It’s Not A Life Coach You Need

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As a personal coach I get asked some strange questions and I also get some even more bizarre answers to questions that I supply. I thought I would relay some of those to you today to make you realize that no matter how bad you are feeling, there is always somebody else worse off ;-)

Caller: I suffer from bad procrastination
Me: Well it can’t be that bad otherwise you’d never have called me.
Caller: True, but I’ll never turn up for the meeting. Should we put something on the calendar?
Me: Er, probably not

Caller: Is that the life coach?
Me: Yes, this is Tim
Caller: Can you make me stop smoking?
Me: Well only you can do that really…
Caller: (click)

Me: Do you like Yoga?
Client: Yes very much
Me: Do you think it is good for you?
Client: Absolutely
Me: Do you have time to do it?
Client: Yes
Me: So will you do it?
Client: No

Caller: Are you a Christian coach?
Me: No but I do believe I am spiritual coach
Caller: God told me I had to have a Christian coach
Me: Well we’d better not argue with the big fella then

Caller: Have you any plans to open a Life Coaching office in South East India?
Me: Er…….not really

Me: Ok you can have absolutely anything in the world, what would it be?
Client: To get promoted to store manager
Me: No seriously, you can have anything and or everything you want?
Client: I’d be happy to get promoted
Me: But you will get promoted anyway, what else would you like, think really big?
Client: I’d quite like a new tv

Caller: Is that the Hypnotherapist?
Me: Yes it is
Caller: Can you hypnotize my wife to stop nagging me?

Caller: I just read the back of your car and see you do stress management
Me: That’s right. Are you particularly stressed at the moment?
Caller: No
Me: Do you get stressed regularly?
Caller: No never really
Me: Er, I’m not sure what it is you want?
Caller: Nothing really I just read the back of your car and thought I’d see what you did.
Me: Trust me, it’s not a life coach you need

Caller: Do you travel to see people for coaching?
Me: Occasionally, if it is more business coaching and the client is prepared to pay expenses, or if somebody lives very close by I may travel where are you?
Caller: Ghana
Me: What, Ghana in Africa?
Caller: Yes.

Caller: Hi, I wondered if you realized that you are not making the most of your search engine optimization?
Me: No I never knew that, so how did you get my details?
Caller: Oh, I did a search for a Life Coach on the Internet and your name came up.
Me: So you phoned me to tell me that I wasn’t optimized properly and yet you found me by using a search engine?
Caller: I guess so.
Me: Is this your first day at the job?