Comments on: Why People Are Unhappy

By: aytek

aytek — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 22:42:31 +0000

that lady was remarkebel lady but sad to say we are not all like that you try so hard to look things in a positive light but what if everything you do was not good in enough you try and try and you just cant get it right..i know this is self pity but thats how i fell and looking things at a positive angle never works for me because every time you do it seems to never work out that way

By: Tim Brownson

Tim Brownson — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 10:48:57 +0000

@ Caroline – That’s the spirit! I like it when people come here to prove me wrong, and wrong I often am ;-) I think we all do compare to a greater or lesser degree, but once we become aware of it we can do something about the situation and grag ourselves back on path. Thanks for the comment.

By: Caroline Middlebrook

Caroline Middlebrook — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 20:55:14 +0000

Damn that’s true! I tried really hard to come up with an example that proved you wrong but I couldn’t. And here’s the kicker – I pride myself at being somebody who doesn’t compare, at least to other people and for the most part I don’t. My sin is comparing to alternative situations for myself – either the past or future as you said. I hope I can catch myself doing it more often now!

By: Tim Brownson

Tim Brownson — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 22:43:05 +0000

@ Laurie – I think you’ve nailed it there. There are good, bad and plain ugly counselors just like there are coaches and every other profession you care to name. It’s a real shame when people hire a bad coach/therapist and then presume it simply doesn’t work or worse still, think it’s their fault.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:53:28 +0000

The counseling was the best thing I ever did. It help me to figure out what was going on with me. It also helped me to make adjustments with myself that really impacted my marriage for the better. Through the counseling I was able to change my mindset from someone sitting on the porch watching others live with adventure and purpose and wishing join in, to a person embrasing passion and wanting to live full out. My self esteme and out look on life have totally changed.

I will be honest, you have to get a counselor who is right for you. The first one I went to had me addicted to him. His boundaries were very lacking and he allowed me feel too special which sucked me in. The second one was a jerk, telling me basically to buck it up and be the good submissive wife I was supposed to be, which meant taking all kinds of crap. The third one was perfect. I was very honest with him about the other experiences and he was careful not to let me get too close. I was able to trust him and show him all my skeletons that were getting in my way and setting up the problem I had.
COunseling was a life changer for me. I wouldn’t go back to the way I was for nothing!

By: Jan

Jan — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 18:45:40 +0000

Reply to Laurie – some resonance Laurie. Not entirely the same. Did counselling help – I have thoughts that are agianst everything I have ever believed and I hate myself…….

By: Tim Brownson

Tim Brownson — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 19:50:36 +0000

@ Doug – Thanks a lot for that, it’s very much appreciated.

BTW, if anybody reading this yearns for something a bit more highbrow from time to time, hit the link from Doug’s name and check out his site, it’s a haven for all things cultural.

By: Doug

Doug — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 18:29:17 +0000

Yeah, Tim. You are correct about guilt.

Baneful stuff . . .

On a side note . . . if I haven’t already said this, I should have, and I feel really, really guilty about that. :>) You have created something wonderful here. And unique. I think your site is great, and it looks like the good people who comment here add much. Seems like a reciprocal arrangement, too, with lots of bennies for everyone. Lots of wisdom coming from a lot of different sources.

Kudos, Tim.

take care–

Doug

By: Tim Brownson

Tim Brownson — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 14:26:02 +0000

@ Doug – LOL, yeh a Woody Allen movie will do that! I know you have been through similar stuff and come out smiling, so you can really relate.

Guilt is the bane of society, or at least one of them and achieves absolutely nothing.

By: Doug

Doug — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 07:19:18 +0000

Good video, Tim. And a good story. I think I had many similar moments when I learned about my own health concerns.

But, when it comes to comparisons, we humans often tend to complicate them with other emotions and dynamics. Such as a real biggie: guilt.

Why did this ex-girlfriend or that good friend or that coworker or that parent suffer more? Sometimes, much more.

So that comparison, if it slips through the good screens and the “don’t think about that” buffers and “that’s just wrong” filters . . . can bring with it good and bad. Relief and guilt and perhaps even confusion. Often at the same time.

Some of us tend to take the world on our shoulders–in a very real sense, or in an abstract sense. Comparisons for us are never just about happiness or unhappiness. They’re about questioning the basis for the comparisons in the first place . . . As in, are we justified or deserving or off the hook for making them at all?

So we watch a Woody Allen movie and then everything makes perfect sense again!

. . . .

Happiness is a great gig, if you can find your way there. I think I need some more practice before I make it to Carnegie Hall.

:>)