I cannot tell you how many times I have been asked the question;
“If you could only give one piece of personal development advice, what would it be?
In fact if I’d been given a dollar for each time I got asked it I could confidently respond;
“My piece of advice would be to become a life coach and receive $1 every time you get asked for one piece of advice”
Unfortunately though people don’t give me a dollar each time, so it would be foolish of me to say that and I have no idea where I’m going with this intro/ramble so I’ll shut up now.
This will possibly be the shortest post I’ve ever written because I actually want YOUR advice rather than the more traditional approach of me giving you mine.
If you had to give just ONE piece of self-development advice to a young friend or family member, what would it be?
To sweeten the deal and tempt you out of your shell, I’m going to give a $25 Amazon Gift Certificate for what I think is the best answer as well as a signed copy of How To Be Rich and Happy and Don’t Ask Stupid Questions*.
I’ll also give a copy of the ebook version of How To Be Rich and Happy to the best runner up.
So don’t just sit there staring into space, spill the pearls of wisdom!
I’ll be announcing the winner in my next post on Monday 5th July and also explaining my reasons and no doubt taking some flak!
By the way my newsletter readers got the heads up on this first and I also told them what my favorite piece of advice is, so they definitely have an advantage Why not sign up now and grab the free books whilst you’re at it?
* To get the hard copy version the winner must live in the US or be happy to pay shipping via a donation to the How To Be Rich and Happy 1,000,000 book giveaway.
Tim Brownson is a Certified Life Coach and has been unsticking people and helping them reach their true potential since 2005. If you would like to know how he can help you
One of my favorite sayings is by George Burns. I personally use this advice on a daily basis:
“Good better best, never let it rest, get your good better and your better best”
Basically… never ending self improvement!
Stephanie Krahl recently posted..Two Horse Keeping Errors that Make YouLook Dumb
That George Burns knew a thing or two eh?
From my mom: if everybody likes you, then you’re doing something wrong.
Simply put, be who you are; the people who don’t like the real you shouldn’t be in your life anyway.
The best bit of advice I ever got from my dad was “Son, never quote your parents”
Hey Tim!
Giving advice can be tricky. It’s easy to tell someone what you would do in his shoes… that is until you find yourself in his shoes.
However, there are some “tried & true” pearls out there. My all-time favourite happens to be: Live in the now. Living in the future will cause you anxiety. Living in the past will cause you depression. Live in the now!
Dena recently posted..Carousel—062510
Eckhart would be proud ;-)
Your expression of your talents, is the only expression of it’s kind…ever! It is not your responsibility to judge it’s worth, it is your responsibility to give it fully and freely as long as you are humanly able.
Digesting that. Not instantly accessible in a Twitter kinda way, but I certainly like it.
True, true. Not very snappy is it :)
I totally ripped it off an awesome quote from dancer Martha Graham, check it out here:
http://www.joy4u.org/joyfultimes/Volume-4-5/article4.html
My best advice is to invest in opportunities that help you grow rather than things. Instead of upgrading to the latest gadget from Apple, spend the money on opportunities — class to expand your knowledge base, a trip to broaden your horizon. If you don’t have the money – volunteer in your community.
Does that mean I can’t have the new iPhone?
Well, I’m going to be completely unoriginal here, but the best piece of advice I could give is this:
JUST DO IT!
OK, Nike said it first, but I still think its very sound and timeless advice.
People do tend to over think things, instead of getting out there and just doing something … anything! They think it’s a one shot – but it isn’t. You can refine and tweak, and fall over and get up, and try again. And again. That’s the best way to learn. That’s the best way to get things done and change your life. Just do it.
Tony recently posted..Playing the Long Game
I remember having a conversation on my blog a couple of years ago about that very phrase. Not going to say what my opinion was.
The one best self-development piece of advice I do plan to give to my son:
Respect others and their opinions, but always take a quiet moment to think for yourself. Only you know what is right for you.
Here’s a semi-related runner up: It’s okay if you don’t want to be wealthy. And even if you do, it’s okay to try to get there by unconventional means.
If I had these two bits of info with me early on, I would be in a very different (better) places right now. Thank goodness I’m finally figuring these out now!
Are you trying to hedge your bets? ;-)
“If not now, when? If not me, who?” – author unknown to me
Hillel the Elder maybe?
Never let unexamined fear stop you.
What about examined fear?
Well if you examine the situation and yes, the bear is really chasing you down, probably okay to go ahead and be afraid.
I guess the point is that if we could examine most of what we are afraid of, take it out in the open, most fears would not seems as scary or daunting and we could do what we needed to do.
