My wife came in from work and immediately went to make a drink. On opening the cupboard she noticed that there were hardly any glasses and looked at me suspiciously.
She then went to the dishwasher and opened it to see it was packed to overflowing with clean plates, glasses and silverware.
“When did you put this on?” she asked me.
“Last night” I responded shuffling out of the kitchen because I knew what was coming next.
“Couldn’t you have emptied it at some point today then?” she called after me in a rather indignant fashion.
“Sorry, I didn’t have time” I yelled and sheepishly closed my office door hoping my big fat lie would go unnoticed and that she’d also have pity on me and empty the dishwasher herself.
I’m not keen on emptying dishwashers, along with ironing and the carnage of clipping the dogs toenails, it’s probably my least favorite household chore.
However, it’s never ever taken me 11 hours to empty the damn thing. In fact, I can confidently say that even when the teaspoons get stuck in the silverware container it’s never taken me more than 11 minutes.
So I was lying when I said I didn’t have time, because I had more than enough to have emptied it a hundred times if need be.
A more honest answer would have been, “I really couldn’t be arsed my darling and I simply chose to do other things with my time, any chance you can do it?”
We all adopt the ‘lack of time’ approach on a regular basis, because the easiest out in the world is to blame the clock when we want to avoid doing something.
But it’s nearly always untrue and it’s seldom helpful.
The problem is, it changes your relationship with time and it makes you feel (at an unconscious level) like you’re not in control of the situation.
And as you probably know, a lack of control is one of the biggest stressors in life.
So even though you think you’re getting out of doing something you don’t want to do, there is a cost to that.
That cost is an increase in stress and an unconscious and limiting belief that you really don’t get to chose how you spend your time.
Is it worth it?
I challenge you to join me and go a week without telling people you don’t have time to do something.
I started the process last week by telling somebody that I probably wont read the book they sent me.
Not because I didn’t have any time, but what spare time I have at the moment I’d rather use for chilling with the wife and the hounds.
Amazingly enough the world didn’t stop spinning, they didn’t accuse me of being a selfish bastard and I feel better about being completely open and honest.
Life Coaching Special
We were supposed to be taking a vacation from the 19th to the 29th August, but events have transpired against us, and now we can’t.
Therefore, I have a wide open calendar that I’d like to fill. So if you have been toying with hiring a Life Coach let me tempt you to move from toying to action by offering a 30% discount if you are able to start between 19th and the 29th.
I offered 3 places at this price to my newsletter readers this weekend of which one has gone and I have a consult lined up tomorrow (Tuesday) for another. So at the most there are 2 places left and it may only be one.
So don’t dick about, act now and either e-mail me or call me on 407 334 4692.
Tim Brownson is a Certified Life Coach and has been unsticking people and helping them reach their true potential since 2005. If you would like to know how he can help you
Okay you caught me, sheesh.
I do feel like I revert to the lack of time excuse because it does seem like one of those convenient little white lies that keeps society running smoothly. You know, the whole “I don’t have time because I’m doing stuff that is a whole lot more appealing to me, like watching crappy TLC shows” part is unspoken to avoid bad feelings and uncomfortable confrontations. And everyone goes along with it, so nobody has to get into these sticky questions of what, exactly you are doing instead of whatever it is they want you to do.
Unless you are married to that person, then all bets are off.
Although, I can see your point that when you start believing that you the reason is truly that you don’t have any time, rather than you are choosing not to use your time for that particular thing, you are making yourself feel harried and pressured.
Yes to the last paragraph.
I don’t know if anyone really thinks they don’t have time so much as it’s just a social nicety. Easier to say I don’t have time than whatever you wanted isn’t a priority to me.
And it’s a rather thin social nicety that works better in shallow situations rather than intimate relationships where your partner certainly knows exactly what kind of time you have. :)
By the way, “So don’t dick about, act now” is the best call to action I’ve heard in a long time!
I think people definitely do think they don’t have time. I hear it all the time from clients with things like going to the gym or meditating. There can be an element of truth to it, but largely it’s bollocks.
Glad you like tcta!
