Some time around 2003 I was on a bus traveling from Fort Lauderdale to Miami with my wife. We’d just spent a couple of weeks on a fantastic Caribbean cruise and were heading to the airport to fly back to the UK for another 12 months of sleet, snow and stress before getting to do it all over again.
We were driving through what was a particular beautiful area of Fort Lauderdale and passing some stunning colonial houses built on the oceans edge. Suddenly my wife turned to me and said “It would be really great to live over here, wouldn’t it?”
I smiled lovingly at her, nodded my head slowly and as I gazed into her eyes said tenderly;
“Shut the fuck up going on about moving to America unless you are going to do something about it” and promptly went back to reading my book.
Now you may think that was a tad harsh and maybe you’d be right, but here’s the thing. We’d had that exact same conversation at least 50 times! We’d been talking about it for 5 years and every time we vacationed here (or there, depending on where you’re reading this) we’d talk about it some more.
Human beings are not very proficient at making medium and long-term decisions the majority of the time. We are hampered by an incredibly poor ability to accurately assess how we will feel about something in the future.
If you have ever agreed to do something 6 months in advance like sky diving and then when the time has arrived wondered what the hell you were thinking about, you’ll know exactly what I mean.
We also have a tendency to like to leave doors open, metaphorically speaking. By not making a decision to emigrate we were leaving a door open. Closing doors means we remove our options and let’s face it who doesn’t like lots of lovely options?
The answer to that surprisingly enough, is the majority of people. We think we like lots of choice and some choice is usually better than none. However, too much can suck just as much because we get overwhelmed and making decisions, even small ones, can become highly stressful.
As Tony Robbins once said and I paraphrase “Some people major in minor things” and that is what lots of choice encourages.
There was a study done on buying strawberry jam of all things. It concluded the more choice manufacturers gave people, the less likely they were to buy. A similar study was done on spaghetti sauce with the same results.
This sounds completely counter intuitive because we’re getting more and more choice offered by manufacturers of all products. Yet anybody that’s spent 10 minute staring at 250 different types of yogurt like I have and walked away with nothing, will know all too well.
So What’s To Be Done?
If you have ever taken advanced driving you will know that one of the first things you are taught, is to look where you want to go. Ok, ok, I know that sounds obvious, but it really isn’t.
Have you ever been driving down a rural road and noticed a lone tree with flowers stacked against the base? Where I lived in the UK this seemed to be a frequent observation and it was apparent a car had hit the tree and somebody had been killed.
It’s easy to think it would be harder to miss the tree than hit it, so what happened?
When most drivers get into difficulty their default reaction is not to look at where they want the car to go, but to look at and think about what they want to avoid.
“Don’t hit the tree, don’t hit the tree, don’t hit the tree…shit, I hit the tree!”
This is a brilliant metaphor for life because that is what people do when they are procrastinating because they feel overwhelmed and out of control. They concentrate on what they don’t want rather on how brilliant they will feel when they get what they do want.
They’re thinking, “I don’t want to write that report, I don’t want to write that report, I don’t want to write that report…shit, I didn’t write that report!”
If you’ve ever played a contact sport like soccer, rugby or goat wrestling you’ll know the easiest way to get seriously injured is to pull out of a challenge half way through.
I used to marvel at some of the hard men of English soccer in the 1970’s like Ron ‘Chopper’ Harris, Norman ‘Bite Ya Legs’ Hunter and Rupert ‘I’ll murder your family and spit on their graves, then come back and cut your legs off’ Rupertson. They would be lunging in all over the field and seldom get injured, unlike the people they were tackling.
The reason they didn’t get injured was because they were totally focused and completed committed. They had their eye on the ball (or knee cap) and followed through to execution, sometimes almost literally.
The key to beating procrastination and hitting goals is to focus and commit on what you do want and just as importantly to know WHY you want it.
The original version of How To Be Rich and Happy was going to have a section on dealing with procrastination. It was one of the first things I made a note of when we were discussing the book because it so frequently raises it’s ugly head when I’m helping clients.
But here’s the deal.
Procrastination is always a symptom and never the cause of your problems.
Of course it may, and often does, cause other issues that then become symptoms in and of themselves, but it isn’t at the root of anything any more than the speedometer on your car is the root of you driving too fast.
That’s the reason most blog posts I read about beating procrastination are quite frankly, worthless. Dealing with the issue at the level of action is like taking an Advil for a headache and never expecting to get one again.
Sure you may well get rid of that particular headache, but it hasn’t cured anything, it has masked the symptoms whilst your body cures itself.
