Before I delve into todays post I just wanted to point you toward the ‘videos’ tab that has been added to my navigation bar.
Over the coming weeks I shall be posting a new video every couple of weeks and start to build up a library of videos aimed at helping people get unstuck.
Any feedback welcome as always.
I got asked by a client the other day whether I thought he was an atypical client.
I wasn’t sure how to answer that because I don’t think there is any such thing as a typical client, so by definition there can’t really be an atypical one.
I told him that he had certainly presented me with a challenge or two, but that’s not a problem because I like challenges and I could see a massive amount of potential in him.
There is a Life Coaching process that is as old as the hills and more cliched than a dying man spouting world shattering wisdom with his last breath, but it’s still one I turn to on occasions.
My client, let’s call him James because that’s his name and he’s cool with me using it, was as I said, proving to be challenging.
He’s very intelligent, articulate and probably read more self development books than I have, but he still wasn’t pushing through his main barrier of procrastination.
The Interfering Conscious Mind
And the main reason was because of his conscious mind getting in the way and analyzing the crap out of everything we talked about.
The net effect of that type of approach is almost always overwhelm and paralysis with the person concerned thinking they are just a world-class procrastinator.
And in some respects they are, but it’s a tad more complicated than that because in my experience the majority of procrastinators know what to do, they just avoid doing it.
Whereas people who deal with massive over analyzing (which is very similar to perfectionism and can certainly be driven by that) simply don’t know what to do or which way to turn.
They struggle to commit to any one thing, always believing they are short one piece of information. Information that rarely arrives and if it does, it’s just some information not the information.
They look for all the world like they are lazy and just lack the guts to commit, but that would be grossly unfair.
Your Weird Brain
Your brain hates information that isn’t binary.
In other words, it wants to know if something is black or white, right or wrong, good or bad, tall or short, Life Coach or person who likes being paid for a good gossip and to sit around in their jim-jams all day drinking coffee.
Irrespective of the success of the book, it hates shades of grey. It gets all confused and agitated by the doubt that accompanies being in the grey area of life
Yet this is where many people like James live. It wouldn’t be unfair to suggest that these people have a stronger grip on reality than people who do think in a more black and white manner, even if it’s not always helpful to their peace of mind.
Life is more than 50 shades of grey.
No matter what you think you cannot apply the label good or bad to any of the following (as well as millions of other examples I could have listed) without massively generalizing and exposing your cognitive biases.
- The Democratic Party
- The Republican Party
- Illness
- Mosquitoes
- Christians
- Muslims
- Guns
- Immigrant workers
- President Obama
- Senator Romney
- Bananas
People like James see this all too clearly and whereas that can be viewed as good and open-minded, it can also cause a sense of overwhelm as the brain struggles to hold contradictory points of view.
As I say I wanted to get past James’s critical mind at least briefly and see what happened, so I pulled out the coaches cliche of the 70 year-old birthday party speech.
The 70th Birthday Party Speech sans Procrastination
You’re probably familiar with this, but in case you’re not here it is in a nutshell.
Take out a blank sheet of paper and start to write a speech you are going to be delivering to your family and friends on your own 70th birthday party.
Don’t hold back, if you want it to be on the lawn of your 2 acre home overlooking the Pacific Ocean with 100 guests that’s just fine.
It’s your life, it’s your speech so do it any way you want.
The only criteria is that is has to excite you, it has to align with your values (and if you don’t know what they are, you’re struggling with all your self development, so go grab my book!) and it has to be delivered from a position of contentedness and happiness that you have led a great life to that date.
This process can really inspire some people. It allows their imagination to run riot and not bother with ‘reality’, and that can be very freeing.
Stream of Consciousness
I asked James to write this with one huge caveat. He had to do it in one sitting as a stream of consciousness. No spending days procrastinating on what to write and when to write it, I wanted it flowing from his unconscious immediately.
I was not prepared for what I got back under an hour later and it certainly vindicated my insistence that he do this in one go.
To me it’s absolutely brilliant and the reason I wanted to post it is because as well as inspiring other people, I want him to know he can come back and view this at any time. Especially if he ever starts to doubt his abilities.
I’d love your take on what you think of James’s speech and/or whether you have ever tried this exercise and what results you got.
Now go and read it on page 2.
Does James really need a coach after that ? Better said : he benefitted from a great coach !
Congratulations to both of you !
Thanks Kati, I think he has a very bright future!
James~ I’ll read yours, but since I recognize myself as being of the same type of mind, I think I better write my own first. That way I won’t get wound up in copying your example, while struggling to find my own unaffected version, in which I have already been influenced by Tim’s seaside ranch as perhaps the setting….
I’ll let you know how it comes out :)
You can always publish it in the comments Kassie!
Wow! I’m going to do this exercise first chance I get. I do the exact same thing as James although I make an effort not to when I get help. One day someone is going to kill me when I say, “Well, it depends.” too many times, lol. Thanks, Tim. :)
I doubt anybody will kill you Ms Niles, and the fact is a lot of the time it does depend :-)
After reading this I have no time to procrastinate, my 70th is just over a decade away and there’s so much to do.
I’m so glad that I stopped wasting my time on things that didn’t really matter and decided to ‘boom on’.
Forget about the busyness of life I’m getting on with the business of life.
Yep, me too. Mine is 2 decades away but time sure aint slowing down!
I agree. The speech is pretty awesome. Very inspiring and seems like it is written by someone who is not a procrastinator. A speech written by a brilliant mind. I was inspired because I am a bit like James. People tell me I have abilities but I just don’t believe them and I always listen to my brain saying “there’s no way I can do it” or “just do it next time”. I’m giving this exercise a try to see if I can actually be as inspiring as James.
Maria, you may want to check out the video tab. There is a video I posted that helps deal with the voices inside your head.
And we all have them btw, you’re just being Human.
There wasn’t nearly enough kinkiness or scandal in this for me.
It’s the first in a trilogy of posts, I’m going to ramp up the kinkiness and adding scandal as we go along.
I’m with Dorian – I was looking for scandal, controversy and humor – this really touched me! Well you know what they say, if you can’t make fun of the guy writing the post, irritate the guy who’s blog it is. haha
I love the power of this exercise in that it allows for visualization and affirming everything works out in the end. This should definitely be done by everyone, including myself, and especially for those who don’t believe they’re going to make it to a 70th birthday.
haha
thanks for sharing James!
I have a picture of Dorian you know.
It’s in the attic.
What happened to my comment? I just left a legend of a comment irritating three people, offending two and praising 1!! I enjoyed this post and also looking for the usual scandal and controversy and ways to irritate Tim.
The power of this exercise must be the visualization aspect as well – I mean if I did this, I’d actually start thinking I’d be around til 70. And more importantly – everything will work out ok. Thanks James for sharing.
I guess your comment went the same way as your vision mate ;-)
ha!
Tim,
you had me on the Title!
:-)
that james is very similiar to this james, that is a very powerful speech and im excited to try the excercise.
thanks for the help.
You’re welcome mate!
Wow, that’s really touching. I’ll definitely do this exercise myself to see what I get out of it!
Now excuse my while I go punch a shark to regain my manliness after all these sappy thoughts.
Real men don’t punch sharks, they send them loving kindness and give them a hug ;-)
James seems like a guy who wants to make a difference. I have a feeling with these goals, compassion and understanding he already has made a difference.
I know people who see the world in shades of gray. I probably am one of them. I have noticed that the problem is not just in doing something to accomplish life goals, but in actually realizing when we’ve approached them. There is also the matter of letting go of what doesn’t work. Easier said than done.
It certainly is Maggie, although with determination and belief in ourselves it can be done!