Well let me tell you, 5 days of computer trouble with no end in site seems like an eternity spent with Donald Trump and Simon Cowell in a room with only one mirror.
The result of several hours with tech support, a trip into the Mac store and hunting high and low for a missing terabyte of disc space has meant I’m not just in the weeds, but I am of the weeds.
Whatever the fuck that means.
And I say fuck for good reason, because I have said fuck more times in the last few days than a barefooted drunken sailor who stubbed his toe on a rusty spike and then when bending down to rub it better, impaled his head on a large fish hook.
And as the post you are about to read contains no profanity whatsoever because it was written as a proposed guest post for another site, I felt it incumbent on me to be authentic, because at this very moment in time ‘fuck’ is most definitely my go to word.
Oh and one more thing. Yes I am miffed at publishing two consecutive fucking list posts beginning with ’7′ and I am asking myself question number 4 at this very moment.
1. What Would My Life Be Like If I Were Kinder To Myself?
There is a very high probability that you give yourself a hard time, because unfortunately so many people adopt this approach.
If you are amongst them it’s a merely a coping strategy you have learned because you think it will stop you being lazy and unproductive in your life.
Unfortunately though, it almost never works and on the few occasions that it may help, it can also have the side effect of lowering your self-esteem and making you thoroughly miserable.
Imagine you are a computer programmer and are working on some new code to solve a problem. You try out the new code and it doesn’t work as you planned. Do you merely resubmit the identical code hoping it will work this time?
Of course not, that would quite obviously be ridiculous and a waste of time.
So isn’t it time to write some brand new code for your own mind?
Try offering yourself kindness and compassion for just 2 weeks in the same way you would offer it to a loved one and you will be amazed at the results.
2. What Does My Gut Instinct Say?
Contrary to what many people still think, using your gut instincts (or intuition if you prefer), is not a woo-woo or hit and miss way of making decisions, it’s simply employing rapid cognition.
Gut instincts come from your unconscious mind that is highly evolved, incredibly efficient and exponentially more powerful than your conscious mind.
Compare a pocket calculator from 1975 against the world’s fastest super computer of today and that gives you an idea of the differential in power.
The problem is, your unconscious mind communicates with feelings rather than language and because of that they sometimes don’t make that much sense to the analytical conscious part of your brain.
As such you may dismiss them only to regret that decision later. I bet you have had occasions when you did something even though you felt at the time you really shouldn’t, (or vice versa) and then regretted it, right?
That feeling was your gut instinct ‘talking’ to you and trying its best to help you out. It won’t always be right, but it’s right a lot more than it’s wrong. Ignore it at your peril.
3. Is This In Alignment With My Core Values?
Have you ever taken a job for a large profit driven unscrupulous corporation that felt wrong, but paid great money?
What about misled a friend or colleague and felt bad about it afterward? Or maybe even got into a petty meaningless argument and felt anxious and irritated for doing so?
That’s because you were out of alignment with your values and have created something called an internal value conflict.
In the above cases maybe you have ‘Integrity’, ‘Honesty’ and ‘Peace’ very high on your values list and you then stepped all over them.
When you do something that is out of alignment with your own personal values (and by the way, everybody’s are different so don’t judge other peoples values) you feel bad. You may not necessarily know why you feel bad, you just do.
When making large (and some not so large decisions), before you start analyzing things to death, listen to that gut instinct we talked about above because you’re gut is always in alignment with your values.
If you want to know more about core values click here.
4. What Can I Learn From This?
Last week I was dosed up on pain killers and making regular visits to my chiropractor. And the reason for that, is because I went to yoga and pushed through some moves even though my back was telling me to stop!
I didn’t want to take the easy option that all good yoga teachers offer because they are for old and/or unfit people and I feel like a sprightly 30 year old.
Unfortunately for me, my body is a couple of decades older than that and it was sending me some not so subtle signals to back off or pay the consequences.
A few sleepless nights even with the aid of pain meds, some medical intervention and a lot of discomfort later I now see that as a valuable life lesson to stop trying to be so macho!
If you can learn something from a negative event and put that learning to good use, then you can see whatever it was as useful and necessary experience rather than getting down over it.
There are very few negative situations that life throws at you that do not teach us something of value, if that is, you go looking for it.
5. What Else Can This Mean?
The guy cutting you up in traffic may actually be trying to kill you, or he may have just had bad news and is in a panic and rushing to get home.
The woman who walks past you in the corridor ignoring your smile and friendly hello maybe ignorant, or she may be so lost in thought she never even saw you.
And you may have been overlooked for promotion because you’re not liked by anybody, or it may be because your boss is intimidated by your proficiency and thinks you will make him look bad.
I don’t know about you but I have enough trouble working out what’s going on inside my own head without trying to figure what other people are thinking and what their motives are. Especially when I’m just as likely to get it wrong as right.
Before you rush to judge people or feel bad about another persons actions ask yourself, “what else can this mean?”
Even if somebody is insulting you you can still choose to ask the question and then answer to yourself:
‘This probably means he had a tough upbringing where this kind of behavior was seen to be acceptable. That must have really sucked for him the fucking asshole”.
(Tims note: Sorry I couldn’t resist one minor editorial change to reflect my very un-Life Coach like mood!)
6. Who Could Help Me Achieve That?
When people set huge goals they will often run around panicking and wondering how they are going to achieve whatever it is they want to achieve and feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
Whatever it is you want to attain there will almost certainly be people that have done it before, and even if it is something truly unique there will be elements that others have achieved.
Find out who they are and then ask them for their advice (you would be amazed at how many people will help when asked respectfully), or worst case scenario, read up on them or watch them perform.
Success leaves a trail, so rather than trying to do everything yourself follow that trail and the people who were good enough to forge it.
7. If ‘X’ wasn’t an issue would I be able to achieve that?
There is a classic sales technique called ‘isolating the objection’ and I use it a lot with my Life Coaching clients. What you are doing by adopting this question is finding out what the real reason is for you not making the progress you desire in any one area.
‘X’ will often be money, but it may also be a whole host of other things such as qualifications, age, weight, time, looks etc
For example, you may regularly say things to yourself such as:
- If I had more money I could do that
- If I had a degree I could apply for that job
- If I had more time I’d attempt that
When you do, you should follow up with a question that helps you isolate the objection.
- If money wasn’t an issue, would I do that?
- If a degree wasn’t needed, would I definitely apply?
- If I could create the time, would I really do that?
If the answer is still ‘’no’ then you have a false objection and some more digging is called for. On the other hand, if the answer is ‘yes’ now you know where to shift your focus and what needs dealing with first.
All these questions are cool and can help you improve the quality of your life, but only if you use them, so go and use them now for fucks sake!
Which one is your favorite and which do you not currently use but will commit to now?