It's Never Too Late, Except When It is | Life Coach Blog: The Discomfort Zone :

It’s Never Too Late, Except When It Is

I get a lot of people that come to see me that think there’s something wrong with them because they are approaching or even in their forties and on occasions fifties and don’t know what to do with their life. I spoke of this in the post You’re Not Alone, but I want to go all self-indulgent and share my own story of realization.

Hopefully it will encourage you to believe it’s never too late to do what you were put on this earth to do, even if you’re not sure what that is at the moment.

I spent almost 20 years working in sales and I like to think I was not just a good sales person, but also an ethical one. I spent my early years working with my father in the family business. He demonstrated to me by example the importance of building up long lasting business friendships. Notice I say friendships and not relationships?

I can remember once proudly announcing to him I’d found a cheaper supplier for a component we bought in. He looked at me as though I’d announced I was preparing to leave to become a full time ballerina. A look of total confusion spread across his face. Why would I want to move from a loyal supplier that we’d dealt with for many years, just to save a few pounds?

I will always be grateful for the way he showed me business could be fun if it was conducted with passion and a desire to help others. He worked until the day he died at the age of 79. At his funeral the Church was full to over-flowing with many of the attendees old business friends that had traveled from all over the UK to pay their last respects.

A few years prior to that when I finally made the decision to take my sales skills elsewhere, it was a huge upheaval in my life. In many ways. It’s fair to say I was naïve about corporate life and I spent much of the first few years kicking against authority and trying to explain to anybody that would listen the difference between right and wrong.

I know I can come across as flippant but I have a deeply held belief that business should always be looking to create win/win situations. And my values dictated that dealings should always be conducted with integrity and in an atmosphere of trust.

Unfortunately, big business, or rather the ones I worked for, didn’t seem to share my values and that allowed me to create a lot of stress in my life. Notice I say I created the stress? All stress is self-inflicted and that realization is the first stage in managing it.

By the way this is the last week or so that Stress is for Suckers is available, so download your free copy here and please forward this post on to anybody in your life that you think needs some help managing their stress.

So as I rapidly approached 40 I signed up to do a stress management diploma. Not because I wanted to be a Stress Management Therapist, but because I wanted to be able to cope with my own spiraling stress levels more effectively.

That started an unexpected and unplanned journey of self discovery that lead me to believe if I was going to see 50 without dribbling at meal time and developing a thousand yard stare, something had to change and change pretty quickly.

Further training in Life Coaching and then NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) got me to the point where I felt confident enough to make the career change I wanted to make. So with the unwavering support of my brilliant wife who kindly agreed to sacrifice cruises, coach handbags and the new puppy (not literally sacrifice the puppy, I mean forgo one) I left sales to become a professional certified Life Coach.

To say a weight was lifted off my shoulders is a massive understatement. I finally felt like I could realign with my own values (things I didn’t even know existed prior to my training) and hopefully do some good. A year or so later we had also moved to the US and my world had been completely turned upside down.

Or maybe it had been finally turned the right way up?

My dad’s funeral left and indelible mark on me. I saw first hand that people love people that love people. I knew I love people and more than that, I love helping people. That was the reason I was put here, not just to accumulate money. That’s one of the things that frustrates me with some Life Coaches that charge exorbitant fees. Aren’t they missing the point? Aren’t we Life Coaches because we want to help people and not exclude everybody except the really wealthy?

Would I like more money? Sure I would, lots more please, but it will have to come as a product of adding value to other peoples lives doing what I love to do.

More importantly it will never be more important to me than doing what I love. You want money because you think it will make you happy. Screw the money and aim for what makes you happy first. Then work out whether you have enough money to exist on. My guess is, you’ll need a lot less than you think you’ll need and you’ll find a way to make it happen.

I have to be honest and say this mishmash of a post was brought on after a weekend of reflection. A few weeks ago you may have seen me Twitter about taking our dog Ellie to the vets. At the time I really thought it was curtains for her, but the vets didn’t a brilliant job on removing a ruptured tumor.

Unfortunately, it was only a temporary reprieve and the cancer has returned a lot more aggressively and we are making arrangements to make the final vet call with her.

She has been with us since 3 months after we got married over 13 years ago. For a Doberman she is very, very old. She has been the best dog ever and I’m going to miss her more than I care to imagine.

Having said that, like the passing of my dad, I’m going to celebrate her life and not mourn her departure.

If you’re reading this, then there is almost certainly still an opportunity to do what you love (presumning you aren’t that is). But one day that opportunity will be gone and all you’ll be left with is regrets and a head full of ‘What ifs?’

Don’t Ask Stupid Questions is still available at $5.99 for either hardback or e-book. That too has a week or so to go before it flips over to Amazon and resorts to the normal price. It is guranteed and if you buy it and don’t like it I’ll give you your money back with no quibbles. Check out what others thought here.

