The People Who Are NOT Making You Fat … And The One Who Is

Posted on 22 May 2008

A big thanks to Ali Hale from The Office Diet for today’s post. (BTW, that’s not her in the picture).
When our life doesn’t have quite the shape we want, it’s easy to blame other people. Have you ever denied all responsibility for our weight and eating habits, insisting that “I try to diet, but other people make me fat?”

Your Mom

Maybe, when you were a kid, bumps and bruises were “treated” with a kiss and a handful of smarties. So now, every time you scoff a super-sized bar of chocolate when you’re feeling a bit down, it’s all mom’s fault. She’s the reason you think food will make you feel better, right?

Here’s the catch, though: You’re not five years old any more. You’re allowed to cross the road on your own (unless you’re a little old lady, in which case you’re obliged to wait for a passing boy scout.) You get to make your own choices about what you eat and don’t eat, and when.

When your latest project is going tits up at work, Mom isn’t standing there saying, “Here, sweetie, have some candy.” (If she is, I suggest you find out what the heck she’s doing in your office …) And when you have a big row with your partner, I’m pretty sure mom won’t be advising on the phone “Never mind, love, eat two tubs of Ben and Jerry’s and it’ll all be fine.” Especially if the row was about who ate the last of the Ben and Jerry’s.

So stop blaming poor old mom. Even if, every time you visit home, she piles your plate high with sugar and fat laden foods that were your favourites as a kid … you don’t have to eat everything that’s in front of you. If that really would cause so much offence that you’ll be disowned for ever, why don’t you offer to do the cooking, for a change?

Your Colleagues

(If you’re a stay-at-home mom/dad, or if you work from home, skip this section and read the next one.)

Yeah, yeah, I know, you start off every Monday on a new diet and you really mean it this week. You’ve got positive affirmations coming out of your ears (or more unmentionable places), you’ve NLP-optimised the motivational text on your screensaver, and you’ve almost convinced yourself that you’re looking forward to a low-fat sandwich and big salad for lunch.

And then, of course, it all goes wrong … and your colleagues are completely to blame. First, the guys opposite were eating doughnuts for breakfast. Well, you sat there a bit smug, thinking about the healthy bran cereal and dried fruit you ate earlier … but you couldn’t help feeling a bit deprived. How come they get to eat donuts for breakfast? It’s so unfair. If you have to stick to this stupid diet now, does that mean you’ll never be able to eat another donut? A sticky, jammy, sugary, yummy bundle of fried goodness?

Whilst in this donut-despair, you’re accosted by the “birthday girl” who’s brought in a whole box of homemade cupcakes. Well, you deserve a cupcake, right? And you’ll hurt her feelings if you say “no thanks”. And it won’t really make any difference, will it, one teeny tiny cupcake (well, okay, quite big cupcake, in fact, giant cupcake with enough frosting to keep three kids on a manic sugar high for several days…)

Then, at lunch time, your team decide to order pizza. You’ll just have to have that sandwich and salad tomorrow; after all, today’s already gone a bit pear-shaped, dieting-wise. You’ll make a fresh start in the morning…

Months later, when every Monday is still “a new diet”, you’re certain that your colleagues are at fault. But have you ever tried bringing in fruit instead of cookies when it’s your turn to provide a communal treat? Have you ever said “No pizza for me, thanks, I’ve got sandwiches?” Have you ever refused the offer of a cupcake with a “They look gorgeous, I’ll have one in a bit, just as soon as I’ve finished this spreadsheet…”

You don’t have to copy everything your colleagues do, or follow every office fad. (Unless the craze at work is Twitter; this has enlivened my day job no end…) This time, you need to remember what mom taught you: “Just because Larry did it, doesn’t mean you have to. If Larry jumped off a cliff…”

Your Kids

I must confess to a bit of ignorance here, as I don’t have kids yet. (If you don’t either, skip, skip merrily on your way to the next section.) But from those poor shellshocked, sleep-deprived, Barney-hating folk who have gone and offsprung, I gather that kids make you fat in these ways:

• They leave bits of slobbered-on burgers, and mushed-up fries, on their plates, obliging you to finish off every last morsel before having your own dinner.

• They are such annoying little blighters at times that as soon as they’re packed off to bed or bedazzled by the latest and most garish cartoon, you turn to chocolate/cheese and crackers/a large glass of wine.

• They demand cookies, chips, fizzy pop, candy and other diet-unfriendly options. And with those in the house, how can you be expected to resist?

Kids, eh? How did something so small get to dictate your diet? Here’s a thought: You’re the parent. You’re in control (however much it might not feel like it at times.) You get to say who eats what and when. And that goes for yourself, as well as for your kids.

Your Friends

Even worse than your colleagues are those so-called friends who give you chocolates, bring round batches of home-baked goodies, cook delicious meals for you, and suggest trying that new restaurant that’s just opened round the corner.

How dare they? Don’t they know that you really really want to stick to your diet this time, but that they’re forcing you to give in at every turn? And if you turn down that second slab of gooey chocolate cake, you’ll ruin the dinner party … won’t you? They’ll think you hate their cooking. They’ll think you hate them. They’ll never speak to you again…

Wait a minute. Aren’t these people your friends? Haven’t they stuck with you despite your occasional moods, your sudden crazes for bizarre hobbies (like when you subjected them to a stand-up comedy routine involving jokes about tarts, whipped cream, and vicars … and what do you mean, it was an innocent suggestion about the Church catering for the local garden party?) Even if you talk about nothing but calories, grams of fat and “good” carbs for the next month, they’ll still love you (but they might yawn pointedly). Your friends want to see you making the most of yourself; if that means you switch to diet coke and propose bowling trips instead of curry fests, they’ll go along with it.

So, who the heck is making you fat?

You’re a smart bunch (I know you are, cuz Tim uses big words and big ideas like “neuro-linguistic programming” and “affirmations”. Words which you don’t see in the “Kids’ Picture Dictionary”.)

So I’ll let you answer this one.

“The person making me fat is ______________”

Need a hint?

Ali blogs about healthy living for busy office workers at The Office Diet, dealing with the really tricky questions like “Why do I eat when I’m stressed?”, “How can I prepare lunch in five minutes flat?” and “What should I say if I want to refuse a cookie without causing intra-office war?” You can grab her RSS feed here too.

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1 Comment So Far.

Comment by Dr. Nicole Sundene on 23 May 2008:

I have learned the best way to avoid these situations is to just say “not right now, but thank you that looks delicious, I will have some in a minute…”

Usually then I get out of having to eat whatever the latest dessert is.