Are You Open-Minded? | The Discomfort Zone

Think Like A Child

Posted on 14 October 2008

I’ve often wondered how much guts it must take to be a bad magician and still willingly put yourself in the public domain.

Imagine it’s your first time on stage and you’re still perfecting your craft. You’re very nervous, your hands are shaking a tad and you’re convinced that the audience can see the rabbit wriggling around in your underwear.

Once you get your act underway people start shouting stuff like “The bird is in the hat we can see it” or “You never put the card back, look it’s up your sleeve” or even “I think you’d better stop sawing now because your assistant is bleeding profusely. Can somebody call for an ambulance please?”

How is it that a good magician can easily deceive people with things that are relatively simple? Especially on occasions when the audience is so up close and personal?

One of the biggest hurdles I have to overcome as a Life Coach is to get people to think differently. The reason this can be so difficult is an easy enough concept to understand. We’ve all had years of perfecting the way we currently process information and to think radically differently would take us so far outside our comfort zone we’d need a map and a compass to find our way back again.

My guess is that you seldom if ever stop to ask yourself “I wonder if I’m thinking right today?” You simply carry on as before because it seems to be working ok in so much as you’re not dead, and let’s face it, that’s the main thing.

There are distinct patterns to your thinking and you reinforce them day after day after day. Eventually they become so automatic, so ingrained and so part of your identity that you either don’t even notice them any more, or even worse, you start to think they’re facts rather than beliefs.

It wasn’t always like that though. When you were much younger you would look at the world with an open-mind and even dare I say it, a certain sense of awe. You took things on face value rather than running everything through a complex set of filters built up around your beliefs and values.

Young kids have few preconceptions and tightly held beliefs much past eating worms is fun, asking embarrassing questions obligatory, and keeping Santa happy, paramount.

It takes years of modeling other people to be able to lose the ability to judge each situation on its own merits and become close-minded. However, most of us manage to do it with aplomb through sheer persistence and the kind of dogged commitment that could move mountains for us if we utilized it more efficiently.

Remarkably though, nobody ever thinks they are close-minded and you’re included in that massive sweeping statement. It appears to be the one saving grace and attribute that everybody feels comfortable they possess. Which is kind of weird, because if everybody is really so open-minded, how come there are so many arguments, confrontations and wars in the world? Wouldn’t they be a thing of the past much like tank tops, dial up and intelligent political debate?

Surely if you’re completely open-minded you’ll always know better than to get involved in a petty arguments because you can always accept a contrary opinion as being equally valid as your own. You’ll never belittle or dismiss anybody else’s view point because that’s not what open-minded people do and you know a varied discourse benefits everybody.

If I can help a client to start thinking more like a child again, then I’m well on the way to helping them to become more open-minded and thus exponentially improving their chances of implementing lasting beneficial change.

The reason many people don’t change that much when they get into adulthood is because of the ‘need’ to hold on to beliefs and old ways of thinking about things. To them that’s just how the world is and their grasp of reality is THE grasp of reality.

As Einstein once said though “You cannot solve a problem with the same thinking that created it”

Many magicians don’t like performing closely with kids because they quite literally look at the world in a different way to adults They often don’t study closely like an adult would (and by the way, that is EXACTLY what a good magician wants you to do) so they see things on the periphery and more importantly, they recognize things on the periphery that maybe an adult would delete from their consciousness as being irrelevant.

If you want to become more open-minded and have the flexibility of thought that some of the great problems solvers possess, start to cultivate thinking like an infant again.

Be curious about life rather than thinking you have it down pat. Be fascinated by this world we live in, because let’s face it, it’s truly an amazing place. Most of all though, have some fun! In the great scheme of things you’re here for a blink of an eye and you can use that time wondering what if and looking back on a life of regrets, or you can squeeze every last drop of enjoyment out of life exactly as a child would.

LINK LOVE

This is somewhat naughty and self-indulgent, but the links today are to my own posts! I know, I know, does my ego know no bounds and have no shame? Probably not actually. Anyway, I’m linking to a couple of posts that I’ve written for other blogs so that is perfectly ok in my big book of blogging etiquette.

I used to write a lot more on business and customer service. That has fallen by the wayside somewhat as I have become a full on self-development guru (honest). Here is a post I wrote for the brilliant Put Things Off that you may enjoy.