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34 Comments So Far.

Comment by Laurie | Express Yourself to Success on 25 May 2009:

What an insightful post; thanks for sharing your story. We have to make money to live off of, but we need happiness to make life worth living.

I’ll be thinking of you and Ellie. It’s a hard time (I’ve been through a similar situation) but celebrating her life is the most loving and respectful thing to do while missing her.

Laurie | Express Yourself to Successs last blog post..Don’t Take It Personally
Comment by Joely Black on 25 May 2009:

I’ll be thinking of you and Ellie too. And I think that’s what keeps me going right now – the thought that I really don’t want to look back and think “Ah, it’s too late now…”

Joely Blacks last blog post..Random miscellany: the problem with experts
Comment by Michael Drips on 25 May 2009:

Sorry to hear about your dog. My solution to the death of my Shih Tzu 8 years ago was to get a new Shih Tzu. The new one has unexpectedly turned out to be not only extremely lovable, but even more intelligent than I am. Fortunately, she can’t blog, although if she could I’m sure it would be about food, walks, car rides, the neighborhood cats that trespass in “her” yard and the lack of good TV channels for dogs to watch.

Oh yeah, I read your blog about people too, but dogs provide a much more positive state of mind.

Michael Dripss last blog post..Why People Hate Marketers!
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 25 May 2009:

Tim,
Having seen first hand your love for your pups, I share my regrets at Ellie’s condition and the undoubted pain her suffering brings you and Helen. Having stood watch over the passing of my 3 Shepherds over the years, and caring for an aging rescue Lab, I commiserate.

On the post, I believe we will be talking about this for weeks to come, and I feel that I am at the threshold of the path you have walked yourself.

They say that when the student is ready the teacher will present himself. Well, I think this was a completely appropriate way to begin my week. Let the journey begin!
Comment by Vincent on 25 May 2009:

Hi Tim,

It is scary to fast forward our life and go straight to the death bed. But doing so will allow us to know more about what we really want instead of conforming to social pressure. We only have a single life time and we are the only one capable of making it turn out the way we wanted. Living a life without regrets will ensure that we will not have the “what ifs” on our death bed.

Vincents last blog post..Top 50 Personal Development Bloggers
Comment by Tim Brownson on 25 May 2009:

@ Laurie – Agreed. I know it’s a bit of a cliche to say do what you love and the money (or enough money) will follow, but on the whole I think it’s true.

@ Joely – Yep, gotta keep moving forward and living with no regrets. Imagine how you’ll feel when you walk past an airport bookstore and Amnar is on display.

@ Michael – Thanks a lot. Our dogs are more anti-squirrel than cat. They just hate those but nibbling bastards! BTW, just checked out your blog and had to laugh at a post of yours. I wont say too much more other than you mention somebody that ‘inspired’ part of this post.

@ Mike – Thanks Mike and I’m really looking forward to working with you!

@ Vincent – That’s very true mate. It may indeed be scary to fast forward, but fear is part of life anyway so we may as well just do it!
Comment by Bengt on 25 May 2009:

I am sorry to hear about your dog.

Your post is in a way a mirror of my life. I spent 35 years working in IT and then realized that what I really loved was working with people. Now I have morphed into a coach and enjoy every minute of my work.

Bengts last blog post..Find your passion in life
Comment by Mary Anne Fisher on 25 May 2009:

What a great story and inspiring message.

I’m grateful you were willing and had the courage to make the transition, Tim. As a direct result of your own happiness and fulfillment, the world (including my corner!) is a better place for it.

Feeling and sending love for Ellie.

Mary Anne Fishers last blog post..Who’s Number One?
Comment by Lori on 25 May 2009:

Hi Tim~

I think you make a great point about determining your happiness and then thinking about money. I know it’s something I need to live, but there is so much more I want out of life, and most of it requires no more than passion and resourcefulness.

Thanks for what you do. Always motivational :)

Lori

Loris last blog post..10 Ways to Slow Down and Still Get Things Done
Comment by Stella on 26 May 2009:

So sorry to hear about Ellie. She will always be walking beside you.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 26 May 2009:

A quick update.

We said goodbye to Ellie this morning. The hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I bought some champagne and we’re going to toast our best friend this evening.

The younger one seems a bit confused and keeps looking for her. No doubt this will prompt the conversation in which my wife says “It is as cheap to have two as one you know ;-)”

Many thanks for all the well wishes both here and via e-mail, we both really appreciate it.

Cheers
Tim
Comment by jonathan shepherd on 26 May 2009:

Sorry to hear that Tim, i can remember when you first got Ellie.
Comment by Mary Anne Fisher on 26 May 2009:

My heart goes out to you, Tim. But I can’t think of a better way to experience Ellie’s passing than to share a toast (or 3) in celebration of her life!

