Self Development Is Easy

I once had a life coaching client accuse me of repeating myself. It’s actually quite difficult remembering exactly what I say to each and every client as I usually have about 50 ‘live’ clients at any one point in time and speak to 15 or so per week..

After the first session or so I don’t like taking too many notes because it’s impossible for me to be note taking and be fully engaged in the conversation. Try having a phone conversation with a friend whilst simultaneously writing an e-mail and you’ll soon know what I mean. Multi-tasking is a myth.

Therefore, I realize I may repeat a story, metaphor of heaven forbid one of my crap jokes from time to time. In fact I’m sure I do this on a semi-regular basis, but most people are too polite to point it out to me, they probably just think I’m a tad old and infirm.

This conversation was somewhat different though because I knew perfectly well I was repeating myself.

I was talking about getting back to the basics of controlling thoughts. I’d just said to the client something along those lines of:

“The language you use is simply a manifestation of your thoughts you’re having, and if the language isn’t changing then neither are the thoughts”

Hearing the same thing over and over again can be frustrating I realize that. However, as the Latin saying goes ‘Repeticio est mater studiorum’ or ‘Repetition is the mother of learning’.

We are a product of what we have done over and over again through our lives. What we do today is practice for what we do tomorrow, so we either change today or we don’t change at all.

Imagine you’re learning to ski. You’re with a group of beginners high in the Rockies and the instructor is attempting to teach you the basics. All of a sudden you spot an enticingly steep mogul field over to your left. You haven’t paid all that money to wuss about on the kids stuff and in your blissful incompetent ignorance you start to snowplow your way over toward it, just to ‘give it a go’

There is a scream from your instructor to stop as she hastens toward you. You both arrive at the edge simultaneously and as you look down you realize it hadn’t been such a good idea after all. She advises you that it will be at least a week or more before you are capable of taking on the tougher slopes because you need to practice the basics first.

The following day you’re getting a little better and feeling a lot more confident. Once again you spot another slope with a sign at the top “Death Run – Expert Skiers With Lots Of Insurance Coverage Only” “Woo-hoo baby” you think, this looks more like it.

Once again you snow plough your way to the top of the run. The instructor sees you do this and stands watching with amusement as you gingerly approach the edge. You teeter at the top for a while summoning up all your courage and then set off down the vertical sheet of ice with all the elegance and control of a T Rex after half a dozen Margarita’s.

You wake up in the local hospital with both legs in plaster and aching all over. Your instructor has stopped by to say hello and wish you a speedy recovery. After a brief conversation it seems she knew damn well you couldn’t cope with that slope and an accident was imminent. You start to get agitated and ask why the hell she didn’t tell you?

“I told you yesterday you weren’t ready for the tough runs” she replied with a big smile on her face, “I didn’t think I needed to say it again”

I think it’s fair to say the instructor was negligent and didn’t demonstrate much duty of care toward you. It doesn’t matter how big a dick you have been and how much testosterone you had coursing through your veins, she should still have warned you and tried to prevent you from risking your life.

So I explained to the client the reason for me repeating myself was because these were the basics, and we need to get the basics right first if we are to move on. We were trying to unpick thirty or so years of negative self-talk and you cannot change that overnight.

Guess how that self talk arose in the first place? Yep, that’s right, repetition.

She came back with “There really isn’t that much to all this is there?”

And you know what? She was right, because there isn’t. Self development isn’t complicated.

If you understand your values and are prepared to live in alignment with them. If you have a supporting belief system. And if you are conscious of the language you use, everything else is easy.

If that is, you’re prepared to put the work in and that can be the repetitive part. It isn’t enough knowing what to do, you have to do it. If your car is making a strange noise from under the hood and you’re not sure what it is, what would you do?

I suspect you wouldn’t take it to a garage and get them to diagnose the problem, but not fix it. Knowing the noise is a shock absorber failing isn’t much use to you unless you actually change it.

The same goes for self-development. It isn’t enough to know your language is not supporting you and that’s why you feel crap. You want to be able to change it and make changes for the better and that is the part that takes time and commitment. Otherwise, you may as well stay in blissful ignorance and at least not have the frustration of knowing you could change if you could only be bothered.

I still have one place left on this special Life Coaching offer for August for bloggers and solopreneurs. Once that has gone I’ll be putting it on hold until next year, so don’t hang around!

Somebody asked me if the post last week The Ultimate Goal Setting Post was a segment taken from ‘How To Be Rich and Happy’ It actually isn’t, but it may be, or I may use part of it, I’m not sure yet. Whatever I do, there will be a substantial section on goals. More news next week on some special deals we are running prior to the release on September 22nd.