Making to-do lists, setting calendar reminders, psyching yourself up with cold showers, telling yourself to “just do it” and reading Get Things Done may indeed have a minor or short-term beneficial effect. But in my experience if you’re a chronic procrastinator you’re unlikely to see the results you really want to see.
You’re not procrastinating because you don’t know what to do, you’re procrastinating because you don’t know why you’re doing it.
By far the best way to overcome procrastination without it feeling like you’re constantly swimming in treacle, is to shift your focus to what’s important to YOU.
Telling yourself “I have to do this report otherwise my boss will have a hissy fit”, is not doing that, and it’s no way to motivate yourself in the long run.
Whereas saying, “I WANT to do this report because it will allow me to get that promotion I so richly deserve. Then I can make the changes I want to change in this company to make life better for everybody else” is.
Most people get up in the morning and look at what it is they have to get done in the day. The see a task list of stuff they’d rather not be doing and they’re immediately overwhelmed, dispirited or flat out pissed off.
That is one of the reasons I don’t particularly like the Brian Tracey ‘Eat That Frog’ approach of doing your biggest baddest task first. I thoroughly get the rationale behind the process, and it can be helpful for some people some of the time, but it’s no guarantee of success.
In fact, it can actually cause even more procrastination and overwhelm for some people when they can’t face that particular task and then don’t even get the smaller stuff done.
If you want to beat procrastination successfully and permanently do the following:
- Shift your focus away from the task and to the end goal when you start to feel dispirited. See the small tasks as what they are, steps on a great journey.
- Understand your end goal – why are you doing what you are doing? Significance? To leave a legacy? To help others?
- Know your end goal meets your core values, and if it doesn’t, change it. If you don’t know what your values are then How To Be Rich and Happy will help you and it’s worth it for that alone!
- Understand your sense of purpose in life.
- Commit!, commit! commit!
- Execute! execute! execute!
- Use lots of exclamation points whenever possible
And that is the reason why we don’t cover off procrastination in How To Be Rich and Happy. If you do all the other good stuff in the book, procrastination will be a non-issue for you.
Yes there may be times when you end up dicking about on Twitter like I do, but that’s cool. Just decide to dick about on Twitter, commit to dicking about on Twitter and focus on dicking about on Twitter, then it’s not procrastinating it’s having fun, ad we all need some fun in our lives.
There is a great quote by Goethe that you may well know, but it bears repeating:
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen events, meetings and material assistance which no one could have dreamed would have come their way.
Tim Brownson is a Certified Life Coach and has been unsticking people and helping them reach their true potential since 2005. If you would like to know how he can help you
Ah I need this article. I wonder how many American’s will understand “treacle” hehe.
I think I’ve got this down
-Use lots of exclamation points whenever possible
Oh and
-Messing around on Twitter
I think the question is – how did you finally get your wife to pull the trigger to move?
I really want to move somewhere but keep procrastinating.
@ Weezie – That’s exactly it!
I met a women through work who had been close to moving to the US 10 years earlier. Her husbands mum was 85 and had been sick so they kept putting it off. Ten years later she was still alive and she was left with a load of regrets as their visa had expired!!!!
What are your reasons for wanting to move? Focus on those.
Wow, I am glad that you told me that Get Things Done isn’t likely to help me because reading it has been on my to do list for about 2 years now. Now I can focus fully on neglecting to watch the Matrix.
You’d think I’d know about this “eating the frog” business but I do not, but it sort of gave me an aha moment. Often, I don’t get around to doing the things I really want to do for myself because I feel that I need to have all my stuff I don’t like to do but have to stuff done first.
And promptly do neither and spend all my time emailing pictures of my dog wearing the cute clothes I bought her.
Maybe if I just said you know what, I am going to write these happy posts in my head first, then I will clean the kitchen, I might do both.
It’s worth a shot.
@tracy you email your dog? you’re weird…
Thanks for the never-ending book plug, but as of today I am signing off from your RSS feed as I personally think you are clueless as to the causes and “cures” for procrastination.
Plus the plug for your $97 ebook, money back guarantee or not has already grown tiresome.
@ Tracy – Make the dog picture e-mailing stuff part of your to-do list!
@ Mikey Boy – You’re such a laugh, I love you man.
If you want to hop off your high horse for a moment and put down your trusty sword of justice and shield of truth, I’m happy to open up the floor for to you explain what procrastination really is in the form of a guest post.
I’m always looking to learn.
“Always go in hard son,” my Dad would say to me as a weedy soccer loving kid.
It sounds profound now.
This clarified a few things for me. My belief is that there is no self-sabotage, only confusion.
I’d be interested to hear Mr. Drips views on procrastination, but I have a feeling he’s more interested in being a pompous ass than sharing them with us. (I’d love to be proved wrong though.)
