Little Scary Things (With Nasty Big Pointy Teeth)

Posted on 22 September 2008

Todays post is a guest submission from the brilliant Ali Hale of Aliventures and The Office Diet. Ali is a freelance writer, editor and web designer. Go check out her sites!

Stepping into the Discomfort Zone doesn’t always mean doing some huge big scary thing like quitting your job, learning to paraglide or telling Great Aunt Maude what you really think of the Republican party.

Sometimes, little scary things are just as bad, when they slowly accumulate and make us reluctant to stretch ourselves. I know I come up against loads of these:
•    Phoning clients
•    Meeting clients
•    Pitching to magazines
•    Having clients ask for some feature on their website that I’m not sure if I can do…

In fact, most of the things that I kinda need to do to grow my freelancing business are things that are a bit scary. And I find that the more I put off little scary things, the more they seem to grow nasty, big, pointy teeth…

(If you’ve never seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail then watch this clip. Heck, if you’ve never seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail, stop reading now and go rent a copy to watch. Seriously. It’s a great cure for any sort of bad mood…)

So what am I doing about these little scary things? I’ve found that asking myself some questions is a great way to make them seem less scary – and to get on with them despite any misgivings. If you’ve been reading Tim’s blog awhile, you’ll know he’s all about questions (and he’s written about five of his best here on Pick The Brain).

These are the questions I’ve been asking myself:

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

So I phone a client, stumble over all my words, make an idiot out of myself, and basically convince them that I’m the last person in the world who should be allowed to so much as sneeze near their shiny new website. So I don’t get that one job. Big deal. There’ll be others.

A more likely scenario is that the conversation goes fine, I become a bit more confident about giving quotes and such like on the spot, and I’m in a good position to bargain better in future. When I look at it that way, I figure it’s worth the risk.

“How will I feel after I’ve done this?”

If you’re facing a little scary thing, consider how you’ll feel if you just don’t do it. Maybe you’ll think you’ll be able to breath a happy sigh of relief because you don’t have to do something uncomfortable. But at a deeper level, there’ll be a niggling little voice (what Tim calls “the duck” in Don’t Ask Stupid Questions) and that voice will say things like:
•    “Call yourself a freelance/web designer/manager/blogger (etc) when you can’t even manage to do that?”
•    “You’ll never get any better.”
•    “You’re just not good enough.”

But if you go ahead and do that scary thing, something great will happen. You’ll feel yourself grow. Seriously. Make that phone call you’ve been putting off, tackle that project that you thought you weren’t quite skilled enough for, sign up for that course you hesitated over.

Your duck resides in the nice warm pond of your comfort zone. As soon as you take a step outside, you’ve lost the duck and you’ll get a new voice telling you things like:
•    “Hey, that wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was pretty easy. There was nothing to be scared of!”
•    “If you can do that, you can take the next step and do this …”
•    “You rock!”
•    “You’ve accomplished something today.”

“Who have I promised that I’ll do this?”

Sometimes, there are little scary things that I know I need to do in order to grow as a person and to grow my business. I wrote about some of these in an article on The Change Blog, and I said there that I’d do some things like:

• Take more opportunities to phone and meet clients face-to-face
• Send out a magazine pitch every day for a month.

Guess what? The day after that article went up on The Change Blog, I got an email asking me to phone a client and arrange a meeting. (TWO scary things in one!) So I did it. And I got a website contract.

I sent out a magazine pitch every day, even when I was busy, or tired, or having a fraidy-cat “how can I call myself a writer?” type moment. And within a few days, a magazine commissioned me for an article on a topic that I’ll love writing about!

But if I’d not made that public commitment, I’d probably just have skulked along as usual, scribbling blog posts and wondering how the heck I could break into the magazine market…

And if I’d not repeatedly promised The Office Diet readers an ebook, I’d probably have never tackled thorny things like online sales pdf creation (tip: get the free Adobe Professional trial. Do NOT attempt to use free software by spending three days installing Linux, then realise that the software doesn’t actually have the feature you need). But my Dieting Basics ebook went live on Monday 17th and (to my secret amazement), people are actually buying it.

Of course, the most important person to make a commitment to is yourself. But if it helps, make that commitment public – like Tim did with his 30 day detox. You might find that being accountable to a friend, spouse or blog community is enough to give you that helping hand you need to take a little step outside your comfort zone.

