After the excitement surrounding my last post about the use of the word ‘Why’ and the bitter, vitriolic and abusive attack I came under (in my mind) from certain quarters, I considered retiring from blogging forever.
But then I thought ‘No! Damn their hides’ I need to tell the world about the second word, a word so short in its construction and so lacking in a fourth letter, that it seldom gets invited to join crossword puzzles. Don’t be fooled by that though, because this little fella packs the kind of punch you’d normally associate with a double absinthe chased down by some Mexican insanity tequila.
If you set yourself high goals, at some stage you’re probably going to think to yourself something like; “How in the hell am I going to achieve that?” It’s what most people do when facing a task. They look at it, analyze the degree of difficulty and then ask themselves or even others if they’re in a team, “How can I/we get it done?”
That’s not always the right way to go about it. Of course it can be and sometimes you’ll get to where you want to be using that approach, but I can offer you a better method. A method that will help you move forward more quickly, more easily and with a greater chance of ultimate success.
When I was writing ‘Don’t Ask Stupid Questions – There Are No Stupid Questions’ I was adamant that I wanted to be a published author. By that I mean I didn’t want to be self-published. There were all sorts of reasons loosely connected to professional credibility and me having an ego the size of Argentina.
Getting published isn’t easy let me tell you. Unless your name is Covey, Dyer or Dr. Phil most publishing houses will not talk to you. Actually that isn’t completely true; they’ll talk to you to tell you they don’t want to talk to you.
Neither of the two main publishers in the self-development industry would even consider a manuscript that didn’t come through a recognized agent and of those two, one wasn’t accepting any until 2009.
I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall. Not just any brick wall either, this one had a large spike embedded in it. I kept asking myself how I could achieve my goal, how could I get published and make millions.
All of a sudden I realized that it was true. In the words of the very wise John Strelecky, I had developed ‘Mad How Disease’.
I was battering myself with “How do I do this?” “How do I do that?” and “How do I do the other?” (I don’t think I actually ever said how do I do the other, but I had to adhere to the rule of three there, sorry for misleading you).
My quantum shift came when I took Johns advice and started to ask “Who can help me?’ Immediately I started to look for roll models, people that had done what I wanted to do and could show me the ropes.
I was looking to invent the wheel when all I needed was to find the person that invented it. Not actually the wheel you understand because I have enough wheels, I was talking metaphorically.
Really successful people never shy away from asking for help, they realize that if somebody has already done what it is they want to do, then they ask them how they did it?
When NLP co-developers Richard Bandler and John Grinder wanted to know about hypnotherapy they went to the greatest ever, Milton H Erickson. When they wanted to know about therapy, they picked the greatest family therapist of all time Virginia Satir. And when they wanted to understand Gestalt Therapy, they went to the guy that invented it, Fritz Perls.
They never sat around saying “How can we get to be brilliant hypnotherapists? They asked, “Who is the best of the best and why don’t we just model that guy” And so they did.
I get 4 or 5 calls per month asking for information on becoming a life coach. Of course I tell these people I’m far too famous and busy to waste my time on scum like them, but on occasions I’ve had lengthy phone chats and even met some for lunch when they’ve asked nicely and promised to pick up the tab.
I love what I do with a passion and as such I love it when other people love it too. And if with my love their love can flourish then the world will be a better place for our children. Or something like that.
If you have goals that don’t seem to be coming to fruition, ask yourself the question “Who can help me? If the answer comes back “I have no idea” ask yourself “Who may know somebody that knows somebody that can help me?” If the answer comes back again “I’ve no idea” Buy a book, any book will do.
Tim Brownson is a Certified Life Coach and has been unsticking people and helping them reach their true potential since 2005. If you would like to know how he can help you
Why not indeed!
I think just hanging around with people who are doing what you want to do helps, too – if that’s possible.
Cheers – Robin
Tim
You make me laugh and I’ve got such a case of the funnies I almost missed what the message of that post was.
Oh yes, HOW questions. This is probably my biggest downfall. I’m a strategic thinker and very analytical, which worked really well in business and marketing, but kinda sucks for pursuing one’s dreams because you always get stuck on the HOW.
My dream is to be a best selling novelist who lives half the year in Mexico guzzling that tequila you talked about. How do I do this? Um, write, persevere and hope for a miracle. That’s what it feels like, and of course there’s plenty of people to tell you how impossible said dream is. The enormity of this goal isn’t helped by HOW questions. Does that mean I’d find it easier to stick with it if I asked a WHO question?
Now I’ve confused myself. What were we talking about…
Kelly
You’re a good man, you’ll make it happen.
Found ya through our great friend Shilpan! :)
Two great posts Tim.
The problem is when you are trying to do something new(ish).
Then there aren’t a whole lot of people who can help. They can with the known stuff which is good – and important too. But for new stuff it seems to come down to give it a go.
In life, it’s often said that it’s not what but who you know. I’m pretty sure that you’d get your success soon! Oh…and I’m glad that I’ve chosen to hung out with you before you hit big time!! By then, my novel will be ready too and I’d need every help I can get…hee…!
Tim,
I’m getting sick and tired of coming here time after time reading this old dross. If you’re not blathering on about goats, you’re wittering away about helping people and making the world a better place. What the hell is wrong with you?
I think you may have just hit upon a seam of gold here (for me at least). I am terrible at asking for help. I always have been. I’m one of those mad inventor types who lock themselves away for weeks and won’t let anyone disturb them. I like to make my mistakes in private. I think it’s holding me back.
