One of the things I hear from clients over and over again is their desire to ‘make a difference’ in other peoples lives.
I’d go as far as to say that over three quarters of the people that hire me to be their Life Coach express this desire in some way, shape, or form.
It may manifest as values such as significance, connection or wanting to leave a legacy, but at its core is the desire to feel like our life means something positive.
And that seldom comes from doing things for ourselves, but from helping others. I strongly believe we are hard-wired to want to help others even if some people do a great job of overriding their wiring for much of the time.
Cocaine or Compassion?
Did you know that the effect on your brain when acting altruistically and compassionately toward another person, is almost identical to that of taking drugs such as amphetamine and cocaine?
Maybe not quite as intense, but brain imaging has shown that both deliver a dopamine rush to the area of the brain called the nucleus accumbens. And that results in a feeling of pleasure and a sense of well-being.
Last week I shipped a case of 60 copies of How To Be Rich and Happy to a charity in Michigan called the North Kent Community Services. I always get a buzz when I send books off because I know that each copy has the potential for helping somebody change their lives for the better.
Unfortunately, the books in question never made it to Rockford, Mi. What turned up was an empty sealed box. Presumably somewhere between Florida and Michigan somebody had opened the box, removed the books and sent the packaging on its merry way.
What happened when I got the phone call to tell me about the books being stolen was a huge dopamine crash. The good feeling I’d had when sending the books had been blown away by the feeling that it was all for naught.
The charity in question had zero budget and as such the woman I was dealing with had generously paid for shipping out of her own pocket. I felt bad for her, so I took another case to the Post Office and paid for shipping from the How To Be Rich and Happy account and all is good.
We only have 10 cases of How To Be Rich and Happy left from the first print run and I have another charity in Michigan called the United Church Outreach Ministry that would love to take the lot.
They deal with thousands of people smack bang in the middle of the core group that we want to get the books to, and they believe the book can make a positive impact in their clients lives.
To be able to do that in time for the holidays would be fantastic. However, there is the tiny issue of shipping costs. Every case costs about $20 to ship and we simply don’t have the money to do it.
Actually that’s not technically true, we do have the money, but if we used it it would mean we can’t order the next print run because it’s earmarked for that.
Today I’m offering you the chance of a dopamine rush without the necessity of buying illicit substances, putting your health at risk, or generating an addiction.
I’m also offering you the opportunity to make a real difference in peoples lives, right here, right now.
At the moment we are offering a free copy of How To Be Rich and Happy with every order placed. It has gone really well and we are down to our last 60 or so books, but I want to sweeten the deal by committing that the money from the next 10 sales will go directly to pay for shipping to the United Church Outreach Ministry.
In other words, if you buy today you not only get a really great book (he says modestly), but you get another to give as a gift, and best of all, you personally place 60 other books into the hands of less fortunate people.
Trust me, your nucleus accumbens will love you for it!
If you already have the book or genuinely can’t afford it (and if you really, really can’t, why aren’t you e-mailing me and requesting a free copy?) you can still help us greatly by tweeting about this or posting a link on Facebook.
Everyone is driven by (at least) two things: Growth and Contribution.
That is why it is not surprising to see people wanting to help others. It is part of what drives them. What makes them, them. I guess scientifically this all makes sense. We feel good. We feel proud of the work we’ve done, especially if it is for others.
That said, as a person who gave out some books of How To Be Rich and Happy, I can tell you it is making an impact. I told Tim that a few teens got back to me and said that the book is very practical and it is as if someone is walking you through it.
Rock on!
Thanks Roy and I agree what you say although some people do lose touch with that drive.
I just wanted to say it’s been cool & inspiring to watch all the progress HTBRAH has made and to see how the project has evolved.
And it’s evolved because of people like you and Roy amongst others who have supported us all the way!
We are very grateful.
Hi Tim,
Any chance of a Kindle edition of your book? Couldn’t find one on Amazon.
Thanks,
Bill
Bill, if you want one for review purposes, I’m happy to end you one, let me know. If you’re looking to buy a copy then you can do so at http://www.howtoberichandhappy.com
It isn’t available on Amazon as we’re trying to raise money for charity and Amazon take a 55% cut of the sale!
Just placed my order man. Great offer and an even better reason to take you up on it. Get this message in front of people who want it and need it. Glad I could contribute in some small way.
Keep up that great work.
Thanks a lot Tony!
And if you already have the book, you could just donate $20 to pay shipping for a case. Has the same effect.
