The Lunatic Inside Your Head

Life coachSeek forgiveness, not permission, the saying goes.

Well I actually took the opposite approach and asked for permission for what I’m about to do.

But I had no response, so if I get sued for copyright infringement, I’ll ask for forgiveness then I guess.

Sometimes I read something that encapsulates my thoughts on a subject so brilliantly that I realize I cannot improve on it and there’s little point trying.

That’s why I’ve been recommending Buddha’s Brain to so many people lately, because it does what I couldn’t do. And that’s why I will almost certainly be recommending The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer.

I have scores of conversations with Life Coaching clients over the last 7 years regarding being kind to themselves and not taking their internal voices too seriously. Especially when, as it’s prone to do,  it’s giving them a hard time.

The stark reality is we all have internal conversation that would probably get us Baker Acted if they were out loud.

Seriously we do, but we’re not really nuts.

We’re just allowing our rather zealous, highly imaginative and worrisome unconscious mind take over proceedings without our conscious permission.

Over the years I’ve tried to explain this is in so many different ways both to clients and in blog posts about self compassion, but from now on I’m just going to refer people to the following passage in The Untethered Soul.

It behooves me to make it absolutely clear I did not write this, Michael Singer did, I merely wanted to share with you a piece of insightful writing

I’d encourage you to check out the book and the books website because even though I’m still only about a quarter of the way in, what I’ve read to date is astounding.

Thanks to my ex-client and friend Carl Harvey from Stars of Well-Being for sending me the book as a gift, I greatly appreciate it.

I have broken the paragraphs down for easier reading, but other than that, it’s as written in the book.

An Introduction To….The Untethered Soul

How would you feel of someone outside really started talking to you the way your inner voice does? How would you relate to a person who opened their mouth to say everything your mental voice says?

After a very short period of time you would tell them to leave and never come back. But when your inner friend continuously speaks up, you don’t ever tell it to leave. No matter how much trouble it causes, you listen.

There’s almost nothing that voice can say that you don’t pay full attention to. It pulls you right out of whatever you’re doing no matter how enjoyable, and suddenly  you’re paying attention to what it has to say.

Imagine that you are in a serious relationship and are about to get married. You’re driving to the wedding and it says,

“Maybe this is not the right person. I’m really getting nervous about this. What should I do?”

If someone outside of you said that, you’d ignore them. But you feel you owe the voice an answer. You have to convince your nervous mind that this is the right person, or it won’t let you walk down the isle.

That’s how much respect you have for this neurotic thing inside of you. You know if you don’t listen to it, it will bother you every day of your life:

“I told you not to get married. I said I wasn’t sure!”

The bottom line is undeniable. If somehow that voice managed to manifest in a body outside of you, and you had to take it with you everywhere you went, you wouldn’t last a day. If someone were to ask you what your new friend is like, you’d say:

This is one seriously disturbed person. Look up neurosis in the dictionary and you’ll get the picture.

That being the case once you’ve spent a day with your friend, what’s the probability you’d go to them for advice?

After seeing how often this person changed their mind, how conflicted they are on so many subjects, and how emotionally overactive they tended to be, would you ever ask them for relationship or financial advice?

As amazing as it seems, you do just that every moment of your life.

Having taken its rightful place back inside of you, it’s still the same “person” who tells you what to do about every aspect of your life. Have you ever bothered to check its credentials?

How many times has that voice been wrong?

“She doesn’t care for you anymore. That’s why she hasn’t called. She’s going to break up with you tonight. I can feel it coming; I just know it. You shouldn’t even answer the phone if she calls”

After 30 minutes of this the phone rings and it’s your girlfriend. She’s late because it’s your one year anniversary and she was preparing for a surprise dinner.

It was definitely a surprise to you, since you completely forgot the anniversary.

She says she’s on her way to pick you up. Well, you’re very excited and your inner voice is chatting about how great she is.

But haven’t you forgotten something? Haven’t you forgotten about the bad advice the inner voice gave you that caused you to suffer for the last half hour?

What if you had hired a relationship advisor who had given you that terrible advise?  They had completely misread the entire conversation. Had you listened to the advisor, you never would have picked up the phone.

Wouldn’t you fire them on the spot? How could you ever trust their advice again after seeing how wrong they were?

Well are you going to fire your inner room mate?

I would love to go on, but I think I’ll leave it at that. If this resonates with you as much as it did me maybe check out the book.

The links are affiliate links. However, I’m not recommending this for the 50 cents I may make if you buy, so if you’d rather have a non-affiliate link, here it is.

Are You A Newbie Life Coach, or Do Want To Become a Life Coach?

I’m looking to take on one person who is new to Life Coaching or wants to become a Life Coach and would like up to 12 months access to me as a mentor for no money down and no money to be paid later.

In other words, for free.

There are no catches, I just feel like it’s time to give back because I know how incredibly difficult it is for new Life Coaches.

I will let you know the criteria in a post next week, but in the meantime if you know anybody that you think would be interested, please let them know.

I say there will be no  catches, but that’s not technically true because the person who I will chose will have to be ferociously determined to make it in Life Coaching and not just see this offer as, “Well yeh it’s free, why not?”

Watch this space.