Let me ask you a question.
If you could improve the quality of you life by 1%, would you want to? How about 2% or even 5% maybe?
When I was in sales I used to love training. It was a lonely school of thought I inhabited. In fact so much so that most of the time I was calling the register and answering it myself.
My fanciful logic was that if I could take one thing away that helped me close a deal it was worthwhile. It was simple math, an improvement of 1% or more would allow me to close 1% more deals (actually probably more), thus I’d have more money and my manager and customers would be happy too. What’s not to love about that?
Most sales people though hated to be taken off the road. The road was their friend, the road was where they made their money and the road was where they needed to be at all times. Any interruption was seen as evil management stealing their time again.
It reminds me a little of the woodcutter parable that Stephen Covey tells in ‘The 7 Habits’.
I’m sure you know the one I mean. Two guys set of sawing down trees in a competition against each other. After an hour Ted stops sawing to sharpen his saw. He looks at this friend and says, “Bob buddy, aren’t you sharpening your saw?” “ “I’m too busy, I’ve got all these trees to cut down” mutters bad tempered Bob and carries on sawing. An hour later the same thing happens and Bob still carries on sawing.
You can imagine what happens eventually when Bob’s saw gets so blunt that he’s burning the trees down with friction rather than sawing anything. Yes that’s right, Bob whips out a chain saw and wins comfortably. Ted accuses him of cheating so Bob turns the chain saw on his erstwhile friend slaughtering him mercilessly. I’m not sure if that’s exactly what happened at the end, but you get the general idea.
THE most common question I get asked when people call me is “What do you do?” I used to answer flippantly “Well you called ME, what do you think I do?” That didn’t win many friends and after a while I started to realize that I needed to stop being so smug and try and answer the damn question.
Ask anybody what life is and they can usually give you a coherent response. If you then ask them what a coach is, equally they can probably tell you. If you then put the two together and ask them what a life coach does, well you may as well have asked them to explain where dead birds go to and why dust sticks to fan blades. They are completely at a loss to answer.
I actually understand this better than my glib attitude would suggest, because I’m a life coach and sometimes even I struggle to explain adequately what I do without first saying what I don’t do. I don’t do counseling, I’m not a psychotherapist and I don’t do much digging around in the past. As an elevator speech it leaves a lot to be desired and won’t close too many deals.
Having said that, the one thing I can and do say without feeling the need for false modesty is that I can shift your performance for the better. I can help you attain an improved understanding of yourself and what makes you tick. In fact any coach should be able to say something similar, otherwise they’re in the wrong job.
The most successful blogs on the Internet with a few exceptions are those that show people how to make money either directly or through a certain career or those offering advice on attracting members of the opposite sex.
The question worth asking (at least in my mind) is why do you want money and to be successful with the opposite, or even the same sex, in the first place? (If you’re already in a relationship I am presuming that you once wanted to be attractive to others.) Ok, I know that seems like a ridiculous thing to ask, even from somebody that has a Doctorate in asking ridiculous things, but the operative word is seems.
Before you start answering with stuff like to buy a big house, own a Caribbean island and get plenty, ask yourself why you want those things because the answer is more basic and simple than a Hyundai Accent.
It’s because you think they’ll make you happy. Like everybody else on the planet, you just want to be happy.
The strange thing is that people try to achieve happiness, which is an internal state, by chasing external things. Sometimes those things are material like the flashy car, designer clothes and $250 haircuts. Other times they are non-material like seeking praise and positions of power.
I’m not saying external things can’t help us tap into happiness and make us feel good, of course they can, but if we rely solely on external stuff for joy we’ll end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. I have met plenty of wealthy and unhappy people both professionally and socially to know that there isn’t much of a link between wealth and happiness. In fact unless you are lifting somebody out of abject poverty, there is hardly any at all.
What do you really want out of life? What will make you look back on it and think it was a success how you define the word success. Why are you even here? I doubt you’ll be lying on your deathbed grateful for the Versace suit in the wardrobe, the huge diamond in the safe and gold plated colostomy bag hanging by your side.
My guess is you want to leave a legacy, to touch peoples lives for the better and have people deeply saddened to hear of your eventual demise. Am I right?
If I am, what are you doing today to make sure you achieve that?
Link Love
I have absolutely no idea what’s going on at NunoXEI most of the time, but it always puts a smile on my face.
I got a call from a Pastor the other day about coaching. In a follow up e-mail he mentioned getting pissed off. I never knew Pastors said things like that and it gets a link to this good post!
I don’t want to be rich, I just don’t want to worry about money anymore, and have a job that I enjoy doing. Joe keeps trying to tell me that no one likes their job. *rolls eyes*
Melissas last blog post..What is Time to a Pig?
The only thing I disagree with here is that I think money gives security. Not Versace suits or 300 pairs of shoes, but a good, solid nest egg allows you so much freedom and frees you from depending on nasty bosses. It’s wonderful when you can choose what to do with your life because you know the bills are taken care of. It’s wonderful to be financially independent. Money has the power to free you to do the things you love.
