As I you may well know, self development legend Stephen Covey passed away recently.
He was best known for his international best selling book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” which has sold well in excess of 10,000,000 copies around the globe.
Covey was truly a giant in the industry up there with the likes of Jim Rohn, Napoleon Hill, Tony Robbins et al and he will undoubtedly be missed by many.
But today I wanted to take a different tack than Covey’s, because successful people have been studied and modeled ad infinitum.
So now I thought it was time to redress the balance and give kudos to all those dead people who never complain, whine or get moody because it’s raining.
1. Dead People Stop Worrying
I’m no fan of the late Norman Vincent Peele and I happen to think he got some of his theories on self development horribly wrong.
However, I did like the bit in (I think) ‘The Power Of Positive Thinking” in which as a younger man when he was worrying about something he was taken to a graveyard by a mentor.
When there it was pointed out that none of the people in the cemetery were worrying, they were instead, peaceful.
If dead people don’t need to worry and they have been through the most traumatic of human changes, then what makes you think you have to?
As the saying goes, there are 2 things you can worry about, things that are within your control and things that are outside your control.
If they are within your control then there is no point worrying because you can control them.
If they are outside your control, equally there’s no point worrying because you can’t do anything about them.
2. Dead People Never Get Jealous
Have you ever heard of an argument breaking out between neighbors in a cemetery because one had a bigger plot than the other, or one had a frickin great angel standing over them and the other only a plain headstone?
Of course not, but plenty of people get concerned if their loved ones grave isn’t quite as prominent or well groomed with fresh flowers as those nearby. They worry that people will think they don’t care.
I’m trusting if you have departed loved ones that they knew how much they meant to you. As such, an overt display is really for you and not them because they really don’t care what other people think.
And rightly so.
3. Dead People Don’t Beat Themselves Up
Billions of people spend a great deal of time beating themselves up for past indiscretions, being inadequate, not living up to ridiculously high standards and pretty much anything else you care to mention.
Every single one of those people will be dead at some point within the next 100 years or thereabouts and not one of them will have gained anything from the self abuse.
Dead people rest in peace. Get that, in peace?
Peace is something living people can have, but most seem to be saving it up for when they shuffle off this mortal coil. Don’t be one of them.
4. Dead People Will Listen Without Interrupting
Unfortunately I haven’t been back to the UK since shortly after my mum died, but when I do I shall go an see her and my dad who is buried by her side.
I’ll talk to them, tell them how much I love them and miss them and that will be that.
My mum won’t be telling me to stop writing stupid blog posts on death and my dad won’t be suggesting we go for a beer, but they will listen to me and that’s good enough.
5. Dead People Don’t Let A Bit of Rain Ruin Their Day
Way back in my early days of Life Coaching when I was still in the UK I was working with a client who had just come back from 2 weeks vacation to the Caribbean.
I asked him how it went and was shocked this his holiday had been ruined because on 5 of the 14 days it rained.
By definition that meant 9 days were dry and anyway the guy was on a cruise ship the size of a small country so it’s not like there was nothing to do.
Yet he chose to do a reverse reframe and complain about the weather.
Dead people could give a shit about the weather.
They’re chilled in the knowledge that rain helps feed the flowers above them and the grass surrounding them and that the sun does likewise.
6. Dead People Don’t Get Stressed
Have you ever spoken to somebody who has recently been to pay their last farewells to a deceased friend or loved one?
Do you remember what they said about that person?
My guess is they said they looked so peaceful and maybe that they looked 10 years younger.
Isn’t it weird that death can make people look younger, or is it just loved ones being kind and/or sentimemtal?
No not really, because with death comes the total dissipation of stress.
Muscles that may have unknowingly and literally been tense for years are suddenly allowed to soften. In turn this allows the face to return to it’s natural relaxed state.
Dead people don’t frown, grimace or snarl. They don’t give black looks, roll their eyes in contempt or clench their jaws. They just relax.
You could wait until you’re dead to adopt that approach, but you really don’t need to.
7. Dead People Don’t Take Offense
When I was thinking of writing this post I asked on Twitter if people thought the title was a bit much.
The first person to respond said “It’s a little insensitive for my tastes”, so I thought, “Great we’re good to go!”
The reality is nothing is offensive unless we choose to be offended because it’s always a choice.
I know I push the boundaries a little and I know that some people think I’m an ass, but I don’t really care because that’s their choice.
But, the one thing I can tell you for sure is that I will not receive one single complaint from the billions of people who are dead. They don’t need to send e-mails and post comments of annoyance because they are too busy being peaceful.
Don’t wait until your dead to follow their lead because ironically the more you adopt the 7 Habits of Highly Dead People, the more you’re likely to remain living and in good health.
So, are you offended?
Ask The Life Coach
Just a quick heads up that I’m still looking for other Life Coaches and people keen on self development to chat with me live on Skype and thrash out some issues hopefully to the benefit of other people.
Check the post for more info and let me know if you want in.
Love #7. It’s real. The biggest reason I stop following someone on social media or unsubscribe to email list, or blogs is when said person is conforming.
How can you go through life and be true to your values if you’re trying not to offend? Someone will always be offended, and possibly because you’re not offensive enough…
Embrace your inner jackass, I say :).
And that #4–I hope to achieve this skill before I’m six-feet under. Not to sound like an ass, but listening is a dying art.
Lol – I like the thought of somebody being offended because I’m not offensive enough!
