You're A Hypocrite | Life Coach Blog: The Discomfort Zone :

You’re A Hypocrite!

As I was stood in the rather long line trying to check out of the Wynn Encore in Vegas I was getting a tad frustrated. Our plane was due to leave in just over an hour and there must have been at least 50 people either trying to check-in or check out. The perils of Vegas on a Friday lunch time I guess.

One of the Encore staff was ensuring people were in the right line and asked the guy in front of me if he was checking out. He replied he wasn’t, but he was a VIP and as such could check in where ever he wanted.

The staff member gently encouraged the guy to move lines, but he steadfastly refused even though he wasn’t at the front. Rather than tell the guy he was acting like an ass, the pristine besuited employee diplomatically slid away to talk to some guests that were prepared to take him seriously.

Over the next 20 minutes or so, he was asked by his rather embarrassed wife and young grandson to join them in the adjacent line, but he just kept muttering about being a VIP.

When my distinguished friend finally found his way to the front desk, he was once again politely told he was in the wrong line. Thus ensued a 5 minute back and forth in which the man probably claimed to be Kind of Iceland for all I know, but whatever he said, it was enough to get some serious bowing, scrapping and backsliding from everybody wearing a hotel name tag.

His family rather sheepishly joined him and I got the impression this kind of event wasn’t a one-off for them by any stretch of the imagination

I watched all this unfold with a mixture of amusement and irritation. Amusement, because it was fascinating to watch this guy refuse to listen to anybody, and the way everybody eventually succumbed to his stronger will. And irritation because it wasn’t so amusing that I wanted to miss my plane over it.

The above event is not so unusual really. I’m guessing you have seen something similar many times, so why am I writing about it on a self-development blog you may be wondering?

I’m a life coach and not a psychotherapist, but I’ll still have a guess Mr VIP is the proud owner of either a very high self-esteem, or more likely in my opinion, a very low one. His demonstration was probably the only way he knew how to feel good about himself.

Do you believe in the premise that all men (and women) are created equal? Leaving aside the ‘God’ part of the equation for the time being because I’m not sure whether it’s relevant in the context of this post.

There are certain things that few if any people will admit to, even if they do happen to be true. Nobody declares they are close-minded, a terrible driver, bad at making love or being a bit dumber than average. It is equally rare to hear anybody that isn’t wearing a white pointy hat, claim all people aren’t equal.

Even those people misguided enough (in my opinion) to believe something like that, are usually too cowardly to admit it out loud. Although, I guess even bigots, racists and misogynists like to think their point of view is valid.

So here’s the deal, and here’s why I used such an inflammatory headline for this post. You believe in equality, I just know you do, so why don’t you practice it?

Seriously, what is the point of having that belief if you don’t align with it on a daily basis? You may be wondering what the hell I’m talking about. You may even be preparing to wave your ‘Free Tibet’ t-shirt in my face to prove how wrong I am.

That’s all well and good, but it’s not really enough to make me think I’m wrong. I can confidently say you’re still being hypocritical.

The behavior by the man at the hotel was simply a demonstration of somebody that didn’t think all people are equal. Paraphrasing George Orwell in Animal Farm, he thought he was just a bit more equal than the next person, and he probably has the bank account to prove it.

Apparently charity begins at home. I’m not even sure what that means to be quite honest, but even if I did know I’d still be looking to change it and make it:

“Equality begins at home”

Think of any cause you strongly believe in. It may be gay marriage, getting the troops out of Iraq, pro-life/pro-choice, feeding the starving or anything else that really gets you pumped up and ready to set up a Facebook causes group.

Now answer me his. How often do you put the energy and emotion that you would put into supporting a great and worthy cause to treating yourself with equality?

How often do you step in during internal conflict and say something like;

“Actually, enough is enough, it’s five years since I made that mistake, it’s time to let it go now and give myself an even break?”

My guess is not enough. Yeh you want equality because you’re a fair minded person, but not for yourself. You’re quite happy to hold yourself up to standards you wouldn’t expect anybody else to meet, to beat yourself up when you make a simple human mistake and to think others are more worthy or better than you.

Am I right?

It’s ridiculous though, isn’t it? Nobody is more worthy than you, nobody is more deserving of your respect, admiration and even love. So what are you going to do about it?

What are you going to do from this day on to show you are a fair and just person and that you are going to demonstrate that by going easy on yourself, because you’re doing the best you can?

How To Be Rich and Happy is going on pre-sale for 48 hours to my blog readers and subscribers on Tuesday 9/22. More details to follow, but in the meantime check out the site and sign up for the blog.

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12 Comments So Far.

Comment by Deb Owen on 15 September 2009:

Amazing, isn’t it?

The things we say to ourselves, but would never in a million years say to anyone else. Or the things we keep punishing ourselves for, when no one else is holding on to it.

And then we worry that if we cut ourselves some slack, we’ll suddenly become awful people — lazy, irresponsible, greedy, and so on. (And I’ve never seen it happen that way, but….there you have it.)

