I had planned on giving you my first Primal/Paleo update today, but as I’m only on day 4 and no significant changes or murderous rampages to report, I thought it may be better to wait until after the weekend and I’ve had a full week to see how things are.
Not only that, but I have been really busy with How To Be Rich and Happy stuff. We had our first major breakthrough this week when a Central Florida charity requested 750 books.
The charity is the Children’s Advocacy Center of Osceola County who provide services to children and non-offending family members that are victims of child sexual and physical abuse. It’s an amazing charity that doesn’t get the support it deserves, so we’re absolutely delighted to be helping out and I’m delivering the books myself tomorrow (Friday).
If you’ve bought a copy of the book these are the kind of projects you’re helping, so THANKS!
It was fortunate then that Marc Quinn sent me a brilliant guest post that took me about 17 seconds to decide to run. Rather than steal his thunder any more I’ll let you read the post and make your own mind up.
Being A Failure Is The Best Thing You Could Do With Your Life
A year ago, I made a decision that completely changed my world. I accepted I was a failure.
I was working as a Health & Safety officer for major supermarkets in the UK. I could walk around with a PDA saying cool things like: “Hey, the underside of your counters are dirty” or “Look at the corners of this knife, they have fish scales in them still”. Yes, life was good! *zzzz*
In 12 years of employment, I had had 15 jobs. I was fired only once, and every manager I ever had knew me as the guy who was very bright but was as dozy as the flightless Dodo. I simply didn’t care.
And so in the summer of 2009, I listened to the feeling in my gut, admitted I was a failure and gave up employment with nothing else to go to, no way to support the apartment I was renting in East London, and with still approximately £7k in debt hanging over my head.
From the outside, I looked like a dumbass. From the inside, it was the most edgy thing I had done my whole life, and it felt so right. My mother didn’t speak to me for a month.
The journey through this transition continued for 4 months. In that time, I lived in my parents’ house, on an eco-farm picking onions, and then upgraded to a flea-ridden apartment, with rats, mice and blood stains on the wall from the former inhabitants shooting up and hitting a vein. Oh, and apparently a hooker had died in the place I was about to call “my bedroom”. I moved out after 24 hours. Surprising to some, the fleas were the deal-breaker.
For 4 months, I wandered from dead-end to dead-end. Each time I made a decision, it left me further and further in debt.
And yet, despite failure after failure, I built a resiliency in myself I had not known before. I had failed at full-time work, and couldn’t even do unemployment very well. Through making these decisions that left me consistently worse off than the last time, I found a strength in myself that told me this was finally MY path. I knew safety far too well, and my DNA was starting to rot by staying there.
Many people talk about commitments like they are the only things that will get you anywhere in life. Unless you stick at something, you won’t get anywhere. And so, we stick out jobs that keep the carrot just beyond our reach. Our success is said to be assured. We have a job, a house, a marriage, and maybe even the latest iPhone 4.
And yet, being a failure is all about perspective. We may actually be completely miserable in our lives, and even discover that the iPhone 4 is no different than the last.
Two Types of Failure
I learned that there are three types of failure in the world. Before I tell you, I must admit that I operate inside the cool one about 2% of my week. I’m working on getting that to 4%:
The Comfortable Failure
I once heard someone justify staying with their husband because they had just redecorated their living room. The Comfortable Failure is someone who work their whole lives getting what they have been told they need to live a “successful life”. They do love the feel of their sheets on their 4-poster bed, and their garden really does relax them. And yet they know they have really just built themselves their own plush prison cell.
The Comfortable Failure is so attached to their routine that they will only encourage other people’s comfort routines, and will form an immune system against anything that strays too far from that – for fear of losing what they already have. The main way the Comfortable Failure accidentally becomes a Successful Failure is by going through some great upset in their circumstances or loses someone close to them.
The Successful Failure
The best kind of failure to be is also, perhaps, the scariest. Failures who work to liberate themselves from their comfortable circumstances often create something new that inspires and challenges them. The work they choose pushes into new realms of possibility that so few have explored before, often whilst fearing nobody will care. They will often throw it all on the line for something they see as being a necessary addition to the world.
They are always checking in with themselves to see if their work is in line with their values and creative aspirations. And yet, they are not afraid to throw away 100 hours of work on something they originally thought was awesome because they realize it no longer serves them. They recognize and accept that the majority of their time will end up being a ‘waste of time’ and that only a slither of their projects will actually truly take off, some may actually leave them worse off than they were before (perhaps). And yet they choose to chomp at the bit each time nonetheless.
The Failure In Between
The Failure In Between acknowledges they want change and often make the jump or devote their resources to begin creating what they want. However, they often find themselves getting stuck in ‘regular-alternative pursuits’ that do not inspire them.
