How To Avoid a Mid (or quarter) Life Crisis

If you were to look at my client files in an attempt to ascertain the ages of the clients that I see, I‘d have to call the Police because it’s confidential information. I’d also want to know how you got past my security system, a slightly mental Doberman and a drawer that normally takes me 30 minutes to get open, but let’s suppose this is all above board and you’re undertaking some important humanitarian research with my blessings. What do you think you’d find?

A few days ago I couldn’t have given you an answer to that rather benign question, but recently curiosity got the better of me and I decided to check it out. The results did cause me to slightly raise one eyebrow and think “Hmmm, that’s mildly interesting.” Now that I have whipped you into a rabid frenzy of anticipation I will share my highly scientific findings so you too can raise an eyebrow, or maybe even gasp in horror.

15-24 6%
25-35 28%
36-45 52%
46+ 14%

What do those figures tell us other than I have way too much time on my hands? I think the huge spike that occurs with the group in their late 30’s and early to mid 40’s is indicative of people hitting what is frequently referred to as a mid-life crisis and looking for guidance. It’s a sobering thought when we get into our 40’s to suddenly realize we may have passed the halfway mark of our term here on Planet Earth. It’s not just reserved for people approaching or passing 40 either. The new phrase on the block is quarter-life crisis. Here we have similar symptoms being displayed by the older group but this time by people heading towards 30.

What are the symptoms I’m talking about you may be thinking? Well here’s a few to ponder whilst you kill some time before retirement:

Wondering what the hell life is all about
Apathy or even a sense of urgency for no apparent reason
A sense of being stuck
A desire to buy sports cars and cruise around the ‘hood playing loud music with the top down
A feeling of wasted potential
An inability to accept that you can’t dance all night and still get up for work bright eyed and bushy tailed
Feeling out of place in Abercrombie & Fitch
A strong urge to join a gym followed by an even stronger one to watch ‘Murder She Wrote’

Of course there are many more, they are just the ones I pondered one Saturday afternoon about 5 years ago.

Today dear reader, I’m going to give you the secret of avoiding a mid-life or even a quarter life crisis. If you follow this one piece of advice you’ll never need to worry about paying outrageous sums of money to life coaches with dubious credentials and you can relax in the knowledge that your life wil be one long walk in the park.

Follow Your Passion – I can almost hear the groans from here. I know it’s about as original as ‘My Way’ at a funeral, but what can I say? It’s the one thing that will almost guarantee that you never feel the need to go out and buy a Ferrari, wear dresses that are way too small or spend all your spare cash following the Chippendales on tour. Ladies, you’ll be ok too.

In all my years of coaching, I’ve never had somebody come to me suffering from a MLC or even a QLC that bounded into my office announcing they loved their job with a passion but just knew there was something missing in their life. That is either one helluva coincidence or we’re on to something significant people.

If you live to be 65 and have a standard working life you are probably going to spend about 85,000 hours doing something that you may either hate, or are at best, are ambivalent about. Why would you ever even consider that as an acceptable option? That was a rhetorical question by the way, because the last thing I want you to do now is start searching your brain for reasons to justify this state of affairs. There is never any justification, but while you think there is, you’ll always find it, So stop looking now!

How do you know if you’re in the wrong job? Worry not; I’m on hand again with yet another bullet list to bail you out. Some of these may seem obvious, but trust me, I‘ve had clients say stuff like this and then when I replayed it back to them , they’ve looked at me like I just told explained the Theory Of Everything. In actual fact, the Theory Of Everything comes in session 2, and only for clients that have booked 6 sessions or more.

You tell everybody you hate your job
You wish it were Friday at 5.00pm when you head off for your Monday morning coffee break
You look forward to contracting rare tropical diseases that will keep you in bed for weeks on end
You stick pins in your eyes to keep you awake
You feel drained all the time
You argue at home about stuff at work
You argue at work about stuff at home
You visualize your boss being skewered alive and then slow roasted over and open fire
Monster is your home page
You say things like “Sorry, they don’t pay me enough to do that” “At 4.55? Are you nuts? I’m off home?” or even “Let’s kill the VP of sales and march on company headquarters with his head on a spike”

None of that is good, is it?

You can join in the pity party and reconcile yourself to the fact that everybody else you know dislikes their job. I find that’s always a great reason to stay miserable. Or you could even blame the fact that you have a huge mortgage, a family to keep and the Universe hates you and has been conspiring against you since your unfortunate birth.

Alternatively, you could decide that no way no how are you going to look back on a life of wasted potential. That you’re going to do something about it right here and right now! That way, when you finally shuffle off this mortal coil they can play My Way at your funeral and there won’t be people at the back rolling their eyes and smirking to one and other.

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32 Comments So Far.

