For most of the last two days I have been lying in bed with all sorts of aches and pains that I’d rather not have. It’s the first time I’ve had raging full blown man killing swine flu (or as my wife calls it, a bit of a cold) this year, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.
As I was lying there feeling distinctly sorry for myself and wishing our dogs didn’t weigh quite as much as they did, I started to think about perfectionism.
I’m not totally sure how this topic became ensconced in my head as it is not a problem that I have even been afflicted with, but nevertheless it was on my mind.
I’m pretty sure that perfectionism is a modern ‘disease’ because try as I may I cannot summon up an image of a caveman saying,
“No you can’t have my damn wheel yet, it’s 1/16” out on the upper circumference and the diametric woofer is not aligned to within a dachshunds dick of the sproggit. Now piss off and leave me alone Donald”
Actually I don’t think that even means anything so I doubt anybody would ever say such a ridiculous thing, but come on I’m trying to paint a picture here, give me a break.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that if it is a modern disease, then it has to be yet another thing we’ve concocted to torment ourselves to go along with guilt, procrastination and Deal Or No Deal.
Is there no end to our masochistic ingenuity?
The really strange thing with perfectionism though is that it isn’t even an option because perfect doesn’t exist, at least not in any man made sense anyway*.
Have you ever heard the brainteaser that goes something like this:
A frog (or I guess it could be a toad if you prefer toads) is on a lilly in the middle of a big pond and wants to get to the bank.
Unfortunately for Froggy (or Toady), and for reasons lost in the midst of time he can only jump half way on each attempt.
If he is 512 feet from the bank, and presuming there are enough lilies for him to land on, how many jumps will the warty one need to hit dry land?
I’m sure you are way ahead of me on this one and not desperately scribbling away on a scarp of paper trying to work out the answer, because it’s a trick question.
Obviously our aquatic friend will never make the bank and is doomed to a watery grave because it doesn’t matter how near he gets he can only ever jump half the distance each time.
No doubt he thinks he’ll get there one day because he’s a stupid amphibian and not an intelligent human being like your good self.
That my friend is perfection in a nutshell, and that is why it is so ridiculous.
I appreciate the quest for perfectionism is difficult for some people to let go of. I also know that it’s usually a symptom of other issues like fear of failure (and success) and a lack of self-esteem, but that doesn’t really change anything because it’s still an exercise in futility.
If you are a perfectionist and it’s holding you back, think of the poor little froggy getting more and more tired and hungry as it slowly dawns on him he’s been screwed by the guy that writes brainteasers.
Donation has been made, and because I’m in the UK, that’s an extra book for someone else (though I am enjoying the electronic version).
I’m a perfectionist, and also a very literal person. Not a great combination – in fact, sometimes I can be a pain in the ass. So that just leaves me to point out that…
Your frog would eventually hit dry land because of his sheer size. He’d eventually reach a point where he was just too darn big to jump half the distance left without partly being on dry land and partly on water (assuming the halfway point was measured from the centre of his body and not the front-most tip).
On a serious note about perfectionism, whilst I recognise it can be counter-productive, I also wonder if perhaps it is OK to pursue to a point. For example, if a little grammatical mistake in a blog post is going to upset you, then why not expend a little effort putting it right. I think it is when perfectionism threatens to cripple you into inaction that it becomes a problem. Sometimes the value it adds is in making you feel better – so long as that is the outcome, no worries!
I feel badly for amphibian thingy.
Obviously there is ‘no’ perfection, but striving for it isn’t always a neurosis as long as the person ‘knows’ it doesn’t exist. Basically I mean that extreme attention to detail may very well be for the individual’s own pleasure not to please others. I know this for certain in some folks, especially musicians. However they are smart enough to realize that all the tiny details rarely get noticed. That’s of no matter, because ‘they’ notice and within lies their happiness for a job well done.
Cool stuff for the 12For12K. Good on you Tim.
My IT is a perfectionist,engineer, math geek…she could certainly use this book…I will email you…I live in a household of perfectionists…an my mum was a perfectionist…I work at not being a perfectionist.
Hope you are feeling better and better.
@ Mark – Damn you pointing out flaws in something that took me literally seconds to think through. Froggy didn’t make it ok? He’s now in my blender ready for dinner tonight.
Agree and disagree. Sure there is nothing wrong with correcting something, but is there any reason unless your job depends on it to feel bad about a typo in the first place?
@ CT- Don’t feel sorry for him, he was always going to die someday anyway.
I think that is fine as long as it doesn’t border on obsession. The issue to me is when people become paralyzed and can’t act. we all know somebody that is going through their 24th re-write of a book they started in 1961, right?
@ Patricia – Got your e-mail, thanks, and that’s all good with me.
Weird. I thought the frog thing was a trick question because the frog can just swim to shore, so it requires no jumping. Just one dive, I suppose.
Is that an example of thinking outside of the box?
Anyway, I’ve struggled with perfectionism on and off in my life. I’ve gotten better over the years at letting it go. For instance, I leave comments on blog posts without reading and copy editing them first. Therefore I have typos all over the world wide web at this point.
Certain careers seem more ripe for it than others. In writing, there are different skill sets. Some writers are better at the big picture–coming up with the big idea, crafting the voice etc. But these people are not so good at the tedious stuff–grammar, spelling, proof reading. It requires two different sides of the brain really–one side comes up with ideas. The other side finds typos. Yet in my industry, it seems people increasingly expect me to be good at all of it. Or perhaps that’s me just trying to read their minds. Perhaps they are not thinking that at all.
@ Alisa – It was a very old frog that unfortunately couldn’t swim as he had very bad arthritis.
I think there is a lot of truth in what you say in terms of left brain, right brain stuff as for what other people expect, do you really care as long as you give it your best shot?
Hello
I hope that you will get well soon.Just take care of your self.You have well said that perfectionism is a modern ‘disease’.I don’t think so that perfectionist is necessary.Nobody is perfect in this world but at least you can try for it.
Hmmmm, Tastes like chicken! Now, if I could only figure out the blend of seasoning……
Hope you feel better my friend!