Forget talent, genius and every other innate human value you can imagine. Growth, through effort and failure, is all that matters.
MikeTek recently posted..How To Dispatch Your Internal Saboteur
Don’t you owe me an e-mail? ;-)
Do not take it personally! Nothing that others ever do is personally addressed to you!
Very Don Miguel Ruiz(ish) and I very much agree with it.
“Stay Aware.”
Sounds kind of Zen/martial arts. But, I find it valuable on several levels.
PS. Really like the newsletter.
Simple and to the point.
Thanks!
Excellent advice already here by everyone, Tim.
My advice when things seem unsurmountable and when life seems to be challenging you at every turn:
“This, too, shall pass”.
Nothing in life is static and even if you don’t change, things around you, people, circumstances, life, etc will change.
And, since I just wrote on the topic,
“What Are You Waiting For?” for motivation to not let life pass you by.
Good luck to everyone!
Karen
Karen recently posted..What Are You Waiting For
Wise words, but my issue with it is that people who tend to be depressive and are having a good day will remind themselves that this too shall pass and it will.
I do ‘get it’ however and it is very profound.
A thought is only an idea crossing your mind: it only becomes real if you choose to attach importance to it. First heard this from Michael Neill the Success Coach and it’s a great way to quickly overcome fears or negative thinking as it puts you back in the driving seat!
Just signed up for the newsletter and looking forward to reading it!
ATB
I love Michael Neill he’s an amazing coach even if the bastard didn’t reply to my e-mail! ;-)
Listen to your own advice and be happy today because you might be dead soon.
I tell myself that everyday.
Rosa recently posted..Porque yo amo a Michael
And one day you’ll be right. Then you can say “Told you so” to everybody ;-)
The best piece of wisdom I have gotten and thus, what I would most like to pass on to others was distilled from the works of Emanuel Swedenborg who has written more than I will write in 10 lifetimes. (he was also voted by stanford university as one of the most brilliant people to have ever lived, I think he came in first along with 2 other chaps).
And it goes like this:
“You are what you love, and you love whatever you are giving your attention to.” – Vaishali (who’s work is based on Swedenborg…Swedenborg wrote in Latin fyi)
…so choose wisely
Peter Knight recently posted..Online Business for The Mechanic Profile- Part 2 of 3- Creating Systems
Another one that I need to digest and (almost) ashamed I haven’t heard of the guy. Thanks for the heads up.
Hi Tim,
Here’s my best bit of advice,”Pretend to be the person you want to be. One day you’ll realize you are no longer pretending.”
I’ve not seen it fail yet…
Karen
In NLP that’s called ‘The Act As If Frame’ – Cool
The strongest conclusion is the one you draw yourself.
I can’t decide now wich would be the best piece of advice to give, but I know wich one is the one I followed the most in my life. I know it’s good ’cause it made me go trohough a lot, so…
If you have to do something, digest your fear and do it. Only you can move yourself foward and you’re the only responsible for whom and where you are.
And I can honestly say I follow my own advice. And It isn’t an easy thing to do. The digestion process can sometimes give you a stomachache.
Have the courage to pursue your dreams and the humility and respect for others to pursue theirs.
The key to happiness is not minding what happens, and being grateful for the circumstances of your life, even when they are not what you would choose.
(inspired by Eckhart Tolle, J. Krishnamurti, and Neal Donald Walsch)
Jack Bennett recently posted..How to be Rich and Happy
Wow, some heavy hitters there Jack!
Best advice came from my dad.
When one door closes, another door opens – it may just be a cat flap so keep your eyes open!
Marion Anderson recently posted..Family – A survival guide
What a wise old man. Don’t get stuck in the cat flap though.
Well, if I’m restricted to just one piece of advice it would have to be… don’t eat yellow snow. Ha ha! In all seriousness, I think my number 1 piece of advice is:
“Be kind to yourself”
And by that, I mean – you’ll make mistakes, learn from them and move on. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Essentially it is all about having a positive (read: ‘encouraging’) internal dialogue.
If I was allowed to give a second piece of advice, it would be:
“Live your *own* life”
It’s your life, and you can’t live it for other people. When you die you have to be happy that you lived it how you wanted – otherwise it’s a waste. Important to clarify that this does not mean to be selfish. Being considerate of others whilst doing your own thing can very much be part of living your own life.
So that’s it – my one (three) bit(s) of advice.
Mark recently posted..How many people does smoking kill each day
Is that submitted as a guest post?
Point taken and I agree about the comments btw, even a line space would do the job I think.
Talk less, listen more…..
Minimilist
:)
?
