I don’t normally go in for blogger collaborations, but when Abubakar Jamil told me about his idea to compile an ebook in which self development bloggers could share their life lessons, my interest was piqued.
I’m not going to take the approach some of the bloggers have of writing a letter of advice to my younger self, because I’d have ignored it the same as I ignored sound advice from parents, family and friends when I was growing up.
I simply wasn’t ready for anybody to tell me anything of value much before I got into my thirties, I was too busy being a realist pessimist and telling anybody prepared to listen how hard life was.
So for what it’s worth this is my advice to you, rather than a younger me. The sheer fact that you’re reading here means you are far more open to it than I would have been 20 years ago.
Be Grateful For Gratitude
The whole gratitude thing has been done to death over the last few years and there’s an absolutely brilliant reason for that. It’s because gratitude is one of, if not the, most powerful and empowering states for you to be in.
It’s impossible to be in a state of genuine gratitude and be feeling depressed. You cannot feel grateful and be anxious at the same time, and a sense of gratitude will kick the ass of a victim mindset until the cows come home.
There is an abundance of scientific research that demonstrates the power of gratitude. Grateful people are healthier, happier and live longer than people who think their lot in life sucks.
Read that again.
Grateful people are healthier, happier and live longer than people who think their lot in life sucks.
That’s pretty powerful stuff I think you’ll agree and if that isn’t a good enough reason for you to focus on what’s right in your life, then I suspect you’ll never have one.
No Regrets
Regrets serve no purpose, none whatsoever. Unless that is, you enjoying feeling miserable because that’s about the only thing they are guaranteed to accomplish.
With the benefit of hindsight we all have things from the past that we would do differently if we had our time again. We’ve all looked back incredulously at some poor decision and thought,
“What the hell was I thinking of?”
The reality is every decision you make and action you undertake you do so with the best intentions at that particular moment in time.
Unfortunately though, best intentions are not always enough and if you are short on information, in the wrong frame of mind, sick, angry or just blind drunk, you are less likely to make great decisions.
However, as long as you learn from your errors you can use that information to avoid repeating your mistakes you can move through your life without the millstone of regret on your shoulders.
You’re Not Alone
We all have crap to deal with in our life no matter who we are. Yes we can look at other people and think they have life figured out better than we do, but it’s often not the case, it just seems that way.
Even in your darkest hour there are millions of people going through similar and often worse situations. I say that not to belittle your issue, but as a way of saying we’re all in this together and you’re not alone.
You Cannot Not Communicate
Every thought you have and conversation you take place is a communication with yourself. It’s impossible for it not to be.
Therefore, every negative thought you have helps build up a pattern of negative thoughts. Every time you tell yourself you’re not good enough, rich enough, intelligent enough, attractive enough you cement that belief, so don’t do it!
You’ll Be Dead One Day
A couple of years ago I said to a client something along the lines of “Look, you can either do this or not do it, it’s up to you. In any event you’ll be dead in less than a hundred years so in the great scheme of things it doesn’t really matter.”
This didn’t work quite as well as I had imagined as the lady promptly burst into tears.
I never found out for sure whether I had just delivered the biggest spoiler ever, and she previously had no idea the icy hand of death is awaiting her, or if she just liked to live in denial and presume it’s possible to put everything off for as long as possible.
Hopefully you’ll be inspired rather than deflated by knowing you’ll be dead in 100 years because it gives you something to work to. Imagine the procrastination possibilities if we all lived for a thousand years. That eating healthy regime really could go on hold, and not until just after Christmas either, you could put it off for a century or two.
Death gives us an opportunity to live a life of purpose and meaning. It isn’t the enemy it’s made out to be even though few of us would rush to cuddle the Grim Reaper.
Many people wait until they start to approach middle-age before they evaluate their life. The gradual realization that they’re probably past the half way mark and they’re still in a job they don’t like, a house they can’t afford and with a partner that doesn’t understand them, can be a sobering experience.
Today is the best day ever for you decide what is really, really, really important to you and then going and doing it.
Puppies Know Best
If you’re a regular here or follow me on Twitter you’ll know I have two 2-year old dobermans that are still very much in the puppy phase of their lives. Only this week one of them (we don’t know which because they have undertaken a vow of silence) shredded my wifes favorite (as she puts it) ‘Go To’ black shoes.
It wasn’t fun for a few hours afterward as a dark cloud settled over our house as Helen went into mourning for her ex-shoes.
The dogs on the other hand couldn’t give a rats ass because they have a very short attention span and they prefer to be in the moment than worry about who ate what and when.
When Tori was very young I made the vide below. Even though I have YouTube clips that have had several thousand more viewings, this is still my favorite. If you’re reading via e-mail you may need to click through to view the video, but it’s worth it, honest.
I know this is similar to asking for your one piece of self development advice, but even so, I’d like your take on which lessons you have learned that maybe you could have done with a decade or two earlier? Let me know in the comments.
A year or so ago I did a few sessions on uStream in which I sat in front of my webcam and anybody that wanted to, could log in and ask me questions in real time on self development and life coaching. I’m thinking of starting it up again next month, but only if it would be of value. Let me know if it’s something you’d want to see happen. The format would be very laid back and I’d be happy to answer questions on pretty much anything.
Tim Brownson is a Certified Life Coach and has been unsticking people and helping them reach their true potential since 2005. If you would like to know how he can help you
Here’s my vote for the “Ask Tim anything” video sessions.
Thanks!
Hello Tim!
First of all, the puppy face in the video freeze-frame is PRICELESS. Reading this post was worth the while just to get to see that face.
But what I am really here to say is that this is fantastic advice. Practicing gratitude & living without regrets are probably the two most important things that a person can do during a quest for happiness.