I have also been aksed where the entire ‘Ways To Be Miserable‘ thing started. It was originally a guest post I wrote for Steven Aitchison’s blog and you can read it here. If you have read the free e-book ‘Don’t Laugh At The Life Coach‘ though you may want to save your clicking finger because you already have it.

By the way don’t forget you can still get ‘Stress is for Suckers’ for free by visiting the store. It wont be free for ever, so quit procrastinating and get it downloaded now!

Enjoyed this post? Please share it!

Digg it | Stumble it |

Send to a friend:

20 Comments So Far.

Comment by Kelly@SHE-POWER on 15 October 2008:

In my 20s I used to love to have debates about big issues and political arguments. I would have sworn I was open minded, but as you say the only correct opinion was mine or one I could understand. So really I wasn’t bloody open minded at all!

I like how you say creating change stems from thinking more like a child. Questioning what you think and see and how you interpret data. That totally makes sense to me because my son has had me questioning msyelf for over 4 years now. I may be the mother, but sometimes I wonder who is teaching whom.

Kelly
Comment by Davina on 15 October 2008:

Hi Tim. Thoughts do come flying past automatically. It is a real challenge to change thinking habits. But “pretending to wear other perspectives can help if a person is open to trying that.

I like how you say, “Be curious about life rather than thinking you have it down pat.” I know if I wasn’t curious I’d miss so much!
Comment by Bill Skrips on 15 October 2008:

Brilliant essay!

As an artist (I’m a sculptor who works with paint, carved wood and found objects if you can imagine), I need to see things differently all of the time-the materials that I use demand this of me. From the painters, I learned a trick many years ago. To solve “problems” (this can either be balance or composition or something that “just isn’t right”) with a piece of art, turn it upside down and look at reversed it in a mirror. Many times the problem will hit you right in the eye.

In trying to work through personal issues in life, I can’t tell you just how many times I would have liked to do this with myself….or at least with my behavior (which probably weighs a lot less than my 195 pounds).

I seem to be fairly successful acting somewhat like a child with my art-I try and tackle new material and methods and “make mistakes” on purpose…this ain’t easy, but it can be done by the try and try again method, as well as the “your art looks like you made it-great if you want to turn it into a commodity, but terrible if you want to challenge yourself with new problems and experimentation…

But changing the way you think about yourself is a lot harder. I agree with you whole-heartedly that so many of us get slogged down by our “definitions” and “rules” that we make up early in life and never let go, like life preservers to non-swimmers. There is a sense of true panic when we feel them slip from our grasp. So to do this voluntarily is like self-surgery (and seems almost as insane), but the yield here is like a ray of light and hope- and the alternative is far, far darker.

Anyway, when I figure out the way to turn oneself upside down in front of a large mirror, I’ll let you know-there might be a good business in this-certainly better than trying to sell artwork…or at least, my artwork!
Comment by Tim Brownson on 15 October 2008:

@ Kelly - LOL, yep I’ve had those kind of conversations that ended up with me telling somebody else they’re close-minded! I’m sure you can learn a lot from you son and are doing. Life is one long learning process ;-)

@ Davina - I think curiosity is something that a lot of people lose as they grow up and it’s such a powerful tool for change and growth.

@ Bill - That’s a brilliant analogy between what you do on a daily basis and changing thought patterns. I think changing the way you think about yourself ’seems’ a lot harder, but I’m not so sure it is. If I hired you and your full time job was to change the way you looked at things, and you had 5 years in which to do it, do you think you could? Thanks for a great comment.
Comment by Cath Lawson on 15 October 2008:

Hi Tom - It’s amazing how our beliefs are shaped by what we hear and see - yet as you say, few of us will admit this. And I guess we have to do that, if we want to change.
Comment by Doug on 15 October 2008:

Excellent post, Tim. Thought provoking as always.

I’m actually a kid at heart, but my brain gets in the way all too often and I become old before my time. Something I need to work on, constantly.

Like Bill, when I let my art take me where it wants to, I become a kid again. Baudelaire said (I’m paraphrasing) that genius is the ability to recreate one’s childhood in the present.

I’m currently reading a biography of Yeats, one of my favorite poets, and I think he remained a child in many ways, open to the wonder of the world. Sometimes things like politics, ego, and his crazy love for Maud Gonne intruded and made him old again, but it seemed to be mostly temporary.

To put a finer point on things for meself, it’s important to be the right kind of child, though. Not a petulant, spoiled brat, but an endlessly curious and hopeful sort of lad.