Comment by Stacey Derbinshire on 23 April 2008:

I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

Stacey Derbinshire
Comment by Akemi - Yes to Me on 23 April 2008:

Hey, I agree with you, even though you are putting down other life coaches.
I call it “life purpose” and yes, it supersedes anything money can buy. It seems you have found it for yourself and I’m very glad for you.
Comment by Edward Mills on 23 April 2008:

Great point Tim. The way I look at it, if you ain’t lovin’ what you’re doing, it ain’t worth doing!
Comment by Jonathan Mead on 23 April 2008:

I think following your passion is the only way to finding happiness. You can find inner peace, love and success. But without passion, it means nothing.

Great article. =)
Comment by Cath Lawson on 23 April 2008:

Hi Tim - this is excellent advice. It’s creepy too - I’m totally changing my life at the moment. I’ve had a lot of the feelings you mentioned and I hit 40 this year.

And lately, almost every other post I stumble across is telling me how to deal with it. Either many of us have reached the same crossroads, or this is a sign. It’s certainly one I won’t be ignoring. Thank you.

PS: I love your new theme.
Comment by Cath Lawson on 23 April 2008:

Sorry - got the date wrong - I hit 40 next year. And that year is really really important to me.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 23 April 2008:

LOL @ Cath. Get the year right women, don’t age yourself! Also, isn’t every year really important? ;-)

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to comment and I look forward to some lively banter in the coming months and maybe even years!
Comment by Kenneth King on 23 April 2008:

Great advice on following your passion from Tim B. I can personally attest that he has helped me along this very path and is qualified to help others in the same manner. Keep it up Tim!
Comment by Evelyn Lim on 23 April 2008:

Hi Tim,

I definitely like the new look of your site! It’s much easier on the eye!

I enjoyed your article too. How true…many of my friends also appear to be heading for a crisis. Your diagnosis is quite on the mark!

Evelyn
Comment by Pat R on 23 April 2008:

I like your new site (although the picture didn’t display at the beginning of your post).

I’m past the MLC/QLC looking at turning 61 this summer. I can’t say I remember hitting that at that stage of my life.

It’s different looking at life as a senior - baby boomer. But then we baby boomers have a way of reinventing life which we’re in the process of right now.

I say take one moment - one day at a time in whatever situation you’re in living it and loving it.

Blessings
Comment by pete swaile on 24 April 2008:

Tim, nice looking site apart from the image in the orange box ?! Also the image on the post seems to be missing. Apart from that I like it. THe main thing is it is clean and tidy and easy to navigate. You have obviuosly put some work into this baby and it shows. Good effort. Especially like the Cacti, see what you are doing there very good.
Comment by Tom Volkar / Delightful Work on 24 April 2008:

There is nothing finer then awakening eager to face the day because you know you are blessed to be enjoying your life’s work. It takes courage, passion and a willingness to dig until you find your delightful work. Some are blessed with obvious gifts that just come pouring out of them. Others need to excavate persistently for years in order to strike their gold.

But the important thing is to be in active pursuit of what brings you work life freedom and happiness. A good coach can help you to see what you may have been blind to.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 24 April 2008:

Thanks a lot everybody, I appreciate the kind words. We are having some problems with uploading photos, it’s a bug in 2.5 with some servers that should be sorted out soon.

Don’t ever back off from giving me grief if you disagree with anything I post. I love feedback of any kind!

Thanks again!
Comment by Todd on 24 April 2008:

Your doing some good things here Tim. You know I am on board with you in terms of the need to ‘follow your passion’. I wish you were in NYC so you could life coach me!
Todd
Comment by Tim Brownson on 24 April 2008:

@Todd: You’re already living your passion! You don’t need a coach ;-)
Comment by Jan on 26 April 2008:

Good stuff this Tim - I’m goin’ though mine now - approaching 50!!! I am following some of my passion through my education, why then do I still feel there are other “passions”which I need to follow to fulfill me???? This make no sense!!!

Am I a “passion junkie”??

J
Comment by Ali on 27 April 2008:

Tim, you make me feel more and more depressed about the “day job”! :-P Though at least it’s added motivation for the freelancing-on-the-side.

I think this is a really telling point: “I’ve never had somebody come to me suffering from a MLC or even a QLC that bounded into my office announcing they loved their job with a passion but just knew there was something missing in their life.”

I know that I CAN make money doing something I’m passionate about (I’m already getting a regular, albeit small, amount writing for a couple of blogs) but there’s a pretty wide gulf between where I am and where I want to be.

Do you have any witty words of wisdom on dealing with KNOWING you’re in the wrong job/etc but being unable to switch straight away? How do people cope with being perfectly sure what their passion is but being unable to start living it?

Cheers!

Ali
Comment by Dave on 14 June 2008:

Tim, another great article.

I’ve been feeling the feelings you describe for some years now, and following a series of events in my life I’ve finally got to the stage where I’ve shelved the day job.

Of course it won’t surprise you to learn the I turn 40 in November.

I personally like the idea of a crisis - I tend to thrive in such situations. I don’t know why that should be, but I do.

The trouble is, it sometimes feels so long ago that I knew what my passions in life were, that I’m having difficulty rediscovering them.

Whilst I’m in a state if limbo right now, I am happier than I’ve been in a long time. I do sincerely feel that a brighter future awaits.