Thank you for sharing this with the world. We need it!
Cheers,
Dena
Dena recently posted..I Am a Motivational Speaker
Yeh it certainly captures me at my alluring, sexy best ;-)
I thinking about the question of you doing the live stream and my first thought is “Awesome! That would be cool!”. But then I realize that I’m not sure what I would ask specifically. Worse, it starts to dawn on me that maybe if I actually come up with a question…that could lead to other questions. Which may eventually prove just how much I could benefit from therapy.
Still, I think it would be really interesting to hang out and listen in – as long as I don’t come up with a question. hehe.
Yeh but at least it’d be FREE therapy!
[...] Life Lessons From A Life Coach [...]
Tim,
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us through the Life Lessons Series. It’s such an awesome post and I really relate to it.
I’ll take you up on:
“A year or so ago I did a few sessions on uStream in which I sat in front of my webcam and anybody that wanted to, could log in and ask me questions in real time on self development and life coaching. I’m thinking of starting it up again next month, but only if it would be of value. Let me know if it’s something you’d want to see happen. The format would be very laid back and I’d be happy to answer questions on pretty much anything.”
You’re very welcome it’s a good thing you’re doing.
Hi. Those are really great points. I love how everything that goes on in our heads is actually communication to ourselves. I am not waiting to have a middle life crisis. So am having a quarter-life one ;-) Hence the post is very welcome and much appreciated. Thank you.
Cool, you get to have two crisis! I was limited to just the one. I guess that’s progress ;-)
Wait a second, I’m going to DIE one day??? What on Earth?!
Aja Trinidad recently posted..Do you REALLY feel that way
Sssshhhh, don’t tell everybody you’ll create mass panic.
Which lesson have I learned….Now Tim I know you might say you have heard this from me before… and yes I did sneak two into one :-) last time you heard it…..
“watch, listen, think then act, and always have faith in yourself”
Would I like to see the live streaming Q and A, sure would. (and I love the puppy impersonation!)
Mick Morris recently posted..Getting the best solution to every problem
Impressive impawsonation eh? I’ve been perfecting it for years now.
Hey Tim, you’re a long time dead. It’s true that if you think life is crap you look for crap everywhere, find it, and invite it in and then, hey presto, you’re crapped! But for all the self help and personal growth advice we can give or take it’s personal experience that gets you to see it, realise it and do something about it. But be grateful that it came your way in the first place and that you are not alone. And that’s no crap!
John Shery recently posted..What To Do If You’re Having A Bad Day
Agreed, we all have to learn out own personal life lessons.
Great, thanks a lot for showing off your darling, sweet, adorable puppy to one who adores them to bits but has none :( I have resisted the temptation to be able to free to travel – but there is nothing like a dog in one’s life. I adore them.
As to your lessons, I agree with each one, Tim! What’s there to disagree with? And YES YES to your puppy attitude for not holding on to grudges – I absolutely LOVE the video Tim, thanks to Abubakar for pointing me to this brilliant site and thank you for doing the Life lesson series!
Farnoosh recently posted..The Amazon Kindle- Expand Beyond the Printed Word
Thanks a lot for the feedback and I’ll give Tori a big wet kiss on your behalf ;-)
Hey Tim,
First of all, I like the (relatively) new blog design! I’m glad you’re still using your trademark comics too.
I’m glad you mentioned gratitude. Over 10 years ago when I was a young teenager I had the epiphany of how important gratitude is. You could have all of the riches in the world, but you wouldn’t even realize it without gratitude.
Unfortunately I didn’t ‘get it’ until I hit 40, but better late than never!
Tim, this is an excellent addition to the Life Lessons Series!
I think “You’ll Be Dead One Day” only works if you’ve embraced the “No Regrets” attitude. When people realize they’re gonna die, then look back at all the years they’ve “wasted” not contributing positively to the world, it’s only natural that they feel upset about it.
But the past has gonna, there are no regrets about it, and we can make the most out of the limited time we have between now and the day we die.
Haider recently posted..Is The Rise In The Divorce Rate A Problem
Thanks mate!
a life coach can help you to answer the question that often begins in puberty and is never answered fully – who you really are. Most of these courses place emphasize on setting and achieving goals, and on making a plan for your life. Many courses will also instill the premise that development of physical well-being and fitness is cornerstone to becoming healthy in the emotional areas of life.
Many of them can help you understand particular fears that might be holding you back in life and also to let go of negativity that might be your crutch as you move through your life. Of course, all of them have different goals.
Ben Tien recently posted..Information about Spiritual Life Coaching
What courses Ben, I’m not at all sure what you’re driving at.
Love the idea of a ustream session with you Tim. Would you be singing though? ;-)
I completely agree that gratitude is a really big player in a happier healthier life. Shame about the shameless puppy video lol
Ben recently posted..Friday’s Homework – It’s all in the video
I may indeed knock out the occasional tune to keep things interesting.
Best piece of advice i’ve ever had is that it’s not personal. Nothing is personal. If someone says you’re stupid or ugly or whatever, it doesn’t mean you are.
Totally agree with that advice.
Hahaha. Article awesome – agree with all of it – you are very wise.
Excellent cheek in the video, although your gittery movements are a little camp, if I may say so.
The bloody cheek of giving me gip for the same thing, when you’re mincing around the place like a Lambrini-fuelled ballerina.
Seriously excellent content though. You’re just a bit of a wally. x
Carl recently posted..3 Profound Lessons from Toy Story 3
New to your blog… lovely post!!! Made me smile, thank God I learned not to take things personally… it has saved my life and made me very happy!!!