As you prepare to wave goodbye to yet another year and greet 2009 with hopefully a sense of optimism and excitement, I’m betting that you’ve got a goal or two up your sleeve for the New Year, haven’t you, you cheeky monkey?
It may or may not be a New Years resolution per se. In fact, it may not even be written down, but I bet there’s something lurking in the nether reaches of your beautiful mind. Some goal, or personal changes that would make you feel good if you achieved it in 2009.
It could be quitting smoking, losing a bit of weight, running g a 10k race, spending more time with people that are important to you (hint: that probably isn’t your boss) or even stamping out world hunger by mid- March.
It’s not my spooky otherworld mind reading skills that tell me I’m almost certainly right. It’s simply the fact that the end of year causes many people to take stock and at least temporarily, reflect on their life. Especially wise folk like you that already take the time and effort to read self-development blogs like this one.
I applaud your desire to make improvements in your life and I give you a hearty cyber pat on the back by way of moral support. The sad fact is though that statistically speaking you’re almost certainly doomed to failure before you’ve even started. I know that’s tough, but hey don’t shoot the messenger.
I have seen various figures quoted as to how many people succeed in making lasting change with new years resolutions and it’s never more than about 5% and those odds stink.
Wow, that’s a bit of a downer of a blog opening coming from a smiley, happy Life Coach. I bet your wondering why you stopped by to read that steaming pile of negativity, right? Well leave that back button alone for a second. Because today we’re going to talk about some of the fundamentals in helping you stack the odds in your favor and make sure you are one of the smug 5%.
There’s an old saying that goes “If nothing changes, nothing changes” and it perfectly describes the situation for most people setting new years resolutions. Trying harder to do something that has normally failed is not as likely to yield success as you might imagine. It can occasionally, but as a rule in these situations it becomes a law of diminishing returns and just delivers increased levels of frustration.
To make lasting change you need to do something significantly different which is the thing that many people seem to miss. By following the advice in this post I will guarantee you’ll increase your likelihood of achieving your goals this year by at least 10,000%. I have no idea how I came to that figure, what it means or even how I’m going to guarantee it, but who cares it’s the thought that counts.
Write It Down
I’m almost embarrassed to be typing this. Almost, but not quite that is. I can’t even be bothered to explain why written goals are exponentially more likely to come to fruition than goals that are just floating round your head. Trust me, they just are. It’s been demonstrated so many times it would be akin to me explaining why warming your ass over the Old Faithful geyser as it’s about to blow isn’t a great idea.
So if you already know that, why haven’t you written your goals down? (If you have written goals, please forgive my outrageous presumption and move on with my blessings to the next juicy segment on changing your identity)
If you can’t spare 45 to 60 minutes to sit down and write down what it is that’s important to you, then it can’t be that important. This is an essential stage that people nearly always leave out. Don’t be one of those lost souls. Block out an hour in your planner to sit down and go through your dreams and aspirations and you’ll look back on that time at the end of 2009 as the best hour you spent.
If you need help setting good goals that are likely to work, then either watch How To Set Goals on video or if you prefer, you can read about SMARTER Goals here.
During this time also pay special attention to thinking about your sense of purpose because it’s that’s what will keep you motivated if and when times get tough.
Setting goals should be fun and not a chore. This is the rest of your life you’re planning out here, if you can’t get excited about it then you really need to do some serious navel gazing and shoe staring.
Change Your Identity
If you see yourself as a smoker, how difficult do you think it will be to quit smoking? If you see yourself as a fat person just trying to lose a bit of weight, how testing and difficult will that be?
The ability to change your identity and never be attached to any one identity is one of the most under-rated skills in personal development. It’s also one that anybody can acquire if they really want to. You too can decide what identity you want to embrace.
Your identity is not your job, it’s not your dress size, it’s not your kids, it’s not your friends and fortunately for me it’s not your favorite sports team. All of those contribute to who you are as a person, but that’s all they do, just contribute to the much greater whole.
If I lose the ability to hear tomorrow coaching would be a tad tricky. In fact in the short-term it would be more or less impossible. That would be a bummer because I like the sound of my own voice and I love what I do. I also realize that it could be taken off me at a moments notice and therefore if I attach my identity to being a life coach, what happens then? Do I lose my identity; do I have to build another one or am I just, albeit temporarily, a nobody?