Cheers,
Dave.
Comment by Laurie on 14 June 2008:

I have definitely gone through a midlife crisis. I even drew a picture of my boss on the mirror in my bathroom and drew pins in her. It was my Voo doo boss doll. The hub made me erase it since I am not into voo doo and it wasn’t a very nice thing to do.

But I bought my fun car and I went to counseling saying,”I want more”. I described it as not being able to “magic eye”. I knew there was more in life but I couldn’t seem to do it. I didn’t know how.

Well I quit that job and am making my dream job. I hope it all works out. (I’m keeping the car and I even bought a canoe!)
Comment by Cindy Fabico on 4 July 2008:

Hi Tim, Great post-i am so impressed with how many comments people make on all of your posts-amazing. You have become so prolific!! Cindy
Comment by chris on 7 July 2008:

I often ask my self whether I’m going through mid-life crises right now, I’m 37…But when I really think about it, I feel like I’m just beginning. For a long time I was too busy providing and maintaining for my family. Now even though the kids are still growing, I feel that I have more option in terms of being adventurous…

While some of the stuff that you mentioned here are nothing new, you were still able to present it on a new light, a mark of good writer…
Comment by Tim Brownson on 8 July 2008:

@ Cindy - Thanks and hope to see you here more often.

@ Chris - Now that sounds like a mid-life adventure to me ;-) Thanks for the compliment and I think you’re absolutely right. There’s not much new in self development, it’s looking for ways to present what’s already known differently so that more people can embrace it that’s needed.
Comment by Sara at On Simplicity on 11 July 2008:

But my passion *is* to follow Chippendales on tour!

On a serious note, this is eye-opening. You’re right, “follow your passion” has become a cliche, but your numbers are hard to argue. I think the hardest part is probably identifying your passion and committing to it. Following it should be easy from there.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 11 July 2008:

@ Sara - you are absolutely spot on! At least half the people that come to me don’t know what their passion is. I could write a post explaining what I do in those circumstances, but it would be so long and so difficult to explain that I have to admit that I’ve fought shy of doing it. Maybe I should just bite the bullet. Thanks for bringing that point up.
Comment by giyen on 14 July 2008:

Just found your blog. So good to hear that I am not the only one going through this. It’s hard, but blogging has made a big difference in realizing what the goals really are.

thanks for putting it into perspective!

giyen
Comment by Tim Brownson on 15 July 2008:

@ Giyen - I;m kinda glad you’re not the only one otherwise I’d be a bit short of clients! BTW, read your story about buying New Earth, very funny and I really felt for you!
Comment by Reenie on 24 July 2008:

Your description of a MLC/QLC described me to a T. I’m 28 and for the past two years I have been driving myself crazy. I feel very stuck and I have no idea what my true passion is. It can drive me to both anger and depression. I wouldn’t say though that my crisis necessarily has to do with being in the wrong job. I’m unhappy about life in general and I don’t feel like I fit in with the way society is. Work is the topic for so many people. It’s what drives most people and most self-help/personal development books are directed towards that issue but it isn’t for me. I know there are a lot of people out there that feel that way too, but it’s my life I’m living and it really worries me. Thank you for your article and I look forward to reading more.
Comment by Reenie on 24 July 2008:

Sorry, I meant to say “tee”, lol, I knew I had written that down wrong!
Comment by Tim Brownson on 24 July 2008:

@ Reenie - Thanks for taking the time to share that.

Of course you’re problems will always seem significant to you no matter what is happening to other people. It’s difficult to offer a professional opinion with so little information, but I would guess that you are in the wrong job because you’re not passionate about it. People often assume because they don’t hate their job it isn’t an issue and sometimes that is the case, but just as often it isn’t.

My GUESS with you would be that an unconscious level you know there is much more out there and possibly your discomfort is your unconscious’s way of telling you to look for something else.

Go easy on yourself and stay open to other possibilities when they present themselves.
Comment by Reenie on 29 July 2008:

I wouldn’t know what information to give but the most important, I guess, would be that I don’t have a job. Thanks Tim for taking the time to reply to me - it’s really appreciated.
Comment by Rita on 6 August 2008:

Tim,

I am about to turn 48. By 45, my life changed - for the better. The kids were growing - or grown, my husband and I got to know each other again, as I pondered this new stage of my life, wonderful opportunities started to “present themselves” and I couldn’t be happier! If this is just the start of what I am finding to be “the best years of my life,” I go to sleep looking forward to each new day - not dreading what problems tomorrow will bring!

I am SO GLAD I don’t fit your patterns!

Rita
Comment by Tim Brownson on 6 August 2008:

@ Rennie - So maybe that Is IT! Maybe if you had a job that inspired, motivated and engaged you, that would make all the difference. May be worth thinking about? Apologies it took me so long to get back to you, I missed your comment entirely.

@ Rita - That’s funny because I’m like that. I still struggle to sleep sometimes, but these days it’s through excitement and not dread!