So – what are your little scary things, and how will you be making sure they don’t grow nasty big pointy teeth?

Note: Ali mentioned my de-tox. I’m going to do a catch up on that with my next post and let you know how it went/is going. It certainly opened my eyes up to a few things and has been a fascinating experiment even for such a short amount of time.

Link Love: The highly talented Nick Cernis that designed this very blog and runs the highly amusing Put Things Off, has just launched a new blog about etiquette of all things! Worry not though, because I know that 44forks will be entertaining and you’ll laugh your ass off. Not only that, but after reading you’ll never have to worry about looking foolish in company when you make the horrendous social faux pas of passing the port the wrong way or cutting cheeses with your butter knife.

I like it when I am pushed by people that comment and one of the regulat commenters here, Evan Hadkins is never afraid of doing that! Check out this post called Self Improvement For Dummies and see what you think.

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18 Comments So Far.

Comment by Liza on 22 September 2008:

Oh, Tim!!!

I LOVE that you wrote about the scary, little things, because that’s really how things feel which we’ve told ourselves an overwhelming, intimidating, or uncomfortable story about. Your advice to consider who you have promised that you’d get things done, is a great bit. I’ll use that this week as I tackle a mountain of laundry (5 kids, 1 husband, and me…) :-D CHEERS BACK to you!!!

Liza
Comment by Seamus Anthony on 23 September 2008:

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

That’s what I always ask myself. Usually, the worst ain’t so bad. Consequently I work from home doing stuff that I find fun. What’s the worst that could happen? I could fail and have to get a day job again. Meh. No big deal!
Comment by Evan on 23 September 2008:

Hi Tim,

Thanks for the mention, it’s much appreciated. I really like that you are willing to engage and not just delete the comments from those who disagree (like some other blogs I probably shouldn’t name).

I do agree about the small things with nasty pointy teeth. And I do think that, while not entirely true, there is much wisdom in, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, It’s All Small Stuff”.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 23 September 2008:

@ Liza - Thanks a lot, but the credft goes to Ali, she wrote this one. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for commenting.

@ Seamus - I have another question I ask clients and it’s “What is the best case scenario from the worst case scenario?” It’s designed to help them realize that even WCS’s are sometimes not that bad.

@ Evan - No problem you’re welcome and as you know I like a bit of cut and thrust ;-) Also agreed about DSTSS, a great expression and a cool book too.
Comment by Stacey / CreateaBalance on 23 September 2008:

The older I get the more I am enjoying the discomfort zone. It’s exhilarating to transfer that scary feeling into illuminating energy. Feeling a little intellectually scared makes me feel alive. Feeling physically scared is another topic. Feeling physically scared (as if someone is going to harm me) makes me feel paralyzed.
Comment by Ali on 23 September 2008:

@Liza Thanks for the comments - I’m glad I struck a chord and it’s not just me who finds the little things scary!

@Stacey That’s really comforting to hear: sometimes I tell myself that I’m only a scardy-cat cos I’m still young (23) and so a lot of things are fairly new.

@Seamus I love your attitude :-) That’s exactly how I WANT to feel about my freelancing. Let’s face it, even if I failed, and couldn’t even get a day job, my longsuffering parents would take me back …

@Tim Thanks so much for running the article :-) I like the idea about the best case scenario too, I’m gonna have to try that.

I talked to a journalist today about my ebook — that was a “little scary thing” for me, but I felt great afterwards! I told myself “this is just practice for when you want to talk to the press about something BIG”…
Comment by Melissa on 23 September 2008:

I was practically hanging my head in shame reading this. I turn ‘gold fish’ into ’sharks’ all the time. I justify not doing these “gold fish to shark” tasks by telling myself I’ve already got enough on my plate and I don’t need the extra stress, when really I think justifying it is stressing me out more than just tackling the shark only to find out it’s a gold fish. *sigh*
Comment by Tim Brownson on 23 September 2008:

@ Stacey - I’m guessing most people feel that way. It’s zero fun thinking your in genuine danger. At least with emotions/feelings we know that’s all they are, even if they too can be overwhelming too at times.