“The sooner you realize people are too busy worrying about themselves to care about how bad YOU look, the happier you will be”
Basically, let yer ass crack show. Nobody is watching. They’re too busy polishing their own turds…
..I think I like my explanation better than my quote!!
Marc Quinn recently posted..Daily Fix 9 – Listen Like You’ve Never Listened Before
Actually, I much prefer the quote.
No I don’t wtf am I talking about? It’s the turd polishing bit I like best!
Be persistently persistent!
I like that I must say and something I have tried to adopt with the rich and happy project.
Advice: Love and work.
Not really sure what that means mate to be honest.
Create your own reality. Don’t wait for someone else to create it for you.
Alisa Bowman recently posted..The Project- Happily Ever After® Manifesto
I have this reality where I’m the King of the World so please send me all your money.
There are 3 essential rules in life, that I have learned so far:
1. Be persistent and patient. Things rarely work out the first time. Or second. Or third. Or the fourth, etc….Just have fun during your failed attempts, and celebrate your successes.
2. Be courteous, polite, and compassionate. Always say please and thank you. Open the door for other people, even when they aren’t very close behind you. It’s a win for everybody. Try to make peoples day better. Or just try not to make it any worse.
3. Never insult or offend your waiter at a restaurant. They have complete control over your food.
It may be 3 pieces of advice, but they are of equal importance!
Thank you,
Josh Lipovetsky.
Josh Lipovetsky recently posted..An Amazingly Simple Gratitude Technique
I like #3 and after working in kitchens in my youth I also know it’s true.
While we may not be able to control all life events, we can control how we react to them. Some people choose to see themselves as victims in which Life is something that happens to them and they are powerless. Or you can be the type of person that recognizes there is always a choice and your life as it is today is the sum of a gazillion micro decisions that you made or chose not to make along the way.
That’s definitely very true, thanks.
My advice…
“watch, listen, think then act, and always have faith in yourself”
Mick Morris recently posted..Discover who you are – When it really counts
Have you snuck two into one there Mick, you rascal?
First, I would like to say that I am grateful for this opportunity. I can see and feel myself sitting in my reading chair with both books right now… :)
My piece of advice would be to have life as a magical journey. To lead life as an adventure, set only by the limits of our imagination, would allow us to live in an ever increasing state of intense fascination… And that we are all here for something… Something big.
Life is naught but a dream, and we’re all co-writers for the same script.
:)
~Ty
Nice visualization Tyler. Let’s see if it works.
We are not in the middle with success on one end and failure on the other. Rather, failure is half way between us and success. We must go through failure to reach success.
Every successful person has experienced failure.
True
In Dutch there’s a saying: Be normal, that’s crazy enough*. I say: Crazy isn’t enough. Crazy is too normal. Be insane. Be all that is you.
*translation: Doe maar normaal, dan doe je al gek genoeg. (dutch)
I think I’m living by that one!
Stephen R. Covey has written the most amazing approach to personal development that I have ever read in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
My advice comes from his book: Be genuine by focusing on improving your character instead of improving the social you.
Too many people try to improve the surface instead of changing who they are. Instead of acting kind, BE kind. Instead of acting like a good speaker, BE the kind of person people want to be around and listen to.
Albert recently posted..The Photo
Interesting Albert because I listed 7 Habits in my post from a while back on the most overrated books on self development!
http://www.adaringadventure.com/life-coaching/overhyped-and-overrated/
Boucebackability is possibly the best skill to develop.
I stole the word from Soccer AM but I’m sure they can’t copyright a word….or can they? If so sorry, please don’t sue me.
Liked the newsletter too,
Best wishes,
Kate.
Kate recently posted..Making Happiness A Habit
I just got an e-mail from the lawyers for Soccer AM, you’re busted!
Very simple : Honesty, humility, integrity
Simple indeed and I like it.
Accepting 100% responsibility of your own life, all your choices and their consequences. From what you think to what you do to yourself and do to others. Could go on about it, but guess if you want to boil it down to a mini-tweet, just the “take 100% responsibility for your own life”.
I once had a client tell me he was only responsible for about 70% of his life. I refused to budge so he fired me! In fact I noticed that when I kicked off my newsletter again I had 2 people immediately unsubscribe and he was one of them :-)
Follow through. “nuff said.
Every diet plan will fail, every coaching session will be a failure, every goal will fail if you don’t follow through. In the same respect ALL will succeed if you follow through on the smallest tasks. When you follow through on the smallest tasks the bigger ones become easier.
That’s my two cents.
I really enjoy your blog. Thank you.
Peace,
Sarah j
I appreciate the feedback Sarah. I agree with what you say for the most part….