Kill me now Brownson! Brilliant! I can almost hear you snickering from up the road as you wrote that.
Amazingly, this past Saturday I went to the funeral of my good friends Dad. He lived like a dead guy too. Amazingly, his funeral was of great comfort and almost a guide to a life well lived. I think if more people really meditated on this post they would see how fruitless their living counterparts efforts at struggle truly were.
Nice Job Tim.
I don’t want to brag Mike, but in unarmed combat even though you’re a black belt in 32 different martial arts, I could still kill you stone dead with one of my ultra dirty looks, so don’t joke around with this stuff, ok?
I humbly bow to your prowess in the dirty looks arts. Sometimes the superior warrior is one who knows when it’s best to nod, acknowledge, and go in peace. I’m getting my dead on anyway :)
I LOVE THIS TITLE. In fact, I think you could start a series: The 7 habits of highly dead teachers, mentors, life coaches, writers, moms, dads, grandparents…
This is brilliant Tim. I think I’m going to go and sit in a cemetary today. Go learn from some dead people.
Yikes, not sure I know many dead Life Coaches!
We’re about to move into a house right next to a huge cemetery. I suggested to my wife it would be great to let the dogs run around on all that grass, she thought we’d offend people.
I’d be happy for dogs to run about on me if I was dead, as long as they didn’t take a slash on me!
I love this! Audacious. And full of powerful and poignant wisdom.
I am going to share your post.
Thank you so much!
Love and light,
Sue
And thanks for sharing Sue, much appreciated!
Offended? Hardly. Excellent observations that in my view are as helpful as the ones by Mr. Covey. Nice work. I shall pass it on.
Thanks Mary. I think I thought some folk might be offended by the title alone, but it seems I’ll have to work harder in future ;-)
You were right, I wasn’t offended…:)
Ah my Twitter friend, glad to see you popped by and also glad you retained an open-mind as always ;-)
Thanks for your support, now go and make everybody you know in the world read the post on pain of death!
If anybody reading this has a Reddit or Stumble Upon account I’d really appreciate the post submitting and give you a huge big cyber hug :-)
Sheer genius. Well done mate.
Thanks Rob, I shall bask in my geniusness, which apparently isn’t a real word but I don’t care!
Clever Tim – you’ve gone beyond this world and now writing posts for those in other worlds.
Are you charging the same rates for those on the other side:) ?
The more dead we are, the more alive we’ll be! YOu truly make death sound tempting.
How many other bad jokes can I make in one comment!
At least another dozen would me my guess mate!
I love that dead people listen! These are great! But are dead people really dead? What actually happens when we die? And is it really so blissful and peaceful?
I can’t say Sandra I’m sworn to secrecy.
It’s all good though ;-)
Oh Sandra! Now you’ve done it with those questions. Tim’s going to have to write a post on the UN-Dead and Covey’s 8th Habit. Can’t wait!
I feel a zombie post coming on!
Interesting take there. Oddly enough, I think you could say the same things about people who are truly *alive*. Cheers, Graham
Great point, I agree entirely!
I am laughing so hard here. Some months back – my Uncle was talking to me about how dead people are peaceful. He lost his vocation I think. But he has been my personal development coach like forever – he taught me what not to do by action, too! Ha ha. We had a good laugh when I told him that with some people we have to wait until they’re dead to talk to them without interruption. Insensitive, I know – but we were …er…speaking ill of the dead.
Lots of people can’t stand it when people are cut and dried in their expression, and as you very rightly say, everyone has a choice. Everyone exercises it. Some enjoy feeling bad, others just laugh and stay happy.
I must admit that I was tickled to death (Oh, pun!) over the title.
Glad you enjoyed it Vidya!
This article applies to all living people. Nice Tim, I like the first one because I remember some folks who used to be worried about a thing where in they have no control. I’ve been through hard times also, but not to the point that I worry so much about anything because it will only waste my time. It is like punishing my self because of the mistake of others if I did. The rest from the habits is worth reading.
It takes skill to ignore problems that are out of your control Bryan, so don’t underestimate your ability to do that, many can’t for various reasons some of which are genetic.
Tim my friend – been a while since I’ve been here or we’ve been in touch. This is freakin’ fantastic. It reminds me of something called “Dead Person’s Goals” from Acceptance & Commitment Therapy/Training – where people often set recovery goals for anxiety or depression that “only dead people can do.”
I always enjoy your refreshing approach to things, and I’m not offended…this time! ;)
Yeh we’re the hell have you been? I was about to cross you off my Christmas card list ;-)
Thanks for popping by mate.
As a coach, I love #5. During this political season I begin to see the true “victim” nature of everybody around. They want to blame someone else and focus on the negative of why their life is not perfect.
And right now being from Colorado, I say Bring on the rain!
Don’t take me down that path Sean, the negative campaigning makes me sick to my stomach.
#8 should be that they rest engough! :) Brilliant post, really makes one think harder about thing in life in comparison to death. Powerful & makes me shiver at the same time!
Good point mate, most people don’t rest enough!
Yes, I mean no, I’m not offended. Really advisory blog post. Others need to read this straightaway.
By the way, thanks for the info that Stephen Covey is dead; I wasn’t aware.
Chukwuka O. C.
Bravo bravo Brownson,
Someone had posted this article in a group … They have great taste! However what I am really thinking is how come this didn’t reach my inbox… Shame on me if I had missed this. Other commenters I have already been specific … I just want to say… Thank-you for sharing your passion with the world x