Of course the answer to all those questions is no. I’m still the same person I was before. Ok, I now have the TV volume a tad on the high side and I’ve taken to shouting a lot, but I’m still me. That’s because my job can never equal my identity.
If you’re trying to change a behavior the single biggest thing you can do to ensure success is to change your identity. Using weight loss as an example. If you refuse to see yourself as a fat person, but concentrate all your efforts into believing you are by nature a slim person temporarily in a fat persons body, what effect do you think that’ll have?
All of a sudden your internal image is directly in conflict with what you are viewing when you hop on the scales. In your mind you’re a healthy weight and that sets up an uncomfortable disconnect between what you see and what you believe about yourself. Fortunately your unconscious mind doesn’t like disconnects and it will go to work on your behalf to help you meet your internal picture.
If you transform your identity and the way you view yourself, making changes will be a snap because you’ll not spending all your energy on fighting your own belief system.
There are a number of things you can do to help such as being aware of the language you use to describe yourself to others and to yourself. And routinely doing something that breaks with how you currently view yourself can be very helpful. An example of that may be if you see yourself as a shy person, committing to joining group activities on a regular basis.
Visualize
The most effective way bar none though is to employ visualization as a tool for changing how you see yourself. Visualization works!
This is not woo-woo stuff; it’s a tried and trusted method of making permanent successful change.
Imagine walking home from a new job one day. You suddenly realize there is a meadow of long grass you could use to cut 20 minutes off your walk. (If you live in New York, you’re going to need a great imagination for this one.)
The first time few times you walk through the meadow, you can barely see which way you had walked the previous day. However, after 10 or 20 times passing through the field, you can clearly see a pathway starting to form. After 100 times all the grass is worn away.
Then one day there’s a farmer with a shotgun and large dog waiting for you at the end of the path. Now, let’s presume our gun-toting friend is a big softy and he allows you to use that route as long as you want. What are the odds that the next time you walk through the meadow, you take a slightly different direction? Slim to none would be my guess. After all, you know this path works and you have a lovely, easy trail to navigate. Why risk taking another way?
On the other hand, if Farmer Giles starts taking pot shots at you and sportingly lets the dog try to shoot you as well before releasing it to sink its gnashers into your rear end, then you’ll probably find a new way home once released from hospital. You opt against reacquainting yourself with Fido.
The next time you walk home, you spot another meadow further along the road. The same process begins to occur. Only this time, the original path you created in the last meadow has started to grow back. That is pretty much what happens when we form thoughts in our mind.
The first time we have a new thought; it is a weakling that gets sand kicked in its face by stronger thoughts and beliefs. Each time you re-think the thought, though, it grows in strength as the physical pathway becomes better defined. Not only that, but if the new thought is a belief that contradicts one that you currently hold, the older belief starts to atrophy and die.
This helps explain why we tend to have the same thoughts repeatedly and why people often have difficulty snapping negative loops of thinking. The pathway is established. It’s just easier than trying to think about something new to form a new connection in the brain.
Visualization is an incredibly successful and simple way of speeding up the process. It fools the unconscious into believing that you have already done something before you have done it.
Review
Writing down goals is brilliant. Reviewing them on a regular basis is brillianterer. Your goals should be dynamic and never set in stone. Check in with them to inspire, invigorate and motivate yourself. Thinking you’re ‘failing’ or success isn’t coming as easily as expected is not an excuse to avoid looking at your goals or quitting on them altogether.
Reframe any negative thoughts. If you’re not doing as well as you’d like, see the results you’re getting as feedback, because that is exactly what they are. Without feedback either negative or positive we’d never know when to make changes and what changes to make.
Try and review where you are at least once a month or even weekly. Don’t go nuts though and become obsessed with measuring every parameter in sight. You’ll have good days and you’ll have bad says, that’s just how it is and it’s the overall long-term trend that is all that matters.
You can make the changes you want to make and you can start to make them whenever you’re ready to do so, that much is not in doubt. What is in doubt is whether you’ll bother to do so, or whether all your great intentions end us as being just that and this time next year we’re having the same conversation.
