And not just by clients and people I talk to, but by almost every self development blogger I read on the topic.
The two most common questions I get asked from prospective clients are variations of:
- “Can you help me get unstuck?” “
- Can you help me be more confident?”
The answer to the first question is, probably, although I can never be sure for a multitude of reasons.
The answer to the second one is, “I’m afraid not”.
Now before you stop reading and move on to the next self development blogger, Life Coach or Witch Doctor who claims different, let me make this bold statement.
Nobody on earth can give more confidence.
In fact you have exactly the right amount of confidence, and as much as you will ever have.
I hope that doesn’t freak you out if you feel like you lack confidence.
If it does however, don’t worry, there’s good news to follow.
What Is Confidence?
Are you reading a blog post now?
How sure are you of that?
I’ll presume you said, ‘yes’ and ‘very’.
Fabulous, you have just demonstrated confidence. In fact you were brimming with the damn stuff to respond so authoritatively.
And that’s all confidence is, a sense of knowing.
I have had clients tell me they have zero confidence, yet when pushed they insisted they could find their way to their bathroom, knew the color of their car and would be able to brush their teeth without poking their eye out.
Confidence, confidence, confidence.
I have loads of it, you have loads of it, we all have loads of it.
What Isn’t Confidence?
Confidence isn’t bravado, it’s not arrogance and it’s not even being good at something. It’s just a sense of knowing.
I work with a lot of other new Life Coaches and often they think that they need to see results with clients before they can allow themselves to feel confident in their abilities.
I understand that and it’s a commonly held belief when people perform any new activity, not just Life Coaching.
However, just because it’s a commonly held belief doesn’t mean it’s correct, and this one isn’t, it’s incorrect and one that very few highly successful people adopt.
The fact is, being confident in yourself (even if it’s only that you know you will do your best) will make you successful a lot more quickly than waiting for some external validation.
People recognize confidence in others and respond favorably to it, often at an unconscious level.
Why Do I Sometimes Lack Confidence Then?
What you mean when you say you lack confidence, is that you cannot tap into your inherent confidence in certain situations.
There is no thing called confidence.
Nobody can give you any more than you have. You may give yourself permission to grab confidence because of some external validation or praise, but that’s not the same thing at all.
There’s also a dark side to that.
If you need external validation to feel confident, then external disapproval means you have to hand it back.
In other words, you have little control about how you feel about yourself and your abilities.
This post may have you feeling a tad dejected if you feel like you lack confidence, but don’t let it because I’m going to offer an antidote.
In the next post I am going to explain some ways in which you can tap into the confidence you already have.
Trust me, it is there! It may take some digging to find it and we may need to use a combination of different tools and techniques, but we’ll unearth the slippery sucker eventually.
I hope you’re confident in my ability to deliver this, because I am.
If you have a specific situation where you feel you lack confidence, let me know in the comments and I’ll see what I can do.
On September 1st my rates go up significantly. This is not a sales ploy, I’m not going to bring them back down again in October.
I’s merely a reflection of my confidence in my ability to add massive value and help you get unstuck or release your own confidence from within.
The old rates and the new rates are side by side and anybody that hires me and pays in full prior to 1st September (and presuming they can start before the end of the year, will get the lower rate).