I think your $97 ebook is fantastic, by the way. I’m 2/3 of the way through and already looking forward to re-reading it when I have more time. I’m not really an eBook kind of guy, but yours really is a cut above.
@Michael Drips tell the truth, did Tim fail to stop you from using #MobsterWorld as a time suck?
I don’t think Tim needs defending but it doesn’t seem fair to slam a guy and tell him he’s wrong without offering a reason why.
@JJJ – Ah, dads eh, they know a thing or two don’t they? Unfortunately I never listened to a damn thing mine told me until I hit 30!
I 100% agree about not being self-sabotage and I’d go one stage further. Everything we do has a positive intent with the information we have to hand at the time. Unfortunately, in hindsight some actions can look like self-sabotage and plain dumb.
Thanks for the knd words on the book.
@ Tracy I am so pissed. You know how I now wished I’d responded to MD?
Is that so?
It would have been so cool if I’d thought of it like an hour ago and not whilst sat on the toilet doing scrabble on my iPhone a moment or two ago. But hey, you probably didn’t want to know that.
It’s kinda amusing and ironic that he sells himself on his blog as being the world foremost expert in some Microsoft product.
No doubt he works with M/S products because he likes the way they never use their own website to promote their products. In fact, I think I’m right in saying Microsoft don’t do any advertising or marketing at all.
I enjoyed this post. One of the drawbacks of being a self-help junky is that the information all starts to sound the same, which means it’s less likely to make an impact on me. (Or I’m less likely to utilize it). However, this line really stood out to me:
You’re not procrastinating because you don’t know what to do, you’re procrastinating because you don’t know why you’re doing it.
I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thanks!
You have given me a different perspective of procrastination. But my mind is resisting, I may want to let it all sink for a while.
Very enlightening post you have here Sir. :-)
Hey cool guy Tim.
I like what you’re saying here. A focus on what we want, as opposed to what we are continually trying to avoid, makes sense, but is counter-intuitive. My brain sometimes tells me that if I do that thing that I don’t want to do, then I will be able to do the thing I want to do, when it would work better to remove the thing I don’t want to do, because it isn’t even getting done anyway.
I am improving much though, but am not indomitable.
Thanks for this.
I liked this one Tim,
I always like to link what is necessary to a purpose. Procrastination is a lot like trying to get people to defend themselves. I see a lot of people who know they have to do something, but freeze in fear or for lack of a mental blueprint. We have them link to a purpose, to their most important things in life (people, places, things), and have them consider what they will lose if they do not fight back. I use the image of being there to watch my boys experience their lives to motivate myself to get up, stay in the fight, do what comes next. I like it!
Do you think that procrastination has roots in fear also? When I think of the things I procrastinate, I can justify the question. I procrastinate yard work because I fear melting or having heat stroke. Actually its more the unpleasantness of the heat and the discomfort in my shoulder from carrying the damn weedwhacker. I procrastinate paying bills because I fear having no money left (irrational, but more likely now that the economy is crushing my company). I procrastinate writing a book because I fear it will suck, and I will sell one copy, to my mother.
Any truth to that link, or is it just the unpleasantness that we shy away from and I am totally off base with the comparison?
@ Lori – You’re welcome, glad I could offer a slightly different view of an age old problem.
@ Walter – Stick with it mate any change in how we think takes time and will feel weird to begin with.
Interlock your fingers for a moment and observe which thumb is on top. Now do it again with the opposite thumb on top. See how weird that feels and it’s hardly a major change!
@ Armen – LOL, I can’t ever remember being called cool guy Tim, but I’ll take it! You’re welcome and just remember, it’s a process and as such a bit of time and playing about with. Thanks for dropping by.
@ Mike – Yeh I do think fear is in there Mike. However, fear normally arises through not knowing. If you think about it, when ever we are scared or worried it’s because we don’t know what the outcome will be. Nobody is scared of something after the even.
By understanding ourselves and our driving forces better, we look to remove some of the doubt that holds us back.
BTW, to anybody interested. I e-mailed Mike and explained in more detail about the book and what we are looking to do. He didn’t bother to reply although he did leave a Twitter comment saying:
“I’ve dropped my RSS feeds from all bloggers that need to drop the names of “A” list bloggers and/or attempt to sell BS ebooks for big $$.”
Good thoughts here. I was ready for the average, every-day procrastination post and it wasn’t that, so that was refreshing.
Interesting and useful way of looking at the procrastination disease. And I’m quite sure that your thoughts are spot-on.
One thought that I’d like to add is that procrastination tends also to come from a lack of self-respect and self-love. Serious work on these topics will also reduce the tendency to procrastate.
