Having a tough day? Have you got a bit of a headache or is your boss in a bad mood and taking it out on you? Or maybe your web stats are down a bit or you’re sick of driving to work in rush hour or you were made to watch ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ by your spouse and have now lost the will to live?
Josh Lipovetsky has had a bit of a tough lifetime, but you wouldn’t know it from his demeanor and attitude.
Yes indeed, this is one of those posts designed to remind you that you almost certainly haven’t got it as tough as you think you have.
How To Deal With Pain
Hello A Daring Adventure readers! My name is Josh Lipovetsky, and before I get into the core of my post, and discuss how I am able to remain so positive throughout adverse circumstances, I would like to share my journey.
2 years ago, when I was 15, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. A painful intestinal disease. Sparing you the gory details, I was hospitalized 3 times in the course of 6 months.
]Each visit was about 10 days long, and they were full of pain and confusion. Why is this disease progressing so fast? When will it stop? When can I go back to High School, with all of my friends?
]But the hospital visits also had a bright spot. The people. The support. If I didn’t have a chance to have great conversations with lots of people every day, I wouldn’t be such an optimistic person.
]This is why I firmly believe, that focusing on other people, and great relationships, are the key to optimism.
]After the third hospitalization, the doctors gave up. We went with surgery. A total collectomy (removal of the colon). It was a major, life changing procedure. I went into the surgery with courage and optimism (I was having a blast in the pre-surgery room, just minutes before the surgery. I was extremely optimistic towards my disease-free future)
I recovered from the surgery in about 2 days, which was a near hospital record. I’m proud of it!
For about 3 weeks, I felt completely healthy. I thought my life in the hospital was over, and I could start living again. Unfortunately, God had other plans. The pain had only begun.
However, the disease soon spread up to my Small Intestine, and I was back in the hospital. The physical pain became unbearable, but I somehow remained strong throughout the fight. The drugs were piled on, and in the course of the next year, I was hospitalized about 10 times.
My life will never be the same again.
I am glad to say, that I am feeling much better now. I started meditating daily about 9 months ago, and I have stayed out of the hospital since. Life has been great! As I approach my 18th birthday, I have just started my website Optimistic Wellness, where I share my story, my tips on life, my philosophical views, book reviews, and many other interesting topics.
Now, I will tell you how I was able to remain so positive, throughout all of the pain and disappointment. But first, let me tell you one more thing.
It’s one thing to read about how to deal with pain and hardships, and another to actually go through the pain and hardships. My optimistic reaction to my situation was unconscious. I didn’t really have to think about it.
However, now, as I am writing, I am bringing my methods to the surface. I hope they can help you deal with any pain in your life, whether physical or emotional.
1. The more pain you are in, the more you need to focus on helping others
The more pain you are in, the more you need to focus on helping others. The more pain you are in, the more you need to focus on helping others. One more time, just in case you didn’t get it the first 3 times: The more pain you are in, the more you need to focus on helping others.
Why do I repeat myself so many times? Because this is quite possibly, the key to my optimism.
When I was in great physical pain, a nurse would stop by my room, and we would have a nice chat. I was enveloped in the conversation, and I completely forgot about all of my physical pain.
Unfortunately, when he/she left the room, my pain came back. This is probably because I am an extrovert. So whether you are extroverted or introverted, there is some way that you can focus on other people.
If you haven’t talked to a friend in a while, call them up or send them a message on Facebook, they’ll probably appreciate it. Listen to their problems, and help them out. Or maybe go to an online forum, like Take This Life.
So the next time you are experiencing serious pain, don’t ask yourself: How can I make this pain go away? Instead, ask: How can I focus my attention on other people?
2. Pessimism = Persistence of Pain
Allow me to share a personal story. After about the 10th hospitalization, I became pretty furious. Not at anyone in particular; just my life situation. I decided to put a new pair of glasses on. The pessimist glasses.
I just wanted to try them on, and see how life looked through those frames. My main discovery, was how easy it really is to be a pessimist. It might take a little effort to become an optimistic person, but it is sure worth it. And now I’m a believer, optimism is the only way of life!
3. Support
I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me, or pity me. Period. I didn’t tell anyone that I got sick, for about 9 months. During the time, I was blessed to have a very supportive family. But if I didn’t have such a wonderful family, I would never have been able to deal with my disease. It’s just too much for one person to handle, physically and emotionally.
That is why we have family and friends. It’s wonderful to know that somebody loves you, cares about you, and wants you to feel better. I have received a lot of support throughout my sickness.
Some people tell me that my story is very inspiring, and that is something that I truly appreciate.
