10 Ways To Change a Habit - Or You're Money Back

10 Ways To Change a Habit - Or Your Money Back

Did you know that you spend about 90% of your day on autopilot? I know, it’s amazing, isn’t it? It seems like much more than that to me.

The average human being and I’m prepared to believe that you’re one of those (a human being that is, not average. Of course I know you’re way above average) is using their unconscious mind to get through the day the vast majority of their time.

When you eat are you thinking at a conscious level about swallowing? Do you stop to think which side of the bed to get out of? Do you ponder the complexities of brushing your teeth or how you’re going to manage to open the car door or wonder when it will be time to yawn?

Of course you’re don’t, because you know how to do those things at an unconscious level, and that frees up your conscious mind to be doing other things that are much more important like learning a new language, reading a thought provoking book or explaining Superstring theory to your pet Gerbil called Gary.

Unfortunately though most of the time we waste that opportunity to do new mind expanding new stuff and continue to do the same old same old, because it’s easy.

That’s one of the reasons people struggle to break bad habits because they’re often performed at an unconscious level. To break them seems like such hard work, so why even bother?

The good news though, is if you can implement a new behavior and keep it going for somewhere in the region of 90 days (this can vary substantially from person to person, so don’t sue me if you can do it sooner or take longer) until it becomes an unconscious habit, you’ll have little problem maintaining it.

Note: I often read people that talk about a month to form a habit. I have my doubts about that. I feel sure you can get to a conscious competence level in that time span, but to actually have it ingrained at an unconscious level takes a bit longer in my experience.

Firstly and most importantly, you have to want to change. By that I mean it’s not usually enough to want to want to, you need to actually want to. Make sense? What do you mean no? Ok, seeing as it’s you and you are having a tough day I’ll explain what I mean.

People often come to me and tell me they want to quit smoking. I then ask them why? Usually that generates a look of horror akin to me asking them for the hand in marriage of their elderly grandmother.

However, it’s important to recognize there’s always a positive intent when we undertake any action. Even if that intent isn’t immediately apparent. That goes for smoking, over eating, self-abuse, drug abuse and even voting Republican*

Until you accept that there is an upside to a habit you’d like to break, you’ll struggle to change it, because you’re in conflict with your unconscious mind. It knows why you do stuff you think you’d rather not do, but it doesn’t always want to tell you. It’s a little scamp.

You need to soothe and smooth talk your unconscious, not tell it what a damn fool idiot it is. It’s your friend and it loves you, so treat it kindly. If there really were no upside to an action you unconscious wouldn’t allow you to do it anymore than my wife allows me to lie in bed drinking beer, eating chips and watching Family Guy.

Using the smoking analogy. You may feel you should give up because you know it’s healthier or your partner is pushing you to quit because you stink on ice. But that is wanting to want to, it isn’t actually wanting to. A real desire to stop is a different proposition altogether, it’s a strong internal feeling that most people recognize when they get it.

There are numerous ways to help you break habits including hypnotherapy, NLP, acupuncture, EFT, asking a friend to creatively discipline you if you’re naughty etc.

You need to find the best way or combination of ways that work for you because we’re all different and respond differently to different stimuli. Or you can dispense with all of those and go it alone by adopting some of the following do it yourself methods.

So here we go people, buckle in and let’s go with 9 ways to quit a habit or your money back.

1. Set a date: Don’t dive straight in there, do your homework. Know what you need to do. Give yourself time to prepare mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually if appropriate.

2. Use leverage: Tell everybody and anybody that means anything to you what you are planning to do and back yourself so far into a corner that the merest indiscretion will cause severe discomfort.

3. Use more leverage. Make multiple lists of what you have to gain from quitting and post them where you’ll see them everyday. Move the post its around so they don’t become background noise.

4. Use even more leverage. Make a list of what you have to lose if you don’t follow through. Commit to yourself and anybody else that will listen to you, that you’ll read it whenever you feel the urge to backslide.

5. Use positive language. You’re not trying to quit, you have quit. You’re not doing your best to lose weight you are losing weight. You’re not attempting to run a marathon; you’re going to run a marathon. Dump the word try!

6. Blog it! Tell the whole world what you’re up to. You’d be amazed at how better and stronger you’ll feel if you know people all over the country and world want you to succeed.

