The Map Is Not The Territory

To get a firm grasp on what the young scallywag NLP is really all about you have to understand the presuppositions that it was built upon. There are as many of 27 presuppositions depending on where you look and who you listen to, but there are about a dozen or so that seem to make up the core and demonstrate the true philosophy.

These are in effect, the belief system of NLP and it would be extremely difficult to embrace the field without at first fully embracing these like you really mean it. I don’t mean just a MMMWOA air kiss either, I’m talking about getting really stuck in there and hugging like your life depends on it, because one day it might.

Actually if I’m going to be completely honest it’s highly unlikely your life will ever depend on believing in the presuppositions of NLP, but you can’t be too sure, so best keep all options open and read on.

So without any further ado let’s dive in and examine three of my personal favorites. How sad does that sound, that I have personal favorite presuppositions?

The Map Is Not The Territory

Have you ever gone into a fine restaurant, sat down with a nice cocktail looking forward to a top class meal and then tucked eagerly into the menu as the waiter hands it to you? Oblivious to the strange looks from your boss and new client who have accompanied you, you devour the entire leather bound Carte du Jour and wash it down with a full-bodied Chateauneuf du Pape. On finishing you declare to your guests you’re slightly disappointed in the food because even though it looked great on the menu it was a tad bland and the dishes all tasted the same.

I suspect that hasn’t happened to you because you know the difference between the food and the menu, even though the menu can sound temptingly delicious.

Similarly you know the difference between a map and the actual territory it’s describing. Not many people have spread a large map out on their floor and after bounding from one side to the other declared confidently they were now in Burma. You’d need a very special magic map to do that and they’re very thin on the ground.

So if this presupposition has nothing to do with maps, territories or fancy restaurants, what does it mean you may be wondering?

You view the world through a massive lens. It’s a lens you’ve taken years to build up and it suits your needs very well for the most part. Unfortunately though, the other 6.5 billion people hanging around on Planet Earth with you have got their own lenses too. And guess what? Theirs is completely different to yours.

According to Buddhism, truth cannot be described. It cannot be written about and it cannot be talked about, it can only be experienced.

Each day you are experiencing the world, but it is a subjective world and reality specific to you and you alone. Nobody else exists in your world; everybody else is in their own. Therefore, when we try and describe how things are, all we are doing is describing how they are for US and this is at the heart of the map is not the territory.

If we can all accept that our view of the world is no more accurate and no more real than the next persons, we are well on our way to the lofty ambition of removing conflict and stress from the world. I suppose it could happen.

Behind Every Behavior There Is A Positive Intent.

This is something I speak regularly to clients about, usually after they have explained to me what a muppet they are and how they re always self-sabotage. Let me make this perfectly clear.

Nobody self-sabotages, ever!

I’m sure you are trawling the nether reaches of your mind now searching for examples to prove me wrong, but I’m confident you won’t be able to find any.

To make my point, let’s take two extreme examples. The first thing people often say to me is “What about suicide victims or people that regularly self-harm?” That’s an obvious starting point because death must surely be the ultimate in self-sabotage, right? Well no, that’s not really the case.

People that commit suicide have a higher objective because they strongly believe that they’ll be better off dead. More often than not they are seeking peace or release from their own particular brand of demons. The same goes for people that self-harm, it’s nearly always a cry for help.

Every time we make a decision we can only do so with the information that we have to hand at that particular time. We can often look back on a situation after the event and it will look like self-sabotage, but only ever in the light of new information.

I am so confident/arrogant about this, I challenge anybody reading to give me a single instance of self-sabotage that I can’t explain with a higher purpose.

In coaching of we can start with a client believing that their current behavior has positive intentions we can then look for other options. The other alternative is to believe that there is something wrong and attempt to fix it. The former option is much more empowering and thus likely to be successful.

There Is No Failure, Only Feedback

This is probably my favorite presupposition and one I talk about a lot both here and with clients. So many people get wrapped up in the fear of failure, yet it is one of the constants of life. We all fail multiple times per day, every day. Even if it’s only something simple like putting the milk back with the coffee instead of in the fridge or forgetting to turn the A/C off when leaving the house.

‘Failing’ at something is natures way of giving us feedback that we need to make changes. As children we all had multiple attempts to walk before we got it right. We didn’t give up after 2 or 3 ties and decide it wasn’t for us. We kept using the feedback of failure until we finally cracked it and we were staggering around like Bambi on ice.

Think about somebody like Tiger Woods, how often do you suppose he hits the ball exactly where he intends? My guess would be well under half of the time. Does that means he’s a failure? Brett Favre has thrown the most interceptions in NFL history and Michael Jordon had the most misses in NBA history, are they failures too?

