It’s Ok, You’re Not Nuts

Firstly, if you have reading this via e-mail you may have seen it earlier this week, SORRY!

I have no idea what I did, but I managed to send out the draft version without even knowing it, as well as an old post too. Worry not, I have given myself a damn good thrashing and warned myself that if it happens again, heads will roll.

Once again I’ll keep this guest intro short because it’s another fairly long post. Adam Eason is a top fella and incredibly knowledgeable on NLP and Hypnosis, which is fortunate because he teaches it in the UK. I’ve been bugging him for 6 months or so to write me a post on The Parts Party and this is the result. After reading this you’ll realize you’re not totally mental when you chat away to yourself.

The Parts Party

Hello, I am Adam Eason and there are parts of me that you are sure to like… Parts of me that perhaps will grate you, I have that affect on folk… There are also parts of me that I am inclined to keep private from you and I am not just referring to the contents of my trousers… What on earth is this all about?

I wrote about it on my blog at the start of this week, I was at the Odeon cinema in Bournemouth near where I work and live. It was a 3D film showing of Avatar and what a brilliant cinematic experience that was. Utterly amazing, loved every second. I have my take on the ethos of the film and its themes that I have written about, which are discussions for another day.

I do love being in those large auditoriums though… Just across the road from the cinema in Bournemouth is the Pavilion theater. It is a fabulous, although rather aged theater. Whenever I have been inside watching a show or performance, my mind always imagines what this theater had seen over the years. The performances, the drama, the shenanigans…

Theaters like this one, were very grand in their day and seem to have a sense about them that generates all kinds of feelings for me. Theaters and stages often provide a great basis for a metaphor or two in personal development too… I’ll come on to that.

Now, as well as being friends, Tim and I are rivals. We belong to an age old football rivalry that has a history that runs deep in England… Nottingham Forest are my team and Derby County is his. To add to the spice this season, a former Forest legend is currently the Derby coach and manager and the Nottingham Forest manager is ex-Derby. To be honest, we are very much having the upper hand so far this season and I must confess to not having rubbed anyone’s nose in it too much.

Well, this week marked a very happy day for Nottingham Forest football fans… Our 5-0 home win against Queens Park Rangers this very week saw us extend our unbeaten run in the league to 19 games and have scored 21 goals in our last 9 home games, we are joint top of the league at the time of writing this and it is a wonderful time for us. (Tims note: Their unbeaten run is over, we kicked their asses this week, hurrah!)

I am not going to rant on about it today and bask in our glory, heck it may end up being short lived. The reason I mention this and what interested me more this week, was that our manager has been on radio, television and in the papers and in one of the interviews that Billy Davies gave, he said that right at the very start of the season, a part of him knew that when this team clicked, we were going to be very dangerous in this league….

A ‘part’ of him knew.

Hmmm…. Interesting thought, eh?

I know that when I work with clients, even though they want to stop smoking, a part of them may derive some perverse security from smoking at certain times.

Even though someone may wish to reduce their weight, a part of them may derive some seemingly misplaced comfort from eating the wrong things at certain times. Even though someone wants to be free of their phobia, a part of them feels oddly protected by that fear response.

Sometimes this seeming ambivalence could seem like a problem, yet with these kinds of processes, we can use this notion, this metaphor to our advantage… Today, this is about self-help, your own personal development and no way near as in-depth as a full blown therapeutic application of parts therapy in a clinical setting, or as explained by established trainers in my own field.

In her book, ‘Your Many Faces‘, Virginia Satir presents the core theory of a technique that is used by therapists all over the world and especially NLP practitioners. It is commonly called the Parts Party.

I’ve seen this exercise adapted in various ways by different schools of therapy. In today’s Adam Up, I want to offer you a different variation of this very powerful exercise, that is light hearted while it is extremely profound.

Eight Steps For Hosting Your Own Parts Party!

Just follow these simple steps:

Step One:

Develop a sense of being in the moment and being receptive. Begin by being in a quiet place where you will be undisturbed, have your arms and legs uncrossed and just allow yourself to relax. Ideally, go get my book on self-hypnosis and take yourself into a nice receptive state of hypnosis. Or use whatever relaxation technique or meditative skill that you know – to develop an open, still mind.

Have a few moments engaging in the moment. As Jacquelyn Small says, “There is nothing that has to be done; there is only someone to be.”

Step Two:

Engage in this moment. You might want to start by becoming aware of the sensation of air passing through your nostrils. Feel its touch. Notice in what part of the nostrils you feel the touch of the air when you inhale, and in what part of the nostrils you feel the touch of air when you exhale. Become aware of the temperature of the air. As unusual as it may sound, imagine that you breathe into your forehead and become aware of any sensations in your forehead. It makes mindful breathing so much easier.

Continue to be aware of any sensation around your eyes, around your mouth, in your neck and shoulders. Simply be aware of the sensations. Continue through your entire body. Omit no part of you as you tune in to yourself, accepting how you feel. You may find some parts of you completely devoid of sensation. Keep focused on those parts. If no sensation emerges, move on.,..

Once you get to your toes, you may want to run through that again to really deepen the process. Do this until you feel nicely tuned into the moment and tuned in to your body in its entirety. Feel your entire body as one mass of various types of sensations. Notice now the deep stillness that has come over you and enjoy being completely still. Notice that deep stillness of your body. Ensure that you are not moving any part of your body.

