Defend Yourself

If I walked up to you in a bar and called you a Jackass, what would you do? What if a family member said you’re a loser and a jerk?
The truth is you don’t really need to answer either of those questions because although I’m a Life Coach and not a Professor in human behavior, I already know the answer. You’d defend yourself, right? You might be one of the few that buckle under and not bother, but even if you agree with what I say, you’re still way more likely to fight back.
Although I spoke yesterday about how to deal effectively with criticism, dealing with abuse is another matter. It would be cool if we could all smile and thank the person for the feedback, but I’m old enough and wise enough to know that’s not going to happen for the majority of people.
When we come under what we perceive to be attack from outside forces it triggers a natural response to defend ourselves. That may materialize in any number of ways. Some people may burst into tears and hope to garner sympathy, others may hurl insults back and still others may reach for a semi-automatic to bring matters to a rapid conclusion. Hopefully, you don’t fall into any of those categories and you will either be one of those that smile and walk away or resort to logical debate.
Our defense mechanism is what keeps us alive. We don’t play hopscotch on the Interstate, we don’t get on a plane after seeing the pilot stagger out of the airport bar and we never argue with the mother-in-law. Sometimes however, our defense mechanism gets by-passed or simply subjugated by our conscious mind.
Have you ever ripped into a relative only to jump to their defense when an outsider criticized them for doing exactly the same thing? It seems like we sometimes believe that we can criticize loved ones, but others aren’t allowed to. If you multiply that belief tenfold, then you probably get somewhere close to the kind of abuse that people think that they have to put up with from themselves that they wouldn’t accept from others.
You can defend yourself from internal condemnation just as well as you can defend yourself from external attacks. Check out my blog from yesterday on how to deal with criticism, because if the tongue-lashing carries some useful information, then you may want to hold on to that. Your internal chatter has got your best interests at heart even when it doesn’t seem that way, so the option of saying “Thank you” and then smiling and moving on is just as relevant when talking to yourself as to others.
As I have said many times before, you are the most important person in the world to you, so give yourself the respect that you deserve and go easy on yourself, because the alternative will serves nobody, least of all yourself.