After telling my boss that I couldn’t be arsed to do the report he urgently needed, I took the honesty a step further and told him he was ugly too. He’s no longer my boss and I am, in fact, unemployed. Do you cover job-hunting in your life coaching?
I would do but I haven’t got time at the moment mate, sorry.
Tim
Your posts ooze genuineness. I am captivated and validated by your sense of humour. I have found it invaluable when coaching. Sometimes bitter medicine has no taste when you are laughing. You have shared so much with us I will share one of my own anacronyms which I have posted in the washroom of my coaching environment. C.R.A.P. Cease, Review, Adapt, Proceed. Keep up the good work and I wish you much success.
Thanks a lot Sue I appreciate the kind words, and I like your acronym, a lot!
Dang it. Now I can’t use that anymore. I too am a dishwasher unloading procrastinator.
It’s true, I also choose to do other things with my time. At home it’s so easy to be distracted by the fun things that it makes it sometimes really hard to do the needed things.
As long as your wife didn’t read the post mate you’re still good to go, it will be our little secret ;-)
This can only be a quick comment because i’m just so rushed off my feet. You know what it’s like in the blogging world, 2 A4 pages of things to do. I would like to say thank you for showing me i’m not the only life coach that has a demanding wife, or a dishwasher that doesn’t empty itself.
She’s not really that demanding, it’s just that we both hate emptying the dishwasher.
Fortunately she LOVES ironing. Result eh? ;-)
Tim, Nicely said. I often tell myself I don’t have time for things, but your right, it’s just that I either don’t want to do it or it’s not a priority. I agree that the feeling of not having enough time is big cause of stress and even inaction toward some of our most desired goals in life.
Yep, but I think when we can start being honest, at least with ourselves to begin with, it can then open up all sorts of possibilities.
The no time issue is usually an excuse that we tackle in personal development with prioritizing to make time for the important things in our lives. In the case of your dishwasher, looks like this is more of a relationship issue with the wifey!
Ha! Well something had to give I guess when neither of like doing it.
Oh, by the way, you people all suck. I’m still trying to get to the “wash dirty dishes in the first place” part.
Can’t you get a minion for that?
For some reason this post made me laugh out loud. Possibly because I am baking bread at the moment and writing while the bread works its magic. While writing is useful, there are other, more useful, things I could be working on.
I also find that money is used as an excuse in the same way time is. It seems to me that the social convention is often another excuse used to appease ourselves because the person on the receiving end can see through the excuse .. IMHO.
I think you’re right that money definitely can be used that way. I have decided I can’t afford a new iMac, but the reality is I could easily afford one if I sold my car and got something older!
Wow. This is ME. I am a full on time liar!! Thanks for this great idea, Tim! I am going to try this… one whole week, you say! Yikes! I will try it, though!
Let’s not say you’re a liar, just being economical with the truth! Best of luck with it Amy and I’ll be intrigued to see how you get on.
PROTIP: 5 step guide on how to stop lying
1: stop to think “is this the truth, or a lie?” before you are about to say something
2: if it’s a lie, avoid speaking said words.
3: see steps 1 and 2
4: see step 3
5: see step 4
why is it that easy to stop lying? because if you avoid telling them… then you don’t tell them. what a novel concept.
just because you and everyone you know lie all the time doesn’t mean that anything is forcing you to do so. in a few weeks if you consciously work on this, you’ll stop.
i chose to never lie again in college (which is probably why i stopped lying to myself saying “everyone else goes to college, so it must be worth it!” to myself)
I have lied less than a dozen times since then (when i say lie i mean saying something that i know to be untrue at the time of stating it)
just don’t do it
it’s that easy
when you say “no it’s not i can’t!”
just think of what you think of fat people that say “but i CANT work out!” while you are running on a track. that’s how i see you people.
i hope that helps give perspective on your pointless excuses that not even you believe. everyone knows that all you have to do to not lie is just stop. so stop making excuses and stop doing it.
grow up. act like a responsible adult for once.
Really? It’s that easy?
If only I’d known that sooner ;-)