They blog about a topic they think will make them a lot of money. They take a program in making money online and are afraid to bring out their personality when they promote their products. Worse, they generalize about what they do when people ask and try to justify why they have chosen that path – rather than admitting to themselves they still don’t give a crap.
The Failure In Between talks about creating their own dream life, and yet they find themselves doing much the same as everyone else, and are often afraid to let their personality come out for fear of ‘not being liked’. They have “stuck it to the man” and yet they are themselves stuck.
Which one are you going to choose to be today? Success is not guaranteed in any of the three. And yet only one will bring you the kind of cheesy-grin kind of satisfaction you are really wanting to experience every day. Mediocre, Extraordinary or Kind-Of-But-Not-Quite-Extraordinary – only you can decide!
Marc Quinn is a certified failure at about 90% of what he puts his mind to. You can learn more about him at MarcQuinn.net. You can also follow him on Twitter
Tim Brownson is a Certified Life Coach and has been unsticking people and helping them reach their true potential since 2005. If you would like to know how he can help you
Dude,
This is an epic post.
I totally get your “Failure Trilogy”. The first 12 months I spent in self-employment I was definitely living “The Failure Inbetween” life… I was almost doing what I wanted, but holding back on really being ME. As such, my results were mediocre at best.
The last couple of months I’ve been hitting the “Successful Failure” road… hard. And yeah, I’ve “wasted” time on endeavours which didn’t pay off, I’ve totally given up on trying to please anyone but me, and as such I’ve been told off for using too many Fucks more than once.
But, guess what? I’ve never been happier – I’m taking risks, fucking going for it, and the results are FINALLY starting to catch up.
Best of all, it’s been a bloody blast.
In short, being a Successful Failure is awesome. Well pointed out. If more people did this their lives would improve immediately. How can you have a fear of failure if the only person you need to justify your actions to is yourself? Fuck it. Go for it.
You did get one thing massively wrong though… The iPhone 4 is TOTALLY different. It’s got… er … a brighter screen … er …. (and other things of that nature)
Carl recently posted..NLP Anchoring- How To Feel Super Confident In About 3 and a Half Minutes
I’ll be the only one writing epic posts round here dude, ok?
Er… yes. I immediately revoke my previous sentiments. This post sucks.
Carl recently posted..NLP Anchoring- How To Feel Super Confident In About 3 and a Half Minutes
Traitor!
Marc Quinn recently posted..The Only Silver Bullets that Exist are the Ones that Kill Werewolves
Great post! I know a few people that I could slap a few of these labels on. As for me, right now I have a cheesy grin on because I’m sitting in the sun on our deck overlooking the SF Bay listening to my kids murder classic songs on the Wii American Idol. Here’s pretty much where I want to be and I’ve had some pretty desperate failures in my life so keep on failing, I say.
It’s an easy life, but someones gotta do it.
Hey Tim,
I think there is an invisible link between success and failure. Most people I know with huge success have at one point been huge failures. It’s their ability to accept that as a natural phase and to keep going that made all the difference in the world for them.
Eduard recently posted..Top 10 lessons learned from coaching 100 people
Eduard,
I have this OBSESSION of listening to people’s failures. I often look for videos about failure on youtube. This is my favorite one so far: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RP1sS8rMsQ
I love that you draw a parallel between that. That was exactly where I wanted to get to in the article!
Marc
Marc Quinn recently posted..The Only Silver Bullets that Exist are the Ones that Kill Werewolves
Hiya Marc! God knows I’ve rattled around all three categories and still am not 100% certain which one I’m in…
Something I’d add, is that if there’s one things that can increase your feeling of failing is being around people who have wildly different life plans to you.
I remember when I first left employement, being around people in steady jobs, with regular paydays made me feel like the biggest idiot ever. Even now, as I’m working throughout the summer and looking at everyone’s holiday snaps I still have to wonder what it is i’m doing with my life.
But I just wouldn’t change it. It might look like madness to a lot of people, but I love it and I’m happy, even with the bumps in the road. I blame Tim for giving me such a positive and healthy outlook to life…
And remember: “Failure isn’t failure, if a lesson from it’s learned.”
I’m not citing the source as my secret love for country music will be outed.
Great to see you out and about guest posting as well, hope to read more from you soon! ;-)
Harrisonamy recently posted..How A Simple Writing Tip Can Make Customers Take Action
Well thanks for that but I have to confess I can’t give anybody a good attitude or sunny disposition.
Other than 5 insane days in Vegas about a year ago I haven’t had a holiday in over 3 years. Even though I’d quite like one it’s no big deal really and I wouldn’t trade the other 50 weeks of the year for a fortnight in a Bali beach hut with butler and as much champagne as I can drink. No way no how!
