Stress Is A Myth

Posted on 28 May 2008 in Life Coaching, Stress Management

The word stress gets bandied around more freely than Vodka at a Polish wedding yet the reality is that it doesn’t exist as a single entity. It’s a catchall term that we use to describe any number of different conditions including worry, fear, anxiety and lack of control.

I’m going to go even further and say there is no such thing as stress per se. Think of any event that currently ‘stresses you out’ and ask yourself if there is any person in the world that could deal with that situation and not be stressed about it? If the answer is yes (and by the way, that is the only sensible answer you can give,) then by definition it’s not the event that’s stressful, but the interpretation that you place on it. Where did the stress disappear to with the other person? Did it evaporate in to thin air, catch a #22 bus to the coast or was it simply a figment of your minds over active imagination?

If I picked up a bathroom plunger and then brutally shoved it on to your face and pumped it two or three times in the usual manner until your eye popped out, you would experience pain. There’s no need for you to think “Hmm there seems to be a hole where once my eye was, I’m sure that should hurt” before you start shrieking hysterically and rolling around on the floor with blood pouring from you now very empty eye socket, it will all happen quite naturally.

That’s what we call cause and effect, but stress isn’t like that. With stress there is something between cause and effect and that is the interpretation that you place on the events. Without that interpretation of what the situation or event means to you, you have no stress, leaving aside any genuine fight or flight response that works purely at an unconscious level.

If you think hard enough you can come up with a negative event that you once dealt really well with and another almost identical event that you didn’t deal at all well with. So what’s the deal? They’re the same thing, why on earth shouldn’t you manage them equally as well or equally as poorly for that matter?

If you are already feeling in a bad mood, not very well, drunk, tired or a St Louis Rams fan then your tolerance to stress is vastly reduced and that’s going to be reflected in how you deal with things. If on the other hand you’re feeling great and life seems like a walk in the park then you will laugh in the face of stress and probably tweaks its beard for good measure too.

How is this information useful you may be thinking?

Next time you get that horrible feeling of being stressed out take a few deep diaphragmatic breaths and a metaphorical step back. Realize that you are in control of your self and what you think, if nothing much else. Then question how important it is in the great scheme of things. Are you really likely to lose your job, all your money and your house? Or is it just a storm in a teacup, a situation that you’ll have forgotten about in a week’s time, just like all the others? You’ve dealt with every other single stressful situation you’ve encountered in your life, so why not this one?

I was being provocative with my headline. I realize that stress blights us all from time to time and I’m not meaning to belittle the impact it can have. However, if we realize and accept that we are the perpetrators of our own stress levels and not our boss, our partner or our bank manager then we can take steps to reduce the overall load we place on ourselves. That’s a much better option than looking for ways to justify why we are right in feeling so wound up and embedding the myth that chronic stress is part and parcel of modern living. Maybe it is, but it doesn’t have to be.

I’d really like to hear your take on stress, especially if you have some cool ways of combating it.

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19 Comments So Far.

Comment by Kenneth King | Destiny Building on 28 May 2008:

Tim,

You’ve done your usual fine job of breaking down a difficult topic into it’s simplest form and making us laugh at how seriously we accept negatives (like stress) into our lives when we really don’t have to. Laughter as the catalyst for change and developing new perspectives. I like it.
Comment by Ali on 28 May 2008:

As Kenneth says, this is a brilliant post. Two points really stood out for me:

- Stress covers a range of negative emotions (anxiety, over-work, etc)

- We get stressed depending on lots of subjective factors rather than objective ones.

I recognise both of these in myself; in particular, events which I’d brush off or cope fine with when I’m on top form can have me sobbing when I’m tired/ill/etc.

Even when I recognise that things aren’t really that important in the long run (I was telling myself a few times today “Well, they won’t sack you, at least…”) it’s still hard to deal with the emotional side. How do you convince yourself NOT to be stressed when you know you’re over-reacting? I always think I should have better control over my emotions, and then get into a depressing cycle of blaming myself for feeling stressed, and consequently feeling MORE stressed…

Gah!

Ali
Comment by Vered on 28 May 2008:

Tim, you must know I adore you, but the plunger example… was that really necessary? Now the image is stuck in my head forever. How stressful. ;)

My way of combating stress is similar to yours – my mom taught me this – I always ask myself “what’s the worst that could happen”, and almost always, the worst is not THAT bad.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 28 May 2008:

@ Ken – I couldn’t agree more, laughter is DEFINITELY a catalyst for change!

@ Ali – The funny thing is I still get stressed from time to time. It’s not like knowing what to do is always enough, sometimes it’s more than that. Some beliefs are so embedded that they needed constant chipping away at and that can be a lifelong challenge, but I know YOU are up for that challenge, right? ;-)

@ Vered – Sorry the plunger was an absolute necessity. I have no idea why, where it came from or what’s it’s point is, just at the core of me that it was a needed! Agreed about the worst. The fact is we deal with everything that life throws us until the day we don’t and then it’s all over anyway.
Comment by Ali on 28 May 2008:

*grumbles* I had such a nice ‘fraidy-cat head-under-duvet unchallenging life before you came along, Tim… :-P

I have figured out one thing that helps me, though — just Getting On With It. Forcing myself to start that blog post, or work on that important document at work, takes my attention outta my own head and into the real world where it belongs!

Ali
Comment by Dr. Nicole Sundene on 28 May 2008:

I always ask myself WWMSD? “What would Martha Stewart Do?”

Then I do it.