The younger one’s reaction is very normal. She/he will be “good” with Ellie’s passing as soon as you and your wife are in a place of peace about it.

I truly admire and thank you for sharing this poignant moment. You’ve helped me and many others in more ways than you can imagine.

Mary Anne Fishers last blog post..Who’s Number One?
Comment by Kelli on 26 May 2009:

I so sorry to hear about your dog Ellie. I know how difficult this time must be for your family.
Kelli

Kellis last blog post..Baby Blog
Comment by Evita on 26 May 2009:

This is such an inspiring post indeed and thank you for sharing the story about how you came to be where you are.

I know and am sooooo grateful for the fact that I am 30 and am leaving a job that I really like and enjoy to go into doing what I LOVE – and that is helping people attain exactly what you speak of, for me though through writing and public speaking, not life coaching like yourself.

But you know why I am, because of people like you, that continue to share these types of amazing messages to others to cause them to wake up and re-evaluate where they are headed and why.

So a huge thank you for this type of material and this is letting you know that indeed you never know whose life out there you are going to touch in a moving way – people are listening, sometimes when you may least expect!
Comment by iaara on 27 May 2009:

Thank you for everything you take the time to write and more importantly share.

This is exactly the kind of reading I need when I wake up each morning. The type which reminds me to beat this little voice inside that keeps me from running the extra mile everyday.

Thank you.
Comment by Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching on 27 May 2009:

Hi Tim — “you’ll need a lot less than you think” definitely resonated with me. I had no idea how little money I needed to make from my job until I started out as a coach! (Coaching is not something to do if you’re in it for the money, folks, as Tim says.) But I ultimately got the money situation handled and I’ve never regretted my decision.
Comment by Laurie on 27 May 2009:

I started my own business last year and I am well into my forties. If I can do it, anyone can. I love what I am doing and everyday is exciting. I am amazed at what my business is growing into. I am about to have my first patent and that is so cool!

Sorry about your doggy. She was really a beautiful dog.
Comment by Tracy on 28 May 2009:

Hi Tim, I’m very sorry to hear about Ellie. It’s wonderful that you and your wife have each other to share memories with, that’s a wonderful gift.

It’s great to read this post and understand that I’m not the only one who has gone through this. I’m not sure if this is out of place in comments or not, but the last session I had with you really drove home to me that I could and should go forward with what gives me the most joy and sense of well being. That’s not only going to help me, but my family, too and who knows who else. So, from a purely selfish point of view, I’m very glad that your life took the turn it did.

Best wishes to you and your wife and the puppy,
Tracy

Tracys last blog post..So, how you like me now?
Comment by product on 28 May 2009:

The story is kind of sad, especially with your dog. It was a pretty dog…
Comment by guy on 28 May 2009:

Somehow Tim I think you will at some point get all the money you will ever want.

You are having a positive impact on many peoples lives including my own and spreading northern sarcasm to a globlal audience (although from the wrong side of the pennines).

For that I salute you (and yes I wil pay you that money i owe you …sometime)

guys last blog post..Harry Potter and the Scroll of Negativity
Comment by Tim Brownson on 28 May 2009:

@ Shep – Thanks mate. Good to hear from you. Thanks for the stuff via Facebook btw. I have disabled updtaes and only saw it the other day and just never got round to responding, but I’ll check it out on Netflix.

@ Mary Anne – Thanks. Tori is definitely a lot more clingy and Helen has been saying she needs a sister!

@ Kelli – Thanks a lot, it was a horrible thing to go through, but we’re just grateful we had her for so long.

@ Evita – Wow! Now that takes real guts. To leave a job you actually like is way tougher than what I did. I didn’t reeally like my job and leaving wasn’t that difficult really. Kudos to you!!

@ laara – And thanks to you for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.

@ Chris – We don’t need money. As long as I have enough for teh necessities like 6 months vacation on my own South Pacific island a year, a Porche 911 and helicopter, I’m cool with what I do.

@ Laurie – At first glance I thought it said patient and I was thinking “Oh no, she’s not set up as a do it yourself surgeon has she? There are some limits ;-) Good luck with the patent.

@ Tracy – Thanks and thanks. I’m happy I made the change too so it’s not selfish!

I had a conversation with a prospective client yesterday that earns big money. I don’t think they quite grasped the fact I didn’t care too much about that stuff. We are so conditioned to chase the money that anything else seems counter intuitive. That is until we do it through either planning or good fortune and realize there are other options.

@ product – Life can be sad but without it we wouldn’t know what happy is.

@ Guy – Ooo I like that sound of that, lots of money coming my way. And thanks for the kind words! How’s the Phd coming along?
Comment by Michael Drips on 28 May 2009:

I can’t purchase “Don’t ask Stupid Questions” until you start using a spelling checker and change “guranteed” to “guaranteed”.