What new years resolutions do you have? Let us know in the comments field and use it to kick start the process now.
Tim Brownson is a Certified Life Coach and has been unsticking people and helping them reach their true potential since 2005. If you would like to know how he can help you
Great Post as always Tim.
This year I will stop walking down the same path and looking for a different end result. My hobby of helping people and writing will become my path- if money follows so be it, but no longer will I look down the cubicle path and hope to see happiness and fulfillment. Thanks for asking Tim.
Jays last blog post..How to Choose Your Life Template
For Pete’s sake Tim, you could have said not to rip up our new years resolutions before you told us they would fail if they weren’t written down!!!!! Now I have to rewrite all of them again, along with the vision, the new identity, and all the re-framing that I have spent 2 weeks writing. I tried tape, I tried glue……AHHHHH.
My short list of resolutions,
I love to coach. I am going to be more creative in developing new opportunities to help people with my coaching…
I like to feel healthy. I am improving the foods that I eat, and the exercise that I engage in. I will make it more fun so that I can work harder, longer.
I feel more fortunate this year than ever. Although the very worst things have happened to my friends and family, my finances, my joints and tendons this year, I know that the sun will rise tomorrow just as bright as it did on my best days. With that I know this year holds the very best for me. I will continue to focus on positive advancements in my journal each morning, as I have been doing for a while.
I will live more with less this year.
I enjoy entertaining my Children. I will focus more time on making their education entertaining, helping them learn, enhancing my joy.
I will find new ways to make my life bring joy to others, and not allow others to steal my joy.
I am going to experiment with being a better listener this year. Don’t be surprised if I hand you the talking stick.
I wish Tim, Helen, and each and every one of you the very best for 2009,
Happy New Year!
Hi Tim,
Very useful approach to new year’s resolutions, especially about your identity. I’ve had written goals for many years and most of them were achieved, so I feel great about life. I never thought very much about my identity though. Maybe I’ll try that this year.
I’ve always thought of myself as a happily single person who sometimes happens to be in a relationship… maybe I need to see myself as a happily married person with a wonderful husband… Gosh, if I end up getting married this year it will be your fault! ;)
Michael,
You have an amazing list of affirmations. I liked them very much!
Daphnes last blog post..How To Increase Your Cashflow and Wealth
If some of you guys out there haven’t read Tim’s book, stop being cheap and order it. It is a great book filled with great insight awesome sarcastic wit. Gotta love that guy Tim! (You have my address Tim and I am expecting payment for that endorsement by the end of the week ;-))
My resolutions(goals) are to continue to work out and become stronger and more fit. I am now starting some vitamin supplements and am going to make my body reconnect with the skinny image in my mind and shrink the bod up a bit. But in all honesty, I have lost 100 lbs. Of course it was the same pound I lost 100 times but that is close right?
I am also writing science curriculum and publishing that this year.
This year I will get a year older and once again, not look it! LOL!
ok-you told me to write it down and mebbe this wil help me to make it happen: I want to be more of a positive person-I am in fact happy, but I just need to make it show more, especially to those around me.
Can’t beleive just how hard it is for me to just smile, but there you have it: I AM the Grinch to the Christmas of my own daily life.
there-I’ve said it-it’s out in public now and there is no going back.
What happens now?
I’ll print out yer recommendations and will go from there-the first attampt to change will be trying to find the musculature in my face needed to form a smile…
@ Jay – That’s it, having the courage to try a different path even when the one you’re on is yielding ok results. It’s not easy to do and the best of luck with it.
@ Mike – A better listener huh? That is a tough goal, but a really worthwhile one and one that can change peoples perception of you for the better without them ever really knowing why. It can be fun, trust me ;-)
@ Daphne – I think we’ve drifted back into the LoA again! To be honest I’m not sure you can have a goal of getting married. Goals really have to be personal and that one would require at least some intervention from another person. But seeing as it’s Christmas and you’re a nice person you can have it though, but only this one time.
@ Laurie – Thanks for the kind words on the books I eagerly await await an influx of orders. Getting fit isn’t a goal it’s a vague wish. Specify it, how do you want to get fit, what results do yo want to see? How will you know when you’ve achieved your goal?