Seth Godin (I think) once said ‘Fail, fail often and fail faster” and that is a great approach to life. If you spend all your energy trying to avoid failing, you’ll fail be default. See failure as an opportunity to grow and learn and to do a better job next time because that is all it is.

Paradoxically the more you fail the more likely you are to ultimately succeed, so get failing now.

This post is part of a forthcoming free e-book called; ‘What The **** Is NLP?” Watch this space for more info, or better still subscribe via RSS or E-Mail and be sure to get a copy because it will be strictly time limited.

I’m doing another live Ustream feed today (Monday) when I’ll be looking at fears and phobias. It’ll be 4.00pm EST (9.00pm UK) and usual and you can join in by clicking here. As a one off today I’m going to give a code for downloading ‘Stress is for Suckers’ for free for everybody that logs in.

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20 Comments So Far.

Comment by Duff on 9 February 2009:

Good post on some of the presuppositions of NLP. I’m looking forward to the next ones in this series.
Comment by Tracy on 9 February 2009:

Tim, I’m still not sure what NLP is, but you did a great job explaining the 3 presuppositions to me. It’s a lot to absorb and implement, but I am finding myself making changes in the way I think about things which changes how I react to things.

I know I probably don’t give the most insightful comments, but I wanted to let you know that your blog is very helpful to me.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 9 February 2009:

@ Duff – Thanks a lot. I intended having this e-book finished by now but the more I do the more I think I need to do. BTW, great if rather lengthy review by Steve Andreas on Bandler’s latest book. Thanks for the link.

@ Tracy – Firstly, your comments are fine! We’re all (me included) here to learn so ask away and post whatever comes to your mind. Hopefully the e-book will be a big help when I get it finished!
Comment by Maarburg on 9 February 2009:

There are some very, very valuable gems of wisdom in this post.

Another reason why I tune in regularly.

Thanks again Tim.
Comment by tom on 9 February 2009:

Wow there is so much awesome stuff here.

I like this:
Each day you are experiencing the world, but it is a subjective world and reality specific to you and you alone. Nobody else exists in your world; everybody else is in their own. Therefore, when we try and describe how things are, all we are doing is describing how they are for US and this is at the heart of the map is not the territory.

Too bad too many people depend on others to solve their problems.
Also, no one has the answers, just a different perspective on things. We are all pieces of the puzzle and who knows if those pieces will come together.
I hope they don’t so that we can keep things interesting.

toms last blog post..Take full advantage of all resources
Comment by Melissa on 10 February 2009:

According to Buddhism, truth cannot be described. It cannot be written about and it cannot be talked about, it can only be experienced.

That, my friends, is an epiphany in the making….
(sorry, there I go assuming you’re all my friends…)

Oh, and I see there is another Melissa wandering around. Do I have to call myself the bad one? LOL

Oh, and what about me having perfectly good relationships and subconsciously doing something to mess them up because I’m bored?

Melissas last blog post..Will Bonanzle replace eBay?
Comment by Evan on 10 February 2009:

We modify our maps – so there is some relation between the map and the territory: even between reality and our words.

My version of ‘nobody self-sabotages’ is: everybody is sane (if you knew how the other person saw the world, you’d probably behave that way too).

Evans last blog post..Temper Tantrums: responding with soft words or shouting?
Comment by Bill Skrips on 10 February 2009:

Tim
about the failure paragraph: I work at failing so many times a day, it’s pathetic-as a sculptor, I have enormous ability to fail, draw away to get perspective on what I’ve just done and go back and correct it-sometimes hindreds of time before I get it right and call what I’ve been working on “finished”-taking it to the photographer is sometimes the “charm”-at that point (in most cases), I pay to have this committed to “film”, therefore I’m committed to it.
Recently, I’ve started to paint-a medium somewhat foreign to me, therefore out of reach of the usual mechanics of how I make things. Suddenly, I become this person who gets really angry and frustrated:how can I fail at this (the painted work just looks crap) so often? Discouragement and giving up loom large around the corner-what saves me? A bit of staying at it, a bit of self-encouragement, a bit of knowing that the nail cannot be hit on the head time and again (I ain’t no machine), a bit of blind faith (I’ve always admired those who can work in 2D) and the establishment of a standard: this comes about ONLY by failing and trying again. Eventually, you see improvement and the improvement is key-tiny as it might be at first, the (relative) improvement becomes this ladder that you build, rung by rung (whattdya want? I’m a sculptor-I gotta use 3D similes!).
Keep failing is great advice.
Comment by Ruth on 10 February 2009:

I think that’s a great point about no one actually self-sabotaging. Now, they may be so focused on short-term successes or relief that they do sabotage themselves for the long term, I’ll buy that.

