The Keypad Is Mightier Than The Sword

Posted on 3 November 2008 in Guest Posts

I’ve thought long and hard about publishing this guest post from Sean at Writer Dad. Not because the quality isn’t up to scratch, far from it, the quality of the writing is excellent. More because it may be injecting life into something that if not already dead, is certainly mortally wounded and probably wasn’t making any plans for Thanksgiving.

I week or so ago I linked to this guest post at Writer Dad. To say things went off the rails in the comment section is akin to saying Obama has spent a few bucks on his election campaign. The shit didn’t just hit the fan; it obliterated it and took the wall out too.

The reason I was unsure whether to post this is that I know most people that read here aren’t bloggers and probably don’t give a damn about goes on behind the scenes. However, I decided the post stands up on its own merits because Sean delivers some excellent and grounded advice that anybody can benefit from. Read on…

An active blog has a thousand and one stories unfolding behind the curtain; like when food is prepared, costumes are changed, or instruments tuned. A wealth of tales take place well after our post is published, playing throughout the web in countless tweets and emails. Somewhere in between the focus of our post and the chaos of the net, lies the clarity of our comments. It is there, in the backyard of our blog, where conversation reigns.

Like any gathering of minds, civil discourse can sometimes get out of hand. Too much drink lowers our inhibitions, but too much broadband can heighten our bravado.

What takes place in the privacy of an email is between sender and recipient only, but comments hinge on community and are seen by anyone who cares to click. Though the comment section serves each visitor different, our blogs are our house and it us who make the rules.

Last week, there was a riot at the tea party; a guest post gone sour. Things went south, words were spilled, and I find myself for the first time, thinking about the unspoken law of comment conduct.

Discussion is blood, but poor manners a wound. Commentators should maintain good behavior if they choose to participate in a community. Disagreements are natural, and fundamental to growth, but few can learn from within a hostile environment. Conflict doesn’t need claws, and one should never arrive to a fencing match while wielding a machete. Articulate adults should be expected to exchange their thought with courtesy at all times, and without exception.

For most of us, our blogs are our business. Even if mine has yet to cover expenses, it is still my start-up. It’s where I wash the windows, sweep the stoop, and set up shop each day. I wouldn’t tolerate bad behavior from the other side of a register, and I shouldn’t have to tolerate it in my blog’s backyard. If someone is behaving unreasonably, then you have every right to ask them to leave. If there presence is making others uncomfortable, then that right might drift closer to responsibility.

A hostile commenter must know when to quit. We are all responsible for our own language; no one fills the comment box but us. If we are misunderstood, subsequent comments afford us the chance to clarify. If we continue to be misunderstood, perhaps it is our words which are the problem. Most people are understanding, and will gladly help to douse the flames before they spire toward inferno. With opinions as diverse as the population, we should say what we mean, and do so with manners. Just because we are typing doesn’t mean others can’t tell when we’re shouting.

Save the drama. High school and blogging have enough similarities without fueling the stereotype. Sophomoric histrionics are always unnecessary. The worst thing about high school behavior is that it is easy to get sucked in. When we have a commenter, behaving like an after school special archetype; princess, bully, etc., it is our job to remove them from the quad.

It is a Rushmore of irony that a post pointing out the parallels between high school and blogging was reduced to such sophomoric drama. Eighty-three posts, and only a single one with civility challenged.

The thread runs unbroken. I cannot recommend it, but for those who crane their necks while passing an accident, the wreckage is still intact.

Life is far from flawless, and perfect harmony as irregular as perfect weather, but building a community is only possible when the members inside feel safe. Providing that sanctuary is a blogger’s job.

You can read more from Sean by clicking here.

Link Love.

As I was reading this post by Hunter Nuttall, I had no idea I was mentioned in it at the end as being somebody close to the line. I was laughing before I even got that far and then did a double take when I saw my name. “Me, close to the line?” Well maybe, but my girl (she’s no hooker, how dare you sir!) with the chain saw was designed to make people laugh because it was so inappropriate, not have them feeling horny.