My advice would be:
“running and reading”
Will Smith talked about this at the children’s TV award and I have to agree with him.
I think that you can learn everything about yourself and the world arroud you from these two simple activities. Just think about it a little bit…
Greetings
Tobi I’ve thought about it a lot mate and I still have no idea what it means. It’s maybe too wise and too profound for me.
Totally not my intention to make it sound that way, sry :)
Its really not that complex or profound.
I guess it would depend exactly what area of life we are discussing, but I will go super general:
Where profession and passion meet, work disappears. I can’t tell you were that is, it’s on you to find it.
Very cool.
Tim –
In a world where we all struggle to get more done in less time, I find it helps maintain sanity when I keep in mind a simple philosophy.
No matter how hard you work, how fast you run, how many tasks you rush through in a day at breakneck speed…
“You never catch up.”
People spend so much time stressing about that project at work that still isn’t done, guiltily comparing the shaggy lawn to the immaculately manicured landscape next-door, or completing repairs on the bathroom only to find the car needs new tires. There will always be something more to do. One more thing left undone at the end of the day. One more worry that crops up.
At 11:30 p.m. as I load the dishwasher one last time, thinking about the unread book on the nightstand, or the package I still need to mail to my mother, or where I will get the time (and money!) to pay for Andy’s braces, I keep telling myself that no matter how hard I work, or how many tasks I finish before the day is through, I will never be “caught up” with everything. I have come to accept that at the end of the day there will be things I didn’t get done. A trip that never gets taken. Another unexpected setback or unplanned expense.
I will, simply, never catch up.
Knowing this helps me keep my priorities straight, and gives me permission to not feel guilty about those things that I did not get done. Make sure I am focused on the things that matter most.
When I go to bed at night, accepting that I will never be caught up — am I confident that I’m making the right decision about what I will leave undone?
I like that and I think it’s summed up by saying “No matter what, there’ll be stuff in your in-tray the die you die”
Don’t be worth more dead than alive.
Where’s the point in that?
Strawberry Fields recently posted..The MX5 of your dreams…
Where do I mail the book to?
Tim,
Well frankly I’m astonished that no-one here has quoted anything from one of the greatest sages of the ages, Homer… Simpson :)
“Aw, can’t someone else do it?!”
Also:
“I’m famous for my motivational skills. Everyone’s always telling me they have to work a lot harder whenever I’m around.”
I think there’s something there for all of us… timeless genius!
Cheers,
Gb
Greg Bray recently posted..The Best Book on Writing I’ve ever Read-
Finally a note of sanity.
One of the greatest lines ever by Homer when told he had to wait 5 days before he could buy a gun for security checks:
“Ooooh, but I’m angry now”
From my mother:
“First check and make sure it’s plugged in.”
I’ve found that this applies to just about any troubleshooting, whether with hardware or people.
Your mother knows her onions Robert!
Is singing the theme song from Diff’rent Strokes a piece of advice? Because that’s what I’d do.
Everybody’s got a different kind of story
Everybody finds a way to shine
It don’t matter what you got, not a lot, so what?
You’ll have yours and they’ll have theirs and I’ll have mine
And together we’ll be fine
Cuz it takes diff’rent strokes, it takes diff’rent strokes it takes diff’rent strokes to move the world
Tracy recently posted..The I Hate My Message Board Manifesto
DO you really think I’m going to give you a $25 gift certificate for putting THAT in my head? Eh, eh?
Live your stories. Don’t just think about your stories. Don’t be afraid of creating new stories. Go out there and launch yourself into life. Take risks, learn, explore, make new friends along the way. Live your stories and you’ll have lived life ad created beautiful memories.
Very ‘The Power of Story’ by Jim Loehr. Great book btw.
The one piece of advice I would give is Gnothi Seauton, know thyself. For this with begins a journey inward. Know thyself, one’s pains, one’s joys , one truth. For as we know, we learn to accept, we learn to find peace and finally recogize that we are love. So it begins with oneself and spreads all around us. The advice – Know thyself , the beautiful heart , the goodness in everyone of us, know it and embrace the light :-)
Uzma recently posted..Learning in the rain-Love- joy-courage and the moment
Problem with that is some people think they do know themselves and don’t like what they know. They’re wrong of course, but that’s another matter.
Roughly paraphrasing Lynne Twist who I was reading a few days ago:
you’re only truly free when you’re totally committed to something you’ve chosen for yourself.
I kinda get that, not sure what I think though.
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” – Arthur Ashe
AA was a clever guy.