I’m fussy that way.

One more dog story:
I like squirrels. They’ve never bothered me. Some people just hate them for whatever reasons. Anyway, I had an acquaintance that was plagued by squirrels. They wouldn’t eat his poisons, enter his expensive traps or basically leave his yard. So, one day he contacted an organization that find homes for retired racing greyhounds, and adopted one. When he released that dog into his backyard, it went from his back porch to about 40 feet away, with a very surprised squirrel in his mouth, so fast that it looked the dog was beamed over by the Star Trek thingamabob. Needless to say, the reaction in the neighborhood squirrel community was “Holy Shit!” He was never plagued by squirrels again and found that he really enjoyed being a greyhound owner. His adopted greyhound brought him a lot of happiness over the years as well as totally squirrel free yard.

Michael Dripss last blog post..Memorial Day, 2009
Comment by Tim Brownson on 28 May 2009:

@ Michael – Seriously, do NOT buy the hardback period if you are offended by typos and/or bad grammar. You’ll probably have a seizure or something!

The ebook is ok, but the hardback does contain an error or two. It’s a funny story (to me anyway) based around my publisher trusting me to get the book edited and me thinking “Hmm, a grand to edit a book? I’ll do it myself, what could possibly go wrong?” Quite a lot actually.

After it came out I was invited to write an article for the newsletter ‘Sale Caffeine’ run by sales guru and million seller Jeffrey Gitomer that goes out to over 100,000 readers each week.

I think I mixed a metaphor and had a misspelling and shortly after I got a rather pompous letter from a women pointing it out and telling me to be more careful in futire.

I e-mailed her back and was really nice and thanked her but said I really don’t give a shit because to my mind it’s the message that counts. She didn’t respond ;-)

My spelling and typing are poor so I do rely heavily on a spell checker. My guess is at some point I have clicked on ‘Learn’ instead of ‘Change’ when I mistyped guaranteed, one time.

My dog hates squirrels with a passion. The other one did too. Not sure why, I tried to teach them not to be squirrelist but to no avail.
Comment by Michael Drips on 28 May 2009:

I’m not seriously offended by misspellings, typos and exceptionally bad grammar. Just messing with you on that. Hell, I often tell people that English is my second language; gibberish is my primary language…
I plan to buy your book even though I suspect that it contains no pictures of cute little squirrels. Sigh.

Michael Dripss last blog post..Memorial Day, 2009
Comment by Tim Brownson on 28 May 2009:

@ Michael – I know bud, I was counter messing with you ;-)

He may not be a squirrel but he’s damn cute!
Comment by RhondaL on 28 May 2009:

I’m so sorry to hear about Ellie. I was traveling when you posted this/Tweeted about her, so I didn’t see your post until today. That she was 13 is testament to the wonderful care you gave her. I bet she had a great life, and I bet you all had a lovely time with her, too. I don’t have to tell you, of all people, to be kind to yourself. But I can send good wishes your way.

RhondaLs last blog post..The Mystery of the Other White House Pon(ies)
Comment by Patty on 29 May 2009:

What an eloquent and heartfelt post, not a mishmash at all. Loss so often presents us with a wake-up call, so it makes sense that your dog’s illness moved you to reflect on your journey to do the work you love (with a number of wake-up calls along the way, it sounds like). It’s always an act of courage to follow your true path, and I know your story will inspire others.

So sorry to hear about Ellie. It truly sounds like she was one of the all-time great dogs.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 30 May 2009:

@ Patty and RhondaL – Thanks very much to both of you.
Comment by Michael Drips on 30 May 2009:

I’m sorry but I skipped the sale table and went directly to the Kindle store where I bought “Don’t Ask Stupid Questions” for my failing Kindle one for the bargain price of $7.99.

The squirrel picture above more than compensates for the lack of squirrel pictures in the Kindle edition.

I think I’ve got a pretty good grasp on the book, although I’m not certain whether or not Lara and Dr. Zhivago ever get together.

Michael Dripss last blog post..Memorial Day, 2009
Comment by SmCo Magnet on 31 May 2009:

What an insightful post, thanks for sharing your story.

SmCo Magnets last blog post..Sintered NdFeB magnet
Comment by Tim Brownson on 2 June 2009:

The new member of our family. An 16 month old rescue Dobe called amazing enough Ella. I think she may get called Ellie every now and then, especially as she looks so much like her.
Comment by Mary Anne Fisher on 2 June 2009:

OMG, she’s gorgeous! Congratulations on the adoption!

Ella? Coincidence? I think not. ;-)

Mary Anne Fishers last blog post..Who’s Number One?
Comment by RhondaL on 2 June 2009:

Awww … :) Congratulations on your newest member of the family. How sweet. Good wishes to all of you.

RhondaLs last blog post..The home of “The Tao of Equus” at risk?