Are You Insecure?

One of the most important processes I use as a life coach is establishing somebody’s values. I have mentioned values here before but I have to say they are so critical in understanding somebody motives that I am quite happy to bang on about them ad infinitum if necessary. In fact I’d go as far as to say that if you don’t understand your values you don’t understand yourself. Now don’t go all defensive on me here because that does go for about 90% of the population so it’s not a criticism more of an observation. In fact I have never had a client that has come to me that said upfront “these are my values as of now” and then listed them in order.

 

Simply put, people seldom stop to think about their values unless there is a specific need and then that need may revolve around an isolated value or issue. That sounds all mysteries so I suppose I should explain what I mean. If you are a youngster and by that I mean under the age of 40 (ok, ok I know I’m in denial but I enjoy the thought of only just coming out of youngsterness) and partying hard drinking 10 beers a night, eating poorly and not exercising and suddenly you get very sick you may quickly develop a deep desire for health. That desire can then dominate your life and become a driving force whereas before when you were well it was not so important, in fact you knew were going to live for because ill health was for old people and losers.  That is an extreme example because even without significant life changes you are still carrying a bag of values round with you it’s just that they may not be so blatantly apparent.

 

When I take the client through the process of understanding their values there are a number that frequently come up. Love, family, honesty, freedom, peace and health are all very popular as is security.

 

What does security mean to you and is it high up on your list of values? I love this Blog because I can say things here that I could NEVER say to life coaching client. When I elicit clients values it is my job to respect them and align with them, not to try and change them, unless of course they ask me to which never happens.

 

Security is an anomalous concept because it doesn’t exist and the pursuit of it simply leads to insecurity, which we should embrace anyway.

 

I know there are now laptop lids clicking down and back buttons being hit but if you haven’t done that, bear with me and let me try and explain what I am talking about.

 

Jobs come and jobs go. Big companies get taken over, go bust, reshuffle and lose staff. The most secure marriages falter for a multitude of reasons. Stock markets collapse, currency gets devalued, products become worthless. Even the wealthiest get sick and die and no amount of money can alter that fact.

 

I am not a merchant of fear, in fact just the opposite. The pursuit of security leads us to feel insecure because we start to realize that it doesn’t exist.

 

Can you accept that everything is transient, that everything changes, everything comes and everything goes and be secure in that knowledge, secure and accepting of your own insecurity. Insecurity is not a problem in and of itself, it is the belief that it isn’t ok to be insecure that is the problem.

 

It’s ok to be insecure.

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