Here’s the truth: We all need love. We all need affection. We all need someone to support us, and tell us that everything is going to be alright. Because when you hit the bottom of the barrel, no matter how tough you are, you are going to need support. Even Rocky needed support! So keep in touch; you never know what good things can come of it.
I would like to tell you more; I would like to give you some magic bullets. But the truth is: these are the reasons why I was able to handle my situation with such optimism. It’s how I made it through the tough days and nights.
I am not going to tell you that it wasn’t extremely difficult and painful. Or that I enjoyed any part of the disease. I’m just a human being, and I’m making the most of my situation.
“There are some people who wonder about who will cry when they die. I like to be more concerned with who will laugh when I live.”
I want to spread joy to other people, not sadness. I don’t care about what I’ve been through. To tell you the truth, I often forget, and become complacent. But there’s one thing that I always remember, every day of my life:
Optimism is the only way!
Rich And Happy Thanks
I wanted to take this opportunity to offer a huge thank you to two people that have helped the Rich and Happy project immensely over the last few weeks. I want to do it here as this blog gets a lot more traffic and they deserve all the recognition they get.
Firstly, Amy Harrison from harrisonamy copywriting has done all of the copywriting for the site and has done so for free because she believes in our project so strongly.
The same goes for Tim Gary from Mindcue who has being doing all our website and SEO work.
If you need copywriting or SEO/Web services I can’t recommend these two people highly enough. They are both professional, punctual, patient excellent at what they do as well as being great fun to work with. Just don’t ask then to do it for free!
PS. I have held back on raising my Life Coaching rates until my new site is live. That should be very soon as we are testing and also loading copy up there as we speak. So if you want to hire me prior to then and save some money you’d better get your arse into gear!
PPS Whisper it quietly but we did some testing on the new site with the cartoons and they actually looked good. After so many people have requested I keep them, I may just do that. Not promising yet, but who knows?
Tim Brownson is a Certified Life Coach and has been unsticking people and helping them reach their true potential since 2005. If you would like to know how he can help you
Thanks! I’ve been struggling with a tooth pain all day. Tim must have read my mind to put this article on his blog :)
The good news for me is that all pain start in our head, not in our bodies. And it is there where we can manage it.
Josh
Dude – what an inspiring, invigorating approach to life.
Phenomenal. Loving the “helping others” thang – I can totally relate.
Will be checkin out your stuff dude… stay strong man!! :)
@ Eduard – Maybe a tad easier said than done bud, but I get your gist!
@ Carl – Yes!
Thank you for posting this. Truly inspiring and wise words from someone so young. I’m passing it on…. :)
Eduard,
I’m going to be honest with you. I would be very upset if I had to deal with tooth pain. The little things usually get to me, much more than the big things. It’s something that I am actively improving! Severe pain, and things similar, don’t really bother me in the same way.
As for the part about pain starting in your head; I think you may have a good point there! I remember, for about a year before the illness started, I was very impatient. I had occasional angry outbursts, even though I was still generally a nice person. Then the UC started, and things really changed. The only part that I am confused about, is how to stop the pain. After the first 2 hospitalizations, I was reading about all of that stuff (pain, body-mind healing), and doing my best to heal myself. After the surgery, I did the same thing. What about the other 7 hospitalizations? What about the fact that I need 24 hour NG feeds right now? I feel like I’m missing an essential piece of the puzzle, that I have yet to figure out. It’s kind of frustrating, but I will persevere, because things always change. I escaped the cycle of hospital visits, thanks to my amazing doctors. I know that my optimism had a lot to do with it, and my faith that everything would somehow work out.
Lots of times, I wondered: how come I am the calmest one in my family? My parents are upset, my sister is upset, my whole family is upset. But I’m not really upset. I’m just trying to live life in the best way I can, you know? Trying not to waste time.
One thing that I have being doing lately, that has really enriched my life: hanging out with good, supportive friends. It’s one of the best ways to spend time, because you never regret doing it.
Thanks for the comment man!
Carl,
I really appreciate that! One thing that I have noticed, is the ‘helping others’ craze that has appeared recently. It’s like the theme of the new decade. Making the world a better place. I’m loving that! Thanks for the encouragement, and the comment about ‘staying strong’. I’m always thrilled when I get those kind of words. I’ve been strong for about 2 years now. I’m thinkin’ it’s too late to go back :) Thanks Carl!!
Tim,
Thanks for publishing this post, and helping me with my website, and sharing my story. You da man! Muchos gracias!