If you like Twitter and I must say that I love it, then the new site launched by Darren Rowse from ProBlogger will be to your liking. TwiTip has been set up as a vehicle for Darren to focus purely on Twitter. Even though it sounds like somebody with a lisp ordering a cut of beef, I suspect it will offer excellent value.

No Related Post

Enjoyed this post? Please share it!

Digg it | Stumble it |

Email this post to a friend

22 Comments So Far.

Comment by Ali Hale - Alpha Student on 3 November 2008:

This really stood out for me in Sean’s thoughtful words:

“The worst thing about high school behavior is that it is easy to get sucked in.”

Have you ever noticed how the comments sections on different blogs have very different “tones”? I’ve never seen a mean comment on Cranky Fitness, but I’ve learned to skip the comments altogether on Freelance Writing Gigs. I remember a ProBlogger post suggesting that the tone of comments is set by the tone of the blogger, but I’m not sure it’s as straightforward as this.

I know for myself, I can have a bit of that “sheep” mentality. If everyone else is saying “Great post, bravo”, I tend to feel the same. If all the comments are angry, negative or critical, it’s difficult not to get caught up in a similar reaction.

Maybe comments could be invisible (like poll results) until you’ve commented. I realise that would destroy back-and-forth conversation, but it might get people’s genuine reactions to the post!

Ali Hale – Alpha Students last blog post..Reading Week – Alpha Student
Comment by Cath Lawson on 3 November 2008:

Hi Sean – I didn’t realise how badly wrong things had gone on your blog for two or three days. I was surprised. I knew the post was coming and encouraged it. I had no idea it would turn into a “word war”.

And reading back through the thread, a few people got involved and took sides, which seemed to make things worse.

I have fairly strong opinions on the subject and voiced them. And I don’t know if that made things worse but I can’t stand it when someone tries to nudge me or bully me into accepting that my opinion is wrong. That has happened to my several times in the blogosphere on a more subtle level. Trouble is, sometimes subtlety also = cowardly.

And I know some of the rioters in your comments section weren’t so subtle and it wasn’t nice for you. But at least they were honest about their feelings. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen bloggers write about me, or something I’ve done but they haven’t had the balls to use my name. And that really sucks too.
Comment by Vincent on 3 November 2008:

Nice post by Sean. I am wondering if there is really someone making a ruckus in the comment section, is there a way to ban him from commenting in the website?

Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

Vincents last blog post..How Changing Your Beliefs Can Bring You Success Part 1
Comment by Hunter Nuttall on 3 November 2008:

I’ve only had a few hostile commenters, but my experience was that they dropped in from StumbleUpon, said their thing, and then left forever, so it was no big deal. I can imagine that it could really wear you down to host a comment war on your own turf.

Tim, sorry if “hooker” is politically incorrect. Should I have said “prostitutially challenged” instead? Anyway, thanks for the link.

Hunter Nuttalls last blog post..MBTI Trial Week 4: Judging (Recap)
Comment by Writer Dad on 3 November 2008:

Ali Hale: All of us have a little sheep in us, whether we’d like to admit it or not. The key is in understanding ourselves and making positive choices. I don’t think an author can ever completely control what happens below, unless he or she is willing to censor the comments, but we do help to sway the tone. We do set the example. If we curse in our posts, then we send the message that it is okay. In everyday conversation, I enjoy the four letter words, but I never swear in a post because I think it would be counter to reader expectation.

Cath: We are each responsible for our own language; the words we choose, and the way we arrange them. Honesty is always important. Honesty led by manners is a standard we should all endeavor to live by. From what I have seen, your manners are impeccable.

Vincent: I can only speak for WordPress, but yes, you can block comments from a particular commenter, or even edit the content.

Hunter: “Wearing you down” is well put. It was the only time in my short history of blogging that my online world had a deep, negative impact on my offline life.

