Method To The Madness

Apparently laughter is the best medicine, although I’m guessing if somebody ran into the back of your car and you’ve got severe whiplash, you’re better to avoid laughter altogether and rely on a neck brace.

I have had a couple of comments recently one from Kelly of She-Power and another from Chris at watdawat (cools sites worth checking out by the way) in which they said that they sometimes missed the message in my posts because they were laughing too much.

Firstly, I’d like to refer them to this video post and in particular point 10. The world is a serious place people and we must understand that laughter is for fools that don’t ‘get it’. Let’s not waste our lives by enjoying it; that would be almost criminal.

I take a similar approach to coaching as I do with writing posts, in terms of having fun. I don’t ever want a client to avoid a session with me because he or she hasn’t completed a task and thinks I’m going to get my big coachy stick out to beat them severely with. Obviously I do beat my clients severely with my big coachy stick, but I don’t want them worrying about it ahead of time, that would be silly and pointless.

There are 3 main reasons for me taking this approach and today gorgeous I’m going to share them with you.

It’s Fun! Yeh I know it’s a radical concept but having fun is fun! I want to enjoy what I do and I want my clients to enjoy coaching.

There are enough people in this world with faces (and I’m going to quote myself if I may here) that look like Warthogs sniffing a skunk’s ass. By that I don’t mean they’re ugly, if that had been what I meant I’d have had the Hypocritical Police beating down my door as I type. I’m talking about people that develop a permanent scowl on their face and think the world is constantly conspiring against them. It isn’t honestly. I got an e-mail back from the World the other day saying that she was far too busy defending herself against lunatics intent on destroying her, to deal with individual requests for being conspired against.

You could be dead tomorrow (don’t worry you almost certainly wont be, but if you do happen to wake up deceased please accept my deepest condolences). Do you want to leave the impression that you were a happy person that people loved to be round? Or would you rather be the person who’s death had ‘friends’ sighing with relief and wondering how they can get out of going to the funeral? The choice is yours.

It’s A Break State. If I can get a client to laugh about something it immediately breaks their state. Break states are powerful tools for shifting thinking and are frequently used by people that are skilled influencers.

Think of the last time you laughed a lot. Do you remember it? Yeh, of course you do, you can always remember things that set off that lovely sensation of endorphins running rampant round your body making you feel good.

What if you linked that feeling to learning? What if you associated change with laughing and having fun? Wouldn’t that be a kind of a cool way to get past the usual resistance to change that most people encounter?

It’s Devious. Talking directly to your unconscious mind is a waste of time because it’s unconscious. It’s much cleverer than your conscious mind and it has lots of stuff on its plate. At this very moment it’s beating your heart, moderating your blood pressure, contracting muscles, digesting your food and blinking your eyes. And you thought the guy juggling 4 live alligators was clever?

Have you ever read a self-development book that gave you lots of great advice on improving yourself? You read it all and thought, this is so blindingly obvious, I can do this? Then nothing happened, no long-term behaviors changed, you didn’t stop procrastinating, you didn’t get fit, you didn’t lose weight and you didn’t leave your dead end job?

What do you think happened there? You knew what you needed to do, but you didn’t do it.

Well the fact is, you knew what to do at an intellectual and conscious level, but behaviors come from the unconscious level. Whilst you were reading that book your unconscious was probably thinking “Yeh whatever, you do what you want, but don’t count on me going to the gym because I’m off out for a few beers”

Great hypnotherapists are also fantastic storytellers. They talk in metaphor a lot of the time and there is a reason for that. To get to the unconscious mind you have to do it with the cunning of a very cunning Fox that has just got his doctorate in advanced cunning.

When somebody is laughing, their unconscious mind is a lot more accessible and messages can slip in unnoticed. That’s why when people tell me they miss the message I often think, “Well you may think you missed the message, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you did”

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24 Comments So Far.

Comment by Michael Miles on 24 August 2008:

You’re right – there are a lot of miserable people out there, and it’s hard not to get influenced by them and become negative. I think you have to be constantly on guard against this.

