Is Fear Holding You Back?

Posted on 6 April 2007

I was working with a client yesterday and he mentioned the word fear. I asked if he’s heard of the acronym sometimes used to describe a word that seldom offers us anything beneficial and more often serves only to hold us back in life. He hadn’t, but before I tell those of you that don’t know what that is ask yourself whether you suffer from any of the following fears:

Fear of change
Fear of being too old or too young
Fear of stepping outside your comfort zone
Fear of poverty
Fear of being too fat, too thin, too tall, too small
Fear of failure
Fear of illness
Fear of fear

I doubt there are many reading this that do not suffer from any of the above but if there are, congratulations, you really have got life in proportion and you may as well stop reading now and go and bask in the glow of sweet success. The rest of you better carry on reading.

Fear like its cousins worry and guilt is one of those emotions that doesn’t really serve us that well. Of course thousands of years ago we needed fear as we hunted and gathered and generally tip toed around the forbidding landscape trying to avoid saber toothed tigers and other malevolent creatures intent on making us lunch, but that was then and this is now. There are still occasions when fear can be useful after all it horror films wouldn’t be very successful without being able to generate fear and neither would 400 foot roller coaster rides. Similarly, we still do need to fear running across an Interstate dressed only in flippers and a sombrero because otherwise we may indeed get arrested and/or run over, but on the whole it’s something that tends to slow us down or very often hold us back completely.

The other thing about fear, is that it is usually misplaced, we are often fearful when we don’t need to be about situations that are either not very important in the scheme of things or simply do not represent real danger. An exam does not represent danger and neither does a job interview or that previously mentioned roller coaster ride. Rarely is there any real need to fear a plane ride and snakes and spiders are primarily non-threatening to humans. That creak in the house at night probably isn’t a burglar and the look the boss gave you has never resulted in the collection of a pink slip before, so why should it now? I could go on and on but I suspect you get the message.

Next time you are fearful of something ask yourself this question. Are my fears based in common sense and if so do I need to act accordingly, or is my fear really False Evidence Appearing Real? Look closely at the circumstances and see if you are over estimating the odds of danger, do not let the fear run amok (unless you like that kind of thing) without understanding your true situation in an objective and logical way. Is the evidence you have to hand that makes you worried, true or false? Are there counter examples of where you have easily coped with such a position or where there was shown to be no genuine danger in the final outcome?

A little bit of fear can help us perform better and give us an edge, but when it becomes paralyzing it is time to do something about it because there is nothing like fear for stopping people reach their true potential and that’s something that really is worth being fearful about.
 

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