Do You Need A Vacation?

I want to respond today to a very interesting article I read at the superb Kitchen Table Medicine website. I’d advise you to check it and subscribe, especially if if you have a desire to stay healthy without the help of huge pharmaceutical companies that don’t give a damn about your long-term health….. allegedly.

Dr Nicole was talking about consumerism and the damage that it can do to people’s lives. I’m right with her on that. Even though I like nothing better than to go shopping for some shiny new toy or item of clothing that will hack years of my appearance, I’m also aware enough to know that any effect is short lived at best. To me it’s striking a balance and if I ever get to the stage where I’m miserable and think shopping is the way to salvation, I’ll realize I’m in more trouble than a pair of leather Armani boxer shorts will help me out with.

There was one area that I took issue with Dr Nicole and it’s going to take some explaining so look out for part 2.

Today I’m going to clarify why I think if you really need a vacation then you’re could be already in more trouble than you care to admit. Then next time I’m going to take a look in depth at the language that we use when we talk about things that we need and must have, and more importrantly, the detrimental effect those words can have on out mental wellbeing.

Let me start by telling you my own story if I may. My last full year of sales saw me take three vacations. All three were long haul, one to the Caribbean and two to the west coast of the US. The total cost was not far short of $20k US! That’s a lot of money for anybody to spend on vacations, but I needed them, right? Damn right I needed them. I was fatigued frazzled. and quite frankly f%&#@%! I was a mess both physically and mentally. I was managing the stress in my life about as well a Polar Bear who’s been entered in the Marathon De Sables by his prankster buddies. It was overwhelming me.

Anybody in that position will believe that a vacation is a necessity and I was no different. It’s not a panacea though, and only ever a short-term remedy at best. Some people even have heightened stress levels at holiday time for various reasons. Firstly, they put in crazy hours in an attempt and get ‘in front’ before leaving for their vacation. Then if their trip involves using an airport they have the delightful task of dealing with all the hassles that throws up including delays, security, plane journeys, trying to stop the kids kicking the crap out of each other and trying to stop the kids kicking the crap out of the guy in the seat in front. Finally with a day or two to go they start to worry about the work that is piling up and may be waiting for them on their return. Sound familiar? I’ve not even mentioned the added strain on marital relationships, the cost of the vacation and the stress of paying the money back if things are financially tight. Well I have mentioned them now.

Am I saying don’t go on vacation? No of course not, I love my holidays and will continue to do so. I also realize that what I’ve described doesn’t apply to everybody or even most people, but it does apply to a lot and this is the kicker. More often that not in my experience, it applies to the people that positively, definitely, categorically think they NEED a vacation. They put so much stock in the belief that the vacation is going to help them unwind and chill to the bone that they pile even more pressure on themselves and reduce the chance that it will have the effect they are looking for.

What I really needed to do was to take a look at what was causing my stress and not to simply keep putting one band-aid on top of another in a futile attempt to stem the tide of my rampaging stress. Mixed metaphor anybody?

If you really like or hopefully even love your work and (this bit is crucial) have the ability to disengage from what you do several times per week. Then I doubt very much you ever feel like you actually need a vacation. You may want one and you may very well use the word ‘need’ to describe that want, but it’s not the same or even close to being the same.

You may think I’m being pedantic with this and you’d be right. On the other hand if you knew WHY I was being pedantic, you’d maybe understand that I’m going to keep on playing that role until I convince every single person in the world that I’m right to do so. An ambitious task I think you’ll agree, but I’ve got loads of time and let’s face it, how many people can there be?

In the meantime, start to check in on the words you’re using with yourself and others. Pay particular attention to words and phrases such as ‘need to’ ‘must do’ ‘have to’ ‘got to’ and how frequently you use them. You may well be surprised. Then next time I’m going to explain why I believe that a few subtle changes in what you say to yourself will make you feel a whole lot better about yourself and life in general. Surely that’s worth popping by for?

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13 Comments So Far.

Comment by Ali on 17 June 2008:

Words of utter wisdom as usual, Tim — why didn’t you write them a fornight ago?! I had a lovely break last week in the Lake District, and both I and the Boyfriend hoped I’d be feeling better afterwards.