@ Bill – What makes you think you need to show it more if indeed you are happy. Is that for you or for others? I’d rather have somebody happy that didn’t smile than somebody trying to force a smile when they didn’t want to.
Those orders rushing in?
How do I want to get fit? I will to continue to work out 3+ times a week and play racquetball with the hub whenever possible on the side. I will also continue taking my vitamin supliments and eat less sugar and carbs.
Results I want to see? I want to see good looking men (much like yourself Tim) froth at the mouth with desire when looking at me. I also want to see the clothes that I can’t get into be too big. I want to be active without thinking I can’t keep up.
How will I know when I have achieve it? I will be a 78 year old surfer chick and men are still drooling at me(young men, not old ones that would drool anyway). :-)
What’s the difference between a resolution and a goal? I do know that writing down and (gulp) sharing goals does work.
I’m a member of of a group of aspiring mystery novelists. The Sisters in Crime Guppy chapter, as in “GreatUnPublished” — get it? We have a Goals for Guppies email group.
We set AND post goals for each week. Some are misses, but more are hits, probably because we a) write them down, b) share them and c) report their progress. Or commiserate about the lack of progress. No one gets clobbered for missing goals, but we all celebrate our “hits.”
I have been peeking in and reading for a bit now. Things you have written and the few videos I have watched, really made me think.
The funny thing is that I “knew” these things, but it’s almost that I needed some type of reason or proof to know what I was thinking was correct.
This post really got me thinking the most about the new year…and just wanted to say Thank You!
I have been hemming and hawing about my blogs I’m working on, (a few are divisions now of what used to be a static site because I wanted more of an interactive experience), and this very post gave me the umpf to just “do it” and start getting things done.
Happy New Year!
@ Laurie – Well the good news is you’ve found your purpose for existence. It’s to have men drooling. It should be all downhill from here on in.
@ Rhonda – I don’t think I have ever stopped to consider that before. I guess a resolution can be a bit more vague. To be a goal something has to have certain distinct characteristics, whereas a resolution less so.
A NYR of being more easy going is cool, but as a goal it’s pretty much useless. You need to be able to measure and track goals. OTOH, having dreams that can’t be categorized so easily is cool too as per this post:
http://www.adaringadventure.com/blog/wordpress/life-coaching/smarter-dreams/
@ Amy – I think most people know 95% of what I write. Clients know it when they come to me at a deeper possibly unconscious level. It’s just a question of helping them uncover it.
I’m glad the post helped, but my guess would be you were ready to go anyway! Best of luck with it.
I have indeed written down my goals in my journal, also planning to write them out BIG on my noticeboard…
My main goals overall are:
- Finish the first draft of my novel (currently about a chapter in)
- Build up some passive income streams
- Get more magazine credits (articles and short stories)
I’ve broken these down into actions I want to take on a daily/weekly/monthly basis such as:
- Write 500 words on my novel each day (ideally first thing, before I check emails etc…)
- Try out building niche websites (a passive income stream that would use a lot of my existing skills)
- Submit magazine pitches and short stories on a regular basis (one magazine pitch & one story per week — I’ve got 25 or so short stories written & not published, so I don’t need to spend much time writing new ones yet).
Interestingly, I wrote down my goals last year and what I ended up achieving was mostly quite different (I had no idea that I’d end up making most of my income blogging, for example, and was expecting to have more success with short stories.) So I want to allow plenty of room this year for trying out new things and taking unexpected opportunities!
Review. Thanks for the reminder.
My goals and to do lists were all set for the year of 2008. The list were big and great and they kept growing during the year. And i guess these were the only days when i actually looked at these lists. Yes, part of the goals were actually reached, part of them became irrelevant, but i’m sure much more could be done.
One of my goals to this year is to make a weekly/monthly review my new habit.
Thanks again for this important reminder.
Dalias last blog post..Making of Halloween pumpkin with 3ds Max – Part 1: The basics
Goal #1: Be made permanent in my new job by end of February.
Goal #2: Graduate from my business degree by end of June.
Goal #3: Continue to attend yoga classes 3x a week (on average) throughout the year.