Wisdom comes from knowing the difference, I suppose.
Pingback by Link Medley Personal development - Forty Plus Two on 15 October 2008:

[...] The Discomfort Zone writes that If you want to become more open-minded and have the flexibility of thought that some of the great pr… [...]
Comment by Tim Brownson on 15 October 2008:

@ Cath - WTF is Tom?? LMAO, Rita keeps calling me Tom and now you’re doing it too! Oh well I guess I have been called worse things ;-)

@ Doug - And guess what kids do brilliantly that most adults forget how to do? Be in the moment! You can’t worry or fret and be in the moment. Keep dragging yourself back to the moment and let everything take care of itself.
Comment by Laurie on 15 October 2008:

Great post Tim. You are “spot on”. Life is just more fun and exhilarating when I relax and let the little girl out. According to my hub, I don’t have to relax too much before she pops out. I’m not sure that is a compliment.

I know what you mean about accepting flawed thinking as fact. I have seen people do this. It was if they were saying 1+1=56. They believed down to their core and no amount of reasoning would convince them otherwise. Have you found that these folks are easily offended? I have. I don’t know if it typical or not. What have you found?

I don’t get why people would accept a dark view of life and miss the magnificence!
Comment by Tim Brownson on 16 October 2008:

@ Laurie - That sounds kinda weird! The being offended thing does often go hand in hand with being blinkered. Look how offended McCain was last night - ROTFLMAO.
Comment by Tom Volkar / Delightful Work on 16 October 2008:

WTF is Tom? I’m happy to report that no one is calling me Tim so it must be you!

WTF is LMAO? Seriously I never learned all these abbreviations and it makes me nuts when people use them because i don’t know what they mean!!!

I enjoyed the post and I love seeing Albert act goofy. If he can so can I.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 16 October 2008:

@ Tom - Ok here we go with a net speak 101 ;-)

wtf = what the f*** but can be used for who the f***

LMAO = Laughing my ass off

ROTFLMAO = Rollin on the floor laughing my ass off

OK?
Comment by Tom Volkar / Delightful Work on 16 October 2008:

Thnaks Tim, somehow I knew WTF. But I really wasn’t kidding on the other. I guess it’s foreign to me because I don’t twit or test.
Comment by Dave Fowler on 17 October 2008:

Tim, usually when you write I’m deficient on whatever it is. For the first time I can claim that I’m actually quite good at this one. Not totally but enough to make a genuine claim. And nothing you say can change my mind.

I was watching my kids today as we were all watching a documentary abou the Hubble space telescope on discovery. The boys were glued to it, yet all the while asking question after question. I had to think a long way back to find a time that I was that excited about anything.

The very moment the show had finished, they were in the lego box building a mock up of the space rocket used to put this telescope into space.

Wow. Such amazing enthusiasm. If only I could bottle that.

Nice job as always Tom. Loving your work. Good post.

:)

Dave Fowlers last blog post..Setting My Stall Out
Comment by Carole on 18 October 2008:

Testing, testing…. Can I send virtual money and cake? ‘Cause I don’t have any of the real stuff lying around right now….
Comment by Carole on 18 October 2008:

Hey! Where’s my last blog post?
Comment by Tim Brownson on 18 October 2008:

@ Dave - I’ll be sure not to out about citrus fruit, I don’t want you developing scurvy.

@ Carole - You can fax me the money. You’d better white out the serial numbers for security purposes though. No idea what’s happened to the post thingy, you’d better give James at MWP’s some grief he installed it!
Comment by Evita on 18 October 2008:

Hi Tim!

First allow me to say fantastic site and resources!

Now as far as thinking like a child goes, this article really resonated well for me as I have tried to advise people many times to do just that. Abandon all their stiffness and should and should not’s and just be.

Adding in a little innocence to each day truly does wonders for a person, I am living proof of that. Many of us indeed take ourselves and our lives way too seriously. It is not about being reckless of course, but about enjoying life with a vibrant energy and innocence, one that can often be compared to that of a child!
Comment by Evan on 18 October 2008:

Open-minded is important. So is learning.

You can be so open-minded that nothing stays in it.

Evans last blog post..Not working? Do it more!(?)
Comment by Davina on 19 October 2008:

Hi again Tim. LOL here too! I comment on both yours and Tom’s blog and have to be really careful that I get the names right. I’ve commented before on another blogger’s site and used the wrong name. So embarrassing!

Davinas last blog post..25 Words That Connect Us — Frosty Sunrise