Laughter is a great antidote to one of the most terrible things around – taking yourself too seriously.
Comment by Vered on 24 August 2008:

Well, all I can say is, you’re the only life coach I would EVER consider hiring, and it’s exactly BECAUSE you make me laugh and also because you don’t take yourself too seriously.
Comment by Marelisa on 24 August 2008:

I’m a great believer in the power of laughter. I have a laughter yoga lens on squidoo that is basically about the fact that doctors have discovered that even simulated laughter provides the positive effects of laughter (reduced stress, elevated mood, increased creativity, relaxation, lessens the risk of heart disease, creates a bond with others you’re laugh with, and so on).
Comment by Kelly@SHE-POWER on 24 August 2008:

Fantastic post, Tim. Laughter and love is what makes the world go around as far as I’m concerned. And what you’re saying makes perfect sense about when we’re relaxed the subconscious mind is taking it all in and processing the possibility for change.

When I first started my blog I tried to write serious articles on women’s issues (this explains the name SHE-POWER) but I very quickly found I don’t just write for women and I find it very difficult to stay serious. It felt positively unnatural. If you can’t laugh at yourself and life, then I don’t how you have the reserves to deal with the really shitty things when they do happen.

So I’m always up for a giggle, Tim. Wrap your wisdom up in funnies and throw them right at me. And thanks for the link love.

Kelly :)
Comment by Sal on 24 August 2008:

Excelent post, and very true at that. I often use humor as my excape from punishment. For some reason, the rush of endorphines often kills all previous plans for harsh and rash punishment. I guess you know by now that most of my “funny” moments come at work. Ha, who would have thought the class clown would have grown up to be somewhat successful. Go figure.
Comment by Cath Lawson on 25 August 2008:

Hi Tim – so laughing is a bit like being hypnotised then?

You know when you mention hypnotists using metaphors? Well, when I’m listening to my Paul McKenna hypnotism CD, he’s like saying two different things at once – he’s telling two stories. Why does he do that? Is one of them for my conscious mind and the other for my subconscious mind?
Comment by Writer Dad on 25 August 2008:

I couldn’t agree more. Laughter is a trojan horse to just about any other emotion.
Comment by Evelyn Lim on 25 August 2008:

I like the idea of using laughter to break state. I am far too serious and I need to read your jokes more!!
Comment by Tim Brownson on 25 August 2008:

@ Michael – Good point about being on your guard. We’re careful (usually) about what we let into out bodies in terms of food, drugs etc, so why not be equally vigilant with our minds?

@ Vered – Thanks a lot!

@ Marelisa – You’re absolutely right about the medical research. There is no downside to laughter except the immediate exclusion from the Pity Party.

@ Kelly – I’m not sure if it’s wrapped as so much smothered, but I get the message. Glad to hear you let your heart dictate what you wrote and didn’t try and be something you weren’t.

@ Sal – Work is a great source of amusement if people can remember to look for it. Good for you that you do.

@ Cath – Hyponotism is a simply trance state, that is, a concentrated form of focus. So yeh, I guess that in some way they are similar.

McKenna isn’t aiming at different parts of your brain, he’s aiming at your unconscious mind. Hypnotherapists use confusion a lot. It’s a difficult technique to explain here, but the theory is that it’s a quicker way to make progress and get messages through to the unconscious without them being analyzed at a conscious level because the conscious brain can’t deal with simultaneous information.

@ Writer Dad – Trojan Horse, I like it!
Comment by Tim Brownson on 25 August 2008:

@ Evelyn – Too serious, you? Nah ;-)
Comment by Melissa on 25 August 2008:

*claps* bravo to you and your cunning-ness. I shall call you the laughing fox. =)
Comment by Dr. Nicole Sundene on 25 August 2008:

I once had a patient complain to me that the doctor was “too funny and not serious enough”. That was once out of eight years. I think most of us really appreciate a professional that can shed some light on our situation and help us laugh at ourselves or the situation. Great read thanks Tim!
Comment by Bart on 25 August 2008:

I’ve got to say, the visuals really drove it home for me – although the post was stimulating as well. I’m not keen on others giving me acidic advice – no matter how much in need I am – but if they can have something critical to say and make me laugh, I won’t fight against their correction.

As for deviousness, I remember hearing NLP co-creator Richard Bandler almost have a guy wet his pants laughing when he basically looped his internal process for laughter. It blew my mind, especially because I Bandler wasn’t funny.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 25 August 2008:

@ Melissa – ‘Laughing Fox’ eh? I like it!

