Happy Tweetsgiving

When I got an e-mail from the occasionally provocative, often completely nuts and always amusing, CT Kingston, asking if I’d do a post on gratitude for Tweetsgiving, it took me about 3 seconds to decide I wanted to do it.

As some clever soul once said:

“Gratitude is the most fleeting of emotions”

That is so true in my experience, but it never hurts to remind ourselves how fortunate most of us are.

I’ve known people that have been through horrible misfortune only to come out completely unscathed swearing to stay grateful and to change their lives for the better. It seldom lasts longer than a few days or occasionally weeks.

I’m not knocking them whatsoever, because I know I all too often forget to be grateful. After all what have I got to be grateful for. Only a wife and family I love, a house I love living in, a job a love and friends I love?

It’s not bad for starters is it? Yet when things aren’t going to plan, when a client cancels at the last minute, the Rams rack up another loss or one of the loony dogs shreds a new pair of boxer shorts all that can be conveniently forgotten.

A question I ask myself from time to time and clients when I can see they are slipping into a ‘woe is me and my life is shit’ mode is this:

“Would you be ok with throwing your own and everybody else’s birth certificate on the planet into a rather large hat? Then we all take turns at pulling out a random person and that becomes our life”

Nobody ever says yes.

You don’t need me to tell you about how many millions of people are starving to death as you read this post. How many people are fearful for their lives living in areas of the world that are almost permanently in state of conflict. Or how many millions of people live below the poverty line and see warm water, basic medical care and electricity as a luxury. You know that stuff, you just forget, as do I.

Last year I lost my mom after a longish illness. As I write this post it would have been her 81st birthday and I want to reproduce a post that I published at the time. If you were reading here at the beginning of last year you may have already read it, but even so it bears thinking about.

The reason I want to do that is because I’m grateful that I had brilliant caring parents. Yeh they had their faults, but we all have our faults and today it’s about dwelling on the good stuff.

I hope you can afford to make a donation to a very worthy cause. As we sit down to eat our turkey this week there are hundreds of millions of people who would love to swap places with us.

By the way, I’m still giving Don’t Ask Stupid Questions (the ebook) away for free. If you want a copy, click here and it will automatically download without you having to leave any e-mail details.

Another Blog On Gratitude

I sometimes have clients and people I meet tell me that they inherited certain traits from their parents. Seldom do they impart this information with a smile on their lips and a sense of gratitude in their voice. The reason being the characteristic in question is always one that they see as being a hindrance rather than benefit.

I hear things like “I get my negative outlook from my mum” or “I get my quick temper from my dad”

Then I get people telling me that it’s because of their parents their life isn’t firing on all cylinders because they followed their wishes in choosing a career, a partner or friends that weren’t suitable for them.

No doubt they will be delighted when they hear their kids saying the same thing in a few years time.

I don’t think I’ve ever complimented somebody and they have shot back with something along the lines of “Well yeh thanks for the compliment, but you really should tell my mum, she was the one that instilled a sense of honesty in me” or “You’re right I am funny, but I can’t take the credit, that comes from my dad”

I’m not blaming anybody for this, I’m not saying that it’s unusual or that I haven’t done the same on occasions, but I am saying it’s a huge shame for two reasons.

Firstly, we are abdicating personal responsibility for our lives and that never augurs well for our future happiness.

Secondly, we are doing a huge disservice to the two people that brought us into this world. I understand that for the tiny minority of people that were abused by parents that is difficult to embrace and I wouldn’t for one-minute try and persuade them otherwise. Although having said that, the act of forgiveness and letting go can be incredibly powerful and liberating, so it may be worth trying out.

My mum has been really sick for over 6 months now. I have been back to the UK to see her 3 times in as many months and each time when I left I thought I’d not see her again. Yesterday she was finally relieved of her suffering and slipped away. It was tough being 4,500 miles away because I wanted to be with my family.

When my dad died 6 years ago, we all sat round the following day drinking his wine and telling funny stories that involved him and laughed our asses off. He would have liked that and it was a lot better than feeling miserable. I’ve missed being able to do that although I did get the chance to talk to my sisters and other family members and have a joke.

I’m going to tell you something now that may look cold in print and if you don’t know me, but that’s a risk I’m prepared to take. I phoned my sister this morning to tell her I’d got a flight and chat about funeral arrangements.

She has a restaurant and is a great cook so we plan on inviting friends and family back to her house after the service and she is going to arrange the food. The irony is that she lives in a house that my mum and dad lived in 30 years ago. It changed hands in between but it was always my mum’s favorite house, so that is quite fitting.

The house is only about 200 yards from the Church and we were discussing how many cars we needed. I suggested that one was enough for immediate family and everybody else could walk up.

“In fact” I said, “Why don’t we save some money, dispense with the cars altogether and just carry her up?” Ju started laughing and said “But what about taking her to the crematorium after?” and I replied, “I dunno, maybe we could mail her in?” We both started laughing and Ju had to explain to other people there what we were laughing at.

I got my sense of humor from my mum and I KNOW she would have appreciated that. I also got my love of socializing and my intelligence, although the latter may have some people raising an eyebrow.

My dad passed away 6 years ago and left me with an ability to talk to anybody, tenacity and a belief in my own abilities. I like the attributes both of my parents left me and I’m grateful for them which is why they are the only ones I’m going to think about.

The last time I saw my mum, when I left her she had a rare moment of clarity. I gave her a hug and she said “Take care of yourself, you’re very special, you know?” She was right, I am very special, and so are you, and so was she.

I only earned $30k last year as you may have read read in this post, so if I can afford ten bucks I’m pretty sure you can.

This post was created as part of a global groundswell of gratitude called TweetsGiving. The celebration, created by US nonprofit Epic Change, is an experiment in social innovation that seeks to change the world through the power of gratitude. I hope you’ll visit the TweetsGiving site to learn more, and to bring your grateful heart to the party by sharing your gratitude, and giving in honor of that for which you’re most thankful.