Yes it does Greg and a huge thanks to you and Tracy for doing just that. Much appreciated and I have sent the first 4 cases to the ministry this morning.
When i started off on a path of self development and growth; making changes in my life and seeing different results i discovered a few principles behind my growth:
1) i needed someone to help me. a mentor or a sponser. This quikly accelrated my growth and helped me out.
afeter a while of discovery and seeing results a new urge emerged…
2) the desire and need to help other on the same path of growth, self discovery and development.
this only reaffirms that we are all collectivly connected as a whole human exisitance.., and that there is a natural desire embedded in us to have others serve us and to serve others. Its that whole human existance taking care of itself.
I quikly came to realize that for me to keep growing i would have to help others.–. as part of my growth.
Its funny the 12th step of AA is to help another suffering addict… this as a final requisit for you yourself to stay sobber.
as coaches and personal development profesional, we need to serve other in oder to keep on evolving….
sad that some human neglect this feeling and turn to drugs and alcohol to feel good. and forget about serving others.
regards
jose
this only reaffirms that we are all collectivly connected as a whole human exisitance.
I agree with that mate, thanks for commenting.
Nice work Tim, I felt gutted when I heard about the books being stolen enroute to the North Kent Community Service, it’s real sad that some people would do that.
But we must remember that what goes around, comes around, and though we may not see it first-hand, those people who do harm will get their comeuppance eventually.
Or maybe they read the book and turn over a new leaf when they realize they are out of value alignment? ;-)
What a great thing your doing.
You stand apart from other life coaches because of what you do here. Appreciate all the great articles you are writing and look forward to reading more.
Thanks very much for the feedback Bryce I appreciate it.
Well thanks a lot Tim for doing NOTHING to alleviate my crush on you.
It would help if you could either–stop talking about the things that you talk about, or talking about them in the way you talk about them.
(I’m not holding out much hope.)
Speaking of nerves, you hit one of mine here.
Drives me bonkers when people insist that their giving spirit is what drives them bonkers… “I give to everyone but me.” “I need me time.” “I’m making a sacrifice.” “I can’t say no.” “I’m the last person on my priority list.” ”
As you so wonderfully explained, our hardwiring compels our generosity and its boomerang effects.
And good thing, because if we weren’t so *selfish* where would charitable giving be.
(That we don’t give to every charity that crosses our path is indicative, too, of our penchant.)
When saying no would make us – who is without exception the first person on our priority list – feel worse than saying yes, we say yes.
And recognizing that we are getting something we intend to get by saying yes, or no, can help relieve a whole lot of “I’m put upon” feelings.
(Unless, of course, feeling put upon makes us feel good.)
(Values exercise, anyone?)
Even the patron saint of sacrifice – thank God :-) Mother Theresa, had her *selfish* reasons for doing what she did.
When I was a sales manager, I got so tired of listening to my sales reps *close* docs by asking, “would you write (xyz) for me” that I put out a bounty to my team at a meeting. $100 out of my pocket if they could tell me one thing that they ever did that did not benefit them.
One rep almost could not contain herself as she threw out what she thought was a slam dunk. “I let TWO cars turn in front of me this morning, and I could have been late for the meeting!”
I didn’t even have to say anything, almost the whole rest of the team shouted out, most likely take her out of contention :-) “because you felt good doing it!”
Another rep actually – and proudly – offered up “I go to see my grandmother, and she has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t even know I’m there!”
(I think she even shook her own head before she finished that one.)
Never lost that $100. Don’t know why I didn’t make it more, since I wasn’t worried in the least about it. (I guess if it was more, they wouldn’t have believed I thought they had a shot at it, and I did want them to take their best shots, so we wouldn’t have to have any more conversation about how our customers make decisions.. umm…like you do? Don’t work so hard!)
Thanks for all of your work on our behalf, Tim. Glad what you chose to do makes you feel so good!
When someone is doing something that makes them feel great, and is so great at it, it helps the rest of us all the more.
So much appreciated,
KP
Well of course I had to read that comment in two sections it was so long ;-)
And yeh I agree….with all of it.
Interestingly, Marshall Rosenburg – creator of Non-violent Communication – believes that we homo sapiens all come wired to make a difference in others. The one caveat I always add – to make a POSITIVE difference!
I definitely agree with that mate. You only have to look at what happens during natural disasters, people usually can’t wait to help each other.
Either that or loot the nearest appliance store that is ;-)