Dude, my colostomy bag is only plated in silver.
I do want money, but not for material things. I could care less about any of that. My cars are used, my neighborhood’s old, and I have the same twenty t-shirts and jeans I had two years ago. I want money, because along with it comes security and freedom of time. It’s minutes I want, not dollars. But if I make enough of the latter, I’ll soon have more than enough of the former.
Writer Dads last blog post..Let’s Get Our Kids Drunk! or Happy Halloween!
@ Melissa – Tell Joe I love my job ;-)
@ Vered – To paraphrase Helen Keller “security doesn’t exist in nature’ Whereas I agree with what you say to an extent. I know people with no money that are happy and vice versa. Wealthy people seldom have a grasp on how much they need to be ’secure’ anyway and will still fret and worry even though they have 200k in the bank. What is enough to never worry because even the wealthiest have gone bankrupt?
BTW, thanks a lot for your donation! I know you have a copy, but if you’d like me to mail a book to a friend as a gift I’d be delighted to do so.
@ Jonathan – Pah! Loser.
@ Write Dad – I agree money can give you more time and more time can allow you to do what you love to do. These things are seldom black and white.
I want control of my life. Money helps with that in that it frees you from somethings and opens door to others such as travel. It’s easier to live the life you want if you don’t have to figure out how to find it.
That was supposed to be FUND it not FIND it. eek!
Hi Tim – where do you get those pics from? Is that your wife with the chainsaw?
As Vered said, money makes some folk feel secure. But depending on the person, that isn’t always a good thing. Feeling securing can make you too comfortable and can sometimes prevent you from achieving your goals too.
@ Laurie – Control is another myth. Most people (me included) like to feel in control but the reality is that we seldom are. We have the illusion that we are, but an illness, an accident, a redundancy, a stock market crash, a partner leaving, a crime, a freak of nature etc can snatch that away in an instant.
My best advice is to be secure about being insecure ;-)
@ Cath – It’s actually me Cath with some very skillful lighting and make-up.
I agree with that entirely, a sense of security is not always a good thing.
Being secure about being insecure? Ok that sounds like an oxymoron. I think by control I am being able to make choices. I know you will say you always have choices but I don’t have the choice whether to go on an Alaskan cruise or a Caribbean one. My choices right now are whether to go to this state park to camp or this other one. Not having the funds, limits my choice and control aver how I will spend my time and live my life. Look at the choices rick folks have. If they are fat, they hire a chef to prepare wonderful, healthy meals, a personal fitness coach, and a hypnotherapist. They can even hire someone to tell them how wonderful they look 100 lbs over weight. I can’t afford that. So you are right about the things I do not have control over but the money would give me control over some things allowing me to have choice.
I believe happiness is a daily choice. It is a state that we can get into if we want to.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Vincents last blog post..How close are you to be a millionaire?
Hi Tim
Just found your site from your post on ProBlogger. Wanted to just say that I identify totally with being asked what a life coach is and getting blank looks! Reading your site it looks like you’re in the UK – or were you UK-trained and are now based in the States? If so, do you notice a difference in people’s reaction? I still think that for UK people,life coaching is seen as a ‘bit out there’ as one of my clients described it recently, but then went on to say that coaching is really just about being pushed in the direction that you already want to go, which I thought was well put.
Anyway, just wanted to say that I’m glad I’ve found your site as really enjoy your writing style and look forward to reading more.
Oh and spot on re your point above re: being secure about being insecure, so right.
All the best
@ Laurie – You still have a choice as to how you feel about things, that is what I really meant.
@ Vincent – Agreed.
@ nudgeme – Thanks for the feedback. I’m originally from Derby, but have lived in Florida for just under 3 years. Loving it too!
I think I’m here to make a difference. I’d like to leave the world a slightly better place for me having been in it.
That’s one of the reasons I love blogging — if my writing impacts even one person in a good way, it’s worth it!
@Melissa – I love my job(s): freelance writing, a bit of website creation, and some childminding. I really enjoy having flexibility and variety in my day! That’s not to say that there aren’t frustrating moments — there are with any activity — but please don’t give up the search for a job you genuinely love.
Ali Hale – Alpha Students last blog post..Reading Week – Alpha Student
Hahaha, awesome! Half the time I don’t even know what’s going on most of the time over on my site :). My only goal most of the time is to entertain with my randomness as I find the path I wish to walk with my writing and creative work.
Thanks for the link love and thanks for being one of my random influences!
NunoXEIs last blog post..Grand Rapids, Michigan Zombies Trample Previous Record
@ Ali – That reminds me of a line in ‘The Man With 2 Brains’ that goes something like “If 9 people die needlessly and we save the life of one human being it will be worth while”
Let me say make this outrageous opinionated statement.
You’ll not really be a happy bunny by just effecting one person throughout your writing career. The fact is that you’ve already done more than that now! Aim high and then aim a bit higher ;-)
@ Nuno – No problem you’re welcome, just keep on being random!
