I was sat in my office the other day talking with my co-author for ‘How To Be Rich and Happy’, John Strelecky. We were dong some high tech strategic launch planning stuff, or just having a laugh, depending on your viewpoint. The conversation turned to what it really means to be rich and happy and I said something along the lines of:
“It’s a bit weird for me to be writing about this stuff because I’m so far away from being rich, it’s not even funny. I don’t have a 401K, I don’t own a home and I don’t have any stocks and shares”
John laughed and said “Tim, you really should know better than to say that. You get the chance to set your own calendar, you walk the dogs when you want to walk the dogs, you play golf when you want to play golf and you can sit in your office looking like a scruff enjoying your what you do for a living. How many other people can say that?”
John then told me about something that happened to him the previous night. He’d been running around the house with his 2-year-old daughter on his back. He would run into the master bedroom and throw her on to the bed leaving her in a fit of giggles. He’d then go and hide and she would have to find him for the game to begin again.
After 30 minutes of running around he started to think he really should be getting some work done. At that juncture I dived in before he had time to draw breath. “But John, what’s the reason you do the work? I’ll tell you what it is, it’s to make the money so you can afford to spend more time and have fun with your family. Am I right? Am I? Eh? Eh?
I then rocked back in my chair with a look of triumphant smugness etched across my grinning and highly punchable face.
John gently pointed out he’d had that exact same thought. He realized he was instinctively reacting to thirty years of societal conditioning and that it really was ok to play with his daughter now and not have to put it off. So he continued to fool around for another half an hour.
A few days prior to that I was talking with an unnamed client about procrastination. I’m not saying this client hasn’t got a name, because he has a very nice name, I just mean I wont mention it here. Client X as he shall be now known, is an academic type. He is working towards becoming a Nobel Prize winner and major boffin, or something like that.
He has made some brilliant progress over the last few weeks and has been moving steadily toward his goals. The weather had been pleasant and he’d taken two days off from work to go and play on the beach with his kids. He was now feeling guilty about doing so.
I seldom swear on this blog, as or anywhere else for that matter, you well know. In fact I don’t find bad language big or clever. However, you may want to avert your eyes for a paragraph, because I am going to have to employ the ‘F’ bomb here to fully portray the scale of my incredulity. Whether I used this actual word with a client is doubtful and alas now lost in the midst of time. But if I didn’t, I probably should have.
As somewhat of an irrelevant aside, I got an e-mail this week from somebody asking me for my opinion on codes of practice for life coaching. My first thought was, “Holy shit! They have codes of practice for Life Coaching? Oh no, I’m screwed!” Then I started thinking, why would anybody ask ME about a Life Coaching code of practice? Quite frankly I am indifferent to such things, all I need to know is: “Does it help the client whilst being lawful, ethical and moral? If the answer is yes, then that works for me, what more is there to know?
Anyway I digress because I responded to Client X in a rather high pitched voice thus:
“Are you fucking kidding me? Your world domination (scientifically speaking of course) was put on hold for two days whilst you spent time with your kids. That’s time you’ll never ever have again and time that all the money in the world won’t be able to buy when they’re grown up and left home. Is that really deserving of guilt?”
This was not an attack on my client, because I love this person like the third uncle that I never had. Not a favorite uncle you understand, more like the type that you only see at Christmas when he gets blind drunk on cheap Port and wants to fight his twelve year-old niece because she beat him at Trivial Pursuit, but an uncle nevertheless.
It was though, an attack on the crap conditioning John mentioned that we’ve all been exposed to throughout our lives. I was lashing out at Society as a whole in all it’s ridiculousness. I hope it was listening.
I asked him whether when he was lying on his death bed (I mention death beds to all my clients. So much so, I fear those that die without a bed to hand, do so with a sense of bitter disappoint and resentment toward me. They probably have lots of great stories lined up ready to look back on, and end up feeling suitably cheated), he’d be thinking “Damn I wish I’d got that paper in two days earlier and not wasted time on the beach with the kids that put me in this crappy nursing home?”
Once again I rocked back in smugness, but this time with nobody available to see just quite how smug I looked, it was somewhat of a waste.
I don’t know what’s really important to you. It may be playing with your kids, partying with your friends, having a romantic meal with your partner, playing sports or having family get-togethers that don’t end up in arguments over Trivial Pursuit.
I do know this though. One day the chance to have more of whatever it is, will be gone forever and you’ll no longer have the opportunity to procrastinate.
Ask yourself now, what’s really important to you? If you could do anything at all today and presuming it’s actually possible, what would it be? What stops you doing that anyway? How can you swing it? If you did, would there be an acute feeling of guilt, or a real sense of liberation?
