You Stepped Into The Gap?

You have about 1/3rd of one second to decide how you want to react to any given situation.

That doesn’t sound like a long time at all. In fact many people don’t even know that gap exists.

They think the negative comment, the dark glare or the waving of one extended finger by another motorist caused their reaction.

It didn’t.

Their interpretation of what they think that meant caused their reaction. 

I never tire of saying, it’s not cause and effect, it’s cause – interpretation – effect.

You may tire of me saying it, but tough it’s my blog and I can not just cry if I want to, but repeat myself if I want to.

If you change the interpretation of an event using curiosity and non-judgmental thinking, hey presto a magic bunny pops out of your sleeve and you don’t burst into tears or go postal.

What would your life be like if you decided that you were going to step into the gap and take control of your own emotions rather than allowing them to run amok on auto-pilot?

You Laughed More?

Apparently kids laugh at something every 16.2 nano seconds, whereas the average adult laughs heartily once every 7 months and 19 days. 

I’m not sure those figures are 100% accurate, but there’s a huge difference between the two, so they’re near enough.

As we get older we realize that life is some serious shit and it’s not appropriate to laugh at and do silly things. 

That’s just juvenile and frivolous.

We should be worrying about stuff that’s never going to happen, stuff that might happen, and even more stuff that’s going to happen whether we worry about it or not.

Well pardon me if I don’t subscribe to that particular asinine theory.

I intend to laugh my ass off when I damn well want to whether other people think it’s appropriate, frivolous or just a sign of my impending insanity, or not.

And do you know why?

Because t’s great for my health as it releases all sorts of chemicals and scientific shit like that. And they support my immune system.

It’s also a stress and depression buster.

But most of all, it’s fun.

Yes, there I said it, laughing is fun and nobody has too much fun in their lives.

Come on, lighten up Francis, what would your life be like if you decided that you were going to laugh your ass off at least once a day?

You Said No More Often?

How often do you say:

‘Yes I’d be thrilled to!’

When you really mean:

 ‘No fuck off you time stealing bastard I don’t have the energy, I don’t like you, and anyway I want to go and laugh my ass off by watching a frivolous video on YouTube with a cat chasing a dog on a surfboard whilst eating some buttered toast!”

I bet you have. haven’t you?

Ok, maybe your exact thoughts didn’t contain so much stupidity and profanity, but hopefully you get my gist.

It is ok to put yourself first sometimes you know?

In fact it’s not just ok, it’s imperative for your mental and physical health.

If you feel like you have to take on every project at work otherwise you risk your job, then you’re already in a shit job that you might want to be planning an exit strategy from sooner rather than later.

 If you feel like you have to run your kids around 24/7 even though half the time there are other parents capable of sharing the load if you were only to say no, then consider how you much use your going to be to your family in a hospital bed.

And if you just can’t say no to every single request for a favor that comes your way because you’re a raging people pleaser, then hire me and I’ll say no on your behalf with flowery language and mucho mockingo!

Think of any famous person you admire and I can guarantee you that that person has to say no 100 times to every time they say yes.

I say no to 9 out of 10 guest posts I get sent. 

I say no to almost every joint venture I get offered.

And I say no to people who want to advertise on my website, even though I could make a nice little earner for doing very little.

If I couldn’t say no this website would be full of mediocre, vanilla posts, me trying to sell you crap products that you neither want nor need, and flashing banner ads that would make you want to hurl.

I’m not encouraging you to be selfish or mean, in fact just the opposite.

Saying no when it’s appropriate is offering kindness to yourself and will make you a better parent, spouse, employee and all around Human Being.

What would your life be like if you decided that you were going to say no when you really meant no?

You Knew Your Core Values?

Knowing what your goals are tells me a little bit about you, but it can also mislead me and not tell me anything about you whatsoever.

Let’s suppose you have a goal to earn $100m by next Tuesday, what does that say about you?

Nothing.

You may want $100m because you want to buy a huge house with 20 bedrooms, two swimming pools, a bowling alley and enough space to swing 77 cats all holding on to one another from grim death with no fear of Kitty #77 in the chain hitting a wall.

Note: Do NOT swing 77 cats around no matter how much space you have, it’s cruel and they’ll rip your eyes out.

You may also want to employ a Butler called Smithers on half minimum wage who spoon feeds you caviar as he irons your socks and operates the remote control for you.

Because let’s face it, that remote control operating can be tiresome work.

That tells me you’re probably a bit of a selfish douche.

On the other hand you may want $100m so you can start a shelter for the homeless, a foundation committed to funding education for under privileged kids and fire off anonymous checks to great causes, just because you can.

That tells me you’re a lovely person. So come here and give me a hug gorgeous.

Your goals don’t say much about you, but your values say everything.

Knowing what your values are allows you to know who you are.

In turn that makes decision making easier, it provides motivation and it can kick the ass of procrastination.

And just in case you think I’m saying all this just so you will buy my critically acclaimed, international best selling book (in my mind) book called ‘Align With Your Core Values’, think again!

