There is almost never a smooth line toward success in life no matter how we wish there were.
Life is a collection of failures and successes for everybody and it’s not what happens to us that matters, but how we react to what happens to us.
You don’t measure a hero by their achievements, you measure a hero by the adversity they have overcome on the way to those achievements.
The following is a guest post from my good friend, Roy Naim.
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A while ago Tim called me “A Real Hero” I remember that day. I remember when he encouraged me to write for the blog telling me people need to hear my story.
They WANT to hear my story. He went on to explain that people relate to everyday people more than the “big shots.”
We all love Richard Branson. Big name entrepreneur. Uber successful. Does a lot of good. Role model to us all. And yet, we cannot relate to him. We feel so far away from him that it is hard to say “if he can do it, so can I.”
Yet, if I tell you that your next door neighbor is a big success and has a great business – your whole total outlook of what you can truly do changes.
So I am a hero I was told. People can relate to me. People can say “if he can, so can I.” Awesome…
The Fallen Hero
Except, am I really a hero anymore?
If you read the old post you will see it is about my story of losing weight. My journey as a runner, my journey in losing weight. I went from 360lbs to 209lbs.
If you knew me before at my heaviest and then meet me at my lightest, you would not recognize me. You would probably say, “WOW, Roy, you lost a person.” You would ask me how I did it and I would tell you all sorts of things. I would feel good and you would be inspired.
And yet, there is a new part to that story. The weight starting to creep up. I went from 209lbs to 230lbs. Not too bad. I can lose it.
230lbs to 275lbs. Eh, OK, I got to control this thing. This got out of control.
275lbs to 330lbs. HOLY #$%! What the heck happened here?
And there goes your hero. The man who inspired many to lose weight. The man who inspired many to run races. The man who inspired you to take some sort of action toward your health has failed.
Or rather, he had a massive setback.
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses!
I came up with all sorts of excuses. Momma keeps feeding me. My friends like to eat out. I am not THAT fat. My clothing must have shrunk. Boy, my breathing is heavier – must be the air, after all, I live in New York.
Excuses after excuses. Stories after stories. Everything was responsible but myself.
But, I recognized a bit of what was happening to me. After all, I know HOW to lose weight. I’ve done it before.
So, I went on the cycle of what is called “the yo-yo diet” where I lose 30lbs and then I gained it. My clothing fit a bit but then my buttons can poke your eyes out if they dare pop.
And yet, I felt lost. A friend told me “I get it. I understand why you are overweight, again.”
PLEASE TELL ME! I remember thinking to myself.
He continued and said, “it is because you have already done it once. It is no longer a challenge for you. You saw, you came and you conquered. And now, that you saw that can you do it, you felt like you no longer had to keep it up.”
I remembered smiling at him at the time (while I was eating a piece of cake, by the way). I remembered saying something polite and quickly got up and left the room.
Was that it? I needed a challenge? I needed something to care about?
Well, the thoughts remained in my head for a few days, thinking about what I have done to myself (after all, no one really forced me to eat, even Momma).
I remembered thinking about what the great Zig Ziglar said, “I’m so positive I can lose weight that I don’t even bother starting.”
Cool. And like most ideas, I let it slip to the back of my mind. What does my friend know about losing weight? He is one of those skinny people. And yet….maybe he is right.
All Was Not Lost
Even as I was gaining weight (and I did have to buy a new suit for the new weight) – I refused to buy any more new clothing.
I kept telling myself I will get control of this. I will win this fight. I will go back to what I was used to and I will even get skinnier. This is just a phase. And yet, my “new” suit was too small. Momma kept telling me to buy a newer one. I kept saying “No! I will get back to the gym. I will lose the weight.”
And a few weeks goes back. Months. No REAL change. Just yo-yo.
I was fooling myself. I was thinking all is fine when in reality it wasn’t.
Forget the fact my clothing didn’t fit (and if you ever wondered why I refused to sit down while in a meeting, well, I didn’t want you to see that my dress shirt was so tight that I can shame an Abercrombie model).
Forget the fact that I had back pains and my breathing sounded like a train was passing through. Forget the fact I woke up tired and felt lazy throughout the day. Forget all that.
I was just UNHEALTHY. I was killing myself. I was doing it to me. The excuse that I was “big bones” was a lie. I was FAT. The excuse that “this is how my friends like to hang out” was a lie. They can go out to do other things. I was just FAT and wanted more food.
The Realization
Then it hit me. I am doing this to myself. I was letting myself down, not just the many who called me a hero. I was lying to ME with the excuses (and lying to others when coming up with excuses why I couldn’t hang out with them).
But I had to make this a CHALLENGE. I know who I am. I know how I work. I need a HUGE WHY and the HOW will become bearable.
Now, losing weight is a HUGE challenge but I wanted more. Something to truly push me. And this is when I found Lose4Autism.
It is a weight loss challenge, much like The Biggest Loser (and yes, there is a big prize) AND more importantly, it is for charity. Raising money for kids with autism (a school in NJ). I wanted in. I’ve seen the impact autism have and I have also seen the impact the right education can do for them.