Writer Dads last blog post..Seven Year Ouch
Comment by Miguel de Luis on 3 November 2008:

Hi Writer Dad,

Stuff happens, you know. The other day I was protesting in a Spanish blog at how much spam comments I get. Only to discover that the owner of the blog had like 20000 spam comments a month.

So take heed.

Btw, are you ever using a guest poster again? :)

Miguel de Luiss last blog post..Oliver Twist lives! (part 1)
Comment by Patricia on 3 November 2008:

Maybe it is in the atmospheric pressure and the political stresses of our lives right now, but I certainly am reading lots about comment distresses and comment upsets/wars.

I don’t know if I am prepared to deal with this after reading about so many people who have put their “good words” out for us to share in and have gotten such a poor return.

It took me 8 rewrites to share my “big” story recently and I think getting some kind of nasty comment or plague of spam would really have inhibited me.

I did write a piece early on with the AB____ION word in it and got 1000s of spams about how I was a murderer and that blocked up my email and writing – it was the title of another article and not what the piece was about so I just deleted like crazy, but that does not feel like a personal attack

I am so sorry and I hope I can learn to be more attuned and responsive and not get defensive if it happens to me

I really am personally concerned, but think as this medium is so new it will take time to learn the boundaries
Thank you for sharing here with me now.

Patricias last blog post..Hats Off to The Ladies of The Club
Comment by Laurie on 3 November 2008:

Sean,
I know you were cringing every time a new round was posted. But it was how they had their discussion. Instead of discussing the issues, they made their disagreements into the form of a personal attack.

On this blog, Tim welcomes disagreement. But the back and forth is done with humor and on topic not in your face. I like to be able to disagree. If folks can disagree it adds a level to the conversation that might not be there otherwise.

Yes, the post was kind of a Chernobyl event but the radiation cloud didn’t seem to lurk around too long contaminating the area.

Did you have an unsubscribers after that? I stayed with you and that was my first visit to your blog. I was impressed with the class you showed. And I did feel the need to put in a good word for Tim knowing how utterly defenseless he is. ;O) he he. (yeah right!)
Comment by Analee on 4 November 2008:

Brava! Brava! Hear, hear! Well written — I took quotes!

By the way, the complete original quotation regarding the pen and the sword runs thusly: “Beneath the rule of men entirely great, the pen is mightier than the sword.”

It’s one of those like that biblical quotation for which folks never seem to remember the last half: “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, this is not the way of the Lord.”

Mmmmmm. Words.

Hey, you keep up the good work, brother! One out of nearly ninety ain’t bad at all, considering the culture you chose to visit/assist this lifetime.

Blessings on the blessings you bring,

Analee
Comment by Cath Lawson on 4 November 2008:

Thanks Sean – I must admit, I did swear at a commenter before banning them a couple of weeks ago but I deleted it as soon as they’d read it.

@ Vincent – There is a plugin to ban particular IP’s. Just Google Wordpress ban. You can put any message on the ban page you like. Or you can just set up Askimet to put that particular person’s comments in the spam folder. I did that when I was getting hassle from my ex-husband’s wife.

Trouble is, I needed to check the spam folder as some “normal” messages were going in there too – so I still had to read her crap. WP Ban is better.
Comment by Vincent on 4 November 2008:

Thanks Cath. I will go and search for it in google.

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

Vincents last blog post..How Changing Your Beliefs Can Bring You Success Part 1
Comment by Urban Panther on 4 November 2008:

We are all running a business when we are blogging, even if the pay sucks. As Sean says, the onus is on bloggers and commenters alike to conduct ourselves in a professional manner.

That is not to say, that once you understand the ‘culture’ of a particular blog, you can’t get a bit racey or witty. But that is true in any place of work. Team cultures develop naturally, but even within those, the key element is respect.

Urban Panthers last blog post..All in good time
Comment by Anonymous on 4 November 2008:

@ Urban Panther – I guess you may be right although I have to say that I never think of my blog or writing for my blog as business. All I’m thinking is “Is this funny and will people learn anything from it?” Of course the answer is no to both so I hit publish and damn the consequences.

