the person anymore, or that I will still testify against the person by telling the truth but forgiving means I will not use my energy to get even. I will go on with my life and let the offense go.

    Tim what do you think forgiveness means? What do some others of you out there in the blogosphere think it means?

    This is an interesting discussion. Thanks Bamboo Forest for the input. I love the mental stretch! :O)

  • Tim,
    I’ve been following this thread and am awed at the different ways people look at things. I feel like I commented DAYS ago, yet as I read new comments coming to my email, I realized that I had to amend my previous statement.

    Though I do believe in forgiveness, there is one area of my life in which I have NOT been able NOT to hold a grudge: when someone has done something hurtful to my children. Though they are older now, and can better fend for themselves, I do remember losing a few friends -and/or my temper when somebody wronged my kids. There are still some situations involving my kids for which I will ALWAYS hold a grudge. Maybe it’e just me, maybe it’s “maternal instinct.” All I know is that I have little forgiveness for those who cause harm to the “innocents.”

    Rita

  • In my experience, holding a grudge makes you feel heavy and weighed down by life, while forgiveness sets you free to move on with your life. There is no question which path leads to happiness.

    But then again grudges are not mutually exclusive to forgiveness. One can follow the other. Maybe somebody disappoints us so badly we do hold a grudge for months or even years (hello – how common is this in families!), the good news is we can decide today to let it go. That’s the great thing about life – we can always start afresh.

    And go on skulk again like a puppy for us, Tim. You cracked me up!

    Kelly

  • @ Dave – Are we hardwired to hold grudges? Definitely not imho, otherwise we’d all be holding them. I honestly don’t think I am holding any grudges.

    I don’t think they serve any purpose other than to make us feel bad. The reality is that the other person is oblivious when you are sat plotting your revenge. They aren’t feeling bad, but you may be.

    When we hold grudges we give our personal power away, we allow the other person to have control over us, which is just the opposite of what we really want. Weird huh? And don’t worry, I only nodded off 3 times reading your comment.

    @ Bamboo Forest, Laurie and Rita – I think I may write a post on this because it is a complicated subject and open to interpretation.

    I lean more towards Laurie’s way of looking at things but I also agree with BF that people shouldn’t HAVE to forgive. Nobody has to do anything in my book and that goes for feeling like they HAVE to hold a grudge too, Ask yourself these 2 questions: What is the wisest course of action for our own long-term good? What would people you aspire to be like do?

    @ Kelly – Absolutely, we ALWAYS have choices and btw, I’m skulking rather nicely as I type.

  • Dave Fowler

    Tim,

    Let’s be honest, you fell asleep three times because the first half of your workday is spent in bed…

    …I know all about you work from home types!

    I’m surprised to hear that I’m in the minority. I honestly believed that most people hold grudges of some kind.

    I was hoping that holding grudges was linked to some kind of throwback ‘Danger Response’ designed to help us make sure we eradicated our enemy.

    Darn it! So what you’re saying is that I can’t blame anyone or anything else?

    Bamboo Forest, Laurie and Rita all make great points.

    At the moment I feel the same way as Bamboo Forest regarding the significance of forgiveness. I’d be saying his behaviour was OK.

    I do like Laurie’s definition of forgiveness but my only sticking point is I’m not sure I could let go of the need for retaliation.

    The lady that Laurie speaks of has a capability I can’t even begin to comprehend. I don’t think I could do what she did.

    Rita makes a point I understand very well. I suspect a lot of people feel the same way about their children.

    I’m beginning to feel that the problem (my problem) comes from being unable to deal with these unresolved issues. I need to resolve them.

    Perhaps the person I’m most annoyed with, is myself – for not having dealt with the problem at the time?

    This has been a good exchange. I’ve really enjoyed it.

    Tim, you make me laugh (in a good way).

    You can hit snooze again now.

  • @ Dave – I definitely don’t think you’re in the minority at all, that wasn’t what I meant. In fact just the opposite, I think most people DO hold on to grudges, just that if some people don’t then it is possible not to.

    Don’t get annoyed with yourself, learn from the past and move forward whilst slowing down only to go and buy my highly informative and value for money book now selling at 50% discount ;-)

    Right, I’m off for a nap. Night all.

  • Dave Fowler

    Tim,

    Ah, yes. I get your point now. If it’s possible for others, it’s possible for me. I’ve just got to find the way.

    I don’t know whether you’ll believe this, but this little exchange has moved me closer to resolving the problem, because it caused me to seek out the underlying issue. I think I know what that is now, so I can start to deal with it.

    I’ve actually let myself off the hook for failing to deal with the issues, which have then turned into grudges – but only because I’ve promised myself that I’m not going to let such issues go unresolved in the future. I made some mistakes in the past but I shouldn’t let that fact hold my future hostage.

    50% off you say?

    That’s my kind of bargain!

    Cheers Tim.

  • Live is too short to hold grudges. Instead of holding a grudge look at the situation in a positive light, try learning from it so that you can repair the situation or relationship and move on to a higher level.

  • Hi, Tim. Evelyn Lim from Attraction Mind Map gave you some kudos so I came to take a peek, and then your beautiful little Dobie drew me in! (love love LOVE them, and still miss mine a ton…such loving “velcro” lap dogs, aren’t they)

    Enjoyed your video (even though you put Miss Cutie-Pie back on the floor!) and your message. I enjoyed the “forgiveness” exchange, too, so I’ll be back for another visit. Thanks! ~ Julie

    PS: Hi Dave!

    Julies last blog post..This is the Day!

  • PPS: I absolutely agree with Laurie. Forgiveness is really a gift you give YOURSELF.

    Julies last blog post..This is the Day!

  • @ Julie – Thanks for dropping by! She would have nibbled my ear off if I hadn’t put her down!

  • very nice post, thanks alot