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16 Comments So Far.

Comment by Mark on 27 July 2009:

Haven’t you posted this once before? ;)
Comment by Deb Owen on 27 July 2009:

Absolutely!
Couldn’t agree more.

All the best!
deb
Comment by Ali Hale on 28 July 2009:

When I went ski-ing for the first time in April, I spent my first afternoon trying (and failing) to go at a controlled speed down the teeniest little baby slope you can imagine. The poor guy at the bottom by the drag lift had to pick me out of a giant snow-drift twice…

Actually, maybe you’re on to something here, Tim, and we should approach self-development like learning to ski: not worrying about making mistakes as a beginner, enjoying the wind in our hair, being willing to get expert assistance, and picking ourselves up when we fall over.

I was interested that you said to your client “The language you use is simply a manifestation of your thoughts you’re having, and if the language isn’t changing then neither are the thoughts” … at first I thought this contradicted some of the NLP stuff you’ve said before (that the language you use moulds your thinking) … but then I figured it’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg situation. If your language is positive, your thinking will be positive, and if your thinking is positive, your language will be positive…

Let me know if I missed the point there, though!
Comment by Tim Brownson on 28 July 2009:

@ Mark – I can’t remember.

@ Deb – Not even a little bit more?

@ Ali – I think you nailed it!
Comment by Moonpie on 28 July 2009:

The title…and the point made to your referenced client: puts me in the mind of, “Death is easy, comedy is hard.”

Anyway, it does indeed sound like self-development is easy. And/But piddling around in the familiarity of dis-ease or unfulfillment can, of course, all too often be easier. Therein lies the rub. Or at least one of the rubs!

~m~
Comment by Tim Brownson on 28 July 2009:

@ Moonpie – That is indeed a rub and a very nice one too! So what the hell do we do when piddling around in the familiarity of dis-ease or unfulfillment is easier?
Comment by Moonpie on 28 July 2009:

Um, who, me? Ok Sarge, I’ll give it a go…(pausing briefly to channel my inner-Moonpie)…ahem:

Sir, We-get-up-off-our-lazy-arse-and-start-using-our-noggins-’cause-we-ain’t-scared-of-no-danged-thing-whats-called-the-hard-way Sir?
Comment by Vincent on 28 July 2009:

Hey Tim,

I agree with what you are saying. We need repetitions to master something and that goes for self improvement too. We need to be able to perfect the repetitions before we master anything.

Cheers,
Vincent
Comment by Tim Brownson on 29 July 2009:

@ Moonpie – Er yeh precisely.

@ Vincent – Yep repetition is the key as is repetition, repetition and also repetition!
Comment by Kaizan on 30 July 2009:

Hi Tim,

This is a great post. I like the way you illustrate your points with these great stories.

I totally agree with you. I think that if you stick to a plan day in and day out even if it’s only making small gains each day you will get there. That’s the basis of the japanese concept of kaizen (continuous improvement).
Comment by Dr Wright on 2 August 2009:

Perhaps you repeated yourself because the client was not getting what you were telling them.

When I coach and ask the client to repeat what I said, I am always surprised how some have no clue of what I just said or meant.

Dr. Letitia Wright
The Wright Place TV Show
http://wrightplacetv.com
http://www.twitter.com/drwright1
Comment by Tim Brownson on 2 August 2009:

@ Dr Wright – A good point although with this lady, I had even e-mailed her what to do!!
Comment by jonathanfigaro on 2 August 2009:

Being able to progress consistently and continuously will cause you be one of the leader of the pack. The pack being this current generation of human beings who only read 1 book a year. By making daily progress success in any area is assured.
Comment by H. Trase Barney on 7 August 2009:

Just like our thoughts control our language, our thoughts also control how we feel. When working with people I share with them that like attract like. Meaning; like thoughts produce like language and in turn like feelings and emotions. Positive thoughts result in positive words and feelings. Repetition is key to making our thoughts, language, and feelings becoming habitually positive.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 7 August 2009:

@ Janothan – That is sooo true. People often over estimate the ability and knowledge of others. Concentrate on yourself and let others do what they need to do.

@ H – Great point bud, I concur 100%, thanks!
Comment by self development training on 26 August 2009:

Life is short so we have to maximize it. God is using other people to help us develop our character. He enables everyone so as we can complete one another. We need to undergo self development training under God’s provisions.

Thanks for sharing this post, you make it really influential with your tough points of view. Keep it up.