Ha, Amy, yes!
Telling people about what I’m doing in my main market (porn addiction) gets similar looks from people. I mean, why don’t I just get a masters degree and work for the NHS doing that? It’s like entering a whole other world when you decide where you want to put your energy. Most people do this: become a social worker (a noble pursuit). I am incapable of thinking inside the box and always jump to “create an online campaign to help people instead”.
So many people nod when I say that, but so few of them are prepared to put themselves in the driver’s seat and be the face for what they want to achieve. I hear a lot say “Yes, working for yourself, that’s what you want isn’t it”. I’ve stopped challenging a lot of them when they say this, because we just live in different universes.
Finding your crowd is fun, and crucial. Having to explain yourself 50 times is NOT fun :)
Marc Quinn recently posted..The Only Silver Bullets that Exist are the Ones that Kill Werewolves
Hi Mark,
Being a comfortable failure terrifies me, living in suburbia, 2.4 kids, 4×4, holiday to mallorca every year, bins out on a wednesday, hair and nails done monthly, OMG I would go INSANE! (I know that is stereotypical but you know the type I mean?!)
I think I border somewhere between the other 2 depending on what day it is and what mood I’m in.
But you have inspired me, I will try harder to fail more often:)
I was the typical loon working my tits off to earn enough money to have a holiday that would allow me to recover from working my tits off!
Wow, Marc, did this post ever resonate with me.
I am feeling exactly like this on most days: “I knew safety far too well, and my DNA was starting to rot by staying there.” I am definitely comfortable in my plush prison and am just biding my time before I can make my escape. I simply can’t live in a roach or flea-infeshed place though, so I’m saving as much money as I can. Thankfully, I’m now debt-free so it won’t be much longer.
Thanks so much for sharing this post. It needed to be said and you wrote it beautifully.
Karen
Karen recently posted..Finding Out Who You Really Are Takes Love And Courage
Aint it weird that safety isn’t even safe?
I wonder how many people thought they were safe before the recession hit?
Thanks Karen! Safety is an illusion. I’ve come to enjoy the waves of managing my finances. Whatever is happening, I’m by no means “there” but there is a fluidity to life that was not there before. It’s fun, but it is constantly challenging me. I simply don’t think I could be happy any other day – even on those days when I drag my ass up every morning to meditate. “Another day to make a difference”….blergh, let me just go back to bed :)
Marc Quinn recently posted..The Only Silver Bullets that Exist are the Ones that Kill Werewolves
Thank you for running this guest post – it rocks! But what is even better is the Children’s Advocacy Center spreading your message to so many people that need it.
I love how Marc classified the types of failures. I would also add the “Failure’s Failure” – they are the ones that are so afraid to fail they never do anything
Agreed Katie. I went down their today to take the books and I’m going to be blogging about it next week on the How To Be Rich and Happy blog.
Congratulations on spreading your ideas to Central Florida. As a resident of South Florida, I’ll be happy to read future posts.
Some comments on your interesting and creative post on success. There is great merit in “successful failure.” We need to step back from failures and learn from them. Failure can be, and should be, our greatest teacher. It does take some insight to learn to do this. Knowing what you’re all about and being able to tell when something is right or wrong for yourself is really a delicate balance. Pema Chodron, in “When Things Fall Apart,” writes straight to the heart about learning from difficulties, from pain, from failure.
Several years ago I carried through with starting a private practice in psychotherapy. It just felt right. The work was 7 days a week, trial and error, winging it, in the beginning. But… it felt very right, very fulfilling. Now I’m starting on an additional path of executive/life coaching. It feels right too. Thanks for your excellent trilogy!!
I really love the article about failure. People who fail learn more! The leaders thrive on failures. They in fact seem to welcome and embrace it. Because they know they can make a difference, they never fear failure. They persevere in spite of failures. Every failure for them is learning on how not to do something or how to do it better. For the achievers failure is the way of life. Every failure makes them that much more determined to succeed.
Ben Tien recently posted..Control Someone without Using Hypnosis
Thank you for the insights Tim. Although I’ve been loathe to admit it at the time, some of my greatest learning experiences have come from failure. I’ve found that it’s the ability to use failure as a learning tool that really can help us adjust and grow. Those who see it as an opportunity for personal development can be that much more effective.
[...] had incredible guest posts on Clay Collins', Tim Brownson's and Jayson Gaddis' sites recently. I had even managed to convince Johnny B Truant to let me [...]
Great post. Thanks Marc and Tim. Reminds me of a Henry Ford quote I saw once,
“Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement.”
Satisfying to know after many years as a comfortable failure I am actively dabbling with a life somewhere in between the failure in between and the successful failure.
Rob recently posted..Conformity is Corrosive and Why Courage Rocks