Life Coaching To Be Made Illegal In US?

Posted on 1 April 2008

I read with sadness last night that the US Government is trying to ban Life Coaching by the end of 2008. Not only that, but they have also declared NLP illegal and an act of Satanism as of midnight last night.

Government spokesperson Michael ‘Mickey’ Michelson III Jnr Snr said in a brief statement “Life Coaching is a cancer of modern society. The idea that people will pay other people to help them become more successful, happy and prosperous in life is anathema to the constitution of the United States…..probably. I bet these people all eat tofu, keep dolphins in their backyard and spit on the flag of the United States for fun.”

Asked why NLP had been banned with immediate effect, he replied, “NLP, or no longer possible as I like to call it now (smug smile), involves the use of black magic. I once heard of a guy that had a phobia removed by NLP and a women that became more confident after seeing an NLP Practitioner, I ask you, how is that feasible without whipping out a cauldron and mixing some eye of newt, lizard tale, monkey blood, bat claws and monosodium glutamate and then simmering over a low heat for 6 hours? It’s not, is the answer, and it’s our policy to immediately outlaw anything that we don’t understand. We have a very busy schedule over the coming months let me tell you”

When asked what about the really successful business people and party contributors that currently employ life coaches? “Er, well, um, they don’t have life coaches they have success development consultants and that’s a completely different thing and they will be allowed to proceed with our blessing”

When a reporter pointed out that Mickey himself used to employ a coach to help before he got his lofty position working for the government Michelson looked visibly shocked. “How did you know that?” he stammered. “I mean it’s not true at all, I would never need anybody to help me perform to my utmost and anyway Ned wasn’t a coach he was my, er, er, therapist. No, not my therapist, I mean he was my personal soothsayer, er no that’s not right either, er he was my lover. Yes that’s it, he was my lover” He then mopped his brow and was heard to say under his breath “Phew, nice recovery Mickey Boy”

“What can I do to halt this outrage” I hear you ask. The bill to make Life Coaching illegal has still to be passed and I’d like your help in making sure this doesn’t happen. Write your congressman/women, bombard Oprah with e-mails and get some famous people to put on a concert and blubber a lot on TV. You can also sign our online petition by clicking here. It’s down to you people and I’m counting on you to do the right thing because I don’t know how to do anything else and I can’t go back to the UK because it’s cold and rains a lot. 

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