Each time you feel an urge of any kind, don’t give in to it, just be aware of it as sharply as you can. This may be challenging and even painful for you at first. You may become tense. Just be aware of the tenseness…. Stay with it and the tension disappears. Accept who and how you are in these moments.

Step Three:

Spend a few moments just being mindful of your breathing. And then imagine in your mind a stage door. See the color of this door, imagine the size of it, imagine a stage door of some kind – in whatever way you imagine it to be.

Open that door, and walk through the stage door and see a beautiful theater. Notice the walls and the stage. Notice the closed curtain. Notice the auditorium in as much detail as you can before you sit down in a front row seat. Feel the fabric of the seat, maybe it is your favorite fabric. Feel it as you sit down. Allow yourself to be as comfortable as you possibly can. Take all the time necessary for you to feel this.

Step Four:

Now imagine the curtain beginning to open. Let yourself feel the excitement that goes with such an opening. As the curtain opens see a large sign covering the wall of the stage. It reads “The (put your name) Parts Review.” Think of some part of yourself that you really like and see some famous person or someone you know well who represents that part walk out on the stage.

I like my sense of humor and so I see Eddie Izzard or Peter Cook walk out. Hear a rapturous applause. Then think of another part of you that you really like and repeat the process. I like my speaking ability and I see Bill Clinton walk onto the stage. I like my sense of compassion, so I imagine the Dalai Lama, or my very first therapist walk on to stage, you get the idea here, don’t you? Repeat this until five people are on the right hand side of the stage and then move on to the next step.

Step Five:

This step is likely to rankle with one or two of you and you may not want to focus on elements of yourself that you do not like. Or you may simply tell me that you refuse to dislike any element of yourself. Therefore, you may want to reframe this step to be congruent with who and how you are and how you sit with the semantics of this step.

Ok, now think of a part of yourself you don’t like so much and see that part walk onto the stage as personified by a famous person or someone you know. I don’t like my tendency to be disorganized from time to time and I see a very unkempt friend of mine walk onto the stage.

You might want to imagine a resounding boo as if you have an audience in your theater. Keep it theatrical rather than actually putting any felt-sense of disdain into it if you choose to do so.

Then think of another part that of you that you don’t like. I sometimes dislike the part of me that can be self-centered, so I imagine Jonathan Ross (incredibly self-infatuated TV host here in the UK) or some other person coming on to stage. It is important that you make these as personal to you as possible. Heck, the people that I characterize in one way may be characterized totally differently by you.

Step Six:

Finally, after five parts you dislike or reject are standing on the left side of the stage, imagine that a wise and beautiful person walks to the centre of the stage. This person can look like an old man with a beard – having been raised on Tolkien books, I always imagine Gandalf the wizard, he epitomises wisdom for me, always will.

Or maybe a radiant youth-like Jesus or a warm nurturing mother, a mythological figure or a modern day certain someone who tickles your fancy…. Whatever is right for you – let it be your own interpretation. As you let your wise person appear, see that person walking off the stage and coming to get you. As the wise person approaches, hear that person invite you to come up on the stage and review your many parts.

Walk around each person who represents a part of you; look into the eyes of each person. How does each part help you? How does each part hinder or limit you, especially your undesirable parts? What can you learn from your undesirable parts? What can they teach you?

Now imagine they are all interacting. Imagine them at a table discussing a problem. Think of a current problem you have. What does your humour say about it? How is that helpful? How does it hinder you? How does your disorganization help you? What would happen if you simply didn’t have this part? What would you lose? How would you like to change the part you want to reject? Modify that part in the way it would be more beneficial.

How does it feel to modify that part?…

Take all the time necessary to absorb as much learning from this as possible. Develop a dialogue, let those parts respond frankly without too much of you contaminating it.

Step Seven:

Now go around and repeat that procedure with every single part. Modify it until it feels right for you. Then walk up to each part and imagine that part melting into you. Do this until you are alone on the stage with your wise person.

Hear the wise person tell you that this is the theater of your life. This is the place you can come and review your many selves from time to time. Hear the wise person tell you that all these parts belong to you, that each has its own complementariness in your psychic balance. Make a decision to embrace your selves; to love and accept and learn from all your parts. See your wise person walk away. Thank that person for the lesson.

Step Eight:

Walk down off the stage. Be aware of yourself sitting in the theater looking at the stage whereon you play out your life. Let your mind see each of your newly modified parts float by and feel yourself as one entire organism with many aspects and interdynamic parts. Like when you were tuning into yourself earlier.

Take a moment or two to accept yourself as you are and accept all the parts because this helps integrate all their perspectives. Then, digest all you can, spend as long as you feel necessary and helpful before you get up to walk out of your theatre.

Open your eyes, wiggle your fingers and toes and relax.

This week, get tuned in to all those various parts of you, all those aspects of who you are and use them to help you with any challenges or issues you may be facing. Alternatively, just do this for some fun or to help you change some perspective or shine some light on something.

Of course, there is no evidence to suggest we actually have parts in real-life terms… it is the metaphor that allows us to adopt some facets of ourselves and make more of an effort to understand ourselves. Then it affects us in our entirety. There is a lot of fun and gain to be had with this kind of thing.

You can read more from Adam by checking out his blog. You can also follow him on Twitter and if you do, don’t forget to remind him how Forest did against Derby last week, he’ll be disappointed if you don’t.