I’m going to remember your post and do the things you said. But maybe I’ll start tomorrow…
:-)
Treacle: a type of molasses! Treacle Tart: popular desert in the UK and favored by Harry Potter…made with a golden syrup!!
Interesting point-of-view about procrastination. I agree that most people treat it as a symptom instead of getting to the root cause. Most people probably procrastinate because they are people pleasers or have a fear of failure/success. Just go for it and let the chips fall where they fall…
Tim, although I don’t always agree with your views (I mean, I rarely disagree with them :P), but I can’t see myself unsubscribing from your site. You’re always hilarious and I always get a million and one ideas after reading your posts!
For one thing, I picked up how I should be talking to my wife from this post, since my politeness is obviously not working out for me. :P
I definitely agree that procrastination is a symptom and not a cause, but I believe its root cause is different for different people and in different circumstances. I might put off a task because I hate doing it, or because I don’t know how to do it. Both cases will lead to procrastination, but the solution will be different in each case.
@ Lisa – I definitely agree that self love and respect are areas that people give scant consideration and massively underestimate their importance in self-development.
Will it cure procrastination? Hm, I’m honestly not sure about that, gonna think on it.
@ Rebecca – Jeez, if I knew it was going to bring Harry Potter into the conversation I’d have thought of something else ;-)
@ Haider – Respectful disagreement is what this blog is about and I LOVE it when people disagree with me.
Wise words about your wife, but maybe don’t tell her where you picked up such sage advice, eh? ;-)
I think in isolation you are right, of course their are different reasons for different times when we procrastinate.
However, with long-term procrastination there are, in my experience, specific under lying themes and the person is always focusing on the wrong thing. That maybe the feeling of doing something they don’t want to do or having a huge task list etc, but it is always the wrong thing.
If you give me an example from your own life, I’ll do my best to explain what I mean.
Tim, I understand what you mean.
I guess we’re talking about different levels. You’re talking about focusing on the wrong thing, whereas I’m talking about “what” the wrong thing is, in different circumstances. :)
Would you do me a favor and find something we can actually disagree about? Maybe the missing “u” in favor? :P
Hi, Robert from Longwood here….
As I was sitting at work procrastinating, not wanting to do any work, it popped into my head to visit your site. I was delighted to see a topic to steer me back on track. I totally agree with everything you say about how we tend notice what we don’t want rather than the desired outcome, and then keep receiving what we’ve focused on. I can’t count how many times I’ve carried a bowl of soup or cup of tea while thinking “it’s going to spill I bet” and ended up doing just that. The basic message I get out of this is to shift your focus on a positive result rather than negative. I believe this takes practice and dedication of a one armed goat wrestler but can become the habit.
I’m going back to work now with the thought of “it’s going to feel good to be caught up with all my work”
The comment above reminded me that every time I drove this weekend I kept thinking “Tim told me not to look at the tree — don’t look at the tree — Tim said if I look at the tree I’ll crash — Okay, I’m looking at the tree, but I can always course correct”
I’m very surprised and grateful that I didn’t get pulled over on suspicion of dui what with all the weaving towards and away from trees I was doing.
What a great article!
I myself have lived overseas a couple of times, in New Zealand and Ecuador. This was before my life was more settled, but at the same time it took a real leap of faith to switch continents and leave my life behind.
The thing that helped me was thinking to my future. Did I want to look back on my life 30, 40, 50 years later and have the regret of not trying? It made the decision quite easy!
Thanks for sharing your story!
[...] (Procrastination Isn’t The Problem) [...]
Just a quick correction:
The “Until one is committed …” quote is by Johnan Wolfang van Goethe.
@ Eric – Yep, no idea what I was thinking of because I can even remember telling somebody the exact same thing. Thanks, duly edited.
[...] Procrastination Isn’t The Problem | Life Coach Blog: The … [...]
Hey Tim,
As I am intending to buy solid floor, I came across this website http://easystepflooring.co.uk/faq.html – they use the same picture as is on the “How to Rich and Happy” cover. Just out of curiosity:
1. Is it a picture from a catalogue!* If not,
2. Did they/you steal it!
3. What do I win!
* this symbol is used as a question mark
@ Tom – LOL, yep that’s the one. We actually paid for it and I’m guessing they did too. It wasn’t cheap either!
You win a virtual stuffed teddy.
Thank you Tim for your answers and for the teddy. I will name him Caligula and put him on a prominent position on my virtual shelf!
Holy shit Tom, if you’re going to call him Caligula keep him away from his sisters and don’t let him team up with that damn horse.
I though company would cheer Incitatus up…