Besides being a cry for help, self-harm is also a relief I’ve been told. One friend who cut told me that at the moment she made the cut, she felt a sense of relief because she focused on the pain of the moment. For me, it was a desire to commit suicide and make it just stop…a positive goal. It wouldn’t have been as positive in the long run, however, so I’m glad I didn’t.

Ruths last blog post..Somewhere, Someone is Meditating or Intending Actions So You’ll Find Happiness
Comment by Tim Brownson on 10 February 2009:

@ Maarburg – Thank you kind sir now make sure you tell everybody you know and insist on pain of death they do the same. And so on and son on until I have 6 billion readers via RSS. If you can arrange that by Thursday that would be great.

@ Tom – Yeh it’d be a bit boring if the answer was the same for all of us all of the time.

@ Melissa – We’re ALL your friend ;-) It sounds to me like your “perfectly good relationships” aren’t perfectly good because you’re bored. That’s not self-sabotage it’s your unconscious helping you out very efficiently. I hope you’ve thanked it for doing such a great job!

@ Evan – Of course there is some relationship between the two, but it can be tenuous sometimes. I very much agree with the everybody is sane bit too. There is another NLP presupposition that I almost covered off and it’s “Nobody is broken’ You summed it up in a sentence.

@ Bill – And that is a perfect example of how to use failure to your own benefit. Now if we can just get you avoid the angry stage too, life would be hunky dory ;-)

@ Ruth – Well I’m certainly glad you picked the option with the most long term prospects! Thanks for sharing that about self-harm, it makes perfect sense.
Comment by Johnny Truant on 10 February 2009:

Dang, missed it. I don’t suppose you recorded the Ustream and are offering it for download, are you?
Comment by Tim Brownson on 10 February 2009:

@ Johnny – Sorry bud, I never thought to record it. I’ll be doing another on Monday at 4.00pm EST though maybe I should look at recording, thanks for the tip.
Comment by Laurie on 11 February 2009:

While no one likes to fail (except for really creepy people) how could we ever accept challenges that will stretch us if we never chance failing? We could play it safe and stay in a bubble the rest of our lives but, other than bouncing which would make me sick, living in a bubble would get dull. Like my favorite science teacher Mrs. Frizzle says, “Take chances! Make mistakes!” It’s the only way to see what all we are capable of.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 12 February 2009:

@ Laurie – Yes, yes and thrice yes!
Comment by Johnny Truant on 14 February 2009:

BTW, good point about positive intent. This was a bit of an epiphany for me once I got it… you’re always trying to get to something better, at least from the perspective of your mind. I think a whole lot of people miss that.

Remember when Tony Robbins used to talk about NLP? I’ve got these ancient cassette tapes that won’t even play anymore where he’s all about it.

Johnny Truants last blog post..Unfortunately, pants
Comment by fanny on 22 April 2009:

So, according to this page and to Buddhism there is no universal truth, but only individual perceptions.
Descartes grappled with that notion and of course realised “I think, therefore I am” is a universal truth. Maybe the only one, but one is not none.
Post modernism comes up against the same conundrum. It postulates that there is no truth, but in so doing negates its own assertion.
I think a philosopher of the religious inclination, Bishop someone, suggested that those folk who don’t believe in a truth go out and, barefoot, kick a rock.
Respectfully
fanny
Comment by Tim Brownson on 22 April 2009:

@ Fanny – Sorry that wasn’t what I meant. I meant that any universal truth cannot be explained because by explaining it we are putting our spin on it and therefore it no longer is the truth. That is MY understanding of the Buddhist belief, but I could be wrong.
Comment by fanny on 22 April 2009:

Tim, you may be meaning the platonic shadow in the cave thingy. That is we percieve reality as does a man in a cave watching the shadows on the wall. Plato suggests earth or human understanding is an imperfect recollection of pure truth.
Different of course from Aristotle, who thinks we are born a blank slate and all knowledge is gained through experience and observation.
I see psychological theory at the root of all NLP writing I have thus seen. For example The map is not the Trerritory is based in CBT, and even George Kelly’s Schema theory.
cheers fanny
Comment by Evan on 22 April 2009:

Actually it was Samuel Johnson’s response to Bishop Berkley’s assertion that everything was mind-stuff and the material was an illusion.
Comment by fanny on 22 April 2009:

Thank you Evan, its always good to have people with more knowledge to help me.
fanny