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The Two Secrets To A Happy Life

albert Einstein quoteIt may seem a outrageously arrogant to suggest that I know what the secrets to a happy life are.

After all, haven’t philosophers been debating such issues since the dawn of time?

And who the hell am I as a Life Coach so say I have it nailed, when so much pondering, chin stroking, sandal wearing and navel gazing by people far more intelligent than I has yielded a cornucopia of different suggestions and theories?

I’ve talked about the secret of self development several times and to be honest it’s not something I’m very consistent on and depends largely on my mood and the client work I am doing at the time.

It’s very easy to make a suggestion or discuss an idea with a client and see the light bulb go on and to then presume as a coach I’ve nailed it and found the Holy Grail of Life Coaching.

Alas, even though there have been times many years ago when I thought that to be the case, I’m experienced enough now to know it doesn’t quite work like that.

And the reason is because that same conversation may yield completely different results for the next client, so it wasn’t the key but more a key.

And that is why I’m always saying:

“There is no how it is, only how it is for you”

We’re all very different people working with different beliefs and value systems creating our own personal universe based around what we perceive to be reality.

Of course there is no one reality, but rather 7 billion different versions. Which is what makes people so interesting and why a curiosity mindset can be so powerful.

If we were all to genuinely and with an open-mind step into the shoes of any person we had issues with and then view the world through their beliefs and values, there would be almost zero conflict in this world.

Conflict is created by a lack of understanding and not because of right and wrong.

Alas I am digressing from the main point so without further ado let me share with you what I consider the two secrets to a happy life:

Secret #1 – You’re good enough as you are

How many people do you think have a sense that they’re not not good enough as a person?

My guess is billions, and I’m not exaggerating.

Yet it ‘s the single most debilitating belief and crusher of dreams I can think of.

People who think they are not good enough usually don’t try and push their limits. They often believe all their success comes from luck and all their failures are down to a lack of ability.

They have a tendency to think there are a mosquitoes dick away from being ‘found out’ as a fraud (something called imposter syndrome)  and that their life is like a house of straw with the big bad wolf lurking around the corner.

But they’re wrong, wrong, wrong!

And more to the point, so are you if you believe the same.

So without further ado, let me introduce you to secret #2

Secret #2 – If you genuinely don’t think you’re good enough, please refer back to secret #1

I know they (whoever they are) are good enough and I know you’re good enough too.

If you believe in God and think you’re not good enough, isn’t that an insult to God and like saying “You screwed up when you made me dude, had you been sampling your rather more intoxicating creations by any chance?”

That doesn’t sound very likely to me, does it you?

And if you don’t believe in some benevolent higher being I don’t really care because you’re still good enough.

And the reason I know that is because you are!

If you believe in equality and I’m sure you do, then you can accept that you’re equal to everybody and better than nobody, right?

So how the hell can you possibly think you’re not good enough when there isn’t a single person on the planet better than you?

And of course I’m talking about being good enough as a Human Being, I’m not suggesting you’re good enough to kick Usain Bolt’s ass in a 100 meters race because at the moment nobody in the world is.

But so what? Running quickly doesn’t define you as a person or even Usain Bolt for that matter.

And neither does your job, your bank balance, the designer clothes you do or don’t wear, your status, your family or even whether you have a disability or are suffering from poor health.

  • You’re good enough because you have dealt with everything life has thrown at you
  • You’re good enough because you’re doing your best every single day even if sometimes you doubt that
  • You’re good enough because every single decision you make is made with the best intentions, and I defy you to prove me otherwise in the comments

If you want a life of misery, cling on to the belief that you’re not good enough by looking for evidence to support that belief, and trust me you’ll find it if you look hard enough, because we all could.

On the other hand, if you want a life that’s easier, more joyful and more exciting approach everything you do with the words “I am good enough” ringing inside your head.

28 comments to The Two Secrets To A Happy Life

  • Hi Tim,
    of course it strikes a chord with me!
    I would add (even if nobody asks me to): Now is good enough.
    That one is tough too. And liberating.

    Lucia

  • I love that post Tim, thank you. It made me feel instantly better, like a breath of fresh air! I do love your blog.

  • Ooooh, did I *ever* need to hear this message today! It is sad that so many of us are beating ourselves up even as we lead what could be defined as highly successful lives by almost any definition. I don’t know why we do it – why I do it – but it’s something I believe I’ll learn to stop.

    I am good enough. And to Lucia’s point, now IS good enough. I’ll continue to go for it, thank you very much….but my goals is to be at peace – hell even HAPPY(!) with my results as I do.

    Keep it up, Mr. Brownson – we need you! Jen

  • Scott Byrd

    Beautiful, Tim!

  • Rob

    A hypothetical conversation with Tim in my head:
    Tim: “You are worthy just as you are”
    Me: “Yeah I’ve heard that before. I would be worthy, except I’m lazy”
    Tim: “No, you’re worthy even though you’re lazy”
    Me: “And even though I’m fed up with work and feel creatively sterile?”
    Tim: “You betcha! You’re awesome even with all your perceived imperfections. And who is to say they’re imperfections anyway?”
    Me: “Tim, you rule”
    Tim: “I know”

  • And some posts are more than good enough!!

    …Mosquito’s dick…. LOL!!!

  • There’s only 1 secret here!?!

  • Shaleen

    I am good enough! Tim-You are good enough… Tim’s readers, WE are all GOOD ENOUGH!!
    Thanks for the laughs Tim.:-)

  • Tinu

    Thanks, Tim for the reminder that I’m good enough. We don’t hear stuff like that often enough. On the other hand, though, if we take this thought too far, don’t you think it can encourage mediocrity? What if I start saying it so much that I believe it and somewhere in my mind, I unconsciously stop trying to be a better person? Do you understand what I’m saying?

    • Yes absolutely I do and I think it possible could with some people, especially if they misunderstand what it means to be good enough

      Being good enough as a Human Being doesn’t mean we cannot improve. I suppose in retrospect I could change that to “I am worthy” because I think that is what we’re really talking about.

      However, at any one point in time we’re all good enough.

  • Natasha

    It’s very easy to lose sight of being good enough and to fall into the cycle of negativity – I am constantly trying to surround myself with positive people but am failing miserably, I seem to attract negative people and it is very challenging to be positive around them – they look weirdly at me…I find it a struggle to be around people at any time now because the people I know just want to complain! Thanks for your secret to a happy life Tim, it was a much needed reminder that I control my life – not others – and struggle as I may, I haven’t succumbed to negativity completely and can change it around :)

  • Shezell

    Thank you for giving us all that reminder. I think we all know this somewhere at the back of our heads but I do not know why we refuse to believe it. What ever you believe you can achieve.

  • Great, simple message. What an important reminder. Too bad it’s even necessary, but sadly, it is! We are good enough – just as we are. Thanks or once again for cutting through the BS with your humor and wisom!