If You Think I'm Wrong, Tell Me I'm Wrong

I have posted several times about topics that I have talked about as being the key to self-development. Depending on the mood I was in that day, what clients I’d been dealing with and whether Mars was in line with Mercury with Uranus rising just behind it and a bit to the left you could have had any number of these keys offered you. In fact it’s fair to say you would have needed a hefty key ring and a good memory to remember which one opened which door to personal development nirvana. Here’s a few I may or may not have mentioned:

• Repetition as the key to learning
• Taking Personal responsibility
• Controlling your thoughts
• Staying true to yourself
• Chasing your passion
• Repetition as the key to learning
• Paying me lots of money
• Being committed
• High intention, low attachment
• Repetition as the key to learning

They are all very useful, although if I’m being honest, only one of those is really THE key. Only one opens the big door that allows you to get a taste of what is really possible.

I’m going to add another key today. It’s probably more like a small combination lock actually, the $5 kind that you might put on a gym locker and then forget the number to open it with. Even though it’s small we need to crack that sucker and not be wandering around the locker room in our underwear waiting for the big muscle bound dude to rip it off with his teeth so we can take a shower. We all know what the payback of that is, metaphorically speaking of course.

Today’s key is the ability to question yourself on an ongoing basis. Before you skip off to bother somebody else’s blog thinking you’ve got this one covered, I do not mean, asking yourself why you’re such a loser/dumbass/failure etc. If that is what you do now, then you are a long way from boxing this baby off. Asking yourself the same questions over and over again is more pointless then asking a fish what it likes most about English muffins.

What I’m talking about, is the ability to ask yourself tough, thought provoking and empowering questions such as:

• “Can I do more”
• “What else does this mean?”
• “What can I learn from this”?”
• “Should I hire a life coach called Tim?”
• “How can I help?”

Not only should you ask yourself better questions, but ask others better questions too, ones that help you move towards a solution. “Why were you late yesterday you moron?” isn’t really as good as “What can we do to make sure we meet on time in the future you moron” The latter bit is at your discretion.

The next part is to ask others to ask you better questions in the form of feedback. To improve we need the input from other people. No man is an island, except of course my buddy Bob Ireland and he’s not a real island, he hasn’t got a beach or anything like that, it’s just his name. We need to filter feedback and not take everything we are told at face value, but presuming you can extract the genuine comments designed to help, from the ones designed to make you feel like you’re the scum of the earth, you’ll be ok.

I now have comments enabled on my blog and I’d love you to comment when you get chance. Not just to say ‘Nice post’ although I have no issue with that and my ego is always grateful for positive feedback, but I also want to hear when you take issue with something I have said. I want to know if you think I screwed up, if I didn’t explain something properly or if you just think I’m plain wrong. Give me some grief, I deserve it! As long as it’s not too abusive then I can take it like a man. I may go and have a quiet sob to myself later, but you can live with that knowing you’ve helped me become a better person.

So what are you waiting for? Hit me with your opinions and don’t hold anything back.

So what is the big key then you may be wondering. It’s the thoughts one of course. If you have no control of your thoughts you have no control of your life and everything else becomes irrelevant.

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9 Comments So Far.

Comment by Jonathan Mead on 2 May 2008:

Tim,

I think this is definitely one of the biggest keys to personal development. However, I think it’s asking yourself the right questions that’s important.

If you’re only focusing on questions such as “why do I always fail” or “why do bad things always happens to me” you’re stuck on creating more of that in the future. You’re reinforcing the negative. It’s a vicious circle.

Instead, perhaps we should focus on questions such as “what can I do to improve?” or “what would be the best use of my time right now?”

Questioning on an ongoing basis is incredibly important to self-discovery. If you don’t know what you want, or what will make you happy, how do you expect yourself to get there?
Comment by Cath Lawson on 2 May 2008:

Tim - the question asking thing is a good idea and one I will definitely remember next time I want the grass cutting.

I keep forgetting you have comments enabled on this blog now. You’ll probably need to repeat it a few times so people remember.
Comment by Todd on 2 May 2008:

lol man ur the best…i love the way you write :)

AND I think you make a great point…i need a coach tim…perhaps you take me on?

todd
Comment by JEMi | Tips for Life, Love, You on 2 May 2008:

I’m glad that you’re accepting comments nowadays. Sorry guy, I have no qualms with you :)

About questioning our way to self discovery - I think that’s an excellent point to share. Its my curiosity for more - my need to figure out more about myself that lead to the questions that lead to this whole world of self improvement, spirituality

And can I tell you? It’s wholesome goodness, even during what I feel is the toughest time of my life.

Oh and by the way,
I like the plug you tucked in there “Should I hire a life coach named Tim?”
*smile*
Comment by Tim Brownson on 2 May 2008:

@ JM - absolutely. I was certainly one of those that always asked myself, ‘Why does my life suck?’ I probably didn’t say suck cuz that is way too American but you know what I mean.

@ Cath - I have the comments field open now! Let me know when the lawn needs doing.

@Todd - Get outta here you’re living the dream mpre than anybody I know ;-)

@JEMi - damn I thought I’d slipped that in as an embedded command and nobody would notice.
Comment by Erek Ostrowski on 2 May 2008:

Nice one, Tim! You won’t find much in the way of disagreement from me. I think your advice is always spot on.

If I may add something to this week’s key, I’d say that the questions we ask ourselves allow us to cultivate a greater sense of self-awareness.

Some of the most powerful questions we can ask are along the lines of:

“What’s behind this behavior, or this line of thinking?”

“What’s underneath this feeling I have?”

“What’s informing my point of view that has me respond in this way?”

“I wonder if I put on clean underwear today?”

Maybe not that last one…

Thanks Tim,
Erek
Comment by Tom Volkar / Delightful Work on 5 May 2008:

Tim I began reading hoping to find a point of disagreement. Alas I remain agreeable. Perhaps you really need to get controversial if you want us fellow coaches and self-improvement aficionados to tell you when you’re wrong?

One of my favorite questions is this. At this moment what am I looking to accomplish? My answer … I’m looking to support a fellow coach and blogger who writes with a special wit and flare.
Comment by manar on 10 May 2008:

Thank you…it really helped me…I was about to cry
I really was asking my self the negative questions that you mentioned “why I’m such a loser/dumbass/failure etc”, and I felt like I really screwed up when I told my friend something, and when she respond to me…her answer made me felt like an idiot, and that I don’t know how to deal with people :’(

I’ve always felt that way…and I tried after a bad experience, “I’ve been told that I’m a moron person” (you may think it was good for me, to improve my self) to be careful about every word I say…

And again it really helped me thinking again and again in a positive way.
Thank u…MSK6
Comment by Tim Brownson on 12 May 2008:

You’re very welcome, glad it helped and thanks a lot for the feedback.