Communication

If I asked you what is the biggest problem facing mankind today, what would your answer be? I imagine there would be such concerns as drug abuse, violent crime, terrorism, global warming and many more but I do not believe any of these to be the major concern. I believe that communication, or rather a lack of it, is the single most pressing issue facing mankind today.
 
On the face of it the above statement may seem odd, even crass, but I think if you dig deeper and try and understand what is at the heart of good communication it becomes more clear and easier to understand. Communication is not just talking at somebody it involves the recipient being able to understand the point that you are trying to convey.
 
In Stephen R Covey’s brilliant book, ‘The 7 Habits Of Highly Successful People’ (this book is a must read for anybody into self-development, click on http://www.adaringadventure.com/life-coach-orlando-coaching.html and then the FranklinCovey link to view it) he talks about communication and uses the phrase “seek first to understand, and then to be understood” This is a great view of life. Think about the last time you had an argument with a family member, friend or colleague, did you really, unequivocally know their position as well as they knew it themselves. Could you have switched places and taken over their side of the argument and defended their opinion just as eloquently because you fully appreciated their standpoint? The answer is almost certainly no. With insight, with understanding and with clarity comes tolerance and acceptance. This does not necessarily mean that you will agree but by listening and trying to understand you will be offer and be shown respect.
 
Silence is an underestimated part of communication because without one party being silent it becomes in effect, impossible. Listening is a hugely underrated skill that requires patience, attention and concentration. It is human nature to want to speak to make a point not to be quiet and listen. If you have said something that you believe to be important and the other person starts replying by saying they disagree, then it is imperative to understand why they disagree before you can assess and reply. Most people switch off from listening at the very stage when they are told that their opinion is wrong, they immediately start composing their reply in their minds often whilst the person is still talking. They start off responding by defending their position and telling the other party that in actual fact, it is they that are wrong. A good listener will still their mind, not make premature judgements, try to appreciate why the other person disagrees with them, let them finish and let them make their point. Then when they think they have understood fully they will reply in a manner that respects their opinion. A respectful response will not start with the word but. But indicates immediately that you did not agree with their opinion and can nullify any salient points you are about to make by putting the other party on the defensive and kick starting their thought patterns and subsequent rebuttals. A great communicator will often start with the word and. This indicates that you have listened, understood, accept their opinion and would like the opportunity to add to it, not disregard it. 
 
Communication is something we should all feel passionate about if we want to get the most out of our lives and help others to as well. It allows us to learn, to laugh, to forgive, to love, to understand and a great deal more. It is now, and always has been such an integral part of our lives and the way we interact with other people. From the dawn of civilisation mankind has recognised the fact that we need to communicate but never taken that extra step to make sure that we are masters at it.
 
People will learn to swim, to play golf, to use a computer, to drive a car, but few will ever consciously try to become better communicators. It is something that many of us take for granted even though few of us are proficient at it. We think because we can talk and write and listen and read that we can automatically communicate well. Unfortunately that is not the case, yes we can get people to hear us, or read us or see us, but to actually get them to understand and accept is much more difficult. If more people would try to improve their skills in communicating and if each one of us made a real commitment to try and genuinely understand one another, then I for one think that the world would be a much better place, and that has to be something worth striving for.

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