One of the most important aspects of NLP and one that almost every rapid change technique utilizes, is that of a break state.
I did a video some while ago for YouTube on using the NLP Swish Pattern to help people quit smoking.
In the video I mentioned that at the end of each run through it was crucial to insert a break state.
A while later somebody left a comment saying that I didn’t explain what a break state was, and they were right, I didn’t.
And that can be the problem with what I do, I sometimes forget that most people haven’t been exposed to the same information as I have and even things that I consider ‘the basics‘ can need explaining.
Let’s suppose you’re trawling YouTube and soon find yourself engrossed in a movie that involves a cute kitten playing with a ball of wool.
As you sit there chuckling to yourself, not even wondering why you’re on Welfare because you never get any work done, I sneak up behind you with a large foam baseball bat.
Just as you’re hitting replay for the 23rd time I drive the bat with all my strength into the side of your head knocking you off your chair and onto the floor.
Hey presto! I just broke your state (and maybe even your skull) and you’re no longer thinking of Cuddles but, “Wtf is this lunatic I’ve never seen before doing and how the hell did he get into my house?”
With certain exercises such as the Swish Pattern, setting anchors and submodalities it’s crucial that you break your state in between each stage and/or attempt.
Start From Scratch
You have to start from ground zero each time or not only is it not as successful, it may actually not work or have the reverse effect of what you were looking to achieve.
But there’s another way to use break states in self development that may actually be even more powerful.
Imagine you’re in the throes of a really bad-tempered argument with a loved one.
It started off as a minor disagreement as is often the case with such things, but soon the choice words and insults are flying as you both dig in and look to defend your position.
At this point it’s highly unlikely either of you is thinking “Hm, I’d much rather be loved that be right” you’re two busy wanting to ‘win’ the argument.
All of a sudden the phone rings and you both stop dead in your tracks and stare at the phone (your state has been broken).
You pick up the phone and cautiously answer, “hello?”
It’s a very good friend who you haven’t heard from for a while and you really want to catch up with all the news.
What Do You Do?
I’ll tell you what you do, now your state has been broken you are free to choose a new more appropriate state, so you do.
In that instant you pass through a state change that’s so rapid and so transformational that an observing alien who doesn’t understand people would be completely confused.
On hearing the other voice, all the angst, the annoyance and the bitterness evaporates as if by magic.
You just went from angry, to cautious, to happy in about 2 seconds.
Who did that I wonder?
Who decided that you were going to feel better?
Who put that extra bounce in your voice with such ease and speed?
Amazingly enough it wasn’t the Thought Police and it wasn’t really magic, it was you.
You decided that you no longer wanted to feel angry and the other person shouldn’t have to listen to you in a shouting match.
You made a choice the same way as you made a choice to get into the argument in the first place.
How amazing is that, the fact that you can change your mood in a split second if you really want to?
What Possible Use Could That Be I Wonder?
By the way I have started to post daily visual quotes on my Facebook page like the one below and I’d love to have you join me.
I like the example for state braking in your “Rich and Happy” book. You suggested to start cogitating about “where all the dead birds go, as nobody knows anyone who would be hit by a dead bird?” I found it hilarious and as such, it certainly broke my state :) On the other hand, I wonder if I could use it for swishing. I am afraid I would start giggling long before the break.
Yeh that wouldn’t work at all well.
Although having said that, giggling is a great break state, you just may need longer to overcome it and start again.
Nice one (as usual) Tim! This article made me think of someone I know who if given the scenario with the phone ringing in the middle of an argument, would NOT break state and would either ignore the phone OR answer the phone really rudely and in the same argumentative pissed off state they were already in. This person seems to be able to break their happy state quite rapidly, but cant/wont (?) break state when they are angry/sad/sulking. So it leads me to this question… are there some people who just can’t or wont break state? And… whyyyyy?
Yeh you’;re right, they’re like the people who reframe brilliant, just always the wrong way.
In those cases you can still “make” them break state by leaving the room or refusing to continue the argument. It is difficult to continue an argument on your own.
I like saying to my husband (when he is angry at me or for some other reason) “I love you”. And then just shut up, and see what happens. Usually it puts him more towards a state of love and a bit away from anger and/or annoyance.
Hi Tim,
I think breaking state is definitely something I should look into more. I think I am more like the person in Cyndi’s example above :)
I plan on quitting smoking soon so I am interested in how breaking state works for this.
Keith
That would be a post in its own right Keith, but to be honest hypnosis, Swish Pattern and anchoring would probably all be effective.
As long that is you want to quit and don’t just want to want to. That’s the key to succeeding.
I’m still learning the ropes of NPL (thanks to your book suggestions, so I think you can’t escape, somehow you are teaching me). :)
This was a concept that took me like 5 seconds to “understand” but a million years to apply in myself (let alone try to apply it on other people, I can’t even dare to do that if I don’t really get it).
I found quick jokes or riddles break my state of mind quite quickly. Perhaps this has something to do with my buddhist background with koans.
I believe it’s a good investment to learn how to break your own state quickly, you never know when you it can really save you from a bad moment. :)
Agree 100%, and you’re right they are difficult to implement to begin with. Although working with clients helps as I am used to using them with them on a regular basis.
BTW, this post has had less than 1,000 views whereas my quotes post is nudging half a million.
Which do you think is the more important information? ;-)
“This was a concept that took me like 5 seconds to “understand” but a million years to apply in myself”
Exactly! Where can I read more about how to implement and use break states?
They’re very easy to use, the tricky bit is remembering.
One of the easiest methods is to put a rubber band round your wrist and snap it hard every time your thinking is drifting off in negative directions. That is a cool break state.
This is where the real power exists. I love this kind of posts, they get me thinking and learning. Don’t get me wrong, it’s cool to read quotes, they make you feel good. But understanding real techniques to change your life that’s power and it’s not a “feel good” pill.
Oh, and Fabiana, I would completely recommend you to start with the books listed on Tim’s free stuff category. It’s called “What The Hell Is Life Coaching?”. Tim was truly nice to compile a great list of resources within that book.
I agree, I love quotes too, but there has to be some work done at some stage!