7 Things That Make Me Go Hmm

I was in the gym the other day doing my usual impersonation of a very unfit meerkat who has just been told there’s a snake in the house. Hanging on to the cross trainer for grim death with sweat pouring into my eyes I was frantically looking round to see if I could spot anybody else that looked quite as close to death as I did.

To my left I saw an amazing site. There was a guy about by age maybe a tad older that was on a stationery bike reading a book. Not crazy mad I agree, but he was also wearing earphones and glancing up at the local news playing on his monitor. This was fascinating to me because I was so tired if you’d asked me to tell you my name I’d have struggled to summon up the breath to get to T before passing out in a sweaty, convulsing heap. It get’s better though.

What do you think this guy was reading?

Go on humor me, have a guess.

I swear to you this is true, he was reading.

Drum roll maestro please.

‘The Power of Now’.

At first I thought I was hallucinating through oxygen debt again and was preparing to ward off Lenny the Lunatic Leprechaun with my trusty a tin or sardines like last time, but no, this was actually happening. Oh the irony. I wondered whether he realized that reading a book about being in the moment whilst riding a bike and watching TV was defeating the purpose somewhat.

This got me to thinking about all those other little things that make me go hmm.  Later on when my heart rate was back under 250 I even sang a bit of the classic C & C Music Factory ditty for good measure and decided to share with you 7 Things That Make Me Go Hmm

These are things that you might take offense at if you like going to war, seeing people die or feeling outraged in general, so be warned.

Making cell phone calls from public bathrooms. I don’t mean answering your phone as you stand staring at the wall gentlemen. I’m talking about sitting down, getting comfortable and then deciding to tell all your buddies where you are and what you’re up to.  Let it go, they don’t want to know. And if they do want to know, you don’t want to know them, trust me on this one.

Hitting your horn at traffic lights. If somebody has taken more than 0.8 of a second to pull off when the light has turned to green it doesn’t necessarily mean they have fallen asleep and need your help. They could have slow reactions, be turning the radio up or heaven forbid, be taking a moment to enjoy life.  Give them that extra second and chalk the loss of that time down to the Universe conspiring against you…again.

Sanitizing wipes for supermarket trolleys. We seem to be gripped by a wave of allergies and yet the answer seems to be to clean, sanitize and vaporize everything in site. In certain environments like hospitals, go for it, I’m in full accordance. However, you’re not going to catch anything off a supermarket trolley unless you’re immune system is so weak you should probably be living in a plastic bubble to begin with.  You’re just making the situation worse.

Vegetarians that eat fish…er, and chicken. You’re not a vegetarian if you eat flesh that once moved around of its own volition. Saying you’re a vegetarian that eats chicken is like saying you’re a virgin that has sex, but only with cute people. If you ever hear a Lion say “Well I’m strictly a carnivore but I do just eat cabbage and broccoli from time to time. Oh yes, and I do like strawberries with my ice cream” Point out in as gentle a way as possible and from as far away as you can that he’s a fraud a liar and also an Omnivore.

‘Devoutly’ religious people that support wars and the death penalty. Tell me again how that works? I’m sure if Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha or any other spiritual leader were here today, they’d not be talking about tactical nuclear strikes, ultimate deterrents or collateral damage. Of course I could be wrong and they’d be surreptitiously drawing up plans to invade Lichtenstein, but I have my doubts.

You’ll not believe what happens in next week’s episode! When I first got to the US it made me so excited when I heard this. I did ponder on whether it was worth watching if I wasn’t going to believe whatever it was I saw, but I figured it was worth a go. Not only did I always believe it, but after I’d been told I wasn’t going to believe it again and again and again, I started to not believe that anybody could believe that I’d believe this unbelievable nonsense. Got that?

What kind of stuff makes you go hmm other than whining life coaches?

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11 Comments So Far.

1. 

   Comment by Sandie Law on 26 June 2008:

   I laughed out loud at the book that guy was reading! Kinda missed the boat on that one, didn’t he?
2. 

   Comment by deb on 26 June 2008:

   I’ve just been reading that book, I could barely read it sitting in one spot, and I can not believe someone would multi-task when reading ‘the power of now’. Thanks for a great laugh!
   deb
3. 

   Comment by Mags | Woo-Woo Wisdom on 27 June 2008:

   Brilliant, Tim!

   I’m a vegetarian (who doesn’t eat fish, or chicken…!), so I’ve often experienced “hmmm” moments with people who think fish grow in the ground along with the chips :)

   In terms of pulling away from traffic lights: In South Africa we often used to joke that green means “go”, amber means “go with caution” and red means “go like hell” :) You just don’t pull away from traffic lights immediately in that country - you first check that no-one’s speeding through the intersection!

   One other thing that makes me go “hmm” is people who light up cigarettes outside, standing there wreathed in smoke telling me that they love being outside in the fresh air (particularly hmmming when this happens while in nature on a hike!) :)
4. 

   Comment by Hunter Nuttall on 27 June 2008:

   How about people who fill up their garage with junk they never use, and park their Lexus in the driveway?
5. 

   Comment by Laurie on 27 June 2008:

   There was a politician a few years back who was known for being an environmentalist. He was giving a speach in a wooded area to go with his green image. In order to erect the platform that he would speak from, his crew cut down several trees. I definitely went HUMMMMMMM.
6. 

   Comment by Tim Brownson on 27 June 2008:

   @ Sandie - Missed the boat? I don’t think he even noticed the water!

   @ Debs - Should have asked him if he could juggle too, now that really would have been impressive.

   @ Mags - Sounds like South Africa is eerily similar to Florida. Really scary stuff.

   @ Hunter - Yep, I have to smugly admit that pretty much all that’s in our garage other than the cars are a billion copies of my book that the publisher can’t stock.

   @ Laurie - A hypocritical politician who’d have thought it?
7. 

   Comment by vered on 29 June 2008:

   Women who apply their morning makeup - the whole thing including mascara and lipstick - while driving.
8. 

   Comment by Tim Brownson on 29 June 2008:

   @ Vered - Don’t forget they’re probably texting and screaming at the kids in the back seat too. Multi-tasking madness.
9. 

   Comment by LMaxwell on 5 July 2008:

   Tim, what a lovely blog you’ve got here!

   How about Christians who refer to God as universe. Mass appeal or cowardice?
10. 

    Comment by Tim Brownson on 7 July 2008:

    @ LMaxwell - Thanks for the kind words and I think I’ll have to let you answer your own question on that one ;-)
11. 

    Comment by Barbara Swafford on 21 July 2008:

    Hi Tim,

    For me, it’s people make stupid observations. Like when you have a flat tire and someone comes up and says, “So, I see you have a flat”. Duh!

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