@ Melissa - No need to do any head hanging in shame round here. You could of course change your choice of language to feel better, or just get a bigger plate ;-)
Comment by Laurie on 23 September 2008:

You’re right. A lot of times it’s the little things that hang us up. I am often hung up when I am unsure how to proceed with something. Sometimes I just decide I can’t tackle it instead of figuring out if I can or not. How silly is that? One thought that has really helped me out is thinking like an ant. Ants move the sand in their tunnels one grain at a time. SO if I can find one grain and move it, I will be closer to the prize. It has worked for me. Maybe it will for you too.
Comment by Liza on 23 September 2008:

Ali, I checked out your website. It is both cheery and fun! If I had a project, I would call you for help! It nearly makes me want to come up with something just to work with you!! ;-) –Liza
Comment by Avani-Mehta on 23 September 2008:

What’s the worst that could happen is my favourite way to move and tackle the discomfort zone.

What also works for me is to simply think I don’t have any other choices. You gotta do what you gotta do !
Comment by Natalie on 24 September 2008:

Woah! You guys reminded me to think twice before jumping into the ocean for a swim.

My husband and I leave on September 30th to backpack to various countries around the world for a year or so.

As we have been planning for our adventure we have been updating a blog. http://www.nomadbackpackers.com We would love to have other opinions, ideas, encouragement, advice, helpful tips, and more left as comments.

I’ll stick to the rubber duckies!

Thanks for making me smile.

Natalie
Comment by Tim Brownson on 24 September 2008:

@ Laurie - Aren’t ants brilliant? Until they dig my yard up as they have done now and invade my bathroom that is. At the moment they’re slightly less brilliant, but you can’t ever say they don’t work hard.

@ Avani-Mehta - Thanks for the comment and I really believe it’s whatever works best for you and it sounds like you’ve found your way!

@ Natalie - Wow, that sounds brilliant I am truly envious. A few friends of mine did similar things when I was foolishly earning money, getting stressed and being bored in equal amounts. Best of luck with it!
Comment by dishthehappyfish on 25 September 2008:

Hmmm. What’s the worse that could happen? Wasted time and effort. Or worse…YES….then I have to waste more time and effort acting upon whatever scary thing I overcame and did.

How will I feel when I’m done? This one is tricky. I often make myself do stuff and I don’t feel better when I’m done. Sometimes it leads to more stuff I don’t want to do, and I feel worse. I just made one such call, that led to another call and now a meeting….yuk. I don’t want to do any of it. There’s always a new scary thing, making all of life scary.

Promises? They lead to trouble too. Times change. Being stuck in a promise that was made under different circumstances is a waste. It is better not to promise and see what each day brings I think.

Maybe those little fears are telling us something.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 25 September 2008:

@ Dishthehappyfish - I’m not sure what you’re saying. It’s best to be pessimistic, it’s best to listen to your intuition or it’s best to be guarded?
Comment by dishthehappyfish on 25 September 2008:

Let’s see….

I am not saying pessimistic is best.

And I am not saying you need to be guarded if thats not your style, (not that there is anything wrong with those who choose to approach life more slowly or cautiously.)

So I guess out of the three choices, I am saying to listen to your intuition and that if you’ve tried to find the good, and you have finished all the scary things on your list, and kept your promises and you still don’t feel a lot better (and this does happen as often as feeling better doing the above things happens), then maybe your fear or pessimism, is for a good, or at least a significant reason. Not all conditioning is bad. Sometimes it is learning.

Learning to distinguish the good and bad reasons for your emotional reaction, and to trust your intuition, to me would seem to lead to very good place. I don’t think most people are able to do this, including myself. So we learn self help tips and hope they will lead to happiness. I have found most self help tips do not work, for many people because they are superficial. You simply cannot train yourself to be happy or fearless, by changing your internal babble. You have to believe the internal babble.

Thank you for helping me clarify. The words don’t always come. And they are just they are just my thoughts and experiences. I don’t claim ever to have anything I say or right be all encompassing.
Comment by Jeremy Day on 28 October 2008:

Hi Ali,

Another great post! I love when I run into you everywhere. Rumor has it that the English don’t like Monty as much as Americans do. Is that true?
Anyhow, thanks for the laugh and deep thoughts mixed together. You know, when you are out there trying to achieve something, the worst that can happen is someone tells you “no”. Right?

Cheers,
Jeremy
Comment by Tim Brownson on 29 October 2008:

@ Jeremy - On behalf os Ali, let me say thanks!

Not sure where you got that about Python Jeremy, but it certainly is duff information! Python are HUGE in the UK, 30 years after disbanding.