Looking back on the best days of your life to date, how many were at work? How many do you feel guilty about at this moment? How many did you feel guilty about at the time or shortly after? Few if any would be my guess, so that guilt was never really needed, was it?
How often do you find yourself putting off stuff you really want to do and spending time with people that you really want to be with, because you feel there is stuff you need/ought/should/must/have to be doing? How important in the grand scheme of things is that ‘stuff’ and will you remember it in a week, a month or a years time? If not, what makes it so important that you’re willing to put off the good stuff?
Do you have a “To-do list’ full of stuff you don’t want or feel pressured to do?
Or do you have a ‘Love to-do list‘ chock full of exciting, invigorating and engaging activities that will put a big cheesy grin on your face?
When death bed time inevitably arrives, won’t it be cool to be asking the Grim Reaper for a few more hours because you haven’t had time to fit all your great memories in, rather than saying “OK, ready when you are my boney handed friend”?
What will have to happen for you be able to do the things you really want to do and live a life free from regret now?
Make no mistake, these are the good old days of your future. So make the most of them the only time you can, and that’s now.
Tim Brownson is a Certified Life Coach and has been unsticking people and helping them reach their true potential since 2005. If you would like to know how he can help you
Hey Tim! You know you helped me bunches, but I have to say I think the most helpful thing you helped me with was that it’s okay to not work myself to death to get my site going.
I think I do have a pretty good life full of things I love to do. I am happy almost all of the time and anyone can tell you I go about my day with a big cheesy grin on my face.
Part of it was that I was born this way and part is that I have a good balance and feel very comfortable in making the choices that are right for me.
Tracys last blog post..Men’s Pocky
Tim said the ‘f’ word!!! Tim said the ‘f’ word!! (ha)
Actually? I’ve had some really AWESOME days at work. (Now that I do stuff I love to do. ;-) )
But yes.
This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, “Forever is composed of nows” by Emily Dickinson. Whatever is most important is where we should be spending our ‘now’.
But we are so conditioned that we must be working, or being productive, every moment of every day, for what we’re doing in the moment to matter.
Most people don’t take the time to consider what’s truly most important, though. I’m glad you were able to help your clients do just that!
All the best!
deb
Deb Owens last blog post..when being productive doesn’t work (finding your purpose)
Rock the fuck on, Tim. Well said. (:
Paces last blog post..Politics is a waste of time
Tim…Holy shit (I never said I don’t swear) What a fabulous post. Not only is it funny as hell, but it is spot on. I try and remind myself of this sometimes when I am wondering why I am self-employed and working my bum off. But then I realize “Hey, it is the middle of the day on Wednesday and the kids and I are strawberry picking” and I am so psyched for how I am playing the cards I’ve got.
Plus Tim, I always love reading your posts cause it is like getting to crawl around in your brain for a bit and it is a damn funny place in there!
Peaceout,
Katie
Katie West/The Levity Coachs last blog post..Get your Laughter On
@ Tracy – Really, you were born with a big cheesy grin on your face? That must have been a tad worrying to the medical staff. Point taken that some people are naturally more inclined to be happy, but we can ALL do stuff that helps us along the way.
@ Deb – Wow, I have been dicking around for the last 90 minutes, thinking I’ll go and meditate when I have this stuff done. I’ve been hoisted by my own petard. I really will go do it when I have finished this comment about finishing this comment.
@ Pace – Thank you and I shall do my utmost to rock the fuck on for as long as I can.
@ Katie – You can poke around in my brain whenever you want. There’s plenty of spare room I can assure you.
Hi Tim,
Awesome post. So RIGHT on!
I know my kids are growing fast and while I had a lot of opportunities present themselves for me this summer I have chosen to pick 1 big one and let the others wait until fall and if they don’t happen then they just weren’t meant to be. I want to spend time with my kids while they are still kids. Work will be there, opportunities will be there. If I take time for myself and time for my family I am much more grounded and productive when it is time to work.
I’m with Katie – your posts do feel like we’re in your brain and always leave me laughing. Thanks for all you do!
Love,
Jenny
Jenny Mannions last blog post..Distance Healing
I am unsure whether this shows me in a good light or not…
It reminds me of something I used to say
“i no morals but I do have a conscience. So i’ll do anything but feel really bad about it afterwards”.
Anyway Tim this is the probably the best post you have ever written, mainly because it is about me.
Client X – does this make me one of the Xmen , like wolverine!
PS peace and fucking…believe ( seeing everyone else is swearing)
For this post, should it be:
“i have no morals but I do have a fucking conscience. So i’ll do anything but feel really fucking bad about it afterwards”.