Thanks for the great post and the great reminder.
All the best!
deb

P.S. You’ve been missed!
Comment by Dave Witwicki on 15 September 2009:

You’ve got me thinking. I DO hold myself to a higher standard than I expect from others and I consider that a good thing. Now I have to wonder if it really is.

For example, I regularly hold the door for others but I never expect anyone to do that for me (although I appreciate it when it does happen). And I expect myself to be 20% more productive (that number used to be higher) than my co-workers and yet I’m ecstatic if they’re even close to what I expect.

I wonder if I’m too hard on myself? Do I have too high an opinion of myself? Do I secretly harbour feelings of low self-worth which I hide with raised expectations? Hmmm…

Definitely a good article! Thank you for instigating a potentially life-changing thought process. :)

- Dave
Comment by Tina Kubala on 15 September 2009:

I am very hard on myself – a classic perfectionist procrastinator. I have healthy self esteem.

If anything, I’m a hypocrite because I do think some people are not as good as me, at least in behavior or intelligence, yet I treat everyone like they are equal. Ten years in customer service will do that to a person.

I have been described as a snob more than once. Not flattering, but often true.

A certain amount of hypocrisy is natural to the human condition. Isn’t that the point of Cather in the Rye?
Comment by Lori Enos on 15 September 2009:

This was a great article and something that I desperately needed to hear right now. I’m working a full time day job and trying to get my own business off the ground and part of me is having a pity party and asking myself why bother because there’s other people doing the same thing better. What I should be reminding myself is that everyone has a vibe and I need to connect with the people that I can help.

Thanks for the reminder.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 16 September 2009:

@ Deb – Thanks and it’s good trying to get back to a more normal routine.

@ Dave – You’re welcome. I actually don’t think there is a problem holding ourselves to high standards. The issues creep in imo when we then use that approach to beat uourselves up if we don’t always reach them.

@ Tina – Most people are and I include myself in that list. It’s 25 years since I read Catcher in the Rye and I can’t remember what it was about other than some kid telling people he was dying on a train. And I’m not even sure about that!

@ Lori – I agree with what you say. Also, how different does it feel to say “What I WANT be reminding myself is that everyone has a vibe and I need to connect with the people that I can help.

Should is such a restrictive word. Check this out: http://snipurl.com/rwn46
Comment by Cath Lawson on 16 September 2009:

Hi Tim – People like that guy make me cringe. I hope he lost a shedload of cash in the casino.

When I was younger – I used to think everyone was better than me. Think it was the way I was brought up.

As I got older, I realized that nobody was better than me and I wasn’t better than everyone else either – no matter how stupid, or scruffy they were.

I think we all have the potential to wind up a success, in the gutter, or both.

Looking forward to reading your new book by the way – congratulations.
Comment by Jake | Revive Your Life on 16 September 2009:

Nice and interesting angle Tim.
This guy in line obviously is stuck in his ways. As you mentioned..it probably felt good to him to have people give into him..after all that’s how he got to be who is he is.

“Equality begins at home” – It’s true. If you practice being involved with other family members on a daily basis you will learn (unlike Mr. Airport)to be equal and loving. You can still have a large bank account and not be a jackass. People need just take a deep breath sometimes and be grateful for what they have instead of using their power to feel good about themselves.

Thanks,

Jake
Comment by Ian | Quantum Learning on 17 September 2009:

I’ve seen a few of those Mr VIP situations and they almost always involve getting to the front of the queue ahead of everyone else. Drives me up the wall!

Anyway. I think for most of us our harshest critic is ourselves. Sometimes that can be a good thing, provided we know how to give feedback effectively. But most of us don’t!

Btw I’m one of the few people who will admit to being a terrible driver.
Comment by Dena on 17 September 2009:

This is great, Tim. The hardest to love need it the most. That man clearly needed it.

“Actually, enough is enough, it’s five years since I made that mistake, it’s time to let it go now and give myself an even break?”

That bit really, really struck a chord.

Thank you!

-Dena
Evolution
Comment by Tim Brownson on 17 September 2009:

@ Cath – They used to make me cringe too, now not so much, although I have to be entirely honest and say a tiny part of me did want to punch him ;-)

@ Jake – Couldn’t agree more that it’s possible to be super wealthy and still a good person. I think being rich magnifies somebody’s personality to a certain degree. If they are already insecure, then money wont hide that.

@ Ian – So you’re the guy that can’t drive. You should come to Orlando, you would fell really at home on the Turnpike.

@ Dena – You’re welcome as long as that chord got acted upon ;-)
Comment by Richard Morris on 3 October 2009:

I realised tonight how I was continually being a hypocrite in many, untold fields throughout my life.
When I realisd this, I simultaneously accepted it, and it felt great. I should think that the vast, vast majority of the people that I know are also hypocrites.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 6 October 2009:

@ Richard – That’s cool man! And yes, most of if not all of use are.