Of course who am I to deny you the opportunity to buy the book if you want to? That would be just mean of me.

Or you could check out the post which gives you a down and dirty method of getting a good handle on your values.

What would your life be like if you decided that you were going to live in alignment with your values and let the chips fall where they may?

You Took Total Responsibility?

About 8 or 9 years ago I was working with a client who was in a job that he hated and to put it mildly, it was ticking him off

It didn’t take long to figure out this guy was playing the victim card with all the enthusiasm of a first time poker player laying down a royal flush with 50 grand on the table.

It seemed everything that was negative in his life was somebody else’s fault.

I asked him, as a percentage, what amount of responsibility did he take for what was happening in his life.

He responded with 70%

I explained that if he only took 70% responsibility that would mean he would never feel like he had any control over his life and a lack of control (presuming we want it that is) is a huge precursor to stress.

He refused to budge. So I prodded and poked and prodded and poked some more, trying to get him to own his life.

You may be wondering how I can remember this so clearly so long after the event when I have dealt with hundreds of clients in the meantime?

Because the bastard fired me! (frowny face)

There will always be things that are outside your control and some of those things won’t be good.

You can bitch and whine if you like, but that probably won’t change a fat lot other than to irritate those around you and make you feel even more down and victimized.

Or you could decide to take responsibility by reframing negative situations, not blaming others, committing to being more chilled about the vagaries of life, and cultivating compassion for people who screw you over or make your life more difficult than necessary. 

I understand if you’re sat at a stop light and some guy runs in to the back of you because he’s texting the passenger in the backseat to say ‘lol’ and not watching the road, that’s not your fault. 

You don’t have to bounce out of your car and give him a big hug. Just get his insurance details, give him a serious glare or two and move on.

Just not in your car because that moron just wrecked it. You may need a taxi or even a bus.

What would your life be like if you decided that you were going to take responsibility for everything? 

Not in a ‘woe is me, this is all my fault kind of a way’, but in a ‘this may suck, but I’m not going to allow it to get me down for any longer than absolutely necessary kind of way.’

You Gave Back?

I could list a whole host of things that positive psychology has proven contribute to making us all happier individuals.

Meaningful work and goal setting, meditation (or prayer), feeling wanted, exercise and the afore mentioned reframing can all contribute to greater happiness levels.

And so can helping others.

Some people think this doesn’t apply to them and to a large extent that’s because they haven’t thought outside the box enough.

I once had a client tell me that the thought of doing charity work made her feel miserable.

When I questioned her about what she meant by ‘charity work’ all she could come up with was working in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter.

I suspect she may have had an aversion to the smell of urine, but I’m honestly not sure.

Giving back can indeed mean either of the above things, but equally it can mean writing an anonymous check.

It can also mean providing transport for somebody who cannot afford it, working pro bono from time to time, putting up a foreign student who is traveling the world, mentoring a colleague, rescuing a cute puppy and about 92,870.114 million other things.

Find one that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and then do it.

Note: I said an anonymous check for a reason. If your first urge after giving somebody a helping hand is to announce to the entire world via Facebook what a wonderful person you are, then your motives may be a tad less than altruistic.

What would your life be like if you decided that you were going to take time out give back once a week, once a month, or even once a year?

You Meditated, Or Meditated For Longer?

What an amazing coincidence that I only just listed this in my things that can make you happy and here it is in a sub-category all on its own right.

Meditation is a hot topic these days- meditation is the new black

It has gone from some weird activity embraced by people from a long way over there on the right hand side of the map somewhere and hippies who did too many drugs in the 60’s and still listen to ‘Dark Side of the Moon’, to being uber cool.

When Google bring in trainers to teach their workers how to mediate then you know it’s not only mainstream but it ‘works’.

Technical speaking meditation isn’t really about ‘working’.

It’s not about lowering stress, enhancing concentration, raising cognitive function, improving mental and physical health and increasing happiness levels – they are mere side effects.

But let’s face it, as side effects go, they’re some of the best you could ever hope for, so who cares!

Just 10 minutes meditation can help improve the quality of your life, and 30 minutes per day can literally rewire your brain – in a good way.

I know 30 minutes meditating seems like an eternity when you think about it beforehand.

And when you actually do it to begin with it will feel like some fucker just added 24 hours to the end of eternity to annoy you.

But you’re up for pushing through when the benefits are so obvious, aren’t you?

What would your life be like if you decided that you were going to meditate every day for the next 100 days, starting with maybe 5 minutes and gradually building up to 6 hours every day.

6 hours is too long?

Ok, then for you I’ll take 30 minutes.

Phew you dodged a bullet there and you’re now delighted you skillfully haggled me down from 6 hours to 30 minutes, because you know you can do 30 minutes.

If you are unsure about meditation, go and grab my free ebook called ‘Don’t Hesitate – Meditate‘ and let me help you add years to your life.

So what would your life be life if…?

Image ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ Courtesy of Michael Rosenstein