7. Visualize. Every night before you drift off to sleep and first thing in the morning after you wake up see yourself as the person that you want to be. Do this before you even start the change process. See what you would look like. Hear what you would sound like and feel what you would feel like. Really take time to savoir the new you so your mind can get used to it.

8. Be resolute: If you slide back use that as a learning experience and not an excuse to cave in and beat yourself up. Look at what caused you to have a brief slip (that’s all it was) and start again with even more determination to be the person you want to be!

9. Know your values: I’m dong this to death at the moment (I must have a value of repetition), but only because I have a very reasonably priced e-book to sell. Er, no, I mean because it’s so important. It really is critical to understand why you want to do something because when you know that you’ll increase your chances of success exponentially.

10. Future Pace: This is similar to visualizing but different. See yourself in the future dealing with potential obstacles that you think may arise. There may well be days when you struggle and if you are prepared for them you’ll handle them with aplomb.

I do appreciate that some habits/addictions may need more than what I have posted, but this should help get you up and running.

* I was being somewhat serious about that. Some people seem to believe that anybody that doesn’t vote for the same political party as they do is evil. Er no, that’s not quite how it works. You’ll be amazed to read, it’s all about values again, and his or hers are simply different to yours, so respect them as such.

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18 Comments So Far.

Comment by Vered on 22 July 2008:

I like the idea of blogging it. Trent from The Simple Dollar did it when he decided to lose weight.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 22 July 2008:

@ Vered - You’re a blogging marvel. You only started 15 minutes ago and you already know everybody! I’m in awe.
Comment by Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map on 22 July 2008:

Didn’t Alex from The Next 45 Years blogged about his intent to stop his drinking habit too? I would imagine that it takes a lot of courage to let the world know; and failure is less of an option with a public announcement.

Evelyn
Comment by K. P. on 22 July 2008:

The blogging thing really works. I use it to track my workouts. That is how I keep my self motivated and on track.
Comment by Evan on 23 July 2008:

I’d add understand what the habit gets you. Eg if you get relaxation from smoking and/or drinking then find another way to get the relaxation.
Comment by Jennifer Mannion on 23 July 2008:

Hey Tim, Another excellent post and wonderful tips to help start a new habit. I had heard 21 days and I think it depends on how deeply ingrained your old habit was and what your motivation is for the new one. I totally agree with your point of if you are changing for the “wrong” reasons and don’t feel the NEED to change — it isn’t too likely the new habit will stick…. That autopilot is a crazy thing to me considering I didn’t even know it existed for years (my button was stuck fully engaged) and it seems to me most of the people I come in contact with are on it a good bit of the time…. I am striving to disable that button in all areas of my life and take over full control…. it’s a process that’s for sure but well worth the effort…. Thanks for another great read! Gratefully, Jenny
Comment by RJ on 23 July 2008:

You never dissappoint Tim, both in the quality of the post and the corresponding pictures to ahem…whip us into shape ^_^
And as far as smoking is concerned, when a friend was hospitalized a few years ago a respiratory therapist came to his room when I was visiting and handed him a “smoking cessation” packet which lists the health benefits of quitting smoking. This story is funny for 3 reasons, 1st my friend has never smoked a day in his life. 2nd the respiratory therapist smelled like she came out of a wood-stove and was hacking up a lung on their way out. 3rd, I overheard them tell their co-workers that they were going out for a cigarette break:) An example of talking the talk but not walking the walk I guess.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 23 July 2008:

@ Evelyn - You’re right about Alex. He was a great example. I’d like to link to it but his site is no longer accessible which is a great shame.

@ K P - Anything that motivates us is worth investigating imho.

@ Evan - True. One unusual reason people sometimes start smoking again is because they miss that 10 minute break 2 or 3 times s day that gets them out of the office. It disengages them and that’s something other office workers don’t usually get. When they quit they suddenly feel trapped.

@ Jenny - I honestly don’t believe the 21 day thing. I’ve read it before several times, but I’ve also spoken to too many people that have quit the gym way past 21 days, started smoking again much later, started eating poorly again etc after a couple of months. I really think we need to make good habits rituals that are ingrained at an unconscious level and I’m not sure anybody can accomplish that within 21 days or even 30 for that matter. Just my opinion ;-)

@ RJ - That picture was for you mate! I remember a survey a few years ago in the UK that discovered one of the highest groups of smokers was nurses! My wife (who has never smoked) said she though that was bang on, it seemed almost a given. That is so very weird!
Comment by Rick Hyde on 23 July 2008:

Tim,

Another awesome post! I agree with you 100% on the amount of time to develop a habit. I have always heard 30 days to make a new habit but from experience it doesn’t always set in after 30 days. I will have to put your 10 steps to use with a 90 day time frame.