Pain is not localized because it is the outcome of a series of reactions in the body and the mind. Pain is felt and experienced only when the injured area sends signals through your nervous system to your brain, which receives and interprets these signals.
Pain is always connected with inflammation. When the injured area becomes inflamed, the inflammatory response intensifies, and so does your perception of pain.
Therefore, dealing with pain is not to influence your perception of pain, but to stop the damage from causing the pain in the first place.
Ben Tien
Hey, Josh!
It’s good to hear you say you’re staying positive and turning your adversity into a tool to build a foundation for helping others, like your website. My hope is that you can continue in your optimism with the fewest and shortest possible downslides into pessimism and self-pity. (Some are a natural part of the cycle of dealing with long-term pain.)
I’m a bit older than you (50) and have been dealing with chronic pain now for about 15 years. I’m not exaggerating when I say it changed my entire life, not necessarily in negative ways. In some ways, I think you’re at an advantage having pain enter your life at a younger age. I had built up a reputation in my work, worked through and healed from childhood trauma, and was looking forward to living the rest of my life on my own terms when I became differently abled by pain. So, some of my lessons have been different than yours because we come from different places.
Might I suggest visualizations, affirmations, and/or biofeedback as the “missing” part of your self-healing program? All three have to do with the mind’s influence over the body. I highly recommend all three; I don’t know what will suit your personality or work for you. Shakti Gawain is an excellent source for visualization; there are some blogs that focus on affirmations, such as Abundance Tapestry (the topic can be changed to meet your needs); and you can ask your doctor about biofeedback, which is beginning to be covered by more and more insurance companies.
You mentioned a “mind-body” connection. I tend to think of it as a ind-body-spirit connection. (I’m not necessarily meaning religion per se, but religion can contain spirituality.) I don’t know where you are in developing your own sense of your spirit, or possibly its relationship with some kind of “higher power” beyond your physical self. If they fit, I also recommend expressing gratitude to whatever “creator” you believe in, and prayer as in asking that “creator” to manifest something other than your condition and pain in your life. I can recommend Neale Donald Walsh’s “Conversation With God” series for spirituality, gratitude, and prayer.
I wish you more health and happiness!
Annie
@ Ben – I have no idea what you’re talking about! So if I push a knife into your nether regions that instant pain is inflammation is it?
Also surely sometimes we cannot avoid the pain as in Josh’s case, so we have to learn how to deal with it or manage it, right?
Hey, Tim! :)
Thank you for finding a way to answer Ben without ripping him to pieces. As someone with Fibromyalgia, where there is widespread bodily pain that’s centralized in the brain and without inflammation anywhere, I almost took care of that for you, much less politely.
Annie
Eran,
Thanks again! That means a lot, and I’m glad that I helped you out through a tough day yesterday :)
Annie,
Thank you so much for helping me out! I am sorry that you have to go through Fibromyalgia. I don’t know what it’s like, and I can’t imagine how painful it is :(.
Yes, there is frustration and anger. I try my best to control it, but sometimes it just happens.
I meditate for about 35 minutes every day. It’s all MP3 tracks, though. Maybe I should try silence?
Visualization: Great suggestion! I actually read an awesome book about it last year. It is called ‘Creative Visualization’ by Shakti Gawain.
I also ordered ‘The Healing Code’ by Dr. Alex Lloyd this morning. I have heard mixed reviews, but I really want to try it out for myself. It’s some kind of ‘energy healing’ thing. I will let you know how it works out :)
Biofeedback looks interesting! I will talk to my doctors about it next time I see them!
I am also a very spiritual person. I believe in God very strongly. I have heard of ‘Conversations with God’, and I want to read it. I will keep you updated on my progress, and let you know what works for me! Thanks Annie :)
@ Annie – You’re welcome. The funny thing is I have heard what Ben said before and I think there is some truth that a great many things are caused by inflammation that wouldn’t be immediately apparent.
Hey Josh,
Focusing on helping other people is a great antidote for life’s challenges which might not necessarily mean physical pain.
I don’t know why but looking outwards at how you can help other people seems to strip away some of the self-limiting beliefs you can have when you just focus on yourself and your own problems. Perhaps because it’s expanding your perspective, I don’t know.
Enjoyed the post and best of luck with Optimistic Wellness!
Amy
[...] why I really like this blog entry about dealing with pain. I especially love the tip “The more pain you are in, the more you [...]
Amy,
Thanks a lot for the kind words! Looking outwards is definitely the most effective way to reduce pain. However, it’s also probably the toughest way. Much Easier said than done, and I continue to struggle with it!
Life wouldn’t be so interesting if the most effective things were easily achievable, though. That’s how I see it :)
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