Sadly, I’ve been just as tearful and stressed since Monday morning as ever, since the real problems (bullying/aggressive boss, job that I’m growing to dislike more and more, packing evenings/weekends with freelance work) continue…
Comment by Laurie on 17 June 2008:

As a teacher I have always enjoyed the summer vacation. By the end of the school year most teachers feel like they “need” the vacation. Since they won’t have work piling up on them, it is a rejuvenating break. Most of us are ready to come back for the New Year. I think it is in the best interest of the kids for teachers to have the break. It keeps most of the kids alive! (just kidding)
Comment by Vered on 17 June 2008:

Agree with Ali - words of wisdom indeed.

It makes more sense to make changes to your everyday life, so that it is more fulfilling and less stressful, than to live a highly stressful existence and hope that frequent vacations make you feel better.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 17 June 2008:

@ Ali - You’ll work through it and I know that you’ll not be there too long.

@ Laurie - Good point. Oh not to have ANY work piling up!

@ Vered - Of course it makes sense, strange though why so many of us don’t do it. We’re a weird bunch - humans.
Comment by Evelyn Lim on 17 June 2008:

I take at least one vacation every year. I’ve been doing so ever since I started working. If I don’t go on one in more than 8 months, I will start to experience a weird kind of strain. I find myself gasping for air (of a different country…LOL).

I spend an average of US$5K per trip, with my two kids along. But I consider this amount very necessary to keep my sanity.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 18 June 2008:

@ Evelyn - Wow you need a vacation to keep sane! That’s tough ;-) Of course you could do what I did and just wave goodbye to your sanity.

If anybody wants to read more about me. Why you would I’m not really sure, but hey you may just be the curious type. You can check this out:
http://tivate.com/interviews/interview-tim-brownson-goal-specialist
Comment by Tom Volkar - Delightful Work on 18 June 2008:

I’m looking forward to your next post on language. This was a bit of a teaser for it, I imagine. Since I’m one of those folks who unwinds frequently I don’t usually find the need for vacations. The expectations that some vacations hold can make them more stressful than kicking back at home. Whoops that’s when I was married. No more :).

I enjoy catching myself using the language of obligation. When everything is really a choice, isn’t it?
Comment by Chris Edgar on 18 June 2008:

Thanks for this insightful post. We definitely take ourselves wherever we go. I actually know a number of people who regularly end up regretting taking vacations because of all the stress they experience in planning and packing, but they keep doing it anyway.

One thing I’d add is that many people, while working, seem to keep their minds focused on their upcoming vacation so they can take their attention off their job dissatisfaction, and postpone making serious career decisions. Not taking that much-”needed” vacation and fully experiencing our dissatisfaction at work might be one (albeit harsh) way to get some real perspective on where we are and what we want in our working lives.
Comment by Jennifer on 18 June 2008:

Tim, this was exactly what I was saying in my comment on Dr. Nicole’s post. You just wrote a whole post about it, and a very good one I would add. Well thought out and well said.

I think it is good for families to take vacation for EXTRA bonding time, but if they NEED it to escape from the chaotic life they have created for themselves, they need a new life.
Comment by Dr. Nicole Sundene on 18 June 2008:

Couldn’t agree with you more…I was simply trying to motivate people to think about their compulsive shopping as a means to remove stress from their life by dropping the carrot of a vacation, or other stress relieving activity. Vacations can of course just be bandaids too, and you all know that I am NOT a fan of bandaids! LOL Let’s rip those band-aids off and take a look at what is REALLY going on and heal that. Great point my dear…and well taken!
Comment by Tim Brownson on 19 June 2008:

@ Tom - I’d better crack on and write it then!

@ Chris - Isn’t that weird? Many people seem prepared to do things that they KNOW wont make them feel good and/or are bad for them.

@ Jennifer - C’mon you know me by now, I’m a plagiarist ;-)

@ Nicole - Your post was the spark and I realize that I have pushed the point to make a point and it’s not necessarily what you were meaning. I also agree that a vacation is a better option that a shopping spree, especially in a country where taking time off seems to be frowned on. I know, let’s all move to England, I hear they have lots of time off over there and the streets are paved with gold!
Comment by Larry198 on 1 July 2008:

If anyone can use a vacation it would have to be me, i work 1-12 everyday and this summer I’m taking a Caribbean trip to the DR at an adult sex vacations resort for some RNR relaxation with hot European and Russian escorts at all inclusive packages. That will take a lot of stress off me.
Comment by Suechan on 15 August 2008:

that article summed up why I’m always nervous and hesitant to even take a DAY off. Last vacation I had (not including unemployment) was my honeymoon - 4 years ago.
I would love a vacation. But even though it’s been really long, I still don’t see it happening because of all those factors and the worry about them. Feels like we need a “special occasion” forcing us to go or something.