There are two things that come to my mind. The Twitter friendly ‘Less is more’ (which is also the title of a great book), and as I’m a huge fan of Frank Herbert’s Dune series, the litany against fear:
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
//sami
Sami Paju recently posted..The mechanics of gaining and losing fat- part 2
Very interesting excerpt from Dune. Never read the book, I made the fatal error of trying to watch the movie version that everybody who has read the book confirms was awful.
The whole series is amazing, I think. Herbert’s vision of future and where evolution of mankind leads to feels very solid. If I remember correctly, he has said that the first three books explore messiah myths. I’m not sure how to describe the consequent books, but they are quite philosophical. Definitely different from your average mainstream sci-fi entertainment.
Shame that he died before finishing the series… His son did ok job in finishing the storyline, but it’s clear that his writing is lacking the depth of thought that can be found in the originals.
//sami
Sami Paju recently posted..The mechanics of gaining and losing fat- part 2
The best advice I know comes from Einstein. I’ve drilled his message into both of my kids:
“It’s not that I’m so smart , it’s just that I stay with problems longer .”
The world would be a far better place if we all faced challenges with a determined persistence to exhaust every possible avenue. And THEN try again!
I think Einstein was fairly smart too. Good advice though.
You determine your emotional reactions to external stimuli. Instead of thinking of your emotions are organic responses to things that other people do to you, recognize that your emotions are based on what you believe about your experiences. You can’t change other people, but you can change your inner beliefs and reactions. Notice how you feel when you let go of beliefs that conflict with reality.
Agree 90%. There are some reactions that are hard-wired, but I’m simply talking about fight or flight that we cannot control ‘most’ of the time.
Hi Tim,
“You already know what to do.” Sometimes self-development is a trick to avoid doing what we already know we should be doing. This phrase empowers each individual to find their own way into feeling good and getting things done especially when what they want to do isn’t trendy or popular. :)
Tim I gotta say, “Be yourself and let others be themselves”. Had far more problems when I didn’t do that.
John Shery recently posted..Where’s Your Holiday Spirit
Agreed!
@John, although the context is quite a bit different, what Neil Strauss says in ‘The Game’ has struck me:
…It’s not enough to just be yourself. You have to be your best self. And that’s a tall order if you haven’t found your best self yet.
I guess what I want to say here regarding your comment is that accepting yourself as you are must not make you think that improvement and personal growth is unnecessary.
//sami
Sami Paju recently posted..The mechanics of gaining and losing fat- part 2
Great challenge, Tim! Thank you.
I think I’d say, “Stop loving the drama. Be gentle to yourself. Rewrite your self-story, which you’ve been telling yourself and the world.“
That’s what I tell myself all the time :)
C. A. Kobu recently posted..The power of positive thinking- Shush that negative talk-
Are there 3 pieces of advice hiding in 1 there?
Ooops, busted! I can separate them with commas :)
The first and the third are sort of related. I’ll go for the last one if I have to choose.
C. A. Kobu recently posted..The power of positive thinking- Shush that negative talk-
You’re never too old to learn and you’re never too young to pursue success.
Yep, I once had a client whose father had gone back to medical school at 69. He then went on the practice pediatrics until into his mid 80′s.
“That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” When my husband was going through his fight with lung cancer and I was trying to care for him and two young children I kept this is mind. I will survive this and how I deal with it will make all the difference later. It did. I am a stronger person than I ever thought I would be, I handled things I never thought I could and I’m now raising two strong young ladies who will know the the climb is everything, all that you learn will make the view from the top all the better and more more appreciated.
Love ya Tim!
Well I love ya right back and the fact it made you stronge!
I don’t like the expression as a general rule though because I know people that went through really bad times and never came out of it stronger, far from it. Think PTSD etc.
“Let’s say, for the sake of this matter, that Life is a soaked towel.
Well then…stamp on that blasted thing, whip it against a tree trunk, tie it to a post and turn it until it turns no more,
grab it, pull it, hug it, pulp it, mash it, squash it, pinch it, nip it, fold it,
…and squeeze every last wonderful drop out of it each and every day.”
My attitude, more than anything else, determines my success or my failure.
Being a psychology major, I really appreciate the expression,
“It’s all in your mind”
because I quite literally believe that most of your situations and outlooks in life can be changed just by training your mind and giving it a fresh perception.
Your mind is an amazingly powerful machine, and I believe that if you believe something enough, it will come true.
Brittany recently posted..An Exercise in Kickstarting Your Day for the Unenergetic- Unmotivated Dreamers
Shamelessly stolen from Seth Godin and up on my wall right now:
“Getting your ducks in a row is not nearly as powerful as actually doing something with your duck.”
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2008/12/the-making-chas.html