@ Doc Nicole – Hey great to see you back and I hope KTM is going to be firing on all cylinders very soon.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 25 August 2008:

@ Bart – I have seen lots of film of Bandler but never seen him life and that really pisses me off. I will at some stage because he’s a magician when it comes to rapid change work. A bit scary and probably not somebody you’d take home to meet Aunt Edith, but definitely somebody I’d want to share a few beers with. Thanks for the comment.
Comment by Rita on 26 August 2008:

Tim,

First of all, thank you for addressing this to me, personally: that was very kind.

Second of all, thank you for what you said about so-called “self-help” books. It DID make me laugh.

Third, can only coaches get “big coachy sticks,” or is there a store where I can get one too?

Finally, about the Warthog: I AM a warthog. I always look like I am unhappy, and people are constantly approaching me to ask if I’m OK. I am on disability, suffering from a pain disorder called RSD (or CRPS). The symptons are: chronic, unfathomble pain and discomfort. Though I smile and laugh, people can still SEE the pain in my face – so what do I do? I always try to be upbeat, laugh, smile, and frequently make jokes – often at my own expense. (Like the woman who has gained 30 lbs, and everyone starts to ask “when are you due?” She can get nasty, or she can joke about the weight gain, so others don’t feel bad about their comments.)

Seriously, what does a person in my situation do? Am I happy? You betya. Do I have a sense of humor – yes (despite what you think!) Yet I am not a trained, Academy Award winning actress. I look like I am in pain and suffering because I AM in pain and suffering. What you said about the unconsious mind is SO true.

I know that people who know me enjoy my company, or I would not have the geat friends I have. I explain to my students each year that what they see is NOT who I am. And it works – they accept me, and we laugh a lot during the year.

Yet how DOES one get rid of the Warthog face when one is totally aware of its effects on people, yet little self-control can be exercised over it. I KNOW that laughter is the best medicine, and I employ that as often as I can. So, my genius friend, what would you advise for a person like me – who constantly looks unhappy, yet accepts her limitations and tries to be as upbeat as possible? Any advice from my coach?

Thanks,

Rita
Comment by Tim Brownson on 26 August 2008:

@ Rita – You’re welcome as always ;-) I’m afraid only coaches can have big coachy sticks, it’s in the constitution, number 119b as I seem to remember.

My advice would be to do exactly what you’re doing. All the things I talk about are generalizations. They don’t apply to everybody and there are exceptions to most rules. You happen to be one! Congratulate yourself for doing what you can do and don’t get too wrapped up in what other people may think.

BTW, I’m sure you don’t look like a warthog, except for maybe the cloven hooves and frontal tusks, but that could apply to almost anybody.
Comment by Sal on 26 August 2008:

@Rita: I agree with Tim. I am a coach (of gymnastics) and I too have a coachy stick. It only cost me my sanity, but on the plus side, I get a bunch of awesome kids to play with on a weekly basis!

@Tim: Oh yes, could deffinately apply to almost anyone. ROFL
Comment by Laurie on 26 August 2008:

You are so right. I have never felt better than when I was rofl! I use to teach kindergarten. I had an endless supply of funny stories my family called my “kinder-stories”. I learned from a kinder student that her daddy slept naked everynight, and that shit wasn’t a cuss word but damn it was. I also learned not to ask a 5 year old what word rhymes with trucker! I think they taught me more than I taught them, Sometimes more than I needed to know!
Comment by Shamelle – TheEnhanceLife on 27 August 2008:

“Well the fact is, you knew what to do at an intellectual and conscious level, but behaviors come from the unconscious level.”

Definitely makes sense!

Thought provoking post.Thank you
Comment by Tim Brownson on 27 August 2008:

@ Sal – Glad to hear you have a coachy stick too. Hope you have the deluxe version that doubles up as a magic wand for clients (or gymnasts) that don’t actually want to do any work.

@ Laurie – I sleep naked every night too! Am I in the minority here, I thought it was normal???

@ Shamelle – Thanks for the comment and stopping by.
Comment by Sal on 27 August 2008:

@Tim: Ah yes, it works very well, it will even utter the words “25 push-up, go, now” so that I don’t have to waste my breath.
Comment by Laurie on 27 August 2008:

@Tim- oooooooooh! Now I have to try and eliminate that image from my brain! You do hypnosis don’t you? I may need to come visit you.
Pingback by My First Life Coaching Session | I Hate My Message Board on 13 April 2009:

[...] Tim is that he is very funny and engaging and I was soon laughing and very relaxed. He explains why he uses humor in his blog and I think he’s spot on. Laughing does help you relax and become more receptive. [...]