Nothing seems to phase that woman. Not even prison. Regardless of anyone’s opinion on her, her composure is inarguable.
Comment by Doc KC on 28 May 2008:

I needed this article at this point! Launching a new site and everything else that is going on is not an easy feat! So, the stress is all in my head, huh?

I think that stress is like worrying or fearing. What is the point? It gets us absolutely nowhere! So, why do we do it!?

Thanks for the great and entertaining article!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
Comment by Jennifer on 29 May 2008:

Tim, this was a great post! I also like how you broke it down.

I learned and teach the HALT formula when working to remove emotional pain. Don’t try to process emotional pain when you are too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. My teacher also taught me to always try to keep HALT in check. That helps to prevent those horifying or overwhelming moments that shouldn’t be so horifying or overwhelming.

Seeing things in persepective, like you pointed out Tim, and removing unnecessary clutter from our lives can go a long way in stress reduction.

I also think digging to find the underlying cause of the stress is crucial. Why did I see it that way? Was there a previous event similar to it?

Ali, when my teachers taught me to identify my thinking errors it really helped me to see why I was getting so frustrated with myself. There are 15 common thinking errors that people engage in on a regualar basis and I had many of them mastered! My life was a little crazy to say the least.
Comment by Julie Poland on 30 May 2008:

Tim –

I heard what I thought was the ultimate example of how our interpretation creates stress in what’s an otherwise neutral event. I was listening to Maureen Mulvaney, a motivational speaker, some years ago when she waved a magic wand and said to the group, “Abracadabra! You are all now…..pregnant!”

This was a group entirely comprised of women, and their responses ranged from “hooray!” to “I’m going to kill him!” to “Oh no!” It was the interpretation, not the diagnosis, that created the reaction.

By the way, I did the same exercise with a mixed gender group and the responses were surprisingly similar in range with the exception of one guy who suggested that we call The National Enquirer.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 30 May 2008:

@ Dr Nicole – I hate the WWMSD idea. Largely because even though I know the name I have no idea who she is, so my unconscious would shoot back with “I reckon she’d get stressed/angry/suicidal” and I’d be forced to agree ;-)

@ Doc KC _ I feel a song coming on – “Stress, huh! What is it good for, absolutely nothing, say it again” Ok, I know that’s not technically true stress does have some uses and I may be infringing somewhat on copyright, but I like the idea in principle.

@ Jennifer – That’s an absolutely brilliant idea! I love that methid, thanks a lot for sharing it.

@ Julie – LOL that’s funny and also a great example of interpretation.
Comment by Tom Volkar / Delightful Work on 30 May 2008:

Perhaps coaches think too much alike. Every time I visit your blog I’m hoping for some pithy point of disagreement but you’ve disappointed me yet again. This was a good read and you’ve reached a new low point of disgust with the bathroom plunger.

This is sound thinking. Of course stress is a myth because it always occurs when we attempt to place ourselves at a point in time where we are not.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 30 May 2008:

@ Tom – I’m working on it very hard Tom and I’m sure I can offend you very soon. I really like that definition about placing oursleves in a place and time that we’re not. Nice one, thanks!
Comment by Laurie on 3 June 2008:

Stress…I am swimming in it right now, to the point that I am having breathing problems. This past year I took a job that was a promotion for me. The folks I serve think I have done a wonderful job but out of no where, the boss is letting me go at the end of my contract because I’m “not a match”. I would have to be an elitist game player to be a match I think. I think there are hidden agendas that don’t even involve me. SO yes I am stressed. Our family’s income is being cut in half. To move on, I am starting my own business. I feel confident that it will work out but one child in college and the other there in a couple of years, I am stressed. Sooooo, I’ll hang in there (Friday is my last day) and maybe I’ll not be so stressed after I am done. Maybe the rash will stop and I will sleep and breath and stop vibrating.

I think there are situatins in life that you would not be human if you didn’t stress. Trouble with teens, marriage, in-laws, health can all make you stressful. I think instead of saying it is a choice, I say it happens but you work through it. You may disagree.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 4 June 2008:

@ Laurie- It sounds like your circumstances are dreadful at the moment and I am sorry to hear that, I really am.

I just posted this morning about the fact that I still get stressed, grumpy and miserable like most people do. However, I do know that it is a choice. It really doesn’t seem like that and I understand it when people telling me I’m talking crap, but it’s just the way I see it. A select few people really don’t allow themselves to get stressed. Now they may indeed be more spiritually enlightened than the rest of us and have had years of practice, but that just means it’s possible.

I hope you’re situation takes a turn for the worse and thanks a lot for sharing your experience. If you want a chat at some stage drop me an e-mail.
Comment by Ali from The Office Diet on 4 June 2008:

@Laurie Assuming Tim means “a turn for the better” I share his sentiments ;-) I know I replied to your comment on JEMi’s blog but wanted to wish you all the best here too. Only three days to Friday, then you’re free!
Comment by Tim Brownson on 4 June 2008:

@ Ali – Yikes! Thanks for putting me right on that one!! I did indeed mean turn for the better. Sorry Laurie I was rushing to reply before catching a flight back to the US from the UK. Too little time coupled with too little sleep left me somewhat short on brain power. Sorry again.
Comment by Laurie on 4 June 2008:

Ahh shucks….no problem.
Comment by Marta on 21 June 2008:

Lately I’ve been finding that watching nature videos at http://www.relaxwithnature.com helps me relax. It really works.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 22 June 2008:

@ Marta – Cool idea Marta, one way a computer can actually aid the relaxation process for a change.