I just wanted to say a big thanks to Sean for contributing as well as you fine people for commenting.

Enjoy the relative normalcy because my next post is going to be on politics!
Comment by Tim Brownson on 4 November 2008:

The indignity of it all, my own blog made me anonymous. The thin end of the wedge I think.
Comment by Urban Panther on 4 November 2008:

@Sean – when you invite the fox into the henhouse, the fox will eat the hens *smile*

Urban Panthers last blog post..All in good time
Comment by Urban Panther on 4 November 2008:

@Tim – are you honestly trying to tell me that this blog is not advertising for your life coaching in any way, shape, or form? Come on, Tim. *grin* It’s fun, it’s helping other people, and it is also partially business.

Urban Panthers last blog post..All in good time
Comment by Writer Dad on 4 November 2008:

Miguel: Absolutely. In fact, the episode has given guest posting life. I think it’s good to have different voices behind the walls of WD.

Patricia: Well said. I agree that this is a brand new medium, and we are all discovering the guidelines together. The most important thing to remember, I believe, is that we cannot control the actions of others, but our own speak loudly of our character.

Laurie: I did have an immediate drop in subscribers the first day, then it leveled off. This morning it is exactly where it was two weeks ago. I don’t even know that the drop was precipitated by anything specific, however. My numbers have always been two steps forward, one step back. I think that’s just that’s just the nature of blogging. Thank you for your compliments, and your words in general. They have been wonderful.

Analee: Wonderful comment, thank you. That is precisely how I feel about it – one out of ninety ain’t bad at all. I actually feel much better more than a week removed. The bond with my audience is stronger, and I feel more focused than ever.

Cath: Ooh, the old swear and delete… crafty! That’s unfortunate about the X. A blog is not the place for such swill.

Urban Panther: Word, my good Panther. Every ecosystem is unique. We have a pretty good idea what is or isn’t appropriate based on the blog, before we hit submit. Respect is paramount.

Tim: My pleasure. It was fun to return this morning to some fresh conversation. I can’t wait for your political post. I was going to stay quiet, but I couldn’t quite help myself. Thanks for the guest post. I, like you, wasn’t sure it was the best choice, but now I believe it was. Manners are manners no matter the forum. The post can relate to us all. My gratitude is yours.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 4 November 2008:

@ Urban Panther – I didn’t say it wasn’t business, just that I seldom think of it as business. I suppose the pertinent question is would I do it if I wasn’t a coach? The answer is probably not if I’m being honest.
Comment by NunoXEI on 4 November 2008:

I have lost it once in a comment against another commenter. That was on Digg–yes I know, “I should have known better” considering the plethora of idiotic low-brow commentary that normally touches on racism, sexism, hostility and neandratholism (as I like to call it).

I’ve discovered quite rapidly that is IS very much like the high-school drama that I was so glad to leave in my past.

I like to dream of this happy time in the future when blog commenting can encourage rational discussion and dialogue.

This blog here and Hunter’s blog (mentioned in link love section) are currently my favourite two sites to go to for comment thread enjoyment. I find both your users are very respectful and offer great value.

Thanks for the good reads!

NunoXEIs last blog post..Republic Domain Special 01: Mainstreampunk
Comment by Jamie Simmerman on 5 November 2008:

While it still saddens me, I’m just glad the whole thing is over. Tanks for pulling something productive out of the whole mess, Tim and Sean.

Jamie Simmermans last blog post..How Not to Plagiarize on the Net
Comment by Writer Dad on 6 November 2008:

NunoXEI: I think I’d probably be a bit saltier on Digg. When in Rome and all. Fortunately, there are many places online brimming with civil discourse. That’s what our readers are for; sorting the marvelous from the motley.

Jamie: An absolute pleasure, and the same for you as well.
Comment by UnspokenWordz on 5 April 2009:

Great Post!!!