Anyway, where can I get this ‘Crazy Book’ you have on offer? I didn’t like the other two!
First all I need to start by saying…gee Tim that really is a lovely shirt you are wearing today. And to thank you profusely that in the last post I didn’t get a lifetime ban how lucky am I?
Who can help me is such a good question Tim especially if I am feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes I try to do everything myself and this can be very draining. There ARE people out there who can help – I only need to ask.
@ Robin – Fully agree with that one and that’ something many people underestimate.
@ Kelly – Who has done what you want to do? Ask THEM how. That dream is achievable, make no mistake. The next person that tells you it isn’t, punch them squarely in the face and say “Is THAT ******* achievable?”
@ Writer Dad – Thanks kind sir.
@ Daniel – Thanks for dropping by and hope to see you commenting some more.
@ Evan – That’s true although there’s usually something similar that has been done that can help. Or even if somebody has tried and failed they can be a huge help in pointing out ways not to do something.
@ Evelyn – I can certainly help out with that. Are you really writing a novel?
@ Dave – Is it a seem of gold or a stream of bat piss in the night? It could be either depending on what you do with the information. BTW, if it’s the latter, don’t drink it, it tastes way worse than it looks, trust me on this one. I think I’ve gone too far there, too much caffeine and too little sleep is impairing my judgment.
@ Leanne – Welcome back my antipodean friend and only person to ever get banned from TDZ. That’s an honor you should be very proud of. The shirt says thanks btw.
The weird thing is that people actually like to help when asked. Well maybe not ALL people, but in my experience, a high percentage.
Ha! Love the wall with the spike! Great blog! Subscribing now and also thanks for popping by Rebel Zen today Tim, much appreciated :-)
Tim,
It’s definitely gold. It looks shiny and tastes of metal.
I’d have to agree with you. It could so easily be bat piss though.
I’m convinced that people come to the Internet looking for the answers to their problems, find the solutions, and then do absolutely bugger all about it. Just as they buy book, after book, and end up with the same result.
I often question whether I’m any diferent.
Some days I really struggle to lift myself above the comfortable familiarity of the last forty years, but most days I do something, based on what I’ve learnt, that I hope will make a difference…. and I just hope that there’s a cumulative effect to all of this.
The stuff I read on your blog, the things I’m reading in your book, and the things I’ve read elsewhere all go into the melting pot, and over time they’ve worked their way into my subconscious. What I find is that discussions like these, arising from the posts you’ve written, actually help to bring the subconscious knowledge to the fore and allow me to act upon it.
So yes, it’s a seam of gold, and I’m going to mine that bastard until I’m either rich on it, or it runs out.
Cool, or what?
Dave
@ Seamus – Thanks a lot bud and just a note for anybody else here to check out http://www.rebelzen.com/ and his interview with God-bothering Jonathan Mead.
@ Dave – Very cool. This stuff takes time indeed mate. Just let it drip feed its way through like bats piss down a cave wall.
Yes “who” is an extremely empowering word. It’s very interesting to see how it lead you to the right route when “how” lead you to a dead end.
Congrats on securing a deal with a real publisher!
Great post! It couldn’t have come at a better time! I think I’ll print it out and hang it…. Sorry, flashing back…. ; )
Seriously, I needed to read this post today. I have lots I’m trying to get done, and I’m trying to help a couple of friends and family members with a couple of projects, and asking someone who’s been through it may just save me quite a bit of time….
I think I may have to send you an email…. : )
I got admit, while I may not comment all the time, I come just to get my giggle fix. I’m with Kelly. Sometimes I’m too busy chuckling that I often miss what you are trying to say and I end up reading your post again.
“My quantum shift came when I took Johns advice and started to ask “Who can help me?’”
When I was younger (right out of college) I wanted to do everything on my own. I didn’t want to tell anyone that I was looking for a job, and I didn’t want any help in getting a job.
Reflecting, I can see that the best jobs that I have had I networked to get(asked for help), and the job that I got on my own was the one that made me cry everyday.
As I have made a decision this Fall that I am going to have a great job by Dec. (I graduate from Grad school in May), I have definitely adjusted my thinking to reflect, “Who can help me get the best job for me?”
@ Tom – Exactly, it’s strange how one slight change can help us to see things so differently.
@ Carole – Yeh! Print that sucker out and nail it to your head! Glad it helped.
@ Chris – You and Kelly have given me an idea for my next post. Watch this space ;-)
@ Monica – Brilliant stuff. Often we have to have these types of things demonstrated by personal experience for them to become really effective. It sounds like that’s happened to you. Best of luck with your search!
You’re right some folks are very willing to help you out. Tim, you are a great example of this. :O) Others are not. I have called a guy and asked for advise with my business. He has been in the business for 10 years and I am just staring out. He didn’t want to tell me too much because he had to learn the hard way which caused it to take longer for his business to build and so he thinks he shouldn’t give me too much help. I guess if he fell in a pot hole, instead of saying “Hey watch out for the pot hole!” He wants me to fall in it too.
@ Laurie – You’ll always get people like that and when you do it’s best just to move on. My guess would be that deep down he’s fearful that you’ll take his business and he has a scarcity mindset. Move on!
I think its funny that you sent me this link via twitter. I am at that point in my life where I am trying to make my goals happen and sometimes I lose focus. This has re-focused me. Just ask for help! Thanks Tim!
Cheers!
@ PH – Hey you’re very welcome and I’m pleased it was helpful. Thanks for commenting!