A Pointless Letter To My 10 Year-Old Self
Over the years there has been a trend of self development bloggers and Life Coaches writing letters of advice and encouragement to younger versions of themselves.
As I talked about in this post on ‘awesome blessings’, we often don’t know at the time what is best for us.
Therefore, knowing that things aren’t as bad at we at first think, could be really useful, right?
Losing the job you had set your heart on (as I did in the post I just mentioned) may turn out to be a lucky break with you ending up in a career you love, or job you prefer.
Getting dumped by the partner you think a lot of, could mean you’re on the verge of finding your soul mate, getting married and being blissfully happy.
And beating the shit out of your golf bag with a 5 wood after hitting a poor, albeit tricky, approach shot to the 13th green at Matlock golf course, and subsequently smashing a Tag Hauer watch, may make you realize a calmer approach to competition may be called for.
None Of Us Self Sabotage
Self sabotage is a myth, it only exists in hindsight.
We all make decisions based upon the information we have to hand at the time, coupled with our established patterns of behavior.
And we always make them with the best intentions.
All of the above events seemed at the time, if not devastating, then certainly very dispiriting for me.
Yet I can now see clearly, all had very positive consequences that were not apparent at the time.
With that in mind, I have been giving some serious thought to what I would say to my 10 year-old self to smooth the transition of life.
Here’s what I came up with.
A Letter To Myself
Dear Tim,
Life is tough, but you will have to suck it up.
You are going to fuck up from time to time but that’s ok (and don’t pretend you don’t use the word fuck because I’m you and I know damn well you uttered that word when you were 9 and haven’t stopped using it ever since).
I know that you will take no notice of this letter and rightfully so.
It’s a crock of shit because you actually need to fuck up – a lot.
You need to learn from your mistakes because that’s how your brain is wired up and me trying to help you avoid them is an object in futility and stupidity.
If all that were needed for us not to avoid mistakes was advice from well-meaning parents and adults, then each generation would get progressively smarter and make fewer and fewer mistakes.
From my limited experience, that doesn’t appear to be happening.
I’m not going to tell you to be good, to look after your teeth, to be grateful, not to take drugs, to enjoy every day, to pick better sports teams, not to dick about at school and to never, ever drive around Matlock in your first car with the window down and Abba’s ‘Dancing Queen blaring out.
If I did, you’d ignore me to begin with and then just forget. Because you’re a 10 year-old kid with way bigger things to do than listen to an old fart like me.
The only thing I’m going to tell you is this.
Just figure things out for yourself as you go along and you’ll be ok.
Cheers
Tim
I know a lot of people make very poor decisions, or are the recipients of crushing bad luck that has no long-term benefits.
And of course they would desperately like to have the chance to write that letter to their younger self, and rightly so, but let’s just focus on the majority.
Leaving aside it’s a fantasy anyway until we can come up with time travel (which will probably be very expensive to begin with and I wouldn’t advise volunteering for the beta testing) it almost certainly wouldn’t have any effect.
Your most important learnings will have come from making mistakes and for the most part (and there are exceptions of course) you needed to make them – not be told about them.
In fact, you will continue to need to make them on a regular basis if you’re to grow as an individual.
Look around you – every single aspect of society from sports to science is built on learning from mistakes.
Mistakes aren’t the problem.
The problem is when we allow them to define or defeat us and/or go to ridiculous lengths in trying to avoid ever putting a foot wrong.
Trust me, you will.
None of us are fuck-ups, but we all fuck up.
What About You?
What was your biggest mistake and more importantly, what did you learn from it?
Image Courtesy of Eli Juicy Jones
Excellent post. I was trying to read something like this. Surely this post will make change in everyone when people read this article. Thanks for this wonderful post. Keep post great articles.
Hmmm, it sounds to me like English isn’t your first language and you’re commenting on somebody else’s behalf.
Very lame.
This amused me as I’ve had a draft post half written for months called ‘What a difference a decade makes – a letter to my younger self’. I couldn’t possibly complete with your amusing take on it!
Biggest mistake? Trusting a long-term boyfriend who assured me he ‘knew what he was doing’ on the contraception front! Naivety led to me becoming a mother at an early age.
However, from that ‘mistake’ I have the most beautiful 38 year-old daughter, and through the years of struggle I was so focussed on proving I was more than just a ‘teenage pregnancy’ (maybe people reading this are already judging?!), that I became more ‘successful’ in so many ways than the majority of my contemporaries and my siblings.
Who knows what path I would’ve taken had I not been so blessed …
Not that at ten years old I was anywhere near needing contraception I hasten to add ;-)
I’m certainly not judging.
Although I did kind of guess the end and I wasn’t expecting you to say you want to send her back ;)
At times I’ve been tempted to think that not finishing college was a mistake, as it left me with so few job opportunities later on. But now I’m starting on the path of self-employment, doing what I love and building multiple income streams from it. Had I completed school I may never have gone this direction. So yeah, my “mistake” of not finishing college turned out to be a good thing.
Mistakes do not equal defeat as long as we learn from them and keep going forward. Good post, Tim.
I’ve heard such things many time Joshua!
History is littered with people who didn’t finish formal education and went on to great things!
Biggest mistake? I failed (not on my own mind you) my marriage. As to what I’ve learned? It’s a bountiful list. I’ve learned more about my wife since she told me she wanted a divorce than I did the last 10 years we were married. I’ve learned where and how I failed, and how and where she failed (in ways that I didn’t even know or think about until finding some really great blogs on marriage) I’ve grown up and matured exponentially. I’ve (re)learned my self worthiness. I know now what I wish I knew then. I wish I could go back and adapt properly, I wish this more for the sake of my children than anything else.
That sucks Mike and I’m not really sure what to say, especially as I don’t have kids so don’t have that factor to take into consideration.
Thanks for sharing.
I love your letter to little Timmy Timbucktoo. I like writing to my younger self because it serves as a reminder to my current self about things I have learned. You got it right though live your life and learn as you go.
I don’t know if I could pinpoint my “biggest mistake.” I’ve made way too many big ones. I think a big one was attempting suicide for the first time when my life fell apart. I guess the most important thing I have learned from that is that emotions are just emotions and that I can feel them and they won’t kill me. If I can get through recovering from that then I can get through anything.
I’m glad you failed in that venture mate!
One mistake that stands our for me. Junior yr. varsity football. I was always a starter but the coach didn’t play me and called for me to go in the last 12 seconds of the game. I ignored him. Well let’s just say that was a BIG mistake. I didn’t play one second the remaining games. What I learned? Be humble. Attitude plays a big part in life and always be ready and willing to act fast when the time is right.
Great article BTW. Thanks!
We lll get the ‘be humble’ message at some point, it’s whether we take it on board or not that matters. Nice one Geoff!