All the best!
Rick
Comment by Evan on 23 July 2008:

On 21 days. It probably depends on the number of occasions. Smoking 20 cigarettes a day = 420 occasions. Going to the gym might mean 6-21 occasions. Changing an obsessive thought = ? occasions.

My guess is that the number of occasions that the habit is performed will make a difference.
Comment by Cath Lawson on 23 July 2008:

Tim - well now I have no choice. I was just reminding myself before that I still need to do a review of your ebook. And I also decided I would stop smoking when I come back from my Summer holidays. This kills two birds with one stone. And you have me cutting down on coffee too. I’ll be practically vice free.

I’ve stopped before using patches and tend to start again after 3 months. How long will it really take me to form the habit of not smoking do you reckon? Thank you.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 24 July 2008:

@ Rick - Thanks mate and best of luck with it.

@ EVan - I think there’s a strong element of truth in that and I think it may be a combination. Repetition and time are great ways for ingraining something. Also, there is the addictive element of cigarettes to contend with.

@ Cath - Don’t be vice free Cath, I wouldn’t like you vice-free ;-)

My guess is that you never felt like an ex-smoker and that you always thought you were still trying to quit. This is difficult to explain, but most people just know when they have made a decision never to smoke again. I have known people that have tried multiple times and when they finally did it and said they never had any doubts on the last time, but did on previous attempts.

Hypnotherapy can definitely help IF you get a good practitioner. There are some horrible hypnotherapists out there. Look for somebody that has plenty of experience and doesn’t sit there reading a script out of a book. A good one will ask you lots of questions and weave a story to meet your needs. I would go for somebody that uses Ericksonian methods.

How long will it take? No idea, sorry! Best of luck.
Comment by Tom Volkar / Delightful Work on 25 July 2008:

Tim I believe you are right about the myth of 21 days. In fact I read a blog post where a guy researched it heavily (sorry don’t remember who) and he could find absolutely no evidence of it taking 21 days to make a new habit.

That said I believe that change happens when we have definitely committed to making it happen. An excellent commitment would be an agreement to take use all 10 methods on your wonderfully comprehensive list. That would indeed lessen the probability of failure.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 25 July 2008:

@ Tom - Thanks for the comment and for gently massaging my ego by agreeing with me.

BTW, the link you typed to your brilliant blog appears to be incorrect. The proper link should be http://www.delightfulwork.com/ for anybody wishing to pay you a visit.
Comment by Alex Fayle on 26 July 2008:

The blog-about-it point doesn’t work for me. As someone with a great imagination, if I talk about goals or changes too much I never actually do them. This goes for visualizing the results as well. When I picture the end result in too much detail, my brain and emotions decide that I’ve actually achieved the goal without having to do any of the work and I completely and utterly lose interest in the goal/change of habit.

Cheers,
Alex
Comment by Tim Brownson on 26 July 2008:

@ Alex - You have brought up a brilliant point that was remiss of me not to mention.

You are in a small group of people that seeing the end goal can actually reduce the chance of achieving it. Leonardo Da Vinci was like that. Even though he finished lots of cool stuff he had many more unfinished pieces or art and inventions incomplete at his death.

Amazingly enough considering I didn’t mention it, I’m a bit like that too. I often give projects and ideas to other people when I have thought them through because I know where they’re going and want to move onto something new. The exception for me though is visualizing meetings, speeches etc rather than projects goals.

One of the problems of blogging is I have to generalize and there are ALWAYS exceptions to most of this stuff.

Thanks for pointing that out for me!
Comment by Tim Brownson on 26 July 2008:

@ Alex - Oh and btw, happy birthday for tomorrow. I had mine this week too although I’m a year or two in front of you ;-)
Comment by Alex Fayle on 29 July 2008:

Thanks Tim. Happy belated! Good to know that I’m keeping company with DaVinci…

10 Ways To Change a Habit - Or Your Money Back

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