How’s that?
I see myself as a fit, employed university graduate. I am just lacking the abs, the job and the piece of paper.
Stellas last blog post..What’s for dinner?
Phenomenal article Tim. Just wanted to say that I’ve been following the blog lately – really like it. GREAT writing voice… Though the initial hype for 2009 goals is cool, most people will end up not following through… (unless they read this article)…haha
4Mind4Lifes last blog post..10Hz Alpha Brain Waves Entrainment Experiment (Day #7)
I’m a big fan of making resolutions throughout the year, not just on New Year’s eve.
So much so that myself and two friends created http://www.pledgehammer.com on our free time. It provides an easy way to write your resolutions down and share with whoever you want to share them with. It also has a charitable ‘flipside’ to it – if your resolution doesn’t stand it asks you to donate money to charity. So whether you keep your resolution or not, either way the world will be a little bit better.
Would be great to get more people to try Pledgehammer out and hear if it helps to stick to resolutions.
Andruss last blog post..Welcome Pledgehammer
Writing our goals down is a really important step which we cannot miss. Without writing down our goals, it is just a dream.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Vincents last blog post..Is Analysis Paralysis Stopping You From Taking Action?
@ Ali – They look pretty solid. I would say to add as much detail as you can. There’s nothing wrong with hitting different goals if it transpires that the ones you have aren’t relevant at a later stage. Sometimes people forget that goals aren’t set in stone, they’re just, er…goals ;-)
@ Dalia – You’re welcome and I think your over all take on setting goals is pretty much spot on.
@ Stella – That’s brilliant. Short to the point and with all the relevant info. What more could you want from a goal.
@4Mind4Life – Thanks for the feedback. Of course you’re right most people will fail with resolutions, goals etc and that’s maybe that’s even how it should be. As long as they don’t fail through lack of knowing what to do, or simply that there are alternatives to whatever is happening in their life, that’s cool with me.
@ Andrus – Pledgehammer looks an interesting idea and if anybody needs some help with pushing through, it may be worth checking out. Best of luck with it.
@ Vincent – Agreed.
Tim, with a few of your rants lately and sarcasm, I was actually hoping you would have one for people’s poor ability to accomplish any reasonable level of goals after setting new years resolutions. I’m glad you started that way and you have added a lot of detail about actually changing that process into something that works. I definitely agree with your advice here and only hope that some will actually do something differently this year and make their hopes a reality. Great article and happy new year!
Mike Kings last blog post..Learn to Speed Read in Just a Few Hours
I was amazed to see this year how many articles and posts were written in the anti-resolution camp. I agree with Mike. Nice work, who could argue with a 10,000% improvement. Thanks for sharing a way that resolutions could work. I haven’t set any though. I’d already set business goals and personal intentions earlier in the month.
I agree that goals need to be written down. I’d add a second step, which is to also share your goals with other people. Sharing your goals make them real! I am using twitter to share my 2009 detox goals.
Stacey / Create a Balances last blog post..Sending You An Enthuse Muse
@ Mike – Thanks a lot and HNY to you too. No doubt for 95%+ of the population nothing will change, but that’s how it always has been and I suspect always will be. Let’s hope that we’re all part of the 5%!
@ Tom – Nothing amazes me anymore ;-)
@ Stacey – I agree with you that sharing goals can work well for a lot of people. My caveat to that would be make sure the people that your sharing them with won’t undermine you even if their attempts to do so are well meaning. I’ve had plenty of clients who have been told that their hopes and dreams were unrealistic by friends and family.
nice post :)
Hello,
Nice blog, I just came across it and I’m already a subscriber
I hope it’s not impolite but I have just begun blogging
my own weight loss(I went down 30 pounds in a month, so not bad
, and I wanted to know if you could post
the weight loss plan I used for your blog readers.
My latest post is
rapid weight loss diet
If you want to do a link trade
that would be great as I want to discuss my weight loss success
with as many people as possible. If I can lose weight then
anyone else can too. Whatever you do, never give up and you WILL
achieve all your weight loss goals!
Thanks for reading,
Joan
Great Blog! As a New York Life Coach, I help people stay committed to their goals.