(I just wanted the chance to get my cursing in for the day. Oh. Who am I kidding? I’ve so not hit my daily quota.)
;-)
All the best!
deb
Deb Owens last blog post..i’m very busy & important (being addicted to activity & disconnected from purpose)
@ Jenny – You’re welcome of course and when I think of people that neglect their kids and will live to regret it, you’re not somebody that springs to mind!
@ Client X – I thought you may come out of the closet so to speak. And fwiw, I don’t think it reflects badly on you at all. It reflects badly on Society and that doesn’t seem to care one way or the other.
@ Deb – This gratuitous bad language has got to fucking stop!
This is one of your best and funniest EVER! WTF?!!
These are indeed “the good old days of your future.” Well done, Tim, well done!
@ Client X – As far as superheroes go, I think you’re a notch above the X-Men. :-)
Mary Anne Fishers last blog post..How Doing, Being and Having More Could Be Screwing Up Your Life
I would just like it to be known, that I spent very little time with my dweebs today, but did manage to get some work done.
I would also like it known that I do not drink cheap port and I never, ever lose at trivial pursuit.
@mary anne thankyou for that
Tim, the best thing I’ve heard in a very long time is your comment re: A Love to Do List. How good is that?!
I’m sitting here looking down at my ‘Have to do list’ for today, and am thinking about tearing it up and doing another one!
Tomorrow, the first thing on my “Have to do list” will be “Write a Love to Do List”.
Brilliant :)
Cheers,
Gb
Gregs last blog post..Shipping Auditors Report
My mother-in-law has been a true inspiration to me as she sits in her chair withering away. I vowed not to be that way.
Today I was reviewing all the things I need to get done for my business. I went through the list and prioritized the items, setting a due date by each. Then I call my friend to firmed up our plans to go canoing tomorrow. I can’t wait! (Laurie clearing throat to sing) “These are the good ol’ days!”
Well put, my good man. Not only are you a professional life coach (albeit without any codes of practice to speak of), apparently you are also a professional crastinator. I’ll think of you the next time my amateur crastination isn’t getting the job done.
Very well then, gotta run. It’s a lovely night for a walk.
Chass last blog post..Monday Morning Motivator! 29, Busting a New Move
By the way, thanks to you I now have Carly Simon’s “Anticipation” stuck in my head, complete with close ups of Heinz ketchup! “Stay right here cos these are the good old days”.
Chass last blog post..Monday Morning Motivator! 29, Busting a New Move
I love the title of this post! We always hear people (and ourselves) pining after the good old days, or for the way things were at some peak in our past.
Quit pining for the good old days and live them now! We can each create our own good old days.
Thanks, I needed the lift this morning!
Seans last blog post..Weekly Wrap Up III
@ Mary Ann – Thanks. Let me know in 20 years time when you are looking back and saying to family members. I knew that Tim Brownson when he had to grovel around on Twitter asking for retweets ;-)
@ Client X – I’d beat you ass at TP, no worries.
@ Greg – LOL, hope you’ve got round to writing that list mate!
@ Laurie – Withering is definitely not good. Not good at all. Don’t drown or get attacked by bears will ya!
@ Chas – Carly Simon??? Jeez my sister who’s 50 used to listen to Carly Simon, whatever next, James Taylor and Mud Slide Slim?
@ Sean – You’re welcome bud, and you’re right, we ALL do it. Well maybe not Zen Masters, but you know what I mean.
Tim, excellent, excellent, article!
“Looking back on the best days of your life to date, how many were at work?”
None.
Thanks sir!
Stephen – Rat Race Traps last blog post..Well-Being is Better Than Happiness
‘Love-to-do-list’? That is a great idea, Tim. Wish I’d thought of it myself.
My ‘to do’ lists are definitely boring and need some major overhaul. Especially as many of the urgent items have been on there for months. Time for a facelift.
Ian | Quantum Learnings last blog post..Heart of business
@ Stephen & Ian – Thanks guys!
[...] These Are The Good Old Days [...]
Hey Tim!!
really inspiring read. love the reserved revolutionary style of writing :P
your story of your friend playing hiding-seek only to realise the stupidity of his thinking was power.
this post really reminded me of a commencement address by steve jobs. google it.
love the idea of a love to do list.
inspiring stuff
gave it a stumble
keep well and in touch
alex – unleash reality
[...] These Are The Good Old Days – Life coach Tim Brownson suggests that we ask ourselves a few important questions, such as “what’s really important to you? If you could do anything at all today and presuming it’s actually possible, what would it be? What stops you doing that anyway?” [...]