I’m not sure I really care what others think of me after I’m gone. I’d rather they weren’t upset, but whatever. I think I’m just trying to find that little spot that is comfortable. I don’t think I have a “comfort zone”. I’d like to have enough money to not have to worry about it, because I already have the love of my life.
I think part of why I’m here is to please others, I’m a pisces and I do gravitate towards meeting others’ needs. Sometimes I probably neglect myself in the process, but if helping someone makes me feel good, then what the hell, right?
Melissas last blog post..What is Time to a Pig?
“I actually understand this better than my glib attitude would suggest, because I’m a life coach and sometimes even I struggle to explain adequately what I do without first saying what I don’t do. I don’t do counseling, I’m not a psychotherapist and I don’t do much digging around in the past. As an elevator speech it leaves a lot to be desired and won’t close too many deals.”
Still Rofl…
Will put the word out about your fundraiser. Great rambling. Loved every bit of it and agree completely. I think that may have been an award winning rambling. :D
Hi Tim
That explains it! So I guess you’re missing our glorious warm weather at the moment ….?! I spend part of each year in Cape Town and love it too. Look forward to reading more here.
All the best
Tamsin/nudgeme
Good work my friend, I can always count on you to ask the big questions to keep us thinking.
I know being humorous is a big deal for you but you don’t allow it to get in the way of deeper veins. I appreciate that.
Dust collects on fan blades because they are more at rest than in movement.
Tom Volkar / Delightful Works last blog post..Clarity Empowers Progress
@ Melissa – Wait until your in your 40’s and I suspect your opinion may change. Of course I may be hopelessly wrong, but make sure you look me up and let me know ;-)
@ Doc Nicole – Thanks a lot for that!
@ nudgeme – I miss a good curry and maybe fish and chips from time to time, but other than family and friends that’s about it I’m afraid!
@ Tom – A-ha, but the fan in our bedroom runs at LEAST 12hours a day EVERY day! Sometimes all day. And why doesn’t the dust fly off? I hardly touch it with a duster and the stuff is everywhere. This ranks up there with the meaning of life if you ask me.
Tim – ditto me when I’m in Cape Town – oh and a good Sunday roast and newspapers!
I have no idea why I am here (not this site, here in life). I am mostly happy but that is a new thing in my life – it comes from finally finding some confidence and trying new things. Happiness does not come from money. I have never been so broke, so on the edge, yet I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
I would love to do something that truly makes a difference. Something big that will be remembered. I have no idea what that would be though. For now I am trying to be satisfied with my daughter being happy, healthy and mostly well-adjusted.
I don’t know why dust sticks to the fan blades but it keeps it from going into the motor, which, in my experience, can kill a fan.
Kim Woodbridges last blog post..Share Your Blogging Workspace
Hey Tim,
I think it’s interesting how people (myself included) have a knee jerk reaction about money. I’ve always known happiness cannot come from earning, getting, having, or appearing successful. I wanted those things, but I knew myself well enough to know they wouldn’t fulfill my deep need for purpose.
Still, I have to say the single most important development in my life this past year has been getting a job that pays more than I’ve made before. In the past I cycled through an array of low-paying jobs which made me feel unstable. It was hard to respect myself when I couldn’t provide for all my basic needs. I remember living in 7′x7′ dorm-style room in NYC, surrounded by cockroaches and mice. I did a lot of yoga, which saved me, but I felt disappointed in my inability to fully take care of myself.
I guess for me it isn’t the money that makes me happy. It’s knowing I have the strength, talent, and perseverance to earn it. The ultimate goal is making enough doing something I love. Just enough. Enough for necessities, a little adventure, and a lot of experiences with people I love.
Lori
Loris last blog post..10 Ideas to Save Money on Everything
@Lori Normally I’d be the guy to argue that chasing a good paying job around or more clients only brings more stress and that having that monetary security comes with the inability to enjoy other aspects of life due to lack of time.
That’s where I was at 2 months ago–and in truth kind of still am at. That being said, I live simply and don’t need (on average) as much as other people to consider myself “well off”.
I’ve cut down my clients and my work to make time for other things I enjoy, like writing, doing art, playing video games and spending time with my partner–things sacrificed in order to make more money which I was taught and led to believe brought about greater happiness by my father.
I think you touch on a way to look at all of it that puts words behind why I can make it work in a way that makes me happy with the place in my current lifestyle. It comes down to having the confidence to KNOW that I CAN have the ability to control that aspect of my life in the way that makes me happy so that it in turn empowers other areas of my life.
@ Kim – Maybe you are doing the thing that ‘makes a difference’ by looking after your daughter?
@ Lori – Agreed on all that. I guess living in a room that small you’d need to be good at Yoga just to turn round ;-)
[...] to a comment about NunoXEI.com’s direction over at Tim Brownson’s blog at The Discomfort Zone (ADaringAdventure.com) concerning my “randomness” [...]