The theme is health. My health. The kids health. Our health.
We All Need Leverage With Our Goals
I had the leverage. I was feeling like crap. I also had the positive leverage raising money for charity. I have the new habit of rocking the gym and doing activities I enjoy (ZUMBA anyone? SERIOUSLY, try it out once). I even recruited my family members in this challenge.
My running is back up. My breathing is normal. I sleep so well and wake up with much energy. My back – I am lighter so no more pain. My eating is normal. MUCH better than when I lost weight the first time. I’ve made cooking healthy fun.
And all this got me thinking. Perhaps, as modestly as I may, I am a hero. Perhaps with all the struggles and setback – I can still accept the hero’s title.
Why? Simple. All heroes have challenges. All heroes fall back at some point. The KEY is to use those setback to get right back up. It is BECAUSE of those setbacks that I can get back up again.
Let me explain that.
There is a verse in Proverbs that says “a righteous man falls seven times and rises but the wicked falls into mischief.”
A student, writing to Rabbi Hutner, complained that he felt stuck in life. He felt that he hasn’t grown and in fact that he has fallen back a few times.
The Rabbi responded, “how glad I am to hear that you are struggling and that you recognize where you are in life.”
Out Struggles Can Make Us Great
He went on to say that we live in a world where our struggles are hidden when in fact it is the struggles that champion us.
We need to hear about the struggles, we need to learn about them for only then will we understand how a person can become so great.
The Rabbi went on explaining the above verse saying “only a fool” would think that a great man just keeps getting up and that is his virtue.
NO. It is BECAUSE of the falls, it is BECAUSE of the failures, it is BECAUSE he fell down seven times that he is able to stand up and stay standing.
So here I am. I have failed many times in this journey. I have gotten many different undesirable results and yet, I believe, I am making my final stand with the weight.
I will see this through the end. I will raise money for charity and I will continue on my own hero’s journey.
It is my hope to be a person who is inspiring so that you can do something for yourself.
If you’d like to follow my journey, you can on Facebook on Twitter. And of course, you can support and donate to the cause here.
Thanks for sharing your story Roy.
Here’s the best line: We need to hear about the struggles, we need to learn about them for only then will we understand how a person can become so great.
I appreciate the fact that you say we actually get strong because of the struggle. And it is in the struggle and in the falls that getting up becomes possible. Inspiring!
You are a hero Roy b/c you continue to stand up and keep going forward:) Keep up the great work!
Vishnu,
Thank you so much for reading and letting me know which line served you best. Sometime one doesn’t realize it until others tell them.
My struggles are not my identity yet they help me become who I am. They allow me to empathize and connect with people on a deeper level but that’s for another topic. Tim – do I get another post? :)
And in this life, we all have our own hero’s journey to go on.
You rock.
Can’t believe the best line wasn’t my intro. I’m crushed ;-)
You know Tim this was my favorite:
You don’t measure a hero by their achievements, you measure a hero by the adversity they have overcome on the way to those achievements.
I already told you that. :)
Phew, I managed to fish out a compliment, I now feel worthy ;-)
Hey Roy. This is very inspiring, thank you. And very brave of you too, to publicly admit falling down.
I started a blog about the 5/2 fasting diet I was doing. I had great results for the first few weeks, but then I lost interest. I haven’t dare to weigh myself since, and that was several months ago! But a few friends have said to me it’d be excellent to carry on the blog and admit I’d had a setback.
I can totally relate to needing a challenge to motivate me to keep putting in consistent effort. Like you, I tend to lose interest quickly unless I keep reminding myself why I’m doing what I’m doing.
This time last year I was in a really great place, mentally and emotionally. Yet I allowed myself to slack off and stop doing all the things I knew were good for me: I stopped using the incredibly useful NLP techniques taught by Tim and others, I stopped exercising. And for the latter half of 2012, I have felt generally pretty rubbish.
But I’ve got back on the wagon in recent weeks. My “why” is really powerful for me: I was just fed up feeling fed up! I want to feel consistently awesome again, like I did before!
I’m now doing a hypnosis CD every day, exercising every day and practising some NLP techniques.
Here’s to the future, for both you & me, Roy! You legend!
Rob,
Wow, thank you for sharing your story with me, with us as I learn from them as well.
That’s the thing, isn’t it? LIFE gets in the way and we let the weight creep up. For me, it was my work with immigration (another story) and I forget taking care of myself. Add to it that it just didn’t feel like a challenge – I moved off from it rather quickly.
I never heard of the 5/2 diet but guess there’s something to check out.
I wish you well and indeed, let us celebrate together for our victorious final stand. Let the WHY always be the challenge so that we can move forward daily.
I feel an admission of my own coming up soon. Well not so much an admission, that sounds a bit grand, but a post on how I have dealt with my general anxiety disorder this year and what insights I have come to.
Just trying to figure the best way of delivering it.
I will be looking forward to this post, Tim.
For me, and for many others, we want to know how things sucked. We want to know how hard it was, how much hell there was endure to get to where we are today.
When I hear of a successful person speaking about all the wonderful things he has done – BRAVO but it bores me.
But when I hear them talk about the hell they went through – I will retell their stories until my friends leave me.
Rob,
Wow, thank you for sharing your story with me, with us as I learn from them as well.
That’s the thing, isn’t it? LIFE gets in the way and we let the weight creep up. For me, it was my work with immigration (another story) and I forget taking care of myself. Add to it that it just didn’t feel like a challenge – I moved off from it rather quickly.
I never heard of the 5/2 diet but guess there’s something to check out.
I wish you well and indeed, let us celebrate together for our victorious final stand. Let the WHY always be the challenge so that we can move forward daily.
Tim – this comment was meant for Rob and I just resent it to him. Feel free to delete.
I appreciate your struggle and you sharing your story. It spoke to me because I can relate to a lot of what was said.
I believe your friend made a good point about it not being a challenge for you anymore which is part of why you gained the weight back and I believe a lot of people who lose a lot of weight fall into the same complacency. I lost, now what? Then you end up putting it back on because you let your guard down.
I’m glad you shed your excuses and put your head into it and realized it was all you and I wish you continued success this time around. My prayers are with you.
Marc, my brother, thank you so much for reading and commenting.
And indeed, my friend did make a great point and whenever I see him (always when I am in the supermarket – go figure) I think of it and I think about all the things I have went for and saw till the end.
It is because it was a CHALLENGE. A big one. One that I wasn’t sure I can do and did it anyway.
And amen, Marc. Amen.
Thank you.
Hi Roy:
I have been following your story. I admire your strength, humbleness and bravery. It would have been easy to hide but no, you press on and share. Good for you. And good luck with your journey back to health and your fundraising. “It is the struggles that champion us.” So true.
Alison,
Thank you for the read, for the comment and for following this story. It is my belief that we should share more because others need to hear it and even in my downtime, I push forward to share.
Thank you for the good wishes.
It is the first time that I witness a man strong enough to admit with such braveness and wisdom his own mistakes.As a history student,your story reminds of a conclusion:that really great heroes are not in the front line of the battle but in the setback.I suppose our failures are the ones that test us and and your life story is a truly great inspiration.I also tend to lose interest quickly and I am trying to fight it back,most of the times though I do not know how but I do not want to stop trying.Really,thank you for reminding to everyone how important fighting in one’s life is!Keep up your great fight :D
Lefteris – thank you for reading and commenting.
Interesting you mentioned history in conjunction to heroes. The first thought that pops to my mind in Greek Mythology which is fascinating.
The when “Gods” used people as heroes to do their missions and fight for them. And yet, these heroes have fallen many times and YET – they have done something amazing.
Losing interest in stuff is common. The newness gets lost. The key, to me, is to make it exciting and keeps it challenging. It keeps me going and happy.
Thank you for the good wishes and keep rocking yourself.
Hi Roy–I think the thing about lofty goals (pardon the pun), is it’s just so much damn work. And I imagine after losing all that weight, the pressure was really intense to keep it off. Food represents so much more than nutrition, and the way we approach eating, tells a lot about how we approach boundaries, and life, in general.
I’m rooting for you, man! Had to laugh about the cake-in-hand, bit.
All the best with your health–you deserve to be fit, healthy, happy and heroic :).
Thank you Linda for reading, commenting and sharing.
And indeed, weight loss is a HUGE goal. 10lbs or 100lbs – it is such a fight.
Recently a friend called me and was saying how in medical school they were talking about how hard it is, scientifically, to lose weight. Add to that all the emotion – YOU GOT WAR.
Thanks for rooting me on and amen! Let us all be heroes!
he’s a rootable for kind of guy and I am trademarking that expression!
Which expression? Rootable? Ummm, well, since I was raised in the hood it actually means something. Please urban dictionary it.
Roy, you da man, again! ;-)
Thanks for a great post and also for dealing with all the comments as I have been a.w.o.l. for most of today.
I was wondering where you went – I remember asking to guest post but didn’t recall you handing over the blog to me…if I knew… :)
You welcome and thank you for the opportunity.
Yeh sorry mate had a lot of personal crap to deal with the last couple of days as well as a full client load.
Normal service should be returned tomorrow.
The problem with trying to lose weight is the continual focus on food – it becomes all you think about!! One of the most useful books I have found recently is by Jon Gabriel – he uses visualisation and meditation a lot. He believes that there is a psychological barrier to losing weight for many people and if this is dealt with weight stays off. Definitely worth looking up – thegabrielmethod.com – I really enjoy the meditation/visualisation! And I have lost a bit of weight!
Best of luck with your fundraising – it’s a great cause!
Hey Sara.
Just took a browse on the site you mentioned and even read a few recipes (I LOVE to cook).
There is no question about it that it goes beyond just what we are eating. I know with myself, and for reasons I may discuss later, that other factors just took place and I lost focus on my health.
Visualization is